by Raven Scott
“I’m just thinking of when I was a little girl and my mother would teach me some of the recipes that my grandmother had taught her,” I say crying.
“Hey, there. What’s this? Are you okay, love?” he asks attentively.
“Even though, I hate her. I still want her to accept me and to be there to see me marry you. I want my father to walk me down the aisle. I just want them to be fucking there. What is wrong with me?” I say.
He grabs my chin, “Nothing is wrong with you. What you want is normal, Collins. If they don’t come that is not on you… it’s on them. Okay?”
“Okay,” I agree.
He kisses my lips softly and holds me for a while, letting me soak up some of his goodness.
“Now, what is my woman cooking me?” he asks.
“Steak, potatoes, and green beans with bacon and red velvet cake. And if you’re lucky, you can have me for dessert, too,” I state shyly.
He looks at me with that devious smirk and says, “Oh, that dessert I will eat up slow and hard.”
“Why the fuck do I always walk in on y’all be fucking nasty?” Rogen groans.
Cannon kisses me, “Shut up, I can’t help it if your sister is deliciously sweet.”
Blushing, “Seriously, both of you go and play video games or something. I have to start cooking.”
Damn, those two will be the death of me. But, I love them. I can’t believe this is my life. That I have a man that loves me, a brother who would die for me, and friends that support me no matter what. Who needs parents, when you have all this goodness in your life?
33
The Wedding
Tomorrow I will be getting married. I will be surrounded by family and friends with a day full of love and life making memories. Me and Cannon decided to combine our parties since we all have mutual friends. Also, he says that he had spent enough time as a single man that it’s nothing to be celebrating, because he is not upset to be leaving that part of his life behind.
We arrived at the bar in total shock. Parker had transformed the whole inside into a beautiful setting filled with pops of deep red and whites…
“Oh my gosh, Parker, it’s beyond beautiful. I am speechless,” I say.
Parker hugging me says, “It was seriously my pleasure. I wanted to give you both something that represented your love for one another. This is my thanks for saving my dear brother. I love you both.”
Cannon grabs her up, “Sister, thank you for never giving up on me. I love you so much. I wish Dalton was here to see this.”
“Babe, he is here with us in spirit and within us. He lives in our memories… our hearts… our souls.”
Parker swallows and states, “He would have loved to have seen you both. He supported your love, before you both could see it.”
Rogen, and his perfect timing, asks Parker to dance.
The night went on to the wee hours of the morning. Cannon finally says our goodbyes. We hug and tell them all we would see them tomorrow.
We arrive home, and strip down to nothing. Cannon makes sweet, passionate love to me, whispering words of love. Then, we fall asleep cuddled up in each other embraces.
“It’s time to get up, lovebirds! The day has finally arrived for you to say I do. Like, what I did there? I am a fucking rhymer,” Rain exclaims.
“Go away, you wee fucking demon,” Cannon groans and pulls me closer.
“Collins, be the reasonable one here. There is only five hours before you get married to this dumbass. Are you even sure that you still want to go through with this? I heard that guy from of the other night was fucking hot,” she laughs.
Cannon growls at her.
I laugh. “I think I will keep him. I love him too much to be rid of him.”
I give him a kiss filled with promises of tonight. Rogen and Cannon are going to his old place to get ready, and then they will meet us at the wedding venue.
Parker, Rain, Rowan, and Sierra get me ready and groomed.
“Now, you need some things before you walk down the aisle. I will start, here is something new,” Rain says while giving me a pearl necklace.
“It’s beautiful, Rain. Thank you,” I say.
“My turn! Here is something blue,” Rowan says.
It was a blue lingerie set. Only Rowan would get me panties. But, that’s Rowan.
I laugh, “Thank you, Ro.”
Parker comes up to me, “This is something old. It was our grandmother’s wedding veil. The women in our family have worn it, and now it’s yours.”
“Parker, I can’t accept this,” I say.
“Collins, yes. We all discussed it. We want you to have it,” she states as she places it in my hair.
“I think it may be my turn, now. Something burrowed…” Sierra says handing me a beautiful silver head band.
They turn me around to let me see myself for the first time.
“What do you think?” they ask.
“Thank you so much, guys. I look amazing,” I say still looking at myself in the mirror.
I am getting married today to this most gorgeous man. But what shocks me is that I realized that I am just as beautiful. I deserve this happy ending. I deserve this happiness that I am feeling.
“Collins, are you ready?” Parker asks me.
I breathe. “Without a doubt.”
We arrived at the venue and were ushered in through the back door.
Rogen is standing in the center of the room dressed in a tux. My brother is so handsome. He deserves the same happiness that I have found. I will make that my mission next.
He turns and gawks at me. “Collins, you look beautiful.”
“Thank you, brother. Thank you for everything,” I say with compassionate voice.
Since my parents elected not to come, I asked my brother if he would walk me down the aisle.
Parker leans her head in and says, “They are ready for us.”
“Here we go, sis,” Rogen says.
The music starts, and the bridal procession convenes.
Finally, it was my turn. I had elected not to go the traditional route with music. I chose a song that described our love, and the strength that we have to overcome anything. The song I chose was The Rest of Our Lives by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw,
I finally spot him. I am blown away that I get to keep this man forever.
He mouths, “You are beautiful.”
We chose to write our own vows.
Cannon goes first. “Collins Danford, you were the biggest shock of my life. You waltzed in when I was drowning in pain, and you healed me. I realize now that I knew all along that you were my forever. I am a stubborn asshole. Forgive for my language, Mom.”
Everyone laughs.
“But you, Collins, are my saving grace. You brought me back to life with your acceptance. I promise you today that I will love you for the rest of my life, and I will show you everyday just how beautiful you are to me. I love you,” he states while making me cry.
Now, it’s my turn.
“Cannon, I will be honest with you. When I first saw you, I automatically knew that you were too far out of my league. But, I guess fate had a different plan for us. Each day I fell more in love with you without realizing it until a very special friend told me otherwise. Yes, we have been through some struggles, but they have made us stronger. I never knew this could happen for me. But, I am so glad it did. Because you made me realize that I deserve this, and I deserve the love you have for me. I will love you with my every breath, Cannon. I promise to love you in the dark days and in the days when we are annoyed with each other,” I declare.
He smiles at me and kisses me, then whispers, “Mine forever.”
We go on and say our ‘I dos’.
“You are husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride,” the preacher says.
Cannon grabs me and gives me the most passionate kiss. I hear whoops and hollers.
Someone coughs, Cannon finally releasing me. Not totally, but enough for some space.
&
nbsp; “I introduce to you all the new Mr. and Mrs. Helding.” People begin to cheer.
I can’t believe this.
Cannon grabs my hand, and we walk back down the aisle together.
He pulls me into the room that me and Rogen had been in previously.
“Mrs. Helding, you are mine forever now,” he whispers across my lips. “You are the most beautiful woman. I am so happy that I get to be with you for the rest our days,” he says as he dips his head down under my dress.
My dirty man assaults me with his wicked tongue, and I love it. I am already close when he pushes two fingers into me. He picks up the pace, and I am coming on his tongue. He licks up every drop.
He pulls up my dress even more and pushes into me. He is slow, but demanding and forceful. He knows how I like it.
“Look at me, Mrs. Helding. I want you to look at your husband, and watch what you do to him,” he growls.
He starts making faster pushes, and starts biting down on my nipple through the white material.
“Come with me, now!” he demands.
And just like that, we find our releases together. We both yell out each other’s name.
“I love you, Mr. Helding,” I say while caressing his face.
“And, I you.”
34
Happiness
Five weeks later, Cannon and I went on our honeymoon, and it was nothing short of amazing. I wish I could say that my parents came to the realization that they were in the wrong and apologized. But, they didn’t.
They haven’t given any indication that they even care that they missed my wedding. To say that I am not the least bit upset is an understatement. They are my parents, but I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. I have my real family. Life sometimes is not a fairytale. Everything just doesn’t fall into place, but that’s okay. Because we have a thing called balance. I lost them, but gained so much more in return.
“Babe, we are meeting Rogen and Sierra for dinner tonight. Are you close to being ready?” my husband asks.
“I am just trying to figure out what to wear. Should I wear my solid black tee or a basic white v and a charcoal grey cardigan with blue jeans?” I ask him.
“Preferably, I would say naked if it was just me and you. But, I don’t think your brother would like that too much,” he says.
I swat his arm.
“Wear the white v outfit,” he says.
This is Rogen and Sierra’s first date, and I am so excited to see my brother branching out.
My brother had been acting weird, and I think I know what’s going on. I just have to make sure before I do anything drastic. My brother was in love and I know exactly who with. I just have to make sure they are both ready for the fight of their life. My brother is not the best at words, but his drawings tell a lot if you just make sure to pay attention to the details within the painting.
“What are you thinking, love?” Cannon asks.
I don’t want to tell him yet, because it is only suspicions.
“Oh, nothing at all. Just excited to get the night started, husband.”
A couple of days later, me and Cannon visited Dalton’s grave to update him on life, and to say that we miss him. I wish I could have hugged him one last time. Even though Dalton died… I am thankful that I was given the short time I had with him. See, there is a lot of pain in the world, but there is just as much beauty in it too. Dalton taught us all something that will let him live on forever within us. He was an incredible human being that loved for his family and friends to be happy… to be the best person they could be.
“Dalton, thank you for being that motivational person I needed in my life. It’s because of you that I have the kind of love I needed in my life. You taught me to love myself… the good, the bad, and the ugly. I will never forget what you did for me. I love you, Dalt.”
I let Cannon have his moments alone with his best friend. I walk over to a bench that was faced towards a forest filled with trees, and let myself absorb the moment.
Finding beauty was the scariest, most amazing thing I ever did. I found love for myself, and I found love within people. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, and wants to start a family with me. I have a fierce and loyal group of friends that would do anything for me. A brother that would do anything for me to be happy.
All the hurt and pain I’ve experience isn’t worth living in a cloud of darkness to be miserable in. It’s how you overcome it. The pain doesn’t define me. It’s how I recovered from it that does. See, the key all along was fighting back against the pain with love.
Epilogue
One year later
I walk into our home and go immediately to the bedroom.
Cannon follows and takes a seat next to me, “Whatever it says, I am so
happy that I found you. This past year has been nothing short of fucking incredible, and I can’t wait to see what else in store for us, love.”
He kisses my lips and leaves feathered kisses along my jaw, and then settles into my neck. He is comforting me. My husband is nothing like the man I once met, but he is so much better.
“I love you, Can,” I say.
“As I you, my love,” he says taking my hand and pulling me towards the bathroom.
A couple of minutes later, I step out of the bathroom with an answer that changes our future forever— in a good way, though.
“Love, what does it say?” Cannon asks leaning over me.
I’m beyond shocked at what was happening right now. What we were doing was something I used to never let myself dream about. But, here we are doing it.
“Before, I tell you… I just want you to know that I never thought I would be doing this. I never let myself dream or even believe that this would happen for me. But, you changed me. You changed me in the best way possible. Thank you for that. Truly,” I say kissing his forehead.
“Love, you changed me. You saved me when all I wanted to do was die just to escape the pain that I had grown so accustom to. So, thank you. I love you no matter what it says,” he says pulling me into him.
I sigh, because this is my safe space. He is my refuge, and I know with him, we can conquer anything.
I say one word, “Positive.”
the end
Understanding Beauty (Finding Beauty Trilogy #2) will be releasing in just a couple of months. Click the link below to add it to your Goodreads #TBR.
https://bit.ly/2W5lpKb
Coming Soon
Understanding Beauty (Finding Beauty Trilogy #2) will be releasing in just a couple of months.
Click the link below to add it to your Goodreads #TBR.
https://bit.ly/2W5lpKb
