by Love Belvin
“Ezra,” Lex demanded, still high strung. “His name is Ezra, Jade. He’s just a man with a title. A man that has a damn knack for knocking me up, I see,” she whined.
I let off a quiet snicker. Lex was funny as hell when she wanted to be, and especially when it came to her husband. She didn’t feed into the majesty of his title, but she was certainly crazy about him. It was fascinating to see how she melted in his presence. Lex would try to play tough girl when Pastor Carmichael was around, but avoided eye contact with him when doing it. I caught him smirking a time or two at her tough girl act. Their chemistry was inspiring.
“How far along are you?”
“Don’t know yet. I just pissed on the stick this morn—”
“Child alert, Lex!”
“Dam—dang! My bad! I’m just flustered today.”
I sighed, feeling her anxiety levitating through the Bluetooth. “We need to get together.”
“We keep saying that and haven’t done it in weeks, thanks to my crazy schedule here at work.”
“Congrats on the safe house! I saw the announcement in the church bulletin last week.”
“Thanks,” she offered ruefully.
The other line beeped.
“Someone’s calling. Listen, I’ll text you some dates. Trent’s back home now, I need a few days to get him settled in. Plus, there’s some other drama brewing. We’ll talk soon.”
“Alright, girl. Bye.”
I clicked to receive the next call just before making a left at an intersection.
“Hello.”
“So, you is picking up after last night?”
I shrunk in my seat, sighing all the way down. It was the brewing drama: Ryshon.
“You want Kyree?”
“Dad,” Ky called out. “That’s you?”
“Yeah, man. I’m home from camp, playa,” he proudly proclaimed. Kyree squawked a cry he only did when beyond excited. “I see ya mom’s ain’t tell you.”
Of course, I didn’t. I hadn’t even told Trent. Wasn’t ready to. Hell, I wasn’t ready for Ryshon to be back on the streets. I was just getting adjusted to being a mommy, who was the wife of a traveling celebrity football player. Hearing from him last night popped a comfortable and protective bubble Trent created around me and Ky’s world.
My conversation with him last night proved it.
“It’s pretty late for you to call him.”
“Jade, don’t be gettin’ new, man. Don’t break fly on a nigga. I just got home and gotta call my only son between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m.? C’mon!” He pushed out an exasperated breath. “You trippin’.”
“No. I’m just being a mom. He’s sick now anyways. He’s been in the bed all day. I can have him call you at this number in the morning.”
“This ain’t my number. I ain’t gotta phone yet. That lil nigga’ll wake up for me,” he tried smoothing over.
I cringed at that reference. I never liked it, but grew to tolerate it. Now that we’d been in Alpine and Kyree had been under Trent’s wing, I saw how deplorable that name really was.
“Please don’t call him that anymore.”
“What?” There was a pause. “Nigga?”
“Yes. It may embarrass him and I don’t want him saying it at this new school—”
“New school? You transferred him outta E.O. schools?”
My neck whipped back slightly and eyes closed. “Yes. We moved, and the commute back and forth was inconvenient. It’s been over a year now.”
“So, you and that TB dude still fuckin’, I see.”
“Ryshon, that’s none of your business.”
“Oh, we going back to that South Orange valley girl shit, huhn?” he taunted. “What happened to my lil rough rider? Football money better for valley girls than thots.”
I sucked in a heap of air. “Thots?”
“I’m just reminding you of who you are, sweetheart.”
“Fuck you, Ryshon!”
“Oh, you did, sweetheart. Me and others. Trent Bailey ain’t the only one that banged them walls.”
“Don’t fucking call me again unless it’s for Kyree. You’ve just disrespected me for the last time!”
I hung up the phone, tossing it before collapsing on my stomach, shaking from anger. Immediately, I was grateful Trent wasn’t home to witness that.
“Mommy, you ain’t tell me!” Ky called from the back seat as I pulled up to the gate of the house to punch in the code.
I glanced at him through the mirror and saw his eyes wide and full of wonderment.
“Well, I am. I wanna see you, man,” Ryshon sounded sincere.
“Mommy,” Ky perked up as we pulled into the designated garage, which reminded me to clear out the bins and bags of our things that were still stored from our old apartment in East Orange. “Can we go right now?” Even his excited cry poured faintly.
Ky was still recovering.
“KyKy, you can’t go around people with your bug. You’ve been out of school for two days now. You had one good day, a day I kept you out longer than I probably should have. It would be too much on you to go back out.”
“But, Mommy!” he whined.
“Tomorrow—” I tried.
“Nah, kid. It’s all good. I’m ‘bout to head out with Little X. I’ll check you soon, though.”
Through the rearview mirror I could see Ky’s little face fold. “Who’s Little X.”
“Who’s Little X?” Ryshon scoffed incredulously. “You ‘on’t remember your own damn godfather?” Though his tone was pleasant, I cringed—first at the mild bite of profanity—then at the sound of that name from his mouth.
“No,” Kyree answered honestly.
Ryshon had been locked up for close to four years, and I hadn’t been around any of his friends with the exception of the one who’d dropped off money on his behalf. And my son would have no reason to be around Little X.
Bitch…
“I guess that’s good to know,” Ryshon jibed—at me. “You’ll be seeing a lot of ya people from now on ‘cause daddy’s home, man. We ‘bout to be lit on these streets, stunt gangin’. Ya heard?”
“Yeah!” Kyree agreed cheerfully.
“A’ight, man.”
“Bye, Daddy,” Kyree bade, sounding like a vulnerable boy.
“Aye, Jade…”
I blinked, shaking off my thoughts. “Yeah?” I swallowed.
“It’s ‘bout to be a lituation witchu and me, too, shawtie.” He thought he was flirting, but instead was grossing me out. It was taunting.
I really didn’t want to go there in front of Kyree—wasn’t prepared to even tell him yet. I hadn’t discussed it with Trent, something I preferred doing first, but hadn’t because I was thrown completely with Ryshon’s aggression and threats last night on the phone. But I had to nip this in the bud now. I couldn’t have him thinking I was available for him to speak to haphazardly anymore. All of a sudden, and since Trent had come into my world, I had a new moral awareness. Our dynamic wasn’t right. It was off and disgusting. Life after encountering Trent illuminated so much for me as a woman…and mother.
“Yeah, about that. Let’s get one thing straight here. There will be no—”
My words were cut short by the music that streamed before Lex called, resuming.
I didn’t do it…
I hadn’t done it. I hadn’t set parameters for me and Ryshon’s new relationship before breaking the news to Trent. And now Kyree knew.
I turned off the truck and headed out and into the house.
So must my husband…
~Three
“So, when’s the wedding? Every time I wanna talk to Shank and can’t hear from him, I think about that question,” April spoke that part low enough for just me to hear. “I figure it would get him to talkin’, but…”
My attention shot down to my lap where my phone vibrated. It was Jade.
Jelly: We still on for your massage tonight after Ky goes down?
Excitement jolted through me at that re
minder. About a month before I caught a calf strain at the Super Bowl, Jade set up one of the guest bedrooms as a spa room for me. I’d been done with my rehab on it, but Jade had been wanting to extend my treatments and play masseuse. She said she went to massage therapy school and dropped out a month before finishing.
“Let me answer this,” I mumbled, typing into the phone. “This her right here.”
“Talkin’ ‘bout the wedding?” April asked next to me, in a chair of the hospital waiting room.
I chuckled. “Nah. I’mma kick it with her about that soon, now that I’m back home and the season is over.” I hit send.
Me: Fo sho
“And especially before I hit the road again for my camp up in Connecticut.”
It was something I’d planned on talking to Jade about. I promised her a wedding day and wanted to put that into motion.
“I hope y’all do it soon.” April rolled her eyes. “That way I can settle this bet with that man once and for all, if you’ll have a lot of babies.” She went back down to her word search puzzle in the back of some magazine. April was here at Cooper with my grandmother. She brought her to see my mother.
Jelly: What time?
April leaned into me, her chubby arm against mine, shoulder at the middle of my arm. “You ain’t gotta be here, you know,” she whispered angrily.
Only Trick’s old lady was in the waiting room with us and a man who’d been here since I had, going in and out of my moms’ room. April mentioned him being her boyfriend, but wasn’t quite sure because of how private and closed off my mother was. Dude kept looking at me with smiley eyes, but I figured it was because of football. Trick and my grandmother had been sitting with my moms for close to an hour now.
“The only reason I’m here is because your grandmother wanted me to bring her. And I reckon the reason why she coming is because your momma stepped up when Cora Mae had that last big stroke. Figure she’d show the support back. But you…” She sucked her teeth and straightened in her seat. “She can’t be having you sit out here like this. You’s a busy man, Trent.” She gave a determined nod, her lips balled up. “I see you back on the TV and hear your name on the radio again—now for positive stuff. You got a beautiful family.” Her eyes skirted around the room, then she tossed her chin toward the glass window that showed my mother’s door across the hall. “You don’t deserve this.”
My head went down to my phone. I didn’t want to deal with that. Today, I was able to peek my head in. She was sleeping and I didn’t feel right staying in there if I wasn’t invited. But I sent a nurse in after April came through with my grams to remind her I was here. Then Trick and his girl showed up and he’d been in there since.
Me: I should be there by nine. Choppin it up with April.
“All goodie.” I tried to keep her from worrying. April had been through this with me since I was a kid. She’d always known about the neglect. But now I was a grown man, and could handle myself better.
April tossed her forehead to my phone as I hit send. “That still Jade?”
“Yeah,” I croaked, stretching my arms in the air.
My body was cramping in this damn chair. I’d been sitting for a couple of hours now. Tyheem went out for a walk around the building earlier. Feels like I need another one.
“I bet she ‘on’t know you’re here, dealing with this.” Her chin swung back over to my mother’s door.
My phone vibrated again.
Jelly: Oh! That’s why you’ve been down there. Is she okay? Does she need anything? Tell her not to be a stranger!
I rolled my eyes. Jade was hyper-inviting. That was the only way she knew. But I couldn’t deny the bullet I’d just dodged with avoiding the real reason I was down here in Camden.
“Cora Mae told me how Jade called Brenda and gave her a piece of her mind for not saying thank you for the Christmas gifts y’all sent down.” April giggled, eyes to the puzzle on her lap. “That Jade is a mess!”
Jade didn’t go off on moms. From what she said, she didn’t even “give her a piece of her mind.” She asked my moms if she received the gifts—knowing she’d signed for it—and asked why hadn’t she reached out to me to let me know. The call was aggressive, and that was interpreted as confrontational.
Either way, April was right: if Jade knew I was here waiting to see my mother two days in a row, she’d flip.
I shook my head as I sighed and scratched my eyebrow.
“Go home, Trent. You got a life waiting for you up there. That there,” she nodded toward the room again, “ain’t giving you nothing but grief. Lord knows if ya uncle was here, he’d say the same.”
Shank…
I knew something was off. The skin around her eyes was darker and her posture was off. She looked…hopeless. She may have spoken like the April I knew, but a light was off in her.
“Aye, April,” I turned to her as much as it was possible in my chair, “you good?”
April rolled her eyes. “Boy, I’m getting by with half a heart.” Her eyes blinked a few times. “If he would just talk to me, you know?” Her voice cracked and her hand stopped tracing within the word search box. “I’m so lonely. He said he’d be here.” I grabbed her in my arms when the tear fell. “That slickster swore that to me over and over again. I feel like he lied!” she cried into my chest.
Tyheem had just stepped into the waiting room and I saw the two heads behind us go up. I rubbed her soft shoulder as I hushed her. When she quieted, I lowered my head to hers.
“Why don’t you come stay at the crib for a lil while? I’m sure Jade won’t mind.”
She shook her head. “You got your life now, Trent. I can’t be a bother.”
“You won’t be. Just don’t try to cook without her permission,” I joked and April sniffled a laugh. “Just think about it. For me. Please.”
She tried wiping her face. “Why would it be for you, boy? You got a family now.”
“‘Cause…I—” My eyes shot around the room to be sure we weren’t putting on much of a show. “Because he’s with me every day.”
April’s head shot up and her red eyes narrowed. “That slick man been with you? He told me—”
“I know what he told you. He told me the plan for years, too. And I can’t for sure prove it, but I’ve been feeling him around me since about a month after he left us. I just can’t see him, but can feel him.”
April’s face fell and she cried again.
“I ain’t say that to make you mad. You know he’d kick my light ass if he saw this. I’m not even sure about it all. I’m just saying, you ain’t right and I gotta take care of you or I’m in trouble. And April…” Her head shifted up slowly to face me, “I think dude can still kick my ass.”
She blubbered, “He can!” Her head shook in my arms. “That’s why I’m scared. He meant every word he said, all them times!”
Now, we had a show. Everyone was looking our way, including doctors and nurses passing in the hall.
I hushed her, rubbing her meaty arm. It took her a few seconds, but April’s wailing turned into stifled moans.
“I told you to hit me up if you need anything. Why you ain’t tell me you been stressed like this?”
After a few seconds, her head popped up again, the tears stopped and so had her whimpers. She looked at me with a sharp emotion I’d never seen of her. “Because you got your own life,” she whispered. Her eyes circled the room and voice lowered. “A family you need to get outta here and be with. What… You just got back in town yesterday, and you here again?” The muscles on one side of her face went up, exposing her canines and her lips pressed into her teeth. “Go home to your family, Trent. You don’t need to be here, being treated like this. And you definitely don’t need to be weighed down with my grief. Go!” she demanded with a hushed but nonnegotiable tone.
I sighed, not knowing what else to do. I’d never seen April so apart like this. She’d been in the E.R. with my uncle in the middle of the night more times than I could count, wearing
urine and vomit-stained clothes with a G’ed up posture. But here, she was a teary wreck. I didn’t want to leave her like this, but my gut told me if I didn’t, she’d come apart even more. So I nodded and stood. Then I turned to her and lifted her hand while observing her a last time. This was hard.
What would Shank say to do?
My grandmother was still in the room with my moms. Somebody needed to watch over her.
With her eyes wild and pinned to me, April nodded. “Go, Trent. Go where you’re loved. That’s all that matters at the end of the day.”
For some reason, that was the context I needed to recognize the April I knew. It gave me a little more peace about obeying. I looked over to Tyheem, who had been waiting on me to give him the word. I swung my chin toward the hall and he started out.
“This ain’t over, April. Call me,” I tried.
April turned her head and wiped a fresh tear from her wet face.
Me: 20 mins out. You need anything?
I dropped the phone back in my lap and rubbed the side of my index over my top lip as I exhaled. I snickered to myself under the blasting music.
As soon as you think all your problems are solved because you get your job back, you find yourself stressed the hell out again…
I needed to think of what to do about this April thing. After Shank died, my focus went to the field—and Jade. Life had started moving so fast around that time. Things just…took off. I didn’t have time to make sure everybody was good before going with it. I couldn’t leave April out there like that, and not just because Shank would haunt my ass. April had been too good to me growing up. She was right there next to Shank at every game. She was by his side when he enrolled me in every camp he could. She never once complained or looked annoyed when he was spending time with me. She showed love and support the whole time.
My phone vibrated.
Jelly: No. Just you. I’m putting Ky down. Strip and meet me in the room when you get in.
I tossed the phone in my lap again.
“A yo,” Tyheem spoke up. I turned the knob of the volume to hear him. “The Kings hit me up with two guys they think would be a good look.”
