Finally, Seth pulled away to look at her. Her skin was flushed, her eyes heavy with desire, and her mouth wet and swollen because of him. Need pulsed between them as he held her in his arms pressed tightly against the truth of how much he wanted her.
“I’m so sorry for making you want me and never—damn, I’m so ashamed of myself I can’t even talk about it. You’re everything I want and have been since I met you. You have to believe me. You just have to.”
Seth kissed her furiously then as if his regret was somehow her fault, and he knew it wasn’t right to take his anger at himself out on her mouth. Just like dragging her to floor and pushing her skirt to her waist wasn’t right either, but he did that, too. He needed to get to her, needed to make her his before someone else could take his place.
Seth heard Jenna call out to him, but he was beyond the point where he could tame the need he had to make things up to her. But he tried, really tried to stop for moment, to tell Jenna everything he had been thinking and feeling. The words were stuck inside him, blocked by his remorse and an overwhelming fear that Jenna might have truly gotten over him.
Instead of telling her what he was feeling, Seth put his face between her thighs, kissing her legs.
He called her name harshly, part demand and part plea. “Jenna. Let me love you. Let me have you. I need you so badly. Please,” he begged.
When her legs trembled against his mouth, Seth didn’t wait for a better yes. He just ripped her underwear down her legs until he could spread her thighs enough to put his mouth truly on her. Licking inside her was a pleasure so powerful it shocked him. When her body lifted from the floor, he moved firmly over her legs to hold her in place while he did as he pleased.
This is insane, Jenna thought, as she felt Seth dragging her clothes from her. Her mind couldn’t even take in that they were finally having sex after all this time.
Then she gasped at the first touch of Seth’s mouth on the raw ache that had gone so long without being met. She’d been with men who hurried before. She’d been with men who were proficient lovers. It was just that no man had ever put his mouth on her with such blatant intention of taking what he so obviously wanted and giving her what he seemed to know she needed.
Without warning, her release came so hard and strong that Jenna held her breath in shock until the world starting to turn black. She heard Seth moaning in appreciation against her. Jenna bit her lip until it bled to keep from sobbing his name.
Seth went quietly mad at the taste of Jenna’s bliss. When he finally lifted his head from her lap, he had already shed his pants and was sheathing himself in one of the many condoms he’d stashed in his pockets.
Instead of looking sated and relieved, Jenna lay panting, palms flat on the floor, eyes closed tightly.
Seth had a single moment of panic that he pushed away ruthlessly.
“Jenna. Open your eyes. Look at me,” he demanded.
Seth heard himself insisting, all but yelling at her, but he desperately wanted her to see him. When she finally did open her eyes, the confusion was still there. She didn’t understand, Seth thought sadly, but there was no turning back for him now that he’d gotten this far. She was his and he had to have her, had to show her how much she meant to him.
“Jenna, this is how much I want you,” Seth said huskily, sliding inside her as slowly as he could manage with the need to take her swiftly driving him crazy.
Seth heard her moan and felt Jenna kicking her underwear completely off to free herself. Seconds later, she wrapped her legs around his and arched into his strokes. His need was so great and his erection so hard and hurting that Seth could barely feel Jenna pulsing around him. The urge for release was maddening, but at the same time elusive in his overexcited state. It had been so long. He really had been waiting for her, and he wished like hell he could make her believe it.
Seth shook her shoulders to make her open her eyes again when she closed them.
“No. Don’t close your eyes. Look at me,” Seth demanded. “After watching you date all those others guys, I need to see that you know it’s me inside you.”
When Jenna opened her eyes this time, Seth saw himself reflected in them. Then he let his passion loose at last, moving in and out of her, trying to make up for all the lonely months, all the times he had sent her away.
He was going to make a baby with her, he promised himself. He was going to make more than one. Seth hoped she saw that intent in his gaze as he kept it focused on hers.
Jenna blanked her mind about what they were doing, even as her traitorous body rose and fell in rhythm with Seth’s.
She had no choice but to watch Seth’s face. If she closed her eyes, he shook her until she opened them again. He was so hard inside her that it hurt, but if he’d pulled out she would have killed him with her bare hands. The earth could have dissolved around their straining bodies and Jenna wouldn’t have cared. Her relief to be with him at last was as profound as it was unwanted.
If only she could have felt emotionally good about being with him. If only this had happened when she had desired him initially, when the promise of happily ever after had been singing through her after they had first met.
But it wasn’t like that now, and her heart was still hurting for all the months she had tried to have this with him and never did. Now—now it was just sex.
However relieving this was physically, nothing had really been resolved. If anything, Jenna thought, she detested Seth even more now for holding this amazing connection back from both of them. She was angry at him for finally giving her what she wanted, but even so she still didn’t want him to stop.
Her unfightable desire for him shamed her, but she held tightly to him all the same.
Shocked when the first giant tremor hit, Jenna suddenly tightened beneath Seth’s plunging body, thrashing and arching as the rest of an incredibly violent climax ripped through her. She even tried to fight it off because unlike the pleasure that raced through her before, this time Seth was branding her with every stroke. She felt him everywhere as he continued to move hard inside her without stopping, even as the pleasure he gave her went on and on. Then as it ebbed away, all that was left was a need to be the one he found release with and she wanted him to so desperately that her heart threatened to explode in her chest.
“Seth, please,” she called in a panic that she wouldn’t be able to please him, fear of it making her want to weep. She wanted to curl into a ball and cry like a baby until she could come to terms with how overwhelmed and out of control she felt.
“I love you, Jenna. I swear I love you,” Seth promised fiercely
Then he kissed her, pushing his tongue into Jenna’s mouth to mate with her as fully as possible as his body finally found sanctuary inside the comfort of hers. This was the only woman, Seth thought, as he gathered her up in his arms and gave in at last to his need for her.
Struggling against his weight and the pressure inside her, Jenna hauled in a needed breath just before Seth collapsed on top of her.
Thank God it’s finally over, Jenna thought at last, vastly relieved as she had felt Seth tense and climax.
After what they had just done and what she had felt about it, Jenna felt committed to the man inside her. She didn’t want that connection, didn’t want to feel the way she did. Her heart was breaking again, and she needed to be alone.
She needed another kind of release now and needed it quickly.
Tears hovered, waiting to fall, but Jenna battled them away. All she had done during the months she hadn’t been able to touch Seth like this was cry while she wanted to and he didn’t. She had no intention of stripping herself emotionally bare and bawling her eyes out in front of Seth over finally getting what she wanted from him.
After a few long minutes of resting deeply inside her, Seth rolled them to their sides to relieve Jenna of his weight. He was disappointed when she pulled away and disconnected their bodies the first chance she got.
Jenna rolled back to her back agai
n and closed her eyes at last. Unfortunately, it didn’t block out the memories she was reliving. She took several deep breaths until she could trust herself to speak without dissolving. “Seth, I want you to leave. When I open my eyes again, I don’t want to see you beside me or above me. I’m just going to lie here while you gather your things and go,” she said firmly.
“Jenna,” Seth began, feeling the hurt and anger rolling off her in waves. It was just like that day he kissed her in her bedroom. He stopped trying to talk when she held up a hand. A single tear rolled out of one eye and down her face to the carpet, making him want to die.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you. I didn’t mean to,” he said, wretchedly close to tears himself.
“You didn’t hurt me, Seth, at least not physically. This—this madness was probably inevitable, but I just wasn’t in the same mental place you were about having sex today. I’m—embarrassed about being with you, and maybe a little in shock that it actually happened after all this time. Just go, okay? I need to be alone right now. I’ll be fine. Just stay away from me for a while until I come to terms with this.”
Seth stood and pulled his clothes back on, thinking how much he really didn’t want to leave Jenna this way. But what choice did he have? Jenna lay on the floor with her eyes squeezed tightly shut and wouldn’t even look at him.
Somehow he made his feet take him across the room away from her.
After Seth closed her front door softly behind him, he stood in the hallway wondering if he could wait her out and if she would let him back in to talk.
Then he heard Jenna crying, the sound of her loud, tortured sobbing tearing him apart inside.
Shame engulfed him. Had he forced her, he now wondered? Hadn’t Jenna wanted him as much he wanted her? Could he have been so wrong about what was between them?
He remembered her two climaxes and knew that she had desired him. Still she had told him more than once that she didn’t want to want him anymore.
The emotional pain of listening to her cry and not being able to do anything about it did not help the stress and tension he already felt. Knowing he was going to be physically sick if he stayed to listen much longer, Seth rushed out of her building to avoid leaving a final humiliation in front of her door.
*** *** ***
The crowd at Eddy’s was thick, and Casey was glad that he’d gotten there early enough to get a quiet booth away from the rest. He saw Seth come through the door and look around for him, so Casey waved a hand until Seth saw him. Seth had a two-day growth of beard and a deep frown that would scare anyone that looked at him.
For the first time, Casey genuinely saw himself in the younger man he had raised. How well he knew that look was not good news for Seth’s emotional state. He’d seen that look in the mirror for months after Susan had died.
“Hey,” Casey said, as Seth dropped his body into the seat across from him.
“Hey,” Seth said back.
“What’s up?” Casey said lightly, not wanting to seem too anxious to extract information, even though he was.
“I need you to do something for me,” Seth said quietly.
Casey shrugged. “Sure. As long as it’s not illegal—well unless it’s going to be a lot of fun, and then we can talk,” he joked.
Alarm bells went off when Seth didn’t even try to fake a laugh. He had parented the boy enough to know that Seth had done something wrong or at least something he perceived as very bad.
“Jenna and I—we had a really serious fight a couple days ago. I hurt her, and worse than when we were dating. When I left, I heard her crying from the hallway outside. I need you to check on her or get someone to check on her. I—I can’t tell you what happened between us, but I finally burned every bridge I ever built with her. But I can’t stand wondering if she’s—hell,” Seth said, clenching his jaw. “Will you check on her for me?”
“Sure,” Casey said. “You want me to give her a message from you.”
Seth shook his head.
“It wouldn’t do any good. Jenna is never going to believe anything you tell her about me ever again. It’s too late to take back what happened between us. All I can do now is keep my distance like she asked me to, and that’s what I’m going to do. I just need to know she’s okay so I don’t lose what’s left of my mind.”
“You got it,” Casey said, leaning forward and pushing his beer to Seth. “Drink this. It won’t solve anything, but it might make you feel less like a bastard for a tiny bit of time. Then cut yourself a break so I don’t have to slap you around.”
Seth snorted. “I wish you would slap me around right now.”
“Too bad,” Casey said, focusing a smirk. “You’re old enough to face your own consequences. I do have your back though. That’s never going to change.”
“If I tell you I love you, will you kick my ass then?” Seth said, almost smiling.
“Nah—Alexa has made me all mushy. I’m practically a metro man myself,” Casey said, signaling for two more beers. “Scares the hell out of me sometimes. Kaiser in SydneyB clothes can walk that edge. I’m not made that way. I only know one type of manhood. It doesn’t include much sensitivity outside of the bedroom.”
“Did you just call me a metro man? Damn, Casey, is that what you think of me?” Seth said, laughing despite his self-loathing. He rubbed a hand over his bristly chin. “Well, I guess I can see where you get that impression, and maybe it’s mostly true. Though I have to say I’ve recently been in touch with my inner Neanderthal. It ultimately cost me my last chance with Jenna.”
“Maybe not,” Casey said, grinning. “Alexa said she’d talked Jenna into dating you again, but she wasn’t sure how long it was going to take Jenna to come around to the idea.”
Seth closed his eyes in mental anguish. Once again his timing with Jenna sucked more than he could handle knowing. “Well, I ruined that, but tell Alexa I said thanks for trying.”
The beers landed on the table and they each picked up a cold one.
“Here’s to you staying in touch with your inner Neanderthal. It makes me feel like you’re actually related to me,” Casey said, laughing and clinking his glass on Seth’s.
“Here’s to you figuring out clean fingernails and nice clothes don’t make a damn difference to how good you are in bed,” Seth said, grinning for the first time in several days.
“You sound like Kaiser,” Casey said dryly, “but then come to think of it, he ended up being the only man good enough in bed for the sex therapist.”
“Yeah, Regina is amazing. I’m guessing her standards are pretty high,” Seth said, looking at the ceiling as he contemplated the extent of what Dr. Regina Logan knew and what kind of man could possibly keep up with her.
Both Casey’s eyebrows shot up. “Something else you want to tell me about, Seth?”
“I’m just saying—oh hell, forget it. I’m in a weird damn mood,” Seth said morosely, sipping his beer and heaving out a breath.
If he kept on talking, he was going to end up telling Casey everything. He wasn’t ready to confess to anyone, not even Regina, who deserved to know how right she had been about everything.
Chapter 6
Plagued with occasional insomnia when she was stressed whether for good or bad reasons, sleep had always been a challenge for Jenna and her restless nature. Lately, sleep was impossible because she couldn’t stop dreaming about Seth. She had vivid sex dreams that woke her and reduced her to a quivering mass of female angst.
When the last of the orgasm had faded from the current one, Jenna pulled herself upright in the bed. She looked at clock, groaning when she saw it was only four-thirty.
Wrapping her arms around her knees, she squeezed her eyes tight to keep from crying. She had dreamed of him again, dreamed of him moving so hard inside her that it hurt, dreamed of his desperation as he took her on her own living room floor. Yet the climax she’d had in her sleep hadn’t taken the edge off of her real longing.
Despite all the lectures she’d given hers
elf about how wrong it was on so many, many levels, Jenna longed to be with Seth again.
He challenged her at every turn, irritated her with his unshakable self-confidence, but still she longed for him. She wanted to feel that deep unrestrained connection, even though she had sorely resented it when it happened the first time.
Seth’s physical rejections when they dated had wounded the woman in her and made her feel unwanted. His reluctance had made her insecure and distrustful of her ability to hold the interest of the men she had dated while attempting to replace him.
But the problem now was simply pride.
Only a few minutes of Seth’s lovemaking had proven irrevocably that all those endless months and days of working to get over him had meant nothing. She especially hated that she’d had a total orgasmic melt-down from just his mouth on her, and hated that Seth had gloried in it though the end result had been to her benefit.
And her heart still hurt from having sex without the emotional closeness she dreamed would accompany the act with a man she wanted that much. Though Jenna had to admit that an absence of love on her part certainly wasn’t stopping her from wanting everything else.
No. What they had wasn’t love, Jenna thought. She didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t love—or least it wasn’t what Jenna thought of as love. There was no genuine concern for each other’s lives, no mutual plans, or shared goals as a couple. What they had was nothing like the relationship she had imagined with him when they had met, but there was only one bottom line that needed to be addressed now. She had been intimate with Seth Carter once, and she wanted him again. The decision now was about whether or not it was worth trying to have him again.
Jenna swung shaking legs out of bed and trudged to the bathroom, turning on the hot water in the shower before pausing to glare at her own reflection over the sink.
This was the third time this week she’d awakened before five in the middle of a climax, feeling an invisible and extremely aroused Seth moving in and out of her like—well, she didn’t know what it was like. It had never been like that for her before. But he’d been determined. Relentless. Harder and more precise inside her than any man she’d ever known.
Dating A Metro Man Page 4
