by Ruth Hay
By the time she had donned pyjamas and brushed her teeth, Anna was already half asleep.
Turning out the bedside lamp, she pulled the covers over her shoulder and, with a sigh, thankfully closed her eyes.
Her final, drowsy thought was...............why did Helen Dunlop choose me?
Chapter Five
Despite her fears, Anna slept soundly and awoke just in time to switch off the alarm.
The bright light sneaking through the drapes, combined with a lack of the usual morning sounds, alerted her to another snowfall overnight.
The ensuing rush to get to the library, left no time for speculation on the events of the previous evening until Anna found herself alone in the staff room, taking a late lunch with the first chance in the day to catch her breath.
The whole thing seemed ridiculous. It was most unlikely that people like Anna had unknown relatives appear out of nowhere with property offers. Nothing like this had ever happened to her, or to anyone she had known. It seemed more like a novel than something that would occur in Anna’s fairly dull life.
Her first instinct to wash her hands of the whole matter and turn it over to the lawyers was altered by the unexpected arrival of the photograph. A sense of reality had crept in to the fantasy with the view of the McCaig Farm House. Admittedly, the detail was almost non-existent. There was no clue as to the size or condition of the actual farm house. Had George McLennan’s letter not stated that the place had been unoccupied for some time while the owner was in a nursing home? Heaven only knew what it would be like inside.
The housewifely side of Anna’s nature began to speculate on buckets and brushes and cleaning solvents and lots of elbow grease.
“Enough of this dreaming!” Anna shouted out to the empty room. “Get a grip on yourself and make a decision right now.”
With her customary discipline, Anna faced facts. The solicitors needed a response soon.
What was it to be? Sell the property and put the money towards her savings for the purchase of a country home in her retirement years, or ...................?
Anna’s practical mind knew there was no real alternative, but somehow the issue was not as cut and dried as she believed. Something was niggling at the back of her mind and preventing her from sending a dismissive e mail to Scotland and getting on with the rest of her predictable life.
Perhaps that was the problem. Predictable.
How long had it been since the unexpected or exciting had happened to her?
Anna could not even summon an example. Since the divorce, most of her life had been a struggle to keep on an even keel and damp down the unexpected, in fear of emotional turmoil surfacing and unbalancing her carefully-constructed, safe little existence.
Could this be an opportunity rather than a problem; a fresh start somewhere completely new with no bad memories in the past? Could the little place in the country that she longed for be in Scotland instead of in Ontario?
Immediately a host of objections rushed to mind. What would all this cost? The apartment would have to be emptied and sub-let. She would be leaving her Samba pals behind and giving up a very satisfying job. Her only family was in Canada although Simon was out west and not exactly close by. She would be venturing into the unknown with no support system for emergencies and little idea of the kind of life she would be living.
Did she want to change her life at this point? Could she change her life?
Into the swirling jumble of questions and concerns that filled her mind, sprang a scene from her childhood.
Anna was playing with school friends in her neighbourhood. Dusk was descending on a summer evening full of warmth and the dusty streets that were the territory of the young and carefree.
Mothers would be calling their broods in for supper soon and the moment of decision had arrived. Anna was first in line to climb the old apple tree and jump to the branch of the dead tree that almost touched it. Six faces watched avidly as she made her way upward. Would she chicken out of the dare and be laughed at in the school yard the next day, or would she brave the risk and be a hero?
Edging her way to the very end of the nearest branch, Anna took a deep breath and launched out over the heads of her gang and grabbed the dead tree in a fireman’s grip. Before her weight could crack the old limb, she scrambled to the trunk and made her way down to solid earth with the cheers of her friends ringing in her ears.
Anna’s mother never knew why her daughter’s arms and legs were scratched and bleeding but Anna never felt the sting. The sheer euphoria of the successful challenge; the triumph of risking all, overcame any pain.
Anna blinked and found herself in the staff room again. Where had that vivid memory come from? She hadn’t thought back to her childhood days for so long. Why had this particular incident come to mind at the point of decision in the present day?
Another image presented itself unbidden. Anna was walking alone in the dark with tears
falling fast. Another fight with Richard had driven her from their home. The reason for the fight was not clear to Anna. It rarely was. What hurt the most was Richard’s ability to shut out her concerns and her pleas for understanding. He only saw, and only justified, his own needs, no matter what she said.
Anna wandered through the park talking to herself, crying out her frustration, feeling utterly helpless to change the deteriorating situation in her marriage, chilled by thoughts of a hopeless future.
It took a gulp of coffee and a deep breath to shake that sad memory from Anna’s mind. She had chosen to put all those dire days behind her long ago. What a strange trick her mind was playing on her today. Two entirely different incidents from her life juxtaposed like that. What was going on?
A moment’s deliberation while she refilled her coffee from the percolator made it all clear. It did not take a psychologist to decipher this.
Once upon a time Anna was a brave soul who was not afraid of anything. Somewhere in the intervening years much of that courage had been siphoned away, but deep inside the spirit of adventure, of independence, might, possibly, still linger.
“What the hell! I’m going to take control of this!”
The young staff members who opened the door hoping for a quiet coffee break were just in time to hear this outrageous statement from the usually decorous Mrs. Mason and stopped on the threshold in alarm. Anna brushed past them with a beaming smile and rushed off to find Andrew. It was time for action at last.
* * *
“Hi Susan, Anna here. No, don’t say anything yet. I need to thank you for Wednesday night. I woke this morning determined to get some more information about this Helen Dunlop so I called the solicitor in Scotland.
Yes, it was quite difficult, but fortunately I started early so Mr. McLennan was still in his office.
No, I wasn’t thinking about the time change in the United Kingdom but I will remember the next time.
Well, yes, there should be a next time as Mr. McLennan was very helpful. He is going to contact the National Archives of Scotland in Edinburgh, the capital city. Apparently there’s a General Registry Office there and he is going to apply for information on an adoption.
Right, I am jumping ahead a bit Susan. I’ll start at the beginning.
I came to a decision on Thursday to stop thinking of this inheritance as a problem and start thinking it could be an opportunity.
Don’t cheer yet! There’s a long way to go before I know for sure what I will do.
It was something you said that got me thinking, Susan. I woke up today with the certainty that I can’t make any decisions until I understand this relationship, if there is any, between Helen Dunlop and me. I figured the solicitor would be the only one who would know so I just tackled him with the question as soon as I got through to his office.
Oh yes, he was quite startled to hear from me but he caught on quickly, probably because I was calling long distance.
He said Helen Dunlop was alone in the world with no relatives that he knew of.
She lived on the farm for many years and in all that time she never spoke of family members other than once when Mr. McLennan visited her to get a signature on a document applying for social assistance with a heating allowance or something, and she shared the information, over a pot of tea, that she had been adopted.
Well, perhaps the adoption papers will give us a clue about the child’s birth name and parents. At least it’s a chance to find out more.
He said I could expect a call in a day or two if he is successful in the search.
I know, Susan, I do feel more hopeful about things now that I’ve taken control.
Listen, I must call Simon and bring him up to date on events.
By the way, how did Jake’s check-up appointment go?
Really? He is doing well this winter. Of course it’s the fabulous nursing care he gets at home. Give him a gentle hug from me.
Thanks again Susan. You have been such a help with this, as always.
Don’t worry I’ll keep in touch.
Take care.”
* * *
Now that she had set events in motion, Anna found everything around her had changed in some subtle way.
She had called Andrew early on Friday morning before tackling the call to Scotland, to say she wouldn’t be coming in to work. She did not supply any further details but promised to clarify her reasons as soon as possible.
Anna could not expect to hear from George McLennan again until at least the next week but already she was thinking as if the decision had been made. She realized this was illogical behaviour, yet the habit of preparing for eventualities was strong in her nature. Probably a lingering part of her mother’s conditioning. ‘Always think ahead,’ she used to say, followed inevitably by the old adage, ‘A stitch in time saves nine’.
Looking around her apartment with a view to moving, she could see a series of problems.
What would she do with all this old stuff? What did she really want to keep and what would happen to all the rest of it? Storage? Furnished sub-let? Charity? City garbage dump? It was clear that some organization would be required first. Even if nothing happened in the end and Anna stayed where she was, it would not be a bad idea to get started on some tidying up and it would occupy some time on the weekend.
With the nervous energy created by an undercurrent of excitement at future prospects, Anna grabbed a handful of trash bags and decided to begin on her bedroom clothes closet.
Throwing open the bi-fold doors she surveyed the scene inside with new eyes.
When did this get into such a mess, she wondered? The closet was stuffed with sweaters and purses on the top shelf and boxes, shoes and plastic bags spilled out at Anna’s feet.
In between was the real problem. Every inch of space was crammed with clothes on hangers. Fall, winter and spring clothes were jumbled together and every hanger seemed to have two or three garments on it. The left and right sides of the closet were the worst offenders with older and out of season clothes crushed against the walls. Anna realized that she actually used only a small section in the middle of the closet where her current wardrobe hung and she seldom ventured into the dark recesses.
“Right! It’s high time this closet got a good clear out.”
Armed with energy and ambition she hauled out the boxes, bags and purses, stacking them beside her bed for further consideration after the clothes were dealt with.
“That’s better!” she breathed, “Now I can see the problem. There’s way too much stuff in here and it needs to go, whether or not I am moving. It would have to be done some time for sure.”
Anna had watched the shows on TV where peoples’ houses get cleared out by professionals and she understood the basics. Divide the items into three categories;
Stay | Recycle | Discard. Not too different from weeding out in the Library, she thought, and as she had lots of experience at that job it shouldn’t take too long.
I’ll work for an hour or so and then have a break for coffee, she decided.
She started off well with three large green garbage bags on the floor. The winter suits and shirts in the centre of the closet were moved to the bed to allow access to the summer wear. A number of summery dresses, skirts and pants went into the discard pile when Anna remembered that she had not taken the time to deal with them at the end of last season.
Just when she was thinking this was going to be easy, she came across a section of hangers laden with clothing she had almost forgotten and which required frequent detours to the bedroom mirror as she tried on clothes to decide whether or not they still fit.
An ‘Undecided’ pile began to grow in front of the wall mirror.
It soon became clear to Anna that this was like most household tasks which seem to take much longer than you expect, but with a sigh she soldiered on into the depths of the closet’s darkness and here she almost came to a dead stop.
On padded hangers were the clothes she had brought from the home she had shared with Richard. Each outfit was drenched in memories which enveloped her as soon as she brought the clothes into the light of day.
Here was the lilac silk dress and jacket she had lovingly chosen for her honeymoon outfit.
The shopping expedition with her mother when they had roamed the stores chatting about Anna’s new life as a married woman sprang into mind at if it were yesterday.
Anna had hardly heard most of her mother’s advice about fit, style and comfort.
Her only focus that day was on clothes to make her even more attractive to Richard on their honeymoon.
Her mother’s practicalities were the furthest thing from her mind as they accumulated shopping bags from a dozen Toronto stores and laughed at the difficulty of getting through the door of the cafe where they stopped for lunch.
What was this relic still doing here? Anna had sold her wedding dress long ago and this fragile silk outfit would never fit her today. What on earth had possessed her to hang on to this and what other spectres were lingering in the dark?
With some trepidation, she pulled out the next hanger. A garment bag shrouded the clothing but as soon as she unzipped it, another evocative scene emerged intact:
their first visit to the riverside restaurant that would become their favourite place for celebrations. Anna had worn this beautiful long dress that was so clinging at the top that she had worried the zip might break. The full skirt swirled around her legs as they were escorted to a table on the veranda lit by candles in the dusky night.
It was Richard’s idea to reserve this table although they could not really afford the extravagance as they had just signed a contract to purchase their very first home together.
It was a magical evening, laced with such promise and excitement that Anna’s heart beat faster at the very thought of the love and longing that suffused the memory.
It must be the scent that made it so vivid. Anna saw the evening bag suspended by its gold chain from the hanger. She knew, before she unclipped the clasp, that a small bottle of Richard’s favourite gardenia perfume must be scenting the entire outfit.
These were good memories. Happy times from the past that she had wanted to cling to as proof that she had not wasted the years of her devotion to Richard.
Sudden emotional fatigue overwhelmed Anna and she sank onto a tiny corner of the bed that was not yet mounded in clothes.
* * *
The shrill ringing of the telephone brought her back to the present with a thump.
“Anna, are you all right? What happened? We were supposed to meet this noon to catch up with things. We haven’t had much time together lately.”
“Alina! You would not believe how happy I am to hear your voice. I completely forgot our date! I am so sorry to worry you. Can you come to my place right now? I am in the middle of something and I really need your help.”
“Of course! I’ll come at once Anna. You sound upset. Has something happened?”
“I’ll fill you in when you get here. Don’t be long, OK?”
&nb
sp; “I’m on my way. The A Plus can fix it whatever it is Anna!”
* * *
Her pal’s use of the old label ‘A Plus’ brought a smile to Anna’s face. It was the name the kids in high school used to call them because they were seldom apart and both had the same first initial. Alina was the bright spark of their class who often achieved the much-envied A+ on her schoolwork. Anna often studied at Alina’s house where her ambitious parents had set aside a room equipped with the latest encyclopedia and a typewriter that Anna’s family could never have afforded. The shared time and resulting benefit to Anna’s homework brought the two girls even closer together in a friendship that would outlast many changes in their lives. There were no secrets between them.
To strangers in their schooldays they may have looked like an odd pair: Anna with long brown hair, light olive skin and dark blue eyes and Alina, tiny and neat with a short fair bob that complimented her clear complexion and bright, green eyes. In those days, Anna was the outgoing one, taller and more athletic, who had the daring ideas and fast-talking style while her friend was more reticent, preferring to think carefully before speaking or acting.
Yet, of the two of them, Alina was more popular with the guys and more susceptible to their adolescent charms. Several times over the years Anna had to warn off the Charlie-Charming types who were up to no good before they could damage her pal’s tender feelings.
“I can’t believe I haven’t had time for a heart-to-heart with my best friend! Don’t the kids today say ‘BFF’? That’s what we are. Forever. How could I be contemplating a move to another country leaving Alina behind? It’s just not possible.”
Shaking her head in disbelief, Anna surveyed the disaster zone she had created in her bedroom. With no space left to sit down, she moved dejectedly to the sofa to await her friend’s arrival. If she could not face more turmoil from the simple job of clearing out a closet how could she cope with all the rest of the decisions required to make a huge change in her life?
