by J. L. Wilder
“Are Bill and Mary your parents?”
“I mean, I guess. They’re as good as. They aren’t our birth parents, though, if that’s what you mean.” She hands me a plate. “We were orphans, I think. That’s what Joe always says. And we got here kind of the same way you did. A scavenger picked us up, brought us in, and sold us to the pack.” She grins sheepishly. “I think everyone was really hoping I would turn out to be an omega, but obviously, it didn’t work out that way.”
“Then you’re prisoners too. Both of you.”
“No, it isn’t like that,” Alex says. “The Hell’s Bears gave us a home. Something we wouldn’t have had otherwise. All they want in return is for us to be a part of the family. And it’s a good family, Jacie, it really is. If you give it a chance, you’ll grow to love it as much as I do. I’m sure of that.”
“You sound like Caleb,” I grumble.
“I ought to,” she says. “We were part of the same litter.”
“Meaning your mother was an omega?”
“That’s the rumor. But according to Joe, none of our other siblings lived. The scavenger who brought us here told him that they all died when our mother did.” Alex faces me head on. “Do you see why I think this is a good place, Jacie? I would have died on the street if they hadn’t taken me in.”
“Are you allowed to leave?”
“I’ve never asked to leave.”
“If you’re not allowed to leave, it’s not a good place,” I tell her. “That’s why I ran away from my old pack. Because I wasn’t allowed to leave. Because they were going to breed me against my will. And the same exact thing is going to happen to me here. So, don’t try to convince me these bears are any better, any more compassionate, than the bears I left behind. I know they aren’t.”
She sighs but says no more, and we work in silence until the dishes are all clean.
Chapter Ten
The day passes. That’s the best I can say for it. It goes by. I am returned to my bleak little room, with nothing but blankets and Alex’s novel for company. I try to read, but I can’t focus.
What if this is my life now? What if I adapt, the way Alex seems to have adapted, and I grow to love it here? Wouldn’t that be Stockholm Syndrome? But would it be better to fall in love with my captors and at least be happy than to spend all of my days miserable?
I can’t imagine real, true happiness anymore. It seems like something I dreamed about one time.
Lunch is brought to me on a tray— “No one really eats together in the kitchen,” Bill explains, dropping it off, “but we did want you to have something nice. The soup is a specialty of Mary’s.” He gives me a sad smile before he leaves. In another set of circumstances, I think, I might actually like Bill. He seems kind.
The soup is potato and chive, and it’s delicious. I’ve also been given half a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich. I have to admit, I’m eating better here than I ever did back in Blind River. The lasagna I had on my first night here was even better than Nori’s, and that is saying quite a lot.
Dinner is another story. The table is absolutely covered with food, so much that, for a moment, I wonder if I’ve somehow lost count of my days and today could be Thanksgiving. There are steaks and burgers and mashed potatoes with gravy and three kinds of vegetables. Everyone sets upon the food hungrily almost as soon as it’s laid out before us.
“What’s going on?” I ask Caleb. I’m seated next to him again. I’m starting to get the feeling there’s a seating chart at meals.
“It’s a ride night,” Caleb says. “We’re going out.”
“You’re going out?” Could this be my window? I think about the nights when my pack left the house in Blind River, the freedom I felt being at home by myself. If I had just a bit of that freedom again tonight, I could figure out a way to get out of here. I know I could do it.
“You’re coming too,” Dan calls from the head of the table, and just like that, my plans evaporate in a puff of smoke.
“Don’t look so disappointed!” Caleb says. “We’re going to have fun, I promise.”
“I’m just tired.” It’s not like I can tell him what I’m really thinking.
“Nothing to worry about,” he says. “You can ride with me, by the way. I already cleared it with Dan. Is that okay with you?”
“Ride with you?” I don’t know what he means.
He mistakes my confusion for hesitation. “I’m really good on a bike,” he says. “I know I’m not as much of a heavyweight as some of these other guys, but I’m all muscle.” And he flexes his arm again, showing me. This time, it definitely doesn’t feel like a threat. It feels more like he’s trying to impress me.
Against my will, I am impressed. “What are we riding?”
“Bikes, of course.”
Oh. Of course. The Hell’s Bears’ motorcycle club is intricately tied up with the legends. There are stories about chapters of the pack racing up and down the freeways, stunting on their bikes, risking their lives and laughing about it. I’m terrified. I’ve never been on a motorcycle before, and I know how dangerous they can be. I don’t want to go out riding with them. I don’t want any part of this.
When the food has been cleared from the table, though, Caleb takes my hand. “Come on,” he says. “I’ll find you a helmet that fits.”
“I get to wear a helmet?” It’s more than I expected.
“Of course, you do,” Caleb says seriously. “You should never ride a bike without the proper safety gear. I mean, Luce and Miles do it, but they’re insane. Any passenger of mine is going to have a helmet.”
I nod gratefully. “Thanks.”
We’re in the garage now. I regard the row of gleaming motorcycles as Caleb pulls a helmet down from a shelf. “Try this one.”
I pull it on. It sits neatly on my head. Caleb tightens the straps and then nods. “You’re good.”
“Which bike is yours?” I ask.
He leads me to a blue one with silver trim. “This is her.”
“It’s a her?”
“It’s definitely a her. I’ve had her since I was sixteen. We know each other pretty well at this point.”
Caleb pulls on a helmet of his own. Then he shrugs off his jacket and hands it to me. “You wear this,” he says.
“I have a jacket on,” I point out.
“That’s no good for biking. You’re going to want something sturdy when we’re out on the highway and the wind is whipping at you.” He pulls the jacket around my shoulders and zips it up before I can object. “Trust me. You’ll be glad you have it.”
“What about you?” I ask.
“I’m tougher than you are.” He winks.
“You don’t know how tough I am,” I point out. As I say it, a strange euphoria rises in me. Am I flirting? Am I actually flirting with my captor?
Caleb isn’t my captor. He’s not the one forcing me to be here. But he’s not exactly doing anything to help me escape, either. I know what the bonds of the alpha are like, and I do know how hard it must be for him to resist the pull of what Dan tells him to do. But him and his sister both trying to convince me that being imprisoned for being an omega is not so bad...how can they think that?
“Are you ready to go?” Caleb asks me. All around us, the other Hell’s Bears are kicking their motorcycles to life, leaning low over the handlebars.
“I think so.” I’m still nervous. “What if we crash?”
“I never crash. I promise, I’m very good at this.” He throws a leg over the bike. “Hold on tight.”
I wrap my arms around his waist and grip with my thighs. He feels solid, like a tree trunk, and for the first time since arriving at the Hell’s Bears den, I actually feel a sense of safety. I trust what Caleb has told me. I don’t think he is going to crash.
The ride is exhilarating. This makes sense to me. I can understand why the Hell’s Bears choose to do this. Riding in a line, then flocking together into a formation on the road, it feels like we’re all appendages of a larger cr
eature. Even I can feel the cohesiveness of it, and I’m not even driving. This must be what it feels like to run together as a pack. The wind in your hair, the certainty of your family around you. This must be why my pack in Blind River so looked forward to going out together all the time.
Alex pulls up to our left. I turn to watch her, my cheek resting on Caleb’s back. She’s standing up on her bike, leaning forward over the handlebars, her braid flying out behind her like a ribbon. I turn to my left and see Bill, looking like a fixture of the Earth. The footrests on his bike are set way forward, so he almost seems to be reclining as he rides, and yet there’s so much raw force and power in him.
Dan leads the pack, way out in front of the rest of us like the prow of a ship. I quickly lose track of how far we’ve come and how long we’ve been on the road. All I can focus on is the sturdiness of Caleb, how every time the bike shifts under us, he shifts too, so my center of gravity seems to remain the same. I lose my fear after a while. I even forget my fear of the Hell’s Bears as a pack, my anxiety over what they’re going to do to me. Joy rushes in to take the place of fear. I want to do this every night.
All too soon, though, the ride is over. We make our way slowly back into the garage. It’s late at night and I can see people leaning out of their windows, giving us dirty looks, wondering who we are and why we’re returning home on motorcycles this late at night.
I file that information away for later. The Hell’s Bears aren’t popular with their neighbors. I’m not sure how, but that could prove helpful to me down the line, when I’m ready to make my escape.
Chapter Eleven
“We clean the bikes now,” Caleb says. He’s already squatting beside his with a rag in one hand. He tosses me a second rag. “You can help. Wipe any dirt or dust off that side.”
I sink to my knees on the cold concrete floor of the garage. “You really take good care of your bike,” I say.
“I have to,” Caleb replies. “We don’t make a lot of money at the restaurant, so if someone lost their bike to disrepair, they wouldn’t be able to get a replacement. And that would mean no more riding with the group.” He falls silent for a moment, focusing on a particularly stubborn patch of dirt. “Alex would probably let me go out on her bike, if it came to that,” he adds. “She would share with me. But I wouldn’t want to put her in that situation.”
“So, that’s why you haven’t had a new bike since you were sixteen?” I ask. “You couldn’t afford one?”
“Right. Usually, the restaurant is just barely breaking even. We’re lucky that Joe and his wife owned the house way back in the day. They inherited it from their parents, if you can believe that. But, anyway, we don’t have to pay to live here. Otherwise, there’s no way we could afford it.”
I nod. “Why do you stick with the restaurant, though, if it isn’t profitable? Why don’t you get other jobs?”
“Because we believe it’ll become profitable someday,” Caleb says. “Bill and Mary are great cooks, better than any I’ve ever come across in my life, and I really do think their cooking will take the restaurant to the next level if they have enough time and resources. We just haven’t gotten there yet.”
“So, that’s the plan?” I ask. “Become successful restaurant moguls? And I guess...” I draw a breath. It’s hard to address this next part directly. “I guess you want me to have the cubs that will grow up to run the restaurant in the next generation. Learn all the secret recipes and run the family business?”
Caleb looks strangely uncomfortable. “It isn’t about what I want. I’m not the alpha.”
“That’s an excuse.”
“You know I don’t have the power to defy the alpha,” he counters.
“Caleb,” I say, “I ran away from home. I ran, knowing that my alpha wanted me to stay.”
“How did you do it?” His eyes are on mine now, keen and bright, and for the first time, I think he just might be chafing under Dan’s rule.
“I waited for a loophole,” I say. “I waited decades, but eventually, I found one.”
Caleb shakes his head helplessly. “That was a one-in-a-million shot. Dan is too smart to let something like that happen. Besides, that’s not what I mean, really. How could you will yourself to do something you knew your alpha didn’t want? Shouldn’t you still have been stopped?”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I can always feel the pull of Dan’s desires,” Caleb says. “I know what he wants, and I feel compelled to act accordingly. That’s why I can’t let you escape, even though he may not have given explicit orders about it. Was it not like that for you?”
“No,” I say. “I only had to obey direct orders.” I wonder if this is a specific difference between polar bears and grizzlies, or if it’s something about me specifically.
“That’s lucky,” Caleb says quietly. “That’s why you were able to escape from your last situation. You’re lucky.”
“I wouldn’t call it lucky,” I say bitterly. “If I hadn’t left them, I wouldn’t have ended up here.” I wipe fiercely at a piece of dirt that seems to have fused with the motorcycle’s coat of paint.
“Jacie,” Caleb says.
I can’t look at him. I feel exposed, suddenly, desperately vulnerable. I feel like he can see through every front I’ve put up, to my very soul. He knows exactly how frightened I am, how much I don’t want to be here. And suddenly, his presence is like sandpaper on my skin.
I get up to leave, but his hand catches mine before I can go. His hand is so big. So warm. He doesn’t squeeze or pull, he just holds, and I know he’s looking up at me. I don’t want to look back.
I look back.
My eyes make contact with his. Caleb’s eyes are dark brown, like pools of chocolate, like drops of coffee, and I actually lean forward a little bit at the magnetic pull of them. I’m so surprised by the intensity of his gaze that I don’t realize what I’m feeling for a few moments, and then it hits me like lightning.
There’s an electricity passing through our joined hands as we stare at each other. It’s like receiving a static shock, but it goes on and on. It verges on painful, almost, but instead of pain, it’s the most beautiful intensity I’ve ever felt. It leaves me gasping. Caleb’s eyes are growing wide and he’s sucking down air like a drowning man. I feel desperate for understanding. I don’t ever want to let go of him, to end this feeling.
“Caleb,” I manage, after several seconds that might be an eternity. “What—I don’t understand—”
“I’m imprinting,” he says. His voice is hoarse, raw. He sounds frightened. “I’m imprinting on you. Oh my God.”
“What?” My mind is racing to catch up with his words. They’re the same words, more or less, that Aiden said to me not so long ago. They’re the same words that sent me running away from my old pack in fear. But something feels different this time.
“The current,” Caleb says, putting words to my thoughts. “You feel it too, don’t you? It’s like we’re conducting each other’s electricity.”
That’s exactly what it feels like. I force myself to stop resisting the strange sensation, to ease into it, and as I do, I realize exactly how close Caleb and I are standing. On impulse, I close the remaining distance, pressing the length of my body against his, resting my cheek on his broad chest.
The power! It moves through me, surging at every point where our bodies are connected, shooting through my veins, filling me up. I feel like I’ve just run a marathon.
“I knew it,” I whisper. “I knew it would be different when it really happened.”
“What do you mean?” His hands are on my back. His arms are tight around me. We haven’t even discussed this, this new closeness between us. It’s happening as if we’re two magnets pulled together, or perhaps two celestial bodies falling into each other’s orbit. It’s forces outside us, beyond our control, acting on us without our full understanding.
“My old alpha said he’d imprinted on me,” I say. “But he hadn’t. I didn’t
think he had. I thought...surely, I’d know if it really happened. I would feel something.” I breathe in hard, feeling as if I’m about to sink below the surface of a beautiful body of water. “But I never thought in a million years that it would be like this.”
“Neither did I.” His hand is under my shirt now, his palm splayed over the bare skin of my back, and with that touch, I realize how badly I’m aching to be closer to him. Everything has changed in the course of just a few intensely charged seconds. I know now that I’ll never run away from the Hell’s Bears. I’ll stop looking for loopholes and ways to leave. It doesn’t matter. How could I want to be anywhere else when the center of the universe is right here?
“What do we do?” I ask Caleb. “Do we tell the others?”
His body tenses against mine. “I don’t think so,” he says. “Not yet.”
“You’re worried about something.” It’s not a question. I want to make a study of the way his body reacts to emotion. I want to learn how to read him like a book. But, for now, I run my thumbs over the tense muscles in his arms and know that something is wrong.
“I’m not sure,” Caleb says quietly. “I’m not sure what would happen if everyone knew. If Dan knew. And I... I just don’t think we should tell until we are sure.” He holds me away at arm’s length, those buttery brown eyes capturing mine again. “We don’t want Dan to give a command we don’t want to obey.”
“Would he do that?”
“I like to think not,” Caleb says. He closes his eyes briefly. “I want to believe Dan is a good person. A good alpha.”
“You said he didn’t intend to hurt me,” I remind Caleb.
“Exactly,” Caleb says. “I said he didn’t intend to. I never said he wouldn’t.”
I stare at him, trying to unravel the meaning of his words.
“Come on,” he says. “We’d better go inside before anyone realizes we’re missing.”
Chapter Twelve
The tapping on my bedroom door is light, gentle.
