“It does.” She paused and he could tell that she chose her words carefully. “Sometimes you need to recognize that it’s time to move on. You get closure and head toward where you’re supposed to be.”
“And what if where you’re headed is a big circle that leads to the place where you began?” He wasn’t sure why he asked the question or really what he was asking. He just wanted to find the answer that eased the ache in his gut that flared every time he thought of turning and leaving this room.
“Timing is as much about the right person as it is about a date on the calendar.” Her voice was like steel when she continued. “And just so we’re clear. This doesn’t change my vote for team leader.”
“Fair enough,” he said, patting his pockets for his keys but remembering they were in his jacket in the living room. He left her with one parting thought before he turned away. “Call me if you want to do this again. I make house calls.”
Chapter Thirteen
“I’m sorry, Princess. Are we keeping you awake?” Lucky asked.
Beck didn’t even bother to open his eyes from where he lounged in the booth at the Southern Comfort Diner, waiting for his food but he did find enough energy to flip him off. They’d spent the last hour and a half at the bridal shop being fitted for Teague’s wedding. As the best man, he’d endured the task, exhausted and worn down from the grueling pace of the last two days.
After leaving Ginger’s place he’d gone home and crashed and thanked God he had a later shift at the hospital. But a multi-car pile-up on Interstate 81 had the hospital calling him in for extra help and then just as his own regular shift was ending, several gangbangers showed up fresh from a drug-related shooting in his old neighborhood. The result was his being up way too long with only quick naps in his office before he had to impersonate a human pin cushion.
“Kiss my ass. I was at the hospital for almost forty-eight hours straight.” He snuggled deeper down into booth, enjoying the soothing and familiar sounds of clinking cutlery and conversation as well as the delicious aroma of the best food in three states.
His phone buzzed on the table and he peeked. Nothing from Ginger. Not that he expected it after the way their night had ended, but he had this urge to talk to her. Her words were on constant replay in his head and while he knew she was right, knew that it was the best thing, he didn’t like it. “The End” was so goddam final and a part of him whispered that saying something and having it be true were two very different things.
“Did you have to deal with the shooting victims?” Jack asked from his seat on the opposite end of the booth where he checked his phone. Probably texting his wife again. She was in the back of the diner with Risa and Taylor, packing boxes for the church home visits to the elderly and infirm in town. It was one of the many things that Dolly Cantrell, owner of the Comfort and mother to Jack, did for her hometown’s less fortunate.
“Yeah I did and those fuckers were still fighting as they rolled them into the ER on gurneys. I even found a knife on one guy when I had to strip him down to treat him.”
“The cops hadn’t searched him before bringing him in?” Teague asked.
“They did but he had it shoved between his ass cheeks.” He raised his hands in an “I shit you not” gesture as the guys choked out their laughter. “Sheriff Burke and the local troopers all stayed on site to keep the peace. It was insane but way too typical these days.”
“This battle between Daniel Vega and every other lowlife in the surrounding states is getting out of hand. I even had the DEA contact me about doing some contract work for them,” Jack said, dark eyes somber and the line of his lips tight. Beck wasn’t surprised, Jack’s former undercover FBI experience and his intimate knowledge of this area was too good for him to pass up. “I-81 is a huge drug corridor, and if they don’t get control of it soon it might be too late.”
“One of the mobile clinics was hit yesterday. They took all the good stuff they can sell on the street and scared my volunteer so badly that she quit DRAGON. I think I need to hire a security guard to go with it from now on and that’s just another expense that takes away from the folks getting what they need.”
Beck sat up quickly, his booted feet hitting the ground with a heavy thud that matched his temper. He really tried to control it, his quick-to-anger disposition a trait inherited from his father, but some things were worth getting pissed about. This was one of them. Crime was like a parasite that fed and fed on a community until it exhausted everything good in it and then it just spread to the next spot. He could see the growth of this particular one as it took over the community he loved.
“I talked to a couple of the city council members, and they are already throwing around words like ‘containment’ and ‘blight’ around,” Beck bit out.
“Uh-oh. That has the distinct sound of giving up,” Lucky offered, nodding as the pretty waitress sat down his plate in front of him.
“Well, I’m not giving up,” Beck said, his hands clenched tightly into fists. He’d been starving when he’d ordered his favorite cherry pie pancakes but with the memory of the robbery, his appetite disappeared like all those precious medications.
“You’re doing amazing things, but it’s not all your responsibility, you know,” Teague said, his voice low and thoughtful while he cast a glance at all the people around them. A center of the town, the Comfort was also one of the hotbeds of gossipthe other being Sissy’s Cut and Curl. Ears were everywhere in here and they all knew it.
His friendship with Teague was the most unlikely alliance—the descendent of this town’s founders and the son of a convicted criminal and a woman who ran off with their neighbor and never came back. But they’d been tight since the day when Teague had helped fight off three assholes behind the middle school. Teague was more than a friend—he was a brother—they all were.
“I want to do it. All of it,” he answered. And it was only a half-lie. The whole truth was that he needed to do it, needed to give back to this place that had given him a second chance. Maybe he could fix some of the damage his fatherand he in his small wayhad exacted on this place. It was his burden, and he looked forward to the day when he felt like he’d even touched on repaying what he owed everyone in Elliott.
The waitress laid out their meals and promised a refill on coffee before she hustled around the packed-to-the-gills diner.
“Like I said: it isn’t all on you,” Teague said, his voice low and discreet. “You do not have to fix everything your father broke.”
“Really?” Beck asked, his friend’s words igniting an angry burn in his belly. “And what have you been doing for almost a year? As I recall, you left a successful life in DC to fix all the shit your dad left behind when he ran off with his paralegal.”
“That was different. He harmed clients, known individuals.” Teague slashed through the air with his hand, his voice taking on the tone he used in court. “You’re trying to save everyone in the entire county.”
“My father is a drug dealer. Do you have any idea how many lives and families he’s destroyed?”
“We’re not saying that you aren’t doing God’s work. But it isn’t only your responsibility,” Lucky added. “You carry this around like it’s your penance. And that would be fine if you had done something that requirement atonement.”
“I sold drugs right by his side”
“You were a kid and you didn’t really have a choice,” Jack cut him off, his big bulk on the end of the couch shifting so that he could look him in the eye. “We all saw the bruises. We all know what a bastard he was.”
Beck paused, his anger dimming as the embarrassment of his past crept in. They did know. Why couldn’t they understand that he wanted to make sure that other kids didn’t have to carry that shame with them? That they didn’t have to wonder if they’d ever get past the fucked up shit in their heads and lead a normal life?
“Sandy isn’t the only bastard out there. I do what I do because I don’t want other kids having to live
like I did. Danny Vega is a cancer. I just can’t let him have a VIP All Access pass to these kids.”
“You got out. You did okay. More than okay,” Lucky said. “And you are doing a hell of a lot. Cut yourself a break.”
He shook his head. “Not fucking enough. It’s my job, my responsibility, to give other kids the same chance.”
The silence between them wasn’t uncomfortable but it was heavy with their friendship, the years of memories shared. Some good and some very bad. The sound of the diner swirled around them as they absorbed his words. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation and while he appreciated their having his back, they really didn’t get it.
“It’s getting rough, this fight,” Jack interrupted his thoughts, his deep voice weighed down with his worry and concern. “There’s going to be an explosion. Something will have to end the power struggle for this territory and you and DRAGON are right in the path of the coming storm. Add to that the open animosity that Danny Vega has for you and we worry. Sissy and Owen worry.”
“I can take care of myself,” he said stubbornly. Bringing up his foster parents, Lucky’s mom and dad, was dirty pool. A very low fucking blow. They loved him like he was one of their own, and he still couldn’t let it fully sink into his heart but he tried to live up to it every day.
“Until you can’t,” Lucky said, his light eyes dark with everything those three words meant. Sissy and Owen were his parents, and he’d been right there with him, welcoming Beck into their home like the brothers they were.
Beck squirmed under their three stares. He needed to end this conversation before they suggested therapy or a group hug. Fuck that.
“Your opinions are noted. I’m starved.” He reached for his fork and knife, slicing into the pancakes with an enthusiasm he didn’t have. One whiff of buttery pancake and tart cherries his appetite perked up, and he reached for the syrup while the rest of them finally started to eat and stopped staring at him.
“Hey, there are the girls,” Lucky said into the silence of them enjoying their food. Beck looked up toward the lunch counter, his eyes finding Dolly, Michaela, Taylor, Risa, and Ginger.
Fuck.
The second their gazes locked across the busy diner, the bottom of his world dropped out. It was like that ride at the county fair, the one where you spun round and round while the bottom fell away and you prayed that the carnie-folk who’d set up the ride knew what the fuck they were doing. Every sound in the diner was muffled by the pounding of his blood in his veins, giving him the odd sensation of being underwater, in over his head.
Hell. He was drowning.
Ginger stared back, her cheeks flushing with high color and even at this distance he could see the fast flutter of her pulse on her neck. He remembered kissing that spot, licking the sweat from her skin as he draped her from behind, his cock sinking deep inside her. His jeans were suddenly very tight and he considered grabbing his ice water and pouring it over his crotch.
Teague’s voice broke into his very impure thoughts. “Beck, no matter how much you want her, I don’t think Dolly has Ginger on the menu for dessert.”
His eyes snapped to Teague’s face, the irritation at the dickhead look on it bringing down his hard-on a little bit as anger diluted his arousal.
“Fuck off.” It wasn’t original but it was heartfelt.
“Somebody needs to get laid. STAT,” Lucky joked, burying his grin behind the lip of his mug as he took a sip from his coffee.
He said nothing, realizing too late that his silence said way more than he intended.
“Wait. Wait.” Lucky held up his hand, his grin saying that he was enjoying this way too much. “No smart ass comment. No story of tantric sex until the wee hours in the hospital staff lounge? Do you have a fever?”
“I’m going to punch you until you bleed,” Beck warned, knowing that the ration of shit he was going to get was going to be of an epic proportion. Every smartass comment he’d made in whole life was coming to roost. Right fucking now.
“Tell me you didn’t sleep with her at the hospital,” Teague asked, his voice taking on that “please tell me you didn’t listen to your dick again” tone.
“No. I didn’t sleep with her at the hospital.”
“Well, then you must have followed her home after the fundraiser,” Jack laughed as he cut up his pancakes. When Beck didn’t answer he stopped cutting, raising his face to look at him across the table. “You did not follow her home.”
“What did you do? Wait in the bushes?” Teague asked. “Like a creepy stalker?”
“I waited in the hallway outside her door,” Beck said, ignoring the snort of laughter from Lucky.
“Oh. That isn’t weird at all.” Jack shook his head. “What did her date have to say about you lurking in her hallway?” Jack asked.
“I wasn’t lurking.” Beck flipped him off. “He wasn’t there. He left to go back to DC.”
“What a dumb son-a-of-a-bitch. With the looks you were giving her all night, I wouldn’t have left you in the same state with Ginger and your magic whang,” Lucky mused, shaking his head and nudging Teague. “I thought they grew them smarter in DC.”
“Apparently not,” Teague answered, leaning down to get to the heart of the matter. “So you’re doing the one thing I told you not to do…sleeping with your boss.”
“She’s not really my boss. I directly report to the Chief of Staff…” he didn’t even bother to finish, getting to the point he knew Teague was making. “Yes, she’s on the team leader committee, but she’s a professional and we left it on good terms.”
Even as he said it, he had no idea if it was true.
He stole a look at Ginger across the diner, watching as she talked to Dolly Cantrell, the owner of the Comfort, as she pointed out items in a big cardboard box. Hell, he didn’t have any idea if he’d screwed everything up or not. Ginger hadn’t appeared to be pissed when she asked him to leave. Maybe it was as simple as she made it out to be? Maybe they just needed to say good-bye, and then they could both move on?
The drop in his stomach erased what was left of his appetite, and he had to face facts in his head: the fuck-her-out-of-his-system approach wasn’t working out so well.
“So, you guys fucked it all out and laid waste to the last nine years? One and done?” It was like Lucky was in his head, and Beck had enough voices in there already.
His expression must have given something away.
“Do you want to be one and done?” Jack asked, his dark eyes nailing him across the table. It was his undercover agent eyeball, and it always made Beck squirm.
“I don’t know.” It was as honest as he was going to get with these guys until he figured it out in his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about Ginger. He hadn’t stopped thinking about her in the last nine years, and that amazing time in her bed two nights ago only made it worse.
It made him think things he should not think. Want things he should not want. Need things he could not need. Didn’t deserve.
She’d practically begged him to leave her alone. He was not what she wanted but goddam if she wasn’t what he needed.
He didn’t want it to be done. Their timing wasmaybefinally right.
The silence around the table pulled him out of his thoughts. Three sets of eyes were trained on him, the jokes unsaid, the laughter gone. All that was left was understanding that made him wish for the power of invisibility or a big huge sinkhole to open up underneath his feet.
“If you want her, then go get her,” Lucky said, placing his knife and fork on the side of his plate. “I don’t totally understand what happened before, but it’s clear to everyone including the guy running the Google Maps satellite that you two still have something brewing.”
“She could…” his words withered on his tongue. How did he explain to them when he couldn’t put everything that held him back from Ginger into words for himself?
“Do better than you? Have a nicer life with someone else?” Jack completed
his sentence, shaking his head as he huffed out a laugh that sounded more like a bark. “Don’t they all deserve better than a bunch of crazy bastards like us? Shit, Michaela was raised to have someone with nice manners, loads of cash, and a private plane and she got a guy who forgets to take his boots off before he tracks dirt in the house, thinks eating pizza on real plates is a fancy night out, and still wakes up some nights in cold sweat because of shit he saw on the job and can’t forget.” He looked at the others for confirmation. “I fucking don’t deserve her, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not a selfish son-of-a-bitch who will take out anyone who tries to steal her from me.”
Teague, as always, was the voice of reason. “If it’s just sex then that’s what it is. But if you want more, then go get her.”
“I don’t know what it is.” He struggled with his words, arguing with himself and finally finding the right ones. “I just don’t know if it’s over.”
“Well, you better figure it out before you make both of you miserable and mess up your job,” Teague finished, placing his napkin beside his place with a finality that said he’d spoken all he was going to on this subject.
“Beck.” The voice of Dolly Cantrell ripped them out of the moment and probably spared all of them losing their man card. One more minute and they might have been hugging.
“Yes, ma’am?”
“You still planning on going to see Mr. Campbell today?”
“I am. He missed his mobile clinic appointment, and I need to check him out and see how the new meds are working.”
“Good. We just finished up the food bank boxes, and I’ve got one for him if you don’t mind taking it with you.” It was phrased like a question but her tone said that he was going to do it whether he wanted to or not. Jack’s mom had bossed them all around for too many years for him to do anything but agree.
“Not a problem,” he said, nudging Teague to let him out of the booth. “If it’s ready, I can take it now.”
Southerin Nights and Secrets (Boys are Back in Town) Page 11
