“And this’ll help me protect Merry,” she said, letting her voice drop to a whisper.
“It’ll help,” I said. “I’m never going to tell you to get into a fight with someone. Running should always be your number one go to defence. But sometimes we don’t have a choice… I know I felt better when I knew I could protect myself.”
She returned her gaze to the tabletop and nodded, keeping her eyes downcast.
“Why do you keep helping us?” Her question took me completely by surprise. I’d never really thought about it before. Adrian had told me they needed help but of course that had been after I’d already met them both. But it was so much more complicated than that. It wasn’t just that I liked them both. It wasn’t even that Adrian had told me their destinies appeared to be interlocked with my own.
“Because I know what it’s like to be afraid,” I said quietly, “and I don’t want anyone else to ever have to feel like that.” I swallowed past the lump forming in the back of my throat and blinked away the scalding tears that pricked at my eyes.
“Who was he?” she asked quietly.
Jerking my head up, I met her gaze head on.
“Why would you ask that?”
Carolyn looked away, staring out the window to the darkening sky beyond. The moon had started to rise and it hung in the sky outside the window like some kind of opal button, glittering and bright. With a moon like that we’d be lucky if the ground wasn’t covered in the first frost of the season by morning.
“Because sometimes I worry we’re running from the same demon,” she said softly, drawing my attention back to her face.
“Mine is dead, Carolyn, I killed him with my own two hands. Watched the light drain from his malignant gaze.”
“If I could have killed mine, I would have,” she said, “but I worry there’s a part of me that still loves him.”
Her words shocked me. It was the most she’d ever said about the one they were hiding from. And they were definitely hiding from someone who was actively pursuing them, especially if Carolyn’s paranoia was anything to go by. I’d watched her enough at night time, checking and re-checking the locked doors, ensuring the windows were secure against anyone who might seek entry.
“You know you can tell me anything,” I said, “you’ll find no judgement here.”
“I know.” She nodded, drawing sigils across the surface of the table. “Sometimes I think if I tell someone about him, he’ll appear, like saying his name will bring him here. Conjure him into flesh.”
“He’s not a literal demon, right?”
It was Carolyn’s turn to jerk her head up and meet my gaze with revulsion. “Goddess, no,” she said, “human…” She tilted her hand back and forth. “Sort of human. I was never sure if witches could be considered human or not.”
“Human,” I said, hating my interrupting of her talking the moment the word left my mouth.
Carolyn smiled thinly. “Human, then,” she said.
“He was abusive to you,” I said, “both of you?”
She nodded. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” she said, suddenly clamming up.
“Mine wasn’t human,” I said, “in answer to your question from before. Fae, in fact.”
Her eyes were as round as saucers when she looked up at me. “I’ve never met one of the fae before,” she said. “I thought they were supposed to be good.”
The laugh that escaped me was short, brittle, and uncomfortable, not just in my throat but also on my ears. It was the laughter of someone else, someone I didn’t recognise. Carolyn heard it, too, and her lips twisted down at the corners.
“Honestly, the fae don’t follow the same rules of morality that we do.”
It was a nice way of saying that mostly they were sociopaths. Their lack of empathy for the humans, well for anyone surrounding them, was more than a little discomforting.
“Why not?”
I shrugged. “I’ve got no clue,” I said, “didn’t think to ask. What I do know is, they’re selfish, cold creatures, out for their own gain only. They don’t care who they step on to get what they want.” My words came out with a little more vitriol than I’d planned, but even as the colour drained from Carolyn’s face, I knew I couldn’t take the words back. And anyway, as far as I was concerned it was true.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“What for?”
“That he hurt you.”
The words sitting on the tip of my tongue dried up. Nobody had ever sympathised with me before and I suddenly found myself with nothing to say.
“It’s not your fault,” I said finally. “Anyway, it made me who I am. Stronger, faster, resilient…” I left out the words broken, vulnerable, and damaged. I could keep those for myself, they weren’t the kinds of words to share with anyone else. I’d already let Carolyn further inside my defences than I’d ever allowed anyone else. Not even Adrian knew the full story behind my past. Not even his mantic abilities allowed him to see the depth of the depravity Kypherous had visited upon my soul, nor the wounds he’d left there. No, they were mine, and mine alone to bear.
“Maybe someday I’ll feel the same way,” she said. “All I feel now is that I’m a failure.”
“You didn’t fail, Carolyn, you got yourself and your daughter out of a bad situation. You’ve kept her safe, protected her. You’re doing just fine.”
No sooner had the words left my mouth than a sharp rap at the front door caught us both unawares. The sound of Merry’s footsteps as she raced down the hall over the flagstones toward the front door launched me onto my feet and into the hall. I caught her as she darted by the kitchen door, swinging her up and around, letting her body’s momentum do the work for me. Her peals of laughter lifted the mood in the house instantly and I forgot there was someone waiting outside the door as I swung her around in the hall.
Another knock, this one a little more forceful, cut our game dead and I handed the now wriggling Merry who clung to me like a limpet, over to Carolyn. Only the promise of another cookie before bed saw Merry comply with her mother’s wishes, and I waited for them to step into the kitchen before I went for the door.
The silhouette against the glass told me nothing of the identity of the visitor, and I fingered the squamous surface of the whip as I tugged the door open.
Alex stood framed in the light, a dark expression on his face.
“You don’t answer your cell now?” he barked, his shoulders tense.
“Didn’t hear it,” I lied, remembering the way the cell phone had vibrated in my pocket.
“We’ve got another body,” he said. “I’m here to give you and dick-wad a lift.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him. “Care to fill me in on who ‘dick-wad’ might be?”
“Grey,” he said with an exasperated sigh. “Got out of the hospital to find you’d both left.”
“He said you were tying up loose ends.”
Alex sneered. “Course he did. Well, tell his Lordship to get a move on, the scene isn’t going to stay fresh for long.”
“He’s not here,” I said, the first sliver of unease curling in my stomach. “Did you ring him?”
“‘Course I did,” Alex said. “I rang him first, no answer. Rang you, no answer. Thought you two were finally doing the horizontal tango.” His grin slid away as I glared at him. “He’s really not here?”
“No,” I said, “haven’t seen him since dinner.” I could see him in my mind’s eye, dodging between the cars before he disappeared down an alley.
“You two had dinner without me?” Alex groaned. “Bloody typical.”
“Really, we’ve got a body, Grey is missing and all you can think about is your stomach?”
“Your point?”
“Guess I don’t have one.” If he couldn’t see how callous it was, then I didn’t have the patience to explain it to him.
Alex smoothed his blond hair back from his eyes, the sleeve of his navy windbreaker crinkling in the silence. “Look, you call him while
I drive. He’ll probably answer for you and we can pick him up along the way.”
I nodded, grabbing my jacket from inside the door. Carolyn appeared in the kitchen door, the golden glow seeping out around her.
“Got to go out again,” I said. “Lock up tight after me.”
She nodded, her thin-lipped smile spoke to her nervousness.
“Remember, the place is warded,” I said. “If you don’t let anyone in, they can’t cross the barrier.”
I’d upped the protections on the house since the Pied Piper had managed to cross my old ones. They’d cost me an arm and a leg but the peace of mind that came from knowing any unwanted intruder would end up deep-fried had been worth it.
“I know,” she said, “we’ll be fine.”
With a quick smile, I was out the door and sitting in the front of Alex’s SUV before she reached the front door. He reversed in a spray of gravel, the tyres squealing as he hit the slick black tarmac. Usually I’d have told him not to show off in the car but this time I didn’t really care. My only thought was for Grey as I dialled his number and sat listening to the dial tone. When his voicemail kicked in, my heart sank into my boots. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t like him not to pick up, and that alone was enough to send my mind racing.
Chapter 13
Where the hell are you, Grey? I thought as we drove into the night, the headlights cutting an arc of white light into the darkness.
“No answer?” Alex said, taking his eyes off the road as he glanced over at me.
“Eyes straight ahead,” I said, irritated.
“You don’t tell Grey to keep his eyes on the road.”
“He’s a good driver,” I said, leaving out the part where I would at one time have trusted my life in Grey’s hands. It wasn’t something Alex needed to know. Although, knowing him, he’d probably already guessed as much.
“If you say so.” He spun the wheel, taking a turn with a little more speed than was necessary, the car jack-knifing across the slick black surface of the road. I slid across the seat, the cell phone practically leaping out of my grip but at the last second I managed to grab it back. The wheels caught the road once more and we straightened up.
“So what happened between you two?” he asked calmly, as though he hadn’t almost driven us entirely off the road.
“Nothing, why would you ask that?”
“Because in the time I’ve worked with Grey, the only one who has the ability to really crawl under his skin and make him behave out of character is you.” Alex said this so matter of factly that I found myself without an answer.
“Come on, I know something happened between you two,” he wheedled. “I saw it in your face when I called to your house and you said he wasn’t there.”
With a sigh I slumped back against the leather seat. “Honestly, I have no idea what happened.” I stared down at my cell phone, willing his name to appear just so I could rip into him for making me worry.
“He made a move on you, didn’t he?”
“No, god, no, is that what you think this is?” I barked, the irritation in my voice unmistakable.
“Well, what else could it be?”
He was way off the mark but I couldn’t exactly tell him just why he had misread the situation so badly. The situation with Grey and his brother was his business, it wasn’t my place to go spreading gossip around, especially not to someone as untrustworthy as Alex potentially was.
“Tell me about this body we’ve got?” I asked, studiously ignoring the begging glances he kept shooting my direction.
“Washed up on the shore, fresher than Simon,” he said, catching a glimpse of the glare I gave him. “Look, don’t get your knickers so twisted, Jenna, I don’t feel for these people the way you do.”
“Then why do this at all?”
“What?”
“If you don’t feel for the victims, if that isn’t your motivation, then what is?”
“I suppose you might say it’s the thrill of the chase,” he said finally, his revelation turning my stomach.
“Wait, so you’re telling me you do this because you enjoy chasing the bad guys down?” I asked, unable to keep my incredulity to myself.
“Something like that,” he said, he pulled the car to a stop in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere. As soon as the engine died, I could hear the sound of the sea in the distance, the telltale crash of the waves on the shore. I hadn’t brought a windbreaker with me, and the leather jacket I wore wasn’t going to be much good against the wind that had picked up outside the confines of the car.
Alex sighed and turned to face me. “I’m not like you, I’m no goody-two-shoes,” he said. “You’ve got to remember, I was a god, a minor one, but still a god. I struck fear into the hearts of all those I faced. No one could withstand me, there was no man my equal.”
“So what?”
“So, it means I’m not a good guy, Jenna, but I’m not evil, either. I can’t change what I was born to do, but I keep it in check by chasing down those who really are evil. I might not care what happens to their victims one way or the other,” he said, his voice utterly devoid of emotion, “but I care that I don’t become the thing we’re hunting.”
I knew I was staring at him in wide-eyed shock, I couldn’t help it. “You hunt the evil doers of this world so you don’t end up getting hunted?” I shook my head, dropping my gaze to the phone clasped between my fingers. “What kind of twisted logic is that?”
“What does it matter that it’s twisted?” he asked. “Just matters that it’s true. I’ve never misled you about who I am. In fact, you’re one of the first in a hell of a long time that I’ve been completely honest with and it feels pretty good.”
“I’m so glad I could ease your soul.” Sarcasm dripped from my voice.
“Now, now, don’t get angry because you can’t be as free as I am.”
“You’ve just admitted you’re as much of a monster as the things we hunt.” I was struggling to wrap my head around his admission.
“Don’t be so dramatic, you’re not exactly Snow White yourself, you know,” he said bitterly, pushing open his car door. “Your grandmother wasn’t exactly a basket of kittens.”
“That’s not fair, what happened to her wasn’t her fault…”
“She became a bitter twisted hag,” he said, holding his hands up as the rage I was feeling filled my face. “I’m just saying. Come on, Jenna, she literally turned men to stone with a look. She let her drama eat her alive. You haven’t done that... Yet—”
A blast of icy air slammed into me, sealing my riposte in my lungs. As I fought to catch my breath, Alex hopped out and turned to look at me, his blond hair whipping into his eyes. “I thought you would understand,” he said. “I’m trying, Jenna, I really am.”
“Alex, I—”
“We need to get down there. In this weather, we’ll be lucky if they can get any evidence off the scene at all.” And then he was gone, leaving me alone in the car.
The overhead light flicked off, my eyes struggling to adjust to the sudden darkness that fell over me.
He was right, if I didn’t get my ass in gear, then we would lose the scene. He was also right about more than just that, of course. Not that I wanted to admit it to myself yet. I needed time to process, to mull over what he’d told me. And that knowledge didn’t make it easy for me to follow him.
Shit. I’d always assumed he was one of the good guys, that his motives for the job we did were pure. How could I have misread him so completely?
Stupid, Jenna, bloody stupid. I thought to myself as I pushed my own door open and stepped out. The wind whipping my hair around my face and into my mouth as I turned into it.
Put it aside, Jenna. His revelation hasn’t changed anything. He would do the same job as he’d always done and I would do mine. His motivations wouldn’t stop us from putting a stop to the evil that was destroying the lives of the innocent. And whether he liked it or not, he would help save countless others from the savage
fate that befell Simon and the other victims. From what he’d said, he wouldn’t care either way, but I did.
Pushing the thoughts aside, I followed Alex and the single beam of his flashlight down the footpath. Tall yellowing grass sprouted along the roadside, dancing back and forth in the wind thrown off the sea. If I’d been here on my own, I would have paused, closed my eyes and thrown my arms out wide, letting the damp salty air buffet me as it wished. It was amazing how cleansing it could be to experience the true strength of Mother Nature.
After Kypherous, I’d done just that on many a stormy night. Letting the rain wash away the cloying feel of his fingerprints from my skin as the wind blew every last trace of his scent from my mind, replacing it with the tang of seaweed and enough water to drown the world out.
We reached the top of a set of steps that led down to the beach, the wind throwing sand up into my face from the beach below. Raising my hand over my eyes, I stopped the worst of it from completely blinding me. From this vantage point, I could see the policemen gathered on the sand, the ambulance crew milling around, chatting to one another. It was a disquieting sight. Paramedics were always so busy, constantly moving, every second counted toward saving a life. And yet here in this place, they stood below us, gathered into a small group. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I could almost imagine it. From my vantage point, it was unnatural.
There was a small white tent set up on the beach and I watched almost mesmerised as the forensics in their white coveralls scurried to and fro like ants around a nest. The plastic sides of the tent flapped noisily, or at least I imagined the noise it would make. Up here, with the wind rushing past my ears, I could hear nothing else beyond the roaring body of water stretching out before me into the darkness.
Alex gestured me forward, a broad smile curling his lips, before he started down the steps. He was honestly excited and knowing that soured my stomach. It was one thing to value the hunt more than protecting those who needed it, but to genuinely take joy from a scene like this… Well, it was a step too far in my book, and as much as I didn’t want to judge him, deep down I knew in that moment I was.
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