by V. K. Ludwig
“Ain’t you a lucky boy?” she asked, tapping her finger against his nose with a soft smile on her lips. “Your momma is one brave lady, finding homes for all those poor babes. How’s he doing with his arm?”
I worked myself out of my coat, and I could have sworn a billow of steam rose from my body the moment I got rid of that thing. “He’s fine. In a few weeks, he’ll get his first bionic limb, so his brain will learn how to use those nerves on his neuroplate. Pretty sure it’ll come with challenges, but the sooner it’s done, the likelier are the chances he’ll develop full motion and sensitivity.”
“My husband, Larry, works with juvenile Vetusians over at the engineer stratum in sector eleven.” She leaned into me, letting her voice fall into a whisper. “I ain’t supposed to tell nobody, but he might get promoted to facility manager. Those Vetusians got some good engineers I’m telling you, but none is as smart as my Larry. Designed them turbines at the Beaver Dam over thirty years ago, and they got yet to develop a more efficient system. That’s how good he is.”
“Your husband is your match?”
She pointed at the ceiling and shook her head. “May the good Lord help me, but that man’s my match. Now, I wouldn’t believe it when they told me. I said, ‘that stubborn jackass of a man’s my mate’, you sure ’bout that? I swear that’s what I said. Been married for over forty-three years. Guess it’s true.” Her finger stroked Gabi’s cheek. “There ain’t nobody better but my Larry.”
She tapped a knuckle against her head. “Brain tumor. There wasn’t any fight left in me when they came and found me tied to that hospital bed. Most days I didn’t even recognize my husband anymore. Just a stranger holding my hand. But they replaced my cells one by one, and today they’ll make sure that head of mine is screwed on straight again.”
“I’m very happy for you.” And I meant it.
“Ain’t everything’s bad about them coming here,” she said, tears glistening in her eyes. “They resolved as much suffering as they caused. I lost a son in Afghanistan. The day them towers went down, he signed up and got himself shipped out to boot camp. Ain’t nobody ever repaid me for the morning he came back in a casket with a flag on it.”
Things turned silent for a while.
Not only over the loss of her son but also my dad, which dragged my heart lower with each breath I took. But not to its lowest point. That happened the moment the lady continued talking.
“You must be a strong woman,” she said, handing a calm Gabriel back to me. “Not everyone’s got enough kindness in their heart to raise a child that ain’t even their own species, only to give it up again four years later. And with one on the way…” She released a puff of air. “If that little bean’s a boy, may God have mercy on your poor soul and give you the strength you need.”
I swallowed hard, forcing the question across paralyzed lips. “What do you mean by giving him up in four years?”
Her eyes grew, red-veined white against dark, age-wrinkled skin. “Oh, child, I said more than I should have. Larry told me not to go telling that around, but we know it ain’t right.”
“I… w-what do you mean?”
She nervously glanced around the room, her eyes darting from one child to the next and their mothers. Her hand stroked my cheek, and her breath whistled against my earlobe as she whispered, “They take the boys to whatever stratum they’re assigned to once they’re four. Vetusian, human, hybrid, it don’t matter none to them.” Her voice turned heavier with suffocating honesty. “I thought you knew. A… a woman of your position. So close to the source.”
I pressed Gabriel against my chest, my fingers cold against the warmth of his body. And as the numbness spread, devouring me whole, I reminded myself that I couldn’t dig my fingertips into his flesh, no matter how strong the urge to hold on to something. To keep myself from falling.
My lips parted.
No words came.
She said more after that. Whispered it.
But all I heard was the rushing of my blood, and the drum of my heart resonating inside my skull. No matter how stuffed this room was, for a moment, I was all alone. Even Gabi suddenly weighed nothing in my arms, as if they’d already taken him.
It’ll be fine.
I’m sure it’s not like that.
I told myself those things repeatedly. And then came the memory of the crazy lady at the NUFAC.
I lost my son.
It made little sense that day because the other half of the sentence was missing. Stuck in her throat, held back by agony and heartbreak.
I lost my son…
… because they took him.
“Eden.”
The voice was sharp enough to cut through my already bleeding heart. If I would have looked to the ground, would I have found a pool of blood?
“Eden,” the voice repeated. “The doctor is ready to see you now.”
I stared at the healer, his face carrying about the same annoyance as every mother in this room over the long wait. Some things apparently never changed. I let that sentence sink in for a moment.
A squeeze on my arm was the last thing I noticed, then I rose from the chair. Baby in one arm, coat in the other, I could just as well have hovered over the floor. Not once did I sense the metal underneath my steps.
“Your vitals look good. Blood work is fine. Your urine sample is spot on.” He pointed at the door to a room. “He’ll be right with you.”
I walked inside and sat down on yet another chair in shock-induced automation. How could they do this to the women? The children?
How would Torin do this to me?
Vetusian or not, I loved Gabi, and the thought of giving up this child clenched my heart. The idea of giving up my unborn baby less than a year later smashed it to pulp. All this talk about family and raising children together and…
I would have cried if it wasn’t for that joyful voice pushing through the filter of my breakdown. “Eden da taigh L’naghal, I can’t believe I’m finally getting to meet you. I’m doctor Williams, and we will peek at that hybrid baby today!”
I stared at the middle-aged man for longer than was polite or sane, but eventually said, “Okay.”
“Ah, there he is,” Doctor Williams said, the way he dipped his head toward the door, making it clear Torin had finally arrived. “It’s an honor to do this for you today, Commander Torin. Such a famous interspecies couple right here in my little office.”
I didn’t look up.
Couldn’t face him even when he sat down on the chair next to me, immediately lifting Gabi from my arms. He placed kisses onto his cheek and inhaled his baby scent, pretending to love, pretending to care.
“It’s not much different from how it used to be.” The doctor patted on the oval examination table. “But the holographic imaging is out of this world.” He snorted a laugh. “Literally.”
I got up and climbed onto the table, which conformed to my body and put me in a semi-reclined position all on its own. “Should I lift my dress or something?”
“No, not necessary. I’ll hover this glove over your stomach, and the hologram will appear right atop of you.” He flipped a few switches and tapped a button, making a box beside him fall into a gentle hum. “Now here’s the important question. I can blur out the gender, or I can leave it and have you guess. The external signs are only now starting to develop. What’s it gonna be?”
Torin’s cheerful voice penetrated the room. “I would very much like to learn —”
“I don’t wanna know,” I blurted.
If this baby turned out to be a boy, what would stop me from losing my shit right here and now? Rage pumped through my veins, making me want to throw things, but I still had control. Fading, but I had it.
“But Eden,” Torin said, his voice pebbling me with disgust. “We shall —”
“We shall nothing,” I barked. “If you want to know the gender, you can ask Doctor Williams at the end. But I don’t wanna see it, and neither do I want you to tell me.”
&nbs
p; The doctor glanced around and shoved on that little stool of his, the way he cleared his throat, only adding to the awkwardness. “It’s widespread among Earth females not to want to learn about the gender. Keeps things interesting and exciting, doesn’t it?”
A moment of silence, and then a rough. “Very well. I shall learn the gender after the imaging.”
The hologram constructed around a ball of light soon after, showing a lima bean with two stubs for arms, two stubs for legs, and a flicker of light right at the center.
It was nothing human-looking, really, and yet I couldn’t unhear how Torin smiled. It was only a breath, a quick exhale, but I knew without a doubt it held joy and pride, and whatever he didn’t deserve to experience. Not if it was so easy for him to give our child away once he or she managed to form a proper sentence.
“Wonderful,” Doctor Williams said. “Heart’s strong, the brain well-developed. Right around nine to ten weeks gestation. You’ll just keep it cozy in there, and I doubt we’ll have any problems. Would you like me to load a holographic recording onto your coms?”
“Yes, please,” Torin said.
I said nothing.
Just squeezed out from underneath the glove, put my coat back on, grabbed Gabi, and left the room. The waiting area still overflowed with patients. I made my way out of the office and approached the black skycar with the tinted windows. And if that didn’t give it away as Torin’s, then the way the driver ran to open the door for me sure did.
I climbed inside and scooted to the very far end, holding on to what I considered my son, forehead pressed against the fogged window. Three minutes later, the door slid shut. The bench wobbled. The car hovered toward home.
“Are you unwell?” Came from beside me.
“No.”
I couldn’t bring myself to say another thing, out of fear what might cross my trembling lips. Paralyzing angst once more ravaged my body, and I felt trapped with a predator. I was a prisoner. A broodmare. A womb for one year and a mother for four. After that, perhaps a womb again.
The cushion squeaked, and Torin’s warmth soon crept up on me. “Are you certain you do not wish to hear the gender?”
“I’m certain.”
A huff tingling down the back of my neck.
He was close. Too close.
“Are you upset because I returned home late from Dunatal? I do not always travel this much, but I shall —”
“I’m fine.”
But I wasn’t.
Deep down, I felt like the biggest fool on the planet. Perhaps even the universe. I had worked so hard to contribute to something. Make this better for everyone. And for what? To give children a mother so the Empire would rip them away four years later?
One-hundred-and-seven.
The numbers of my adoptions.
Times three, and I would have the number of how many hearts I would be responsible for breaking in four years. Not counting mine. Not counting Gabi’s. Most definitely not counting Torin’s because he had no heart.
Another Vetusian might pledge you his love and his heart, but I will not pretend that I have any of those things to give.
He had warned me hours before he made me his. Shit. Why was I so stupid?
My lungs filled with lead, turning breathing into a struggle. How could I have believed he truly loved me? Even worse, how could I have allowed myself to develop feelings for him?
The skycar pulled up the drive and eased to a stop, but I remained with my forehead pressed against the window. Unable to speak, think. Unable to feel.
“I was hoping you would be happier about seeing our child,” Torin said.
“Well, guess what, so did I.” I pushed the button to make the door retreat sideways. “But that was before I found out I only had four years with my son before your kind would come and take him away from me.”
Chapter 27
Torin
I followed behind Eden, stomping through the calf-high snow, freezing air burning down my heated lungs. “You are going to slip and fall!”
But my mate didn’t listen.
She picked up her feet, snow clinging to the hem of her long winter dress, compressing the white powder underneath the rage of each consecutive step.
Something had her angry in a way I hadn’t witnessed in a long time, if ever.
I followed her inside and watched wordlessly how she placed our son in his gravity swing. Signs of distress already showed in the way his head jerked in choppy movements, as if he, too, had noticed the change of air. It held the tension of unspoken words, but it only took a few more seconds until Eden unleashed them.
“Is it true?” she asked, her face grimacing in much the same way the day she’d learned of her father’s death. “Are you going to come and take Gabriel away from me once he is four? And this child I’m growing a year after that?”
“Why would you ask such a question? You’ve known about the strati for a long time.” I lifted my hands and shook my head in disbelief. “They will be drafted like all children before them.”
“And when do I get to see them again?”
I straightened. “Once they are fully mature and completed their training.”
“God, please tell me it’s not true.” She stared at me wide-eyed. “What about human boys? Hybrids?”
“All of them, and girls will soon follow.”
“Please tell me you kept this from me on purpose.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Why would I purposely keep this from you? From the moment we met, I have been nothing but honest with you.”
I watched how whatever affection she had grown for me, decayed in front of my eyes as she said, “I would have preferred a liar.”
“What are you talking about?”
She closed her eyes. “Because I’d rather be with a liar, than a man with no heart or conscience or sense of family.”
Eden flung her palms onto her mouth.
Instead of releasing a wail, her mouth appeared to suck one in, the brown of her eyes darkening with each second she stared at me.
“You…” That was all she said as her legs quickly covered ground toward me. She shoved her palms against me full force, making me stumble back. “You said I could raise our child!”
Her fists drummed against my chest, thump… thump… thump…each beat accompanied by something between a grunt and a scream. Confusion seized my brain, and I grabbed her wrists, for she probably caused herself more pain than me.
“Stop it!” I growled. “Stop this nonsense at once. We will raise this child together, as we are raising Gabriel now.”
“And for how long, huh? How long can I be a mother until your kind comes and takes them from me?”
“My kind?” A chill went down my spine. “There’s no my kind or your kind anymore, Eden. Only us.”
The moment I released her wrists to grab her chin, her hands dug into the fabric of my uniform only to let herself sink to the ground. “How can you continue with this? They are children, Torin.”
“By the Three Suns…” I stared down at her, my mate collapsed by my feet. “You’re acting as if we mistreat them. Our children will join their strati and become some of the best warriors and healers in the universe. Why do you have to be so difficult?”
“So we’re just a replacement for exowombs and droids!” Even as a shadow of herself, her voice came out a biting shout. “Why would you continue to do this, if you have families to raise them?”
“It is tradition.”
“Tradition?” She banged her forehead against my shins like an insane person, making hot anger rush through my veins. “Are you telling me it was like this when you still had females? You really think I’m going to believe that? What mother in her right mind would do that?”
“It might be a more recent tradition, but it’s a tradition nonetheless. It is what made us an empire covering galaxies you could not even imagine in your dreams.”
“I don’t give a shit about galaxies! What I care about is my family.”
“And I don’t?” I grabbed her by her arms and pulled her onto her feet, her body swaying in my hands as if she had no strength left to even support her spine. “What is it you want of me, for I have given you everything you asked for. Everything. You wanted freedom, and you have it. You wanted a Vetusian child, and I gave it to you. Everything you ask of me I deliver, and yet you’re never satisfied.”
The slap of her hand burned against my cheek faster than I could evade. “You gave me the freedom to make a fool of myself. To believe I’m contributing to something when all I’ll do is bring heartbreak to fucking everyone. The entire planet watched me talk about family and love when all we offer them is a four-year illusion.”
She stumbled away from me only to collapse against the stone counter, her cries echoing from the cold surface with the way she held her face pressed against it.
“Do you think your mother would have given you away if she would have been around?”
My voice came out a shout. “I had no mother!”
“Yes, you did!” She lifted her head, eyes furious. “Perhaps she never carried you inside her womb. Never gave birth to you. Never even knew you existed. But if she had, Torin, can you just consider that for a moment? If she had been there, do you really think for a moment that she would have wanted this?”
I repeated with a clenched jaw. “I. Had. No. Mother.”
“I tried so hard to make this work, Torin.” Her voice spilled out, choked with tears. “Tried to accept this new life with you in it. Embraced it even. But it’s all a lie.”
“So now I am a liar?” The moment I stepped toward her, she dragged herself away from the counter and around it, putting a careful hesitance into my feet. “I stood by every single word I gave you, and I did so gladly. What is it you want of me Earth female?”
“I want you to do what’s right, and not because I said so.” It came out a high-pitched scream, along with a mug brushing my ear before it shattered against the pantry wall behind me. “I want my planet to be more than the Vetusian’s whorehouse. Want you to act like a father. And I want to be more than your fucking broodmare.”
