“I don’t know,” I hedged.
“It couldn’t be more right,” my roommate assured me. “It’s just sex kitten enough to—”
“Stop right there.”
“You didn’t let me finish!”
“You lost me the second you put the word ‘sex’ into your argument.”
Liandra rolled her eyes. “You told me Mark hates it when you wear red, remember? No red on the redhead.”
She was right. I’d forgotten about that particular quirk of his. I’d even gone out of my way to purchase a few red shirts when we split, just because I could.
“You’re an evil genius.”
I gave Liandra a grateful hug, and she handed me a tube of lipstick.
Fire engine red.
* * *
Mark eyed my dress up and down, raised an eyebrow, and opened the car door to let me in.
“So you didn’t like the one I sent?” he asked.
“It didn’t fit,” I lied.
He closed the door, then put the car in drive. We made it about three blocks before his hand found my knee. I yelped and jerked away, knocking the cup in the coffee holder and sloshing the contents out. Mark grabbed it and righted it before the whole thing could spill.
“Careful with the car,” he said. “She’s a rental.”
I laughed. “Your car and your date, Mark? Nice work.”
He just gave me a dirty look and sped up.
* * *
In spite of my glib words, I trailed behind Mark when we got to the church, feeling like an imposter. Smiling and hugging his family made it even worse. I was relieved when the first strains of a piano melody trickled through the building, and their focus shifted to the wedding party as they made their entrance. My reprieve from discomfort was short-lived. My stomach lurched as the big, wooden door behind me squeaked open, and everyone came to their feet. In the back row, dressed in a rumpled suit and looking like death warmed over, was none other than Joey Fox.
As the wedding party made its way into the church, his gaze was fixed on me, and I could see in the darkness in his eyes. It made me ache, and I shoved down the guilt.
He betrayed me, I reminded myself. Not the other way around.
We took our seats, and I lost sight of Joey. I had to force my eyes to remain forward. Mark put a hand on my shoulder.
“You okay?” he whispered.
“Fine,” I lied, and brought my attention back to the bride as the vows started.
Joey
The second the ceremony was done, I tried to force my way through the throng of people to get to Tucker before she got any further into her date with Mark, but before I could even get out of the church, Amber’s voice stopped me in my tracks.
“Being in this building must be hard for you.”
I spun toward her. “I’m fine.”
“The last time you were here…” She trailed off.
“I’m aware of when it was.”
She shrugged off my glare.
“So why are you here?” she asked.
“Same as you. For a wedding.”
“Yes. But I was invited to this wedding. My cousin is a bridesmaid.”
I plastered a sickly smile on my face, grabbed her arm, and shuffled her through the crowd until we reached an empty hallway.
“You’ve seriously got balls,” I growled.
She struggled to free herself from my grasp. “Joey…”
“No, I mean really. Big. Huge. Balls. I was going to call you and tell you that. Giving Tucker’s name to your dad so he would give it to mine.”
She ignored my accusation.
“Why haven’t you called me?” she asked instead.
“I didn’t want to give you too much credit,” I replied. “After all, you might’ve got things rolling, but it was my dad who sealed the deal.”
“I just want what’s best for you. I’m sure your dad feels the same way.”
“Jesus. You really think you know what’s best for me?”
A sharp pain shot through my toes, and I realized Amber had dug her spiked heel into my foot. My grip loosened automatically. She squirmed out of my grasp and put herself at arm’s length, scrutinizing my face.
“Right now, you look like you could use a drink, Joey.”
“I see. Is that what’s best for me? Or was it an insult?” I replied. “Because you can do better.”
“It was just an observation from one friend to another.”
I laughed humorlessly. “If it was good observation, you would’ve said I look like I could use a few drinks. And a good night’s sleep. And a week’s worth of do-overs”
She looked momentarily taken aback, but recovered quickly, and nodded out to the wedding guests. “Ah. I see why you’re here.”
Tucker’s auburn hair stood out in the crowd. A red dress outlined the curves of her body in a way that made my heartbeat quicken. Her hair was scooped into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, exposing the soft skin there. Mark whispered in her ear, and then coaxed her through the wide door that led to the church’s reception hall. Tucker hesitated for just a moment, then let him guide her away.
Jealousy, white hot, made me take an involuntary step toward her, stumbling over Amber in the process.
She grabbed my elbow. “You’re going over there?”
I shook her off. “Of course I am.”
Tucker
I pried myself away from Mark, using a quick trip to the restroom to reapply my lipstick as an excuse. I figured I could put in another hour and be done with it. I hadn’t seen Joey again since the ceremony ended, and I couldn’t decide if I was relieved, or disappointed.
Maybe you imagined him. I mean, why was he there anyway?
And then a warm hand found the small of my back. I turned into him automatically. He led me to a corner of the room, and wrapped his arms around me. I glanced around. There was no way for me to get away without causing a scene.
“You’re here with Mark,” he said into my hair.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.”
“Tucker, I want it to be my business.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
He stiffened. “My father and I haven’t seen eye to eye for years. I wanted to explain to you before we took things any further. If I could go back and do it over, I’d come clean with you from the first second.”
I desperately wanted to believe him. “Even if I took you at your word about that…I saw you last night at the bar.”
“The bar?”
“With the woman in your lap.”
“I saw you yesterday morning, talking to Mark.”
“That’s a far cry from what you were up to.”
“My point is…I want us to be honest with each other. I want us to be the kind of couple who can work things out. I want the truth and respect and trust that’s so important to you.”
I considered his words. “I was mad. I was drunk. I blamed myself for trusting you, and I thought if I agreed to come here with Mark and he offered me an explanation for cheating on me, maybe I’d understand what I was doing wrong.”
“Tucker, you didn’t do anything wrong. What happened between us was my fault for holding back and letting the misunderstanding happen. As far as Mark is concerned…he’s an asshole, plain and simple.”
He was right. I didn’t know why I hadn’t seen it before. Whatever excuse Mark had, whatever he said to me…it didn’t matter.
“And the woman in the bar?” Joey added. “If you had stayed for five more minutes, you would’ve seen her leave. Nothing happened. All I want is you. And if you want to get out of here, there are more things I’d like to tell you about.”
I nodded. “Give me five minutes.”
* * *
I shook my head at my mirror image. I straightened my hair and smiled. There was nothing I wanted more than to leave with Joey.
Then the door swung open and Amber sidled up to me with her own lipstick in her hand.
“Tucker!” she greeted with a smile. “I saw you with Joey. Are you working things out?”
“Trying to.”
She put her hands on her hips. “I’m just so glad he decided to come clean with you. These last few years have been hard on him.”
I decided not to bother telling her that he hadn’t exactly done it on purpose. “It’s not his fault that his dad’s an asshole.”
“His dad?” Amber shook her head. “I know the guy can be a jerk, but I meant coming clean about the other stuff.”
“What stuff?” I was losing my patience. “Whatever it is, spit it out. I’m sure Joey is going to tell me anyway.”
“About his marriage.”
I laughed. “What?”
She suddenly looked nervous. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I just assumed that he told you.”
My laughter died on my lips.
“You’re lying,” I said automatically.
“I swear, I’m not. This church? It’s where they got married. It seems like an obvious place to tell you…” Amber trailed off.
“Bullshit.”
“I introduced them, Tucker. I feel terrible about it now. She broke his heart. I should’ve stopped it. Or at least tried. That’s why I worked so hard to keep him away from you. I was scared he was going to get hurt all over again.”
“Bullshit!” I said again, this time a little louder.
Amber took a step away. “Oh, God. You really didn’t know.” She paused. “Are you all right?”
“I’ll be fine.” But I was light headed and had to grasp the edge of the sink to steady myself. “I’m going to go.”
“Tucker, wait!”
But I was already out the door.
With bile in my throat, I stumbled back into the main room. The music beat through my head, making me feel that much sicker. I only made it ten steps before I wobbled and had to stop. In seconds, Joey was at my side. He grabbed my arm.
“What’s wrong?”
“Are you kidding?” I shook him off.
“Tucker? I thought we were going to—”
“I ran into Amber in the bathroom.”
His face clouded. “What did she say?”
“Nothing important. Just a little tidbit. About you being married.”
“Jesus,” he muttered, but didn’t deny it.
“It’s true.”
He ran his hand through his hair, then made a move to touch me again. I gave him a warning glare, and he stopped, midreach.
“Let me explain.”
I waited, silently begging for him to tell me it had been a sham marriage, or a Vegas one, or that it was all a cruel joke.
“We were married.”
I relaxed, ever so slightly. “But you’re not anymore?”
“No.”
Why then, did his face look like that? And why had he seemed so full of sorrow? That wasn’t dead-and-buried divorced pain. It was fresh.
I came to the on logic conclusion.
“You still love her.” My voice was barely above a whisper.
“She was my first love.” The admission came out in choked voice.
It cut my breath away. I waited him to add something. Anything. He just shook his head helplessly. I pushed past him, praying that the tears wouldn’t hit me until I got outside.
* * *
I couldn’t properly explain the way my heart hurt. I’d had my heart broken before. In high school. And by Mark. When my parents died. But none of it felt like this. My heart burned in my chest, and each gulping breath seared my insides. I tore through the parking lot in my heels. I stumbled once, caught my dress on bush and tore it. I kept going. I hit a crosswalk, spotted a cab, waved it down, and collapsed in the backseat.
“Where to, miss?” the cabbie asked.
“Just drive, please.”
He didn’t comment on my distraught appearance, and I was deeply grateful for his discretion. I took several measured breaths. When we’d circled the block three times, I was finally able to form a coherent sentence.
“Is there somewhere quiet you can take me?”
He hesitated. “Like, a library?”
“No. That’s too public.”
“There’s not much else around here that’s not full of people on sunny day.”
I tried to keep the desperation out of my voice. “Anything.”
“The park…the mall…the cemetery.”
“Take me there.”
“Which one?”
“The cemetery.”
I caught the cabbie’s eye in the rear view mirror. He nodded reluctantly and drove on in silence. As we pulled into the nearly empty parking lot, my pulse calmed. My heart still etched, but the pain was nearly bearable.
“Do you want me to wait around? Or I can come back in a bit,” he offered uncertainly.
“Neither.”
He waved off the money I tried to press into his hand, and pulled out of the lot slowly, as if he wasn’t quite sure if it was all right to leave me there. I wasn’t too sure, either. I waited until he was gone, then took a shaky step onto the manicured path that led through the cemetery.
It was markedly different than the one where my parents were interned. Theirs was a publicly funded place with rough hedges. This one had well-trimmed grass, manicured hedges and ornate fences. I wished for second that I had been able to afford a place like this.
Except then I would never feel comfortable visiting them.
I ducked my head as a woman in a designer dress bent over a stone marker. I walked past her quickly, and kept my gaze down, hoping she wouldn’t notice that I didn’t belong. It took me several minutes to realize the few visitors were too wrapped up in their own grief to pay any attention to anyone else.
I finally found an empty bench in a sparse area and sat down. I stared down at my lap as a hand-holding couple walked by. They paused a few feet away, and from the corner of my eye, I saw her rest her head on his shoulder. He murmured something into her hair, then they moved on.
I swallowed against the thick lump in my throat.
I wondered what Joey’s wife—ex-wife, I reminded myself forcibly—was like. For no reason I could pinpoint, I hoped she was vastly different than I was.
Heavy footsteps on the path beside me made me look down at my hands again.
A crisp, expensive pair of shoes stopped directly in front of me.
“Hi there.”
My head jerked up instinctively at the greeting.
A man in a black suit and a partially unbuttoned dress shirt looked down at me. He shifted his feet uncomfortably, and cleared his throat.
“I’m okay,” I said in response to his concerned expression.
“You’re Tucker Greenleaf.”
I squinted at him. I was sure we’d never met, though there was something vaguely familiar about his jaw.
He cleared his throat. “His mom.”
“Pardon me?”
“Joey takes after his mom.”
“You’re his…father?” I asked uncertainly.
“He probably has a lot of unkind things to say about me.”
“Not too many,” I lied.
Mr. Fox shrugged and smiled, and I saw Joey in the dimple in his dad’s face.
“May I sit down?”
It was my turn to shrug. This was the man who Joey said wanted to destroy my project. I studied him more carefully. His hair was short and grey. Even from my seated position, I could tell he was tall—over six feet for sure—and big, too. He flexed his fingers, and I caught a glimpse of a gold wedding band on his hand.
I refused to be intimidated. I gestured to the spot beside me, and Mr. Fox sighed, then joined me on the bench, careful to keep a few inches between us.
“Did Joey send you after me?” I asked.
“No. Amber Knowles did.”
I frowned. “Amber?”
The older man sighed. “She called me because she thought Joey might
be on the edge again. She refused to hang up until I agreed to come down here. I know Amber’s not the nicest girl in the world, but she does care about my son.”
“She can have him,” I muttered.
Mr. Fox put a firm hand overtop of mine and looked me in the eye. “You don’t mean that.”
“How do you know what I mean?”
He smiled, showing the Joey dimple again. “I’ve spent a lot of time reading people, and I can see that he matters more to you than you’re admitting. That emotional wall is something you and my son have that in common.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“Unfortunately, I do. And everything that’s gone wrong between you two is my fault. Joey and I seldom see eye to eye,” he told me. “But I think—and this is hard for me to admit, because it’s costing me a lot of money—that you’re good for him. I want you to know that I retracted the press release.”
“Even so,” I agreed with my heart in my throat. “It doesn’t matter how good I am for him. He’s in love with someone else.”
“Is that what he told you?”
I nodded because I couldn’t speak. The lump was back, lodged deep in my throat. I brought my hand up to my chest as the crushed-in feeling resurfaced.
“Can I tell you a story?”
“I don’t know how much more I can take,” I admitted.
He put a hesitant hand on my shoulder, squeezed gently, then let go.
“Joey and Beth were only seventeen when they met. Beth’s uncle—Amber’s father—was a friend. Joey was smitten from the second he laid eyes on her, and I’m sure she cared about him, too. But she also saw him as her ticket out of her troubled home life. Her mother was a junkie, and her father was completely out of the picture. With the exception of Amber and her father, Beth’s extended family had more or less washed their hands clean of them. From the very beginning, Joey started to change. He went from being focused and driven to skipping school and drinking on the weekends. So I forbade the relationship.”
“I’m sure that went over well.”
Mr. Fox smiled. “He was a seventeen-year-old boy, too. It only made him want her more. So they snuck around.”
“Of course they did.”
“I found out, and decided to take matters into my own hands, the way I always do, where my son is concerned. Beth got a mysterious scholarship. An all-expenses paid, college freshman year in England. I thought putting some physical distance between Joey and Beth was the best way to put some emotional distance between them, as well.”
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