The sketches I should’ve been working on would have to wait. My brain just wouldn’t focus. Normally, my art let me push everything else aside. It’d been that way since I was a child. My earliest memories were coloring while my parents fought in the living room.
Over the years, it had developed into a passion that had given me a focus for my life.
I didn’t know where I would have ended up without it—certainly not in a brightly lit modern downtown loft. In college, I’d spent more than a few nights worrying that I’d picked the wrong majors. Double majoring in English and art might not have been the most practical decision, but since I was paying for everything myself, I’d wanted to spend my money on something I loved.
Glancing back at the sketches on the table, I wished there was a way to go back in time and tell my younger self that it would all work out…just not in the way I’d ever envisioned.
I’d been surrounded by interesting individuals on all sides, and working as a tattoo artist to put myself through school hadn’t been the most outrageous part-time job I’d seen. I’d just always imagined that it would be something I’d quit when my real career took off. But over the years, it’d turned into a real career I couldn’t imagine walking away from. Luckily, both of my passions were things that didn’t require traditional hours.
Three or four days a week, I did tattoos, although some weeks I was there a lot more depending on the demand. The rest of the time, I spent working on my art. When people looked at me, they thought the tattoo artist label made sense.
A big, brawny guy with tattoos equaled tattoo artist in their head, or leader of a motorcycle gang, depending on what kind of romance novels they read. Those women got nuts. Finding out I also illustrated children’s books always threw them for a loop.
Sometimes that was fine, but it had gotten to the point where I was tired of being stereotyped.
In college, it hadn’t really mattered what I’d looked like. Art majors were supposed to be different, and most of my friends in the English department were so buried in their books and papers that they were lost in their own world. I’d gotten some pushback from my professors early on, but when they realized I wasn’t just a moron with tattoos, they’d changed their tune.
It made me wonder what my stalker saw when he looked at me.
Did he just notice the tattoos or had he seen past that?
Before I’d started reading on my lunch break, I’d gotten more than my fair share of phone numbers from women who were just looking for a bad boy to have a good time with. Was that what my stalker was looking for? Did he just want the fantasy of a badass straight guy?
If he did, he’d be disappointed.
Part of me wanted to say yes and shove it out of my mind. But something about the way his friend had spoken made me question it. I liked the idea of finding someone. I wasn’t going to lie about that. I’d been single for a while and had crossed the bridge from content into loneliness. But that couldn’t be the only reason I found my shy stalker constantly on my mind.
Grabbing my phone off the table, I made my way over to the living room and started to dial. Staring out the window, I started to relax. I loved the way the lights twinkled in the darkness. I’d tried to capture it dozens of times since I’d moved in, but I hadn’t been able to find the right medium.
As the phone rang, I glanced down at the time and shrugged. It was almost midnight, but with the time zone differences, I wasn’t worried. Besides, he’d always been a night owl.
When the phone connected, chuckling came over the line. “Wildman, why don’t you ever call me at a normal time?”
“I am way too old for that nickname. Besides, if anyone was wild, it would’ve been you.”
Gray laughed. “Yeah, maybe. What’s up?”
I scoffed. “Can’t I call you just to chat?”
“Technically, but you never have.”
I had a feeling I’d captured his full attention. “One of these days I will, and you’re going to have a heart attack.”
“I’m not going to hold my breath for that. Did you get the news on that contract already?” Gray had always been one of the few people who never even blinked when they’d found out what I wanted to do. He just shrugged and wished me luck. At first, I thought his nonchalance was because he wanted the room I was renting out. But no, that was just who he was.
“Not yet. It will be another week or two before I hear back. I just wish they’d have taken my suggestion. I still think the book would look better in color.” I wasn’t sure if the pen and ink drawings had been the publisher’s idea or the author’s, but after reading the book, I’d pictured the scenes in watercolors. “I’m not even sure if I want the commission anymore. I have a feeling that we’re not going to see eye to eye about any of it.”
Getting to the point where I could turn down a job was wonderful. Readers didn’t always know the names of the illustrators, but I’d built up a bit of a reputation in the publishing industry and could now pick and choose which projects I wanted to work on. It’d helped that I could live on what I made from the tattoo parlor, but it had been almost a year since I’d had to touch that income. Being able to live off my art was something I’d never imagined would be possible.
“So why are you calling me instead of working on something else? You usually ignore any phone calls this late at night.” Gray was right. I should have been so focused on work I didn’t even hear the phone ring, much less wander off and make a phone call.
“When we were roommates, you said that straight guys got blow jobs from other men all the time, and that it didn’t mean anything. Right?” Evidently, Gray hadn’t been expecting anything like that because he started to choke and cough.
By the time he’d gotten a hold of himself, I’d begun to regret the phone call. Shaking my head, I started to end the call. “Listen, I’ll just—”
Gray jumped back in as soon as he could breathe. “No, you just startled me. I don’t remember the exact conversation, but in my defense I was drunk, and you were hot. But yes, straight guys get curious. It doesn’t make them gay or bi.”
“Then what does?”
Gray sighed. “Just once I’d like you to call for absolutely no reason and just ask about the weather.”
“You live in Seattle. I know what the weather is.”
“Not the point.” I could almost hear him gathering his thoughts and pictured him shaking his head like a dog trying to get water off its fur. “Okay, I guess it changes when there are emotions involved or when you can see yourself dating somebody. Not just getting drunk and letting them suck your dick, but actually having dinner with him and giving him a kiss good night. I’m not sure if I’m explaining it right. Like, when there are emotions involved, not just getting off.”
“That makes sense.” Running things through in my head, I wasn’t sure if that answered my question, though.
Or maybe it did, and I just wasn’t ready to hear it.
I must have been quiet for too long because Gray spoke up again. “You can’t leave me hanging like that. What did you do? Or maybe a better question is, who did you do something with?” I could tell he was trying not to laugh, but I didn’t take offense.
“I haven’t done anything yet. The guy didn’t even know I was aware of what was going on.”
“Wilder!”
I had to smile at his frustration; he was so easy to get wound up. “It’s nothing like what you’re probably imagining. I was having coffee yesterday, and I heard two guys behind me having a conversation. One of the guys has evidently been watching me for a while and…I guess has a crush on me. Although, that sounds like we’re in elementary school again.” It was better than saying he was stalking me, which might worry Gray and had a negative vibe to it.
A chuckle came over the phone. “What did you think about him?”
“He’s attractive. I kind of want to sketch him. I think it would turn out really well.” It was easy to picture my little stalker leaning against the w
indow, waiting for me to draw him. It should’ve been harder to imagine, except I might’ve browsed around the Leashes and Lace website earlier.
I wasn’t sure if that made me the stalker now or not.
“I didn’t ask if you thought he would make a good subject, what you think about him?” He stressed the last word like it should’ve been obvious what he’d meant. I thought I’d answered it reasonably well.
“I’ve only seen him in person once that I remember, and I’m not sure eavesdropping on the conversation counts. So I don’t know what I think about him beyond what he looks like.” That should have been self-explanatory.
Gray sighed like I was testing his patience. “Well, did you think about getting to know him or was it just something interesting? Like, oh it’s cute, the sexy gay guy likes me or was there something else to it?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t get him out of my head.”
“You were the straight guy that every gay guy in the art department tried to seduce. You never seemed to be interested in anyone besides being a little open-minded. He’s not the first gay man to find you attractive or even flirt with you. And let’s face it, a coffee shop isn’t like he bumped into you when you were drunk and horny at a club.”
It was my turn to chuckle. “No, I was very definitely sober. And I think if he’d just come on to me in a bar or something like that, I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about him. This was different. It was sweet.”
“It sounds like you moved beyond a straight guy getting head kind of situation into something possibly romantic. I’m not sure you can call yourself straight when you’re describing this guy as sweet.” Gray said it like we were discussing going after a new commission. It helped keep everything in perspective.
“Probably not.” Gray had been pretty convincing in college when he’d said that getting sucked off didn’t mean someone was gay. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have let him go down on me the first time.
I was starting to think that I should’ve done a little bit more introspection in college. But even looking back, I couldn’t picture myself dating any of the guys who’d hit on me. Of course, it wasn’t always easy to picture dating some of the women that hit on me either. Doctor Barbie or Engineer Barbie never hit on me…it was always Fashion Barbie or Hooker Barbie. No one interesting in the long run.
Gray pushed again. “Are you going to talk to him?”
“Evidently, he’s been at the coffee shop at the same time I’ve been for a while. I’ll probably see him tomorrow.” I still wasn’t sure how I’d missed him. If I couldn’t recognize a stalker, it was probably time to stop reading at lunch.
Gray sighed again. “What are you going to do when you see him?”
“Say hello?” It wasn’t like I had to throw the guy down on the floor in the middle of the coffee shop and kiss him.
Gray snickered. “I’m not expecting you to have sex in the store, Wilder.”
“Getting arrested isn’t high on my to-do list.” I knew how I looked. I’d been going there long enough that the staff knew me. But I wasn’t going to do anything to push my luck and have someone call the cops on the scary guy.
“Are you just going to say hi and leave it at that, or are you actually going to talk to him?” Gray sounded like he was spelling it out for a child.
“Am I going to flirt with him?” I had to admit that might not be the best idea.
Gray laughed. “We both know you’re not terribly good at that. Didn’t you say you were reading? Maybe he’d be interested in your book.”
I started shaking my head before the words even came out. “Probably not.”
Gray laughed again. “What are you reading this time?”
I sighed. “Gone with the Wind. I’ve been alternating between classics and more modern series. And after reading The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, I was looking for something lighter.”
“Only you would call that lighter.”
“What? It’s almost a romance, and it’s one book, not a dozen in a series.”
“Okay, no book conversations yet. Any clue what he does for a living? Maybe that would work.”
The conversation just kept getting more interesting. “He’s basically a model.”
I knew it wasn’t going to be enough. Gray was quiet for a moment. “What does he model?”
He was so suspicious.
In this case, however, he was right to question it. “He models lingerie on a website and seems to have a blog. He works down the street from the shop.”
Gray was quiet for several seconds. “Lingerie as in women’s underwear? Like panties?”
“Yes, but not for women. They seem to be made for men.”
“Interesting.” It sounded like he was trying to figure out how to respond, so I just waited. “I always knew you’d fall for somebody different. I’m starting to think I should’ve broadened my definition of that.”
Me too.
“We’re going to set the job stuff aside for the time being—but don’t think I’m not going to come back to that later. I say just talk to him and see what happens. Let it grow from there and don’t really worry about labels right now. You’ll figure that part out. For right now, see if you want to get to know him and if you can see taking things in a romantic physical direction.”
“That seems too easy, but it makes sense.” Gray had a way of boiling things down to their simplest pieces.
Getting your cock sucked didn’t necessarily mean you were gay or bi—wanting to get to know the guy who was crushing on you or going to town on your dick probably did.
“You know you’re going to have to call me tomorrow and let me know how it goes. Preferably earlier in the day so I don’t have to wait hours to figure out what happened.”
Gray had me shaking my head. “So you don’t want to wait until tomorrow night for the next episode in the soap opera?”
He laughed. “Absolutely not. Think of this as binge-watching, not once-a-week traditional TV.”
“Gotcha.” Generally, I wasn’t much for sharing my personal life, but I had a feeling that if I didn’t call, he was going to.
Gray would not be a quiet stalker.
Chapter 4
Lane
“You look like you just robbed a jewelry store, Eli. What aren’t you telling me?” I knew that expression. I’d seen it a thousand times, and it always meant trouble. As we entered the coffee shop, I had a feeling I should have noticed it sooner.
“You worry too much.” Eli smirked, ruining the I’m-so-innocent act.
“No, I think I should be worrying more.” Glancing back at Eli, I frowned at him. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you ignored my question.”
He’d promised not to drive me crazy like he had on Wednesday. That was the only reason I’d let him come, but I was starting to second-guess my decision. Eli was always honest and stuck to a promise, but it was the fine print I’d always known to be mindful of when it came to him.
I’d been so careful.
We’d talked about teasing me and making comments about tattoo guy in the coffee shop. We’d even gone over specific rules about conversation topics. He’d been agreeable and enthusiastic—too agreeable, I realized as I stood there looking at him.
He shrugged, not bothered about my suspicion. “I’m going to be on my best behavior today.”
I wasn’t buying it for a minute.
For a moment I questioned myself about why I was even there, but then as I turned around I remembered. I was a pathetic stalker and my obsession was right there.
Like right there!
“Hello.”
Fuck.
He was standing in the doorway like he was waiting for me. Not quite smiling, his eyes were crinkled up like he was trying not to laugh, and he was looking straight at me. Taking a step back reflexively, I bumped into Eli.
He was almost giggling, he was so excited. “Eli, what the hell did you do?”
“Nothing.” The grin in his voice s
aid he’d done something.
Tattoo guy cocked his head and took the question seriously. “Would you prefer I answer that for him, or was it a rhetorical question?”
Huh?
“Um, I don’t know.”
“I’m perfectly innocent, but I forgot that I have a date with Roman in a few minutes. I’ll see you later.” Eli started to step away, but I reached back and grabbed his arm.
What was he thinking, leaving me like that?
He leaned in and gave me a hug. When he was close, he whispered low enough for the other people in the shop not to overhear. “You’ll be fine. Roman owes me a spanking because I was absolutely terrible this morning, and I can’t wait. Call me later.”
Then he was gone.
Tattoo guy shook his head as he watched Eli leave. “He’s very…interesting.”
I almost laughed. “Yep, that’s Eli.”
We both just stood there awkwardly. Neither of us seemed to know what to do next. With anyone else, I would have taken it as a sign that it wasn’t meant to be, but standing there with the towering man, I just thought it was cute.
If he was nervous too, then it might not be so bad.
He finally seemed to make some kind of internal decision because he glanced at the counter and then back to me. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee or something?”
I wasn’t even going to pretend that it was a date, but just the idea of it made me smile. “Yes, thank you. Um, hot chocolate?”
I had a feeling I wasn’t going to need any help staying awake later. My heart was already going a hundred miles an hour. His eyes sparkled like he found it funny, but he simply nodded. “Sure, why don’t you grab us a table?” He looked around the room. “They’re busier than usual today.”
As much as I wanted to find out what was actually going on, I had to agree with him. There was a table toward the back of the restaurant open, the one I’d sat at with Eli earlier in the week, and another toward the front. I gestured at the two. “Do you have a preference?”
I wasn’t sure he did, because he’d been at every table in the place at least once, but he surprised me. Pointing toward the front table, he nodded. “That one.”
Lane Page 3
