by Ben Zackheim
But even worse with your head.
Three pictures taunt you
See below
Mix and stack them
What a show!
If you stop my fun
Beware the encore!
Shelburne Falls will cheer for more.
Below the riddle were three horribly drawn pictures.
One drawing of a pattern that looked a lot like the fence around Shelburne Falls' Town Hall.
One drawing of a chain.
And one drawing of a stick-figure girl (I assumed it was me).
The first line--I could have gone with "Missing Link"--told me I was going to go missing. Easy.
The three images were a little harder to decipher. One of a chain, one of me, and one of a fence.
"Mix and stack them" the riddle instructed. Being the morbid type that I am, I pictured the chain in my mind first, then me hanging from it, over the fence.
Bingo.
Chain. Link. Fence.
He was going to dangle me from Town Hall over the fence for everyone in Shelburne Falls to see? Wasn't that a little extreme? Maybe Jacob was more dangerous than I'd thought.
Well, I wasn't going to disappoint him. I'd solved his riddle and I was going to let him know it. Even if it meant being grounded until my wedding. I could get there in five minutes, if I ran.
I slipped out of the library the same way I'd come in. The adults were still discussing the complex drama they'd witnessed, but from the sounds of it they'd moved onto gossip and conjecture. I couldn't believe my mom had allowed that. She never has time for idle chatter.
Then, right on cue...
"Will you all be quiet?" Mom hollered. "Mr. Jelly, if you're still willing to display your comic book here, then arrange for that to happen tomorrow. And no more deception, please. I can spare two men for the set up. We'll make sure there are always two people on guard, though we may need to hire a contractor. Deal?"
I love Mom.
I walked down the dim hall and was about to exit to the parking lot, when the Assembly Hall door to my right shot open. I was grabbed by the collar and pulled into darkness. I was muzzled with a sock (luckily clean, from the taste of it).
"You keep quiet, Link!" It wasn't Jacob's voice, but I knew it was Jacob's doing. Another one of his hired hands. Where does he find these guys?
He put a blindfold over my eyes and tied my wrists together with zip ties. It was a pretty good job actually.
"Be careful. Don't hurt her," a voice said from ahead of me. Now that was Jacob's voice.
Best I could tell he guided me out the stage door leading to an alley between two buildings. An engine started up and I was shoved into a car.
It's too bad I had a sock in my mouth because I probably could have talked my way out of trouble. We sat in silence until we came to a stop.
I was helped out of the car and into a building. We climbed some stairs until I heard a door open. I felt the wind on my face. That couldn't be a good sign. The sock came out of my mouth just as something was tied around my hips and shoulders.
"What are you doing, Jacob?"
"Winning!"
I felt a strong tug around my middle and was raised off my feet. I was swung back and forth and finally flung out the door.
I'd had about enough of this nonsense. When someone uses zip ties to secure wrists together, they need to make sure the captive isn't flexing her wrist muscles. Once the binds are on, all she has to do is relax her wrists and she can slip out easily.
I tossed the zip tie to the wind and took the blindfold off.
Which brings me to the present. I'm decked out in a mountaineer belt and I'm dangling from a flagpole at the top of Town Hall in the middle of the night. The chain is very secure, so I'm not going anywhere. I hope.
No sign of Jacob.
It's a great view of our small town up here. But it would be awesome if someone told me what's going on.
After a few minutes pass, the door I was shoved out of opens and Jacob emerges.
"I knew you wouldn't freak out!" He laughs.
He looks genuinely pleased.
I genuinely want to shave his head and pop it in a beehive.
"You really are something else, Shirley. You're safe there, don't worry. I just wanted to show you that no matter how many times you outsmart me, I'll always have the resources to win our games."
He waits for me to respond, but I'm not giving him the pleasure.
"So!" he barks. He says "So!" like I'm supposed to know why we're having this meeting. I don't have a clue.
"Do you want to be friends?" he finishes.
That, I did not expect.
After waiting for a punch line, I say, "You're kidding, right?"
"No, I'm not kidding! Come on. It'll be fun!"
I shoot him with my eyes, but he's pretty thick when it comes to reading people.
"Not only do I not want to be friends, I don't want you walking free among us normal people."
"Really?" he asks. He looks hurt. Is it really possible that this was all a game to him? "Can't we work something out? How about this? I rein it in a little and only do jobs that no one will notice. Hey, I have a great idea! I bet I could take the Bridge of Flowers plaque without anyone seeing!"
I must look stunned. He glances up at his henchman, who's lurking near the shadows.
"Did I go too far?" Jacob asks him.
The henchman shrugs. I notice he has red rings around his eyes. He must be the thug I pepper sprayed.
"Did my guy hurt you? If he hurt you, I'll fire him right now!"
"No, he didn't hurt me. But maybe I should explain something to you, Jacob. You see how I'm hanging here from a flagpole about three stories up, against my will? That's a problem, see? That's what some people would call a felony."
"But we were just playing!"
"No, you were playing. The rest of us were trying to stop you from running away with a man's livelihood."
"I planned on returning everything anyway. But you outsmarted me. You have to see how awesome that is! I've never been outsmarted in all my years of home school. I beat my brothers and sisters every time! It feels weird to lose, but I want a do-over."
I don't know what to say. The silence lingers.
"Don't you? Wouldn't a do-over be cool?" he asks, innocently.
And then it hits me. I think I can come to some solid conclusions now.
The Graham household is likely filled with kids who challenge each other in ways the rest of us call high crimes and misdemeanors. So the eccentric D.L. Graham teaches his sons and daughters that outwitting someone else is the highest form of success. Jacob is smart. He's very smart. And if he's at the top of the heap of a bunch of kids who only see each other all day long, then maybe that could lead to some, well, odd behavior. It's not like he has a lot of practice mingling. I've lived in this town my whole life and I've never seen him before today.
I remember that old saying, "keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer." On the spot, I decide that the best way for Jacob Graham to learn how to behave is for me to teach him. I don't like him, but he may turn out okay if he gets some support.
I have a feeling he'll challenge me a few more times, but it's best if I'm the one to stop him and guide him through his megalomaniac period.
If he ends up being beyond hope, then I'll turn him in.
Besides, I can tell he won't leave me alone. So it's best if we do this on my terms.
I take a deep breath.
I nod and try to smile. I'm not known for my genuine smiles. Marie usually tells me not to even bother.
"Is that a smile?" he asks, sounding a lot like Marie.
"YES IT'S A SMILE! Now let me down, Jacob!"
"Oh! Sorry!"
As his henchman reels me in, Jacob asks, "Can we break into Mo's for some ice cream?"
"No!" I holler. I sound like Mom.
Chapter Eleven: This Could Be a Stupid Plan
Jacob's driver broke ab
out ten more laws to get me home before my Mom. I'm only grounded for a week. It could have been worse.
In fact, Jacob appears to be doing his best to make it worse right now.
He sits across from me, Wylie, and Marie in the Periodicals Room. We stare at him while he reads.
No one knows what to say. He has a pile of magazines in front of him that he's been studying every free period he has. His father doesn't allow magazines in their household, so he's been tearing through them like Fritos.
Most of our conversations with him over the last twenty-four hours have been Jacob asking us a stupid question, and us answering "No!"
It's getting tiresome.
"Hey," Jacob says, looking up from a People Magazine. "You guys want to see who can steal one shirt from everyone else's parents fastest?"
"NO!" we all yell. Jacob hunches his shoulders.
Ms. Conway shushes us.
"Okay, okay," he whispers.
I've explained my logic to Wylie and Marie. They both think I'm bonkers for trying to help him. However, they've decided to go along with me for a few days. If they reach a point where they can't take it anymore, then as far as they're concerned, he's my problem.
Fair enough.
"So what do you guys do for fun then?" Jacob asks.
"Xbox360," I say.
"Read," says Marie.
"Read," Wylie says, too. Marie and I stare at him. "What are you two looking at me like that for?"
"You read for fun?" I ask him.
"I read. Yeah." Wylie crosses his arms.
"What do you read?" Marie asks.
"The backs of DVD cases," I say.
"The Best Buy catalog," Marie follows.
"I just read a book about a guy who turns into a cockroach," Wylie growls.
"The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka?" Jacob says, impressed. "That's a classic book."
"Nah. It was something like Cockroach Man I think."
Jacob's confused. "Isn't that a kids book?"
"Young Adult," Wylie shoots back. "Oh look, there's Molly. Later. It's been real... something." He scoots off.
I don't see Molly anywhere.
"Actually, that's what we do for fun," Marie says, nodding her head toward Wylie. It's true. We do get a lot of enjoyment out of pushing Wylie's buttons.
"I could do that!" Jacob says.
"That doesn't mean you should plot to make his life miserable in some horrible way, Jacob," I whisper, sternly.
"Oh," he says, disappointed. "Okay..."
Ugh.
Would I have been better off with Jacob as an arch-enemy?
I hope you enjoyed Shirley Link & The Hot Comic!
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Shirley's adventures are also available in softcover:
Shirley Link & The Safe Case
Shirley Link & The Treasure Chest
Shirley Link & The Black Cat
Shirley Link & The Party Poopers
Plus, enjoy 100 new riddles in Shirley Link & The 100 Riddles!
And if you like Fantasy books, try out The Camelot Kids! Here are a couple of reviews from Fantasy-lovers like you.
"If you've been waiting for a book that will take you back to the day when you first read Harry Potter, then your wait is over."
- A Chick Who Reads review (5 Stars)
"I don't think I have had such a fun time with a book since I read Percy Jackson."
- Belle's Beautiful Books review
The Camelot Kids: Book One
Brain Twisters
1) The image above is made of straight lines. There are no curves anywhere. How can you test this claim?
2) How can you throw a ball with all your strength and get it to return to you? Nothing is attached to it. It can't bounce off anything. No one can catch or throw it back to you.
3) A boy is learning to drive. He went down a one-way street in the wrong direction. Somehow, he didn't break the law. How can this be?
4) How is this possible? Two babies are born to the same mother, at the same time, on the same day, in the same month, in the same year. They are not twins.
Brain Twister Answers!
1) Previous page's picture: Use a ruler to test the claim that there are no curved surfaces in the entire picture.
2) Throw it straight up into the air.
3) He's walking.
4) They're triplets.
Shirley Link & The Treasure Chest
Ben Zackheim
Illustrations and cover by Robin Hoffman
Chapter One: Being a Good Citizen
I'm watching my two best friends have one of their fake arguments again. Recently, it's been happening more often. Usually, Marie (best friend number one) will say something about the way Wylie (best friend number two) lives his life. Like the way he flicks his bangs back when a cute girl walks in the room. Wylie will then try to say something clever, which works about zero times out of a thousand. Marie will make fun of his wit. Then they'll laugh together.
It's really irritating.
I'm about two paces behind them as they put on their show.
"I don't smell! You smell!" Wylie says, flicking his bangs back.
"That's your comeback?"
"Give me a sec. I'll think of a better one."
Marie watches Wylie think hard. She always enjoys this part. Not because she's mean. Because she thinks he's so cute.
"Nothing?" she asks.
"Nope. Nada," he says, shrugging. "That's Spanish for nothing."
"Muchas gracias por aclarar. That's Spanish for Thanks so much for clarifying."
They smile at each other. Then they finally notice that I've watched this whole scene unfold from two paces back.
"What?" they both ask at exactly the same time, slowing down to let me catch up.
I'm tempted to throw it all out there with, "Why don't you two just admit that you like each other?" or "Can you please kiss and get it over with?" but I stop myself. For the hundredth time this month.
"Nothing," I say, pushing my way in-between them. Now they're playing catch-up with me. The way I like it.
When Marie says, "So when are you going to..." I instantly know that she's about to ask me a very sensitive question, so I shoot her a look. We're too close to my house now and I do not want anyone to know how I plan to spend my morning tomorrow. But Marie catches herself and recovers pretty well. "... do that totally useless thing you mentioned?"
"Tomorrow morning."
"Hope you wear a rubber suit," Wylie says, making a face like he just licked a salt and lemon lollipop.
"Shirley, are you sure you want to do it?" Marie asks. "It's disgusting!"
"Everyone will thank me later," I say, veering left onto my front lawn. I'm home just in time to avoid a grilling by Marie. My lucky day! "When the next flood hits, I bet you that I get hired to help."
My friends stand there, looking at me as if I suffer from some condition. I guess I do. It's called boredom.
I'm a sleuth who lives in a town that always seems to need a sleuth, so I'm usually caught up in an adventure that my parents don't like. But there are those long spans of time when nothing happens. The town of Shelburne Falls wakes up at dawn, strolls through the day, then settles in for the night.
All while my brain screams out for exercise.
It's times like these when I have to make things happen.
Even things that sound kind of crazy.
***
It's 6am. I'm packed and ready to go. I need to grab a couple of trash bags and then Operation Mapmaker can begin.
I listen for Mom downstairs. She's a police officer, so there's always a chance she's return
ing home from a late night. But I don't hear anything. So I tiptoe into the kitchen, grab a couple of trash bags from the drawer and throw on my backpack.
I write a note:
Parental units,
Out doing a project.
-S
I leave the note on the butter plate in the fridge. It's the only place where it's guaranteed to be seen every morning.
My parents will be on to me, of course. They live in a constant state of being on to me, especially since my detective work really took off. Let's just say I've managed to get caught up in a few dangerous situations, thanks to my job. Fortunately, they only know about one instance--the time I almost got clocked by Bob, the janitor. He stole thirty thousand dollars from the school and caught me snooping around his supplies.
But Mom and Dad still don't know about the time I was kidnapped and dangled from the Town Hall flagpole. It happened last month. Jacob Graham, a classmate, did it because he wanted to be friends with me.
Don't ask.
So I can expect my parents to have a hundred questions about my note when I get home. That's okay. When it comes to questions, I can dish it out and take it.
***
I arrive at the waterfall. It runs under Shelburne Falls' bridge and pulls in a lot of tourists who like to see water falling and splashing around. Or something. To each his own, I guess.
When I get to the old steel door under the bridge, I break out the garbage bags. I slip one over each leg and tie them to my thighs with string.
I make sure no one is watching. All clear.
I open the door and aim the flashlight into the long tunnel that waits for me on the other side. It's dark in there. Like drop-a-bucket-over-my-head dark.
So here's the deal. I've decided to map out the town's sewers. Yes, for fun. It's a pretty complex system because of the waterfall under Main Street. The flow of hidden water beneath our town has been a challenge for a few hundred years, ever since the first settlements made camp at the base of the hills.
