by Bella Jewel
Danny has a girlfriend.
Of course he does. He deserves to move on, to find someone who loves him. It wouldn’t be fair of me to expect anything less. I never thought of what I might feel when Danny moved on; I didn’t even really think he would. How incredibly selfish of me. I’ve run him around and played games with his heart, yet I never expected him to find someone else.
I rub my arms and pull out my phone, trying to push down the ache in my heart. It rings in my hands.
I answer it quickly, bringing it to my ear. “Hello?”
“Is this Skye?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Hello, it’s Doctor Kain here. I was just calling about your test results.”
My stomach twists. Is it bad? Is it more than just different food and water? What if it’s a disease, or worse?
“O-okay,” I whisper.
“We’ve run full blood and urine tests, and everything is well in your system.”
I exhale with relief. “Then why am I so sick?”
“Well,” he says, and I could swear he’s smiling, “you’re pregnant.”
My world starts spinning, and the phone threatens to slip from my fingers. Pregnant. Did he just say I’m pregnant?
“I-I beg your pardon?”
“It’s the only thing we picked up in your tests, and it would explain your sickness. You’re about five weeks along, possibly six, depending on when your last period was. You’re in the early stages of morning sickness. Some people suffer quite badly.”
I can’t breathe. I can’t even think.
“Skye, are you there?”
“I’m pregnant?” I ask, my voice trembling.
“I’m getting the feeling that you didn’t expect this?”
“No.”
“Well, if you’d like to discuss it more, please come in. Otherwise, I’m happy to send a report to the airline so you’re able to get home.”
“Are you sure? I mean . . . could it be a mistake?”
“Very sure.”
“O-o-okay. Thank you.”
I break down and cry. Right there on the park bench in Paris.
My life crumbles before my very eyes.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
That one tiny word repeats over and over in my head as I slowly walk back to the hotel, trying to process what the hell just happened. I’ve been on protection; I don’t understand where it went wrong. Did I forget a day? I don’t even know. All I know is I’m pregnant, and it’s Danny’s. It has to be his. I haven’t been with Preston since Danny, so that option is impossible.
I spent the last year fighting this life, avoiding Danny so I’d never end up in this situation with him. The reason I ran, the reason I’m not with him, being in love and happy, is because I don’t want the life he wants, and I don’t want children to be involved in that culture. Which leaves me with a painful, extremely hard decision.
What the hell do I do?
I’m numb. I can hardly feel anything. Shock has kicked in.
I don’t even know how to tell him, but I know I have to. It’s not up to me to make a choice without him, but he’s seeing someone now. Between his relationship and duty to the club, he’ll want me to move back home, and I just can’t do that. I can’t . . . God, what the hell am I going to do? My chest feels like someone is sitting on it, crushing the air out of my lungs. I move slowly, not at a normal walking pace, trying to avoid facing him.
I don’t have to avoid it. He’s stands just out the front of the hotel, a smoke hanging from his fingers, his phone to his ear. He hasn’t noticed me; he doesn’t need to. I see something on his face that makes my decision before I even know I’ve made it. It also takes my heart and rips it into a thousand tiny pieces, because the reality is that I’m about to take on the hardest thing I’ll ever do . . . alone.
I know he’s talking to her . . . his girlfriend.
But that’s not what makes the choice for me.
He’s smiling. Really smiling. Dimples pop out on his perfect cheeks, his eyes alight with happiness. Whoever this girl is, she’s bringing that out in him, a smile I’ve not seen for so long, a smile I stole and crushed. He’s lived through so much, and she’s makes him smile like that. And I know in that moment, standing there, that I can’t take that smile away from him.
I’ve taken enough.
Danny deserves to be happy. He deserves the girl who makes him look that content, who makes his smile come out so often that we forget what he looked like without it. He deserves a loyal old lady who will stand by his side and be proud of who he is—proud of what he’s become. Pain unlike anything I’ve ever felt in my life tears through my chest.
I’m alone.
I’m pregnant.
And I’m about to let the love of my life go forever.
Danny notices me standing and wraps up his conversation, tucking his phone in his pocket and walking towards me, concern etched in his features. “Hey,” he says when he stops in front of me. “You okay? I woke and you were gone. Your phone went straight to voicemail. Scared the shit out of me.”
I look at him, really look at him. And I see it’s gone. The pain he had for me, the love he had for me, it’s slowly fading into the darkness. He’s allowing it to disappear; he’s allowing the new girl to create a new love. Who am I to take that from him after everything I’ve put him through? I love Danny too much to do that. I know my decision is the right one. I just don’t know how I’m going to live with it alone.
“I’m okay,” I croak. “Good news. There’s nothing wrong with me so we can go home.”
He studies my face. “You sure about that?”
I nod and force a smile. “Absolutely.”
“So why are you so sick?”
I look away, staring out at the beautiful city I’m in the middle of, yet not truly seeing it. “Doctor said it could be the food or the water. It happens sometimes.”
“Then best we get you home as soon as possible so you can get better.”
Home. I don’t even know where that is anymore.
“Yeah,” I whisper.
“You sure you’re okay?”
I look up at him. “I’m fine. Let’s go.”
What the hell am I going to do?
~*~*~*~
“Great,” I mumble as I step off the plane with Danny by my side and see Granddad, Spike, and my dad standing with all their respective wives, waiting for us.
“They’re just worried,” Danny says, staring at me from the corner of his eye.
“I know, but I’m exhausted and just want to rest.”
“They’re not goin’ to stop you from that.”
“Oh my goodness!” Mom cries, rushing forward and throwing her arms around me. “Do not ever do that to me again. I was seriously contemplating ways to steal you from a foreign country if they weren’t going to let you come home. It was going to be messy.”
Despite everything on my mind, I can’t help but smile. “I missed you,” I say, hugging her tight.
“Don’t ever get sick in a place your momma can’t get to you again, you hear me?”
“I hear you.”
“Step aside, woman. Let me at my baby.”
I roll my eyes and let my mom go, moving to my dad, who studies me with concerned eyes. “You don’t look good at all, girl.”
“I’ll be okay now I’m home.”
“I hope so,” Danny says. “She threw up most of the trip home. Was getting worried. She needs plenty of water and rest.”
Dad pulls me into his arms and extends his hand to Danny. “Thanks, boy, for gettin’ her home to me.”
“My job,” Danny mumbles, shaking his hand and looking to me.
Those words hurt.
His job. I was just his job.
I look away. “I should get home. I’m exhausted.”
“Right after you tell me when that little fucker is getting home so I can pay him a visit,” Spike growls, crossing hi
s arms.
“Already tried it, old man. She won’t spill,” Danny mutters.
“I’d rather you all didn’t commit a murder, thank you very much,” I mumble against my dad’s chest.
“Goin’ to find him and have words, baby. Nobody leaves my daughter alone with no money in a different country.”
“Speaking of money,” I say, changing the subject, “I owe Ava big time.”
“Already sorted it,” Mom says.
“Mom . . .” I warn her. “It’s my money to pay back.”
She waves her hand. “Nonsense. You’re my daughter and she’s my sister. We got an understanding.”
I roll my eyes.
She grins.
It’s good to be home.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“Girly, it is not normal to be throwing up this much,” Dad says, placing a cup of water down by the couch.
He’s giving me a suspicious look and I stumble over my reply.
“W-w-well, the food obviously doesn’t agree with me and is taking its sweet time to move through my system.”
I laugh nervously.
He narrows his eyes. “You sure that’s all it is?”
“What else would it be?” I mumble, letting my eyes dart away.
He kneels down in front of me. “Been stayin’ with you for a week, and it only comes in the morning and afternoon. You’re barely eating and you’re exhausted. You think I missed how your mom was when she was pregnant with you?”
All the color drains from my face. It’s enough of an answer for him.
He stands up and bellows, “I’ll kill that filthy fucker.”
“Daddy,” I cry, pushing myself up. “Dad . . .”
“How dare he knock my baby up and then leave her in fuckin’ Paris alone?”
Oh God. This is not good. This. Is. Not. Good.
“Dad!” I call, standing. I sway on my feet from moving too quickly and go right back down. My dad manages to catch me before I hit the deck.
“Shit, you okay?”
“Just dizzy,” I mumble, my head spinning.
“I’m takin’ you to the hospital; you shouldn’t be so sick. You need to get something to help with that.”
“Dad,” I try again.
“Then I’m goin’ to hunt that prick down and gut him.”
“I don’t want him to know!” I blurt.
Oh God. What am I doing?
My father looks down at me, confusion etched in his handsome face. “What do you mean? That piece of shit needs to step up and take his responsibility seriously.”
“I don’t love him, Daddy,” I say quickly. “But more than that, he wasn’t good to me. I don’t want that kind of man in my life or . . .”
His eyes soften slightly. “Or your child’s.”
Oh God. I’m not ready for this.
The burn of unshed tears fills my nose and it tingles, letting me know I’m about to lose my shit.
“Baby,” he says softly, sitting us both down on the couch. “You’re goin’ to be just fine.”
“How?” I cry, finally letting the waterfall of tears pour down my cheeks. “How am I going to be okay? I don’t want a baby; I don’t even know how it happened. I . . . I’m safe.”
“Shit happens.”
“I’m too young. I’m not ready.”
“Your momma was your age, and you’re ready. You don’t really get to be anything but.”
“I don’t want him to know,” I whisper. “I know it seems wrong, but he left me in a different country, alone with nothing. He is spoiled and uppity and not who I want in my . . . child’s . . . life.”
My dad pulls me close. “Your choice, honey.”
“I don’t know if I can do it on my own,” I sob.
“Don’t have to. You have us.”
“That isn’t the life I want for us. I . . . I’m not made for it.”
“When did you come to that conclusion?” he asks, sounding slightly hurt.
The day Ava got hurt.
“It’s dangerous.”
“Wrong, honey. It’s only dangerous in the wrong hands.”
“Ava got hurt, Daddy. Are you saying Granddad allowed that because the club is in the wrong hands?”
“Your Granddad involved himself with the wrong person, and it was his mistake. He knows that; we’ve also all learned from it.”
“Mercy, then? Whose mistake was she?”
“Honey, you’ve been in the club your whole life. When did you ever get hurt?”
“It’s not what I want,” I cry, standing slowly and walking into the kitchen.
“And this is the life you want?” he throws back at me. “Alone in an apartment, looking like the world is on your shoulders?”
“I want to travel,” I say pathetically.
“How’d that work out for you?”
Tears run down my cheeks. “I hated it,” I whisper.
“Exactly, baby. You hated it because it isn’t worth doing if you’re not happy. C’mon, Skye—the club was your life. You ran it as hard as Danny did, marchin’ around givin’ orders. You loved it. Always thought you’d find a man within a club and become an old lady. You were born for it. What changed?”
“I got scared.” Finally saying that out loud has something exploding in my chest. I grip the sides of the counter and tears run down my cheeks. “I got scared that the same thing would happen to me—that I’d have kids and they’d suffer the way Ava and Mercy did. I got scared I’d see my husband looking like Danny looked that day, covered in blood. That my kids would see that. That they’d never look at their father the same again.”
“You ever see me like that?”
I tremble.
“Baby, did you?”
I shake my head.
“Did you ever get hurt?”
“Ava—”
“Did you?” he asks, stepping up close to me.
“No, but—”
“Did you miss out on anything? Did your momma?”
“It’s a dangerous life, Daddy,” I cry, my protest pathetic.
“Yeah, it can be. So can working high up in a professional job. So can being a paramedic or a cop. You think the child of a cop hasn’t worried their dad won’t come home because he gets shot? Life is unpredictable and dangerous, honey. You know that better than anyone. You also know that growing up in the club, you were more protected than most kids out there. You had people at your back. You were safe. More than that, you were loved.”
I sob so hard my body shakes.
He takes me into his arms. I clutch his jacket and breathe him in, a smell that used to bring me so much comfort. “Can’t say the club won’t ever get into trouble again, but we’re changin’ things, steppin’ away from the danger and protectin’ what’s ours. Life holds no promises, Skye. You just gotta do what makes you happy and hope to hell you get lucky.”
I tremble even harder, clutching him, afraid to let go. I’ll fall if I do; I know it.
“If club life isn’t what you want, baby, you don’t have to take it, but runnin’ like this, makin’ yourself miserable searching for something that isn’t there . . . that ain’t goin’ to make you happy.”
“I’m not happy,” I wail in his arms. “I’m so lonely, so lost.”
“Then come home, figure out what you really want. Lead the life that most appeals to you.”
Going home means facing Danny. It means facing his girlfriend. It means pretending I’m pregnant with another man’s child. It means going back to living near the club.
It means family.
Love.
“I want to come home,” I say, and pressure is instantly relieved from my chest. It’s the first time I’ve said that and truly meant it.
I want to go home.
~*~*~*~
“You’re leaving me?” Mercy frowns, throwing some of my shoes into a box.
“Home is where I need to be right now.”
“Well, I know that, I’ve always known that, but I’m selfish
because I totally want you here by my side.”
I smile at her. “I’ll visit all the time.”
She pouts. “What am I supposed to do with no one around?”
“Enjoy your boyfriend?”
She grins. “That’s a good point.”
“I hope I’m ready for this,” I say, sitting on the side of the bed and exhaling loudly. “Going back there . . .”
“It’s where you belong honey. God, you and Danny practically grew up running that club. You loved it. Every cookout, you were there, every ride, you begged to go on. It’s where you should be.”
“Only Danny has moved on.”
Her eyes grow soft. “Maybe he has, but that shouldn’t be enough to keep you away from being where you love. This city business isn’t for you; you always loved to be at home, near family.”
“I did,” I admit.
“Plus, Ava and Lucas are there, and Max is so freaking lonely he’s driving me nuts.”
I laugh. “I miss them all so much.”
“Danny will be secretly glad you’re back.”
I huff. I doubt that. “He’s happy. I’m glad for that.”
“Are you?” she asks, sitting on the bed beside me.
“Yeah, I am. I messed him around, Mercy. He deserves to have someone who is happy to be by his side.”
“You opened up that stubborn heart of yours, you’d realize you’d be happy to be by his side, too.”
I poke my tongue out at her.
I haven’t told anyone else about the baby yet. I made Dad promise to keep it to himself until I got home and could break it in my own time. He was happy to support me on that, and more than happy to support my decision not to tell Preston, even though it’s not his. If they think that, maybe I’ll be able to raise this baby without ever having to disrupt Danny’s life.
He deserves happiness. I’m determined to let him have it.
“I’m really going to miss you.” Mercedes sighs, throwing one arm around my shoulders.
“Me too, Merc. Me too.”
And I will. But the idea of going home . . . it brings me a warmth I haven’t felt in months. It feels good.
So damned good.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I decide not to move back in with my parents.
I need my own life and my own space to raise the baby. Dad got me a job at the local bar down the road from the club, and they were happy to take me, baby or not – though dad did threaten to gut them if they even mentioned me being pregnant. I practically grew up with the people who own that bar, so they were more than grateful for me to offer my services, plus, they adore me.
