He was familiar but completely foreign to her. There was nothing boyish about the Beckett Sutherland in front of her now with his eyes flashing fire and sweat running down his naked chest. She couldn’t believe that this was the same man she’d welcomed into her body and her heart over many hours, nights, and days spent in the small apartment just three blocks off the UVA campus. The usual carefree expression was replaced by a harsh pain—it was etched in every angle of his face and roiled in his eyes. Something inside her responded to it, the visceral urge to rush to him and soothe was so real she lifted a hand to press against her chest as if she could physically force it back to where it lived, hidden deep inside of her.
Virginia stared at him, her mouth as dry as she scrabbled to remind herself that the man she saw in front of her was the same in essentials. Beckett had always been adept at bobbing and weaving to avoid direct hits of any real
emotion, intimacy, truth. He’d never hidden what he wasshe’d just done a damn good job of ignoring it.
“Ginger,” his voice, roughened with the heavy breaths, interrupted her ridiculous visit with the ghosts of stupid decisions past. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s Virginia,” she replied, biting back the urge to cringe at the bitchy tone of her auto-response. No one had ever called her that except Beckett, and it wasn’t a liberty she wanted to encourage. Any distance she could keep between them would be best if for no other reason than Mr. Bent would be watching her to see if she was really cut out for this job.
Beckett watched her, his stillness unnerving since she’d only witnessed it when he slept. Even then it was fleeting, interrupted by dreams and memories that spilled out in jumbled batches of indecipherable words and anger that he refused to acknowledge when he awoke.
“Fine.” He bit out the word before turning to grab the towel draped over the nearby weight stand. His ripped back muscles bunched and elongated with his movements under his tan skin, the scars she remembered tracing with her fingertips were faded even more with the passage of time. “Virginia, what are you doing here?”
She took a breath, letting it out slowly, refusing to let her anger rise. She had a temper, another trait inherited from her father, but she’d learned not to let it control her. “Remain calm even if there is a goddam tsunami raging under the surface” was one of his many colorful instructions to her when he showed up to parent in between deployments.
“You were supposed to report to my office after giving your statement to the sheriff’s office. I came to see why you didn’t follow protocol.” She dropped her hand and stepped closer to him, annoyed that he continued to give her his back. “Mr. Bent is going to expect a full report tomorrow morning.”
“Well, we wouldn’t want to disappoint Mr. Bent.”
Now she was annoyed. Suddenly the list of flags in his personnel file made a lot more sense. She didn’t know why she was surprised.
“Dr. Sutherland. You were told to report back to me once you returned to the hospital,” she continued, her voice sharp with her emotion.
Beckett turned to face her, his body crowding her since she’d positioned herself in between him and the punching bag. His face was hard as stone, eyes a matching pool of glacial ice that chilled her the same time his body singed wherever it brushed against her own.
“I wasn’t in any shape to talk to you when I got back. I came down here to work some stuff out.”
“Dr. Sutherland, I don’t care what you thought you needed to do. You were told to report in as soon as you returned to the hospital.”
“I wasn’t fit for public consumption. I figured our debrief could wait.”
She was not backing down from this confrontation. With their past, if she didn’t set the parameters now, she’d never get a second chance. This showdown was to be expectedshe was a former lover, a woman, and she needed to make sure he knew that he wasn’t dealing with the younger woman who’d swallowed his lies nine years ago.
“Why don’t you explain to me why you thought it was more important for you to work out than update me on what happened this afternoon?”
The curl of his lip was the only indication that there was anything going on under the blank slate of stone he projected.
“I spent the afternoon giving my statement to the sheriff, which will apparently be the only testimony against that asshole because Marcus’s mother recanted her story. Then I got back here and was told by the surgeon that he was hurt so badly by that animal, that Marcus will be on a colostomy bag for the forseeable future and maybe forever…if he survives the infection that is already beating the shit out of his weak, immuno-compromised system because in addition to being that dickhead’s personal punching bag he was also denied proper nutrition and medical care.”
Beckett swallowed hard, breaking eye contact for the briefest second but it was long enough for her to get a front-row-seat view of the pain and anger inside him.
When he reconnected with her, the dark depths blazed with a grief so powerful that she immediately wanted to retract the last five minutes.
But she couldn’t. Not with him.
Oh, and wasn’t that the fucking cherry on top? That one look and the urge to reach out, grab him, and make it all better was just shy of a physical compulsion. How many times had she wished that he’d let her see that part of him? Let her in?
Too many. She’d always ended up disappointed.
Beckett moved even closer, his bare chest brushing her own, forcing her to take two steps backward until she was bracketed in by his body and the punching bag suspended from the ceiling. The combination of his heat and the smell of sweat, bare skin, the remnants of his cologne, and his unique scent was heady, seductive and made it difficult for her to concentrate on anything other than him.
“I’m sorry to hear that, but it doesn’t excuse your ignoring the protocol. The hospital legal team and management have to know what”
“What happened to you?” His voice, sharp and edged with a darkness that she’d never heard from him back in their days of good times and no strings. “Did they give you an emotional lobotomy when you graduated law school? Take out your heart?”
“My heart has nothing to do with it. This is about you doing your job as a member of the hospital staff in a timely manner.” He was looming over her now, his emotion combining with his natural allure, and it was becoming a problem for her. She wasn’t delusionalBeckett could still get her body to respondbut she was prepared for it and wouldn’t let it cloud her judgment. “I’m here to do a job and dealing with you is part of my duties. Our past is a non-issue.”
“So…what happened between us…” He flicked a glance over her face, his direct gaze testing the resolve behind her words, and she fought to maintain her expression. “…it won’t impact your decision as part of the team leader selection committee?”
Virginia maintained her calm. It was a hard fought battle but she won, only the racing of her heart beneath her designer suit a potential giveaway.
“No. Not at all.”
Chapter Three
She was lying.
It was a good liehe could give her thatbut she was lying all the same. And for some reason it pissed him off at the same time he thought it was funny. No explanation for it except that with the shitty day he’d had, the absurd was the only thing that could pierce his mood.
“For a lawyer you’re a terrible liar.”
“I am not,” she said, her full lips tightening into the thin line that appeared to be her usual expression these days. It was the same look she’d worn when he’d first met her years agoa serious look for an overly serious young woman.
The desire to see her smile had prompted his pursuit at that time and kept him coming back for more. He always was a sucker for her smile.
But she didn’t look like she smiled much these days. In fact, everything about her demeanor urged him to order an OR to have the stick removed from her gorgeous ass. STAT.
“Yes, you are.�
�� He backed up and grabbed his water bottle, taking a drink and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before continuing. “You were always the worst liar. I wondered if they’d kick you out of law school when they found out.”
“Dr. Sutherland,” she said, back stiffening with her reaction to his observation. “I’m a professional. Whatever happened between us is in the past. I’ve put it behind me.”
“And that’s another lie. Strike two, sweetheart.”
That pissed her off, twisting her calm expression into one of anger. The first honest emotion he’d witnessed from her since she’d arrived in the gym. Good. He needed her to show her hand.
“I’m getting tired of you calling me a liar.”
“Well, then, stop doing it.” He placed the bottle on the stacked gym mats to his left and stepped up nose-to-nose with her. He was tired, wrung out from the ordeal with Marcus and the shock of having her back in his life. He was usually good at being charming, but he was all out of that superhero power tonight. “Fuck it, I’ll cut to the chase. You have the ability to tank my chances at the team leader position and I need to know—really know—what I’m up against.”
She glared up at him, adjusting her body to stand straighter and in the process pressed her chest against his own. She briefly glanced down to where they made contact, the flush on her neck giving away just how much the contact impacted her, but when her eyes returned to meet his own, she didn’t back down.
“Do you think you could put on a shirt?”
“No. I fully intend on returning to what I was doing once we wrap this up.” He grabbed a towel and wiped it across his bare chest, purposefully goading her. “So, let’s get this done, Ginger.”
That did it. Her eyes flashed with fire and something closely resembling hatred, the mask of control slipping enough for him to see her true feelings.
All behind them, my ass.
“Stop calling me that.”
“You used to like it.” He couldn’t help teasing, seeing her all riled up made him smile. Getting her to let down her guard and drop the ice queen act had been his favorite past time when they were together. Ginger in her usual self-controlled state was beautiful and compelling. But when he could get behind it, incite her anger or—sweet baby Jesus help him—convince her dirty girl to come out and play, she was the best fucking time he’d ever had.
“Dr. Sutherland, I’m going to say this one more time and one time only. I’m a professional, and I can keep our personal business out of our hospital business.” She stepped closer into his space, dropping her shoes to the mat as she waved a hand in the small sliver of space between their bodies. “Our past does not exist here. I put it behind me.”
“Well, then you’re better than I am.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I sure as hell didn’t put it behind me. Not completely.” Beck watched her expression twist with her confusion. Ginger was close enough that he could smell her light perfume and count each long eyelash that framed her big baby browns. Tiny tendrils of hair curled along the long column of her neck, and he remembered how they tickled his lips when he pressed kisses against her skin.
Beck remembered everything about their time together, each touch and caress. Every word moaned against skin and whispered in the dark. He’d locked the memories away, only taking them out on special occasions when he really wanted to fuck with his head. Tonight they ran through his mind like a movie on the big screen.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that we meant something to each other at one time.”
“And it ended. A long time ago.” Ginger moved closer to him, her body invading his space and sending his own on full alert. Beck doubted that she knew she’d even done it.
He dug his nails into his palm, clenching his fists to resist touching her face, her hair—anywhere. She was as beautiful today as she was the last time he saw her, and he still wanted her. No big surprise there—he’d known he’d want her forever when he’d made sure that he couldn’t have her. Sleeping with her roommate within days of their breakup and had sealed the deal.
“Badly, as I recall.”
“That’s one way to put it,” she said, meeting his gaze directly and without apology. She didn’t have anything to be sorry for, so that was fair.
“And I know you’re still pissed off about it.”
“I am not.”
He couldn’t resist the urge to smile even more at her persistence but the emotion that accompanied it was anything but sweet. Beck stepped closer, dipping his head down to maintain their eye contact when she tried to break it. Ginger realized what she was doing and straightened her spine in defiance, her breath coming quicker, her pupils dilating even more with her emotion.
She always was a fighter at her core, constantly hiding it behind the wall of icy cool she wore like armor. The ice queen was gorgeous, but when she let her hot-headed warrior princess out of the cage it was all he could do to keep from stripping her down on the spot and taking all of that passion from her. The impact hadn’t lessened over the years—for either of them it seemed.
“Ginger.” She raised her hand as she prepared to tell him to stop calling her that particular nickname, and he reached up with his own and snagged it in his grasp. She flinched at the contact, the shock of the physical connection stopping her protest. He wasn’t immune to the touch, his own words scrambling for the briefest few seconds while his cock thickened in his this gym shorts. “I’ve got everything to lose here, so I won’t beat around the bush. You have the power to ruin any chance I have as team leader and I need to know the truth.”
“I told you. I’m a professional. I’m not—” she said, her voice a husky whisper that he barely caught over the industrial sounds of the gym.
“Don’t lie.” Beck swallowed hard, scanning her eyes for any sign of how this would go. He’d never been one to hesitate—set up the jump and take the first goddam leap—he wasn’t going to wimp out now. “Seeing you took me back. Right back to how you feel. How you taste. How it felt to be inside you.”
Ginger’s eye widened, but he kept going before she had a chance to cut him off.
“We were combustible in bed, and I remember every goddam thing we ever did. I never forgot and when you came in here a few minutes ago I was torn between wanting to throttle you or kiss you.”
She gasped at that. A tiny hiccup of air into her lungs and it just about brought him to his knees. The air between them was electric, charged with awareness and the remnants of old desire. He didn’t need for her to admit it. He saw it in the blaze of her eyes, the unconscious lick of her tongue on her lips, the way her gaze flicked down to his own mouth when he mimicked the movement.
He could do it. All it would take is pulling her close and taking her mouth. She’d hate herself laterhell, he might even regret it a littlebut they’d be lucky not to drop to the floor and fuck like they’d been dying for it since they saw each other last. Desire had never been their problem. Sex was the only thing that made sense between them.
“But when we were together we were like gasoline and a match. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the burn but we weren’t good for each other at all. It didn’t get any better when we broke up and nine years hasn’t improved the situation.” He leaned in even closer, so close he could feel her warm breath on his lips, the rise and fall of her chest against his own, the tightening of her fingers around his own. “So, I just need it straight. Do you still hate me enough to ruin my career or can you give me a shot to show that while I might have been a shitty boyfriend, I’m great fucking doctor. Are you friend or foe?”
Seconds crawled by as they remained locked together, nose-to-nose in some sort of standoff of the past and present. It was Ginger’s move.
Her eyes, the color of dark amber, looked as hard as that stone as she considered his question. Only the faintest flicker of decision shone in them before she spoke.
“I am not your friend.”
/>
“Fair enough.”
“You were a very shitty boyfriend.”
“Also true.”
“But, you’re professional history is reason enough to pick the other candidate. Your personnel file is full of incidents that prove you haven’t changed at all.”
He dropped her hand and swore under his breath, regretting it when he saw her flinch. “I’m a good doctor.”
“You’re also impulsive, reckless, and incapable of following any kind of protocol.”
“Only when protocol is stupid and keeps me from saving lives.”
“My job is to make sure that we follow the rules. I need a team leader who is going to do that. If I had to vote today, I wouldn’t vote for you. ”
He sucked in a breath. Not what he wanted to hear but what he asked for. Honesty.
“Fine. Just keep an open mind. Let me show you what a great candidate I am.”
“Dr. Sutherland.” The way she said his name made his teeth grind together. How could one person infuse two words with such a potent mixture of disdain and exasperation? “You must know that my job performance rating is partially based upon how well you and all the staff operate the trauma center. I’m not going to make a poor choice that will impact my job.”
“So, we’ve both got high stakes in this game. What are my chances?”
“You said you wanted honesty. You’ve got a huge mountain to climb with me. I can’t trust you or your assurances, and I don’t see how you could possibly change my mind. Prepare yourself for me to vote against you.”
He grinned at that one. She really had no idea who she was dealing with. “No problem. Mountain climbing is a specialty of mine.”
“That’s what I understand.” Ginger backed up, and he felt the loss of her proximity in his gut. She leaned over and picked her high heels off the floor, continuing when she was upright and facing him once again. Her expression was once again all business. “The Board is concerned about your weekend activities. No one wants to lose one of our better doctors to a freak skydiving or climbing accident.”
Southerin Nights and Secrets (Boys are Back in Town) Page 3
