by Love Belvin
Now it was time for me to go back into the mental zone I worked myself into to survive this latest storm in my life. Pray and play. That’s all I did in Connecticut as I waited out this time. I stretched out in the back seat and tried to sleep the two hours back, satisfied that my family was good.
I bit the banana, stomach crying for sustenance as I ambled over to April at the stove.
“Mmmmm… I can’t wait!” I garbled.
“I don’t know how you eat that nasty thing!” April fussed about bananas as she stirred the pot of lima beans. “I’m almost ready for you.” She tossed her chin. “Go hand me those bowls over there. I’ll put the rice in them while this cools a little.”
“I think this is my favorite pregnancy food this time around.” I backed away to the cabinet opposite the stove. “I can’t get enough of your beans.”
“Well, at least I can cook something you like after all this slaving after me you done did these past four months or so. It’s my pleasure. I’ll make ‘em again this weekend if I have to.”
I smiled, excited by the prospect. After laying the stacked bowls on the counter near her, I heard my phone chirp from the island in the center of the kitchen.
“Don’t tempt me, now!” I teased on my way.
When I saw his name, my heart began to gallop.
Trent: J we down to the last few days of camp. Can’t front. This one been the toughest. I’m focused up here. Thirsty for the opportunity to make it to the super bowl but preppin the new players and dealing with this new assistant QB coach ain’t been easy. Eli’s been supportive as he can. JJ been hot headed as we know him to be. Lmbo! Dude been verbally cutting everybody on the field. But I get it. We want to be solid for the ride this season. We going all the way.
Another text came through while I was reading the first.
Trent: And Trick called me last night sayin he thinks its best to check my moms into a mental hospital. Shes been tripping out not wanting to take her meds. Remember her meltdown when she couldn’t find her keys last week? He said he caught her screaming to a tree in the backyard at like three in the morning the other day. I told him to hold tight until I’m done up here. I been praying and asking God for wisdom in all this. Its killin me that shes going thru and he going thru it with her but my flesh wanna be mad at both of them and leave the situation. But I keep remembering what you told me at the reception about focusing on what God gave us instead of those people who dropped the ball. Then I think about the story of Joseph and how God would want me to respond. I hope you don’t think I’m letting them off easy.
Oh, Trent, baby, you’re being a man about it all. A man of faith…
I could never fault him for caring for his family. Brenda, as crazy as her story has been, was his mother. Trick was his uncle, who grew up as a brother to him. After their heart to heart when we returned from Saint Justin, they’d been in touch. I was happy for Trent.
Another message from him came through.
Trent: Last one. Naima made a bangin’ three herb chicken last night. All the dudes was raving about it. It was good. Little did they know Jade make the best three herb bird ever. It’s how she caught my eye. Remember that? Missing you like crazy. Kick it later.
I put the phone down, steeling frozen. He’d been doing this lately; sending text messages resembling diary entries. It wasn’t like him. And I never returned them, but was touched by each one. I wasn’t as resolved as it appeared. I was sure I missed him more than he missed me. My pride wouldn’t allow me to share it.
And now that training camp was coming to an end, how long would it be before I broke down and found myself making a trip up to Connecticut and setting the wrong precedent in this relationship.
But how long could I endure without him…or closure?
Her face was hard as they wheeled her off, but her eyes were blank. I hardly recognized her. At first, the guy in scrubs backed her up, seeming like he was giving us a final look at her before showing my moms to her new room. She eyed us hard, mostly Trick. He gave her a nod just before the guy turned her to head to the double doors.
So many thoughts raced through my mind. Would I see her again? Was this the right decision? Would she be okay? I never had to put a parent away before. This was crazy, but I wasn’t alone. Since the wedding, Trick and I had been in touch. I even had him come up to the crib and Jade barbequed for us while we hung by the pool. We kicked it for hours that first night. It got so late, he ended up staying over. We had a lot to catch up on. A lot to apologize for once we realized how stupid the beef was.
He told me he was shocked and scared on the low about my sentence. He didn’t know if I’d lost my CMD edge and could handle prison. He also said he was disappointed in me. Thought I knew better. Then I explained the reason I okayed Glock staying at the boarded up house when Snot-Snot called for help was because he was Trick’s man. I thought it would be doing right by Trick. As stupid as it sounded now, I could tell that touched Trick. He thanked me and apologized at the same time. That night, he drank and Trick got so emotional talking about all the deaths we’d had in the family over the years, from his brother and my uncle, Trey, to my brother, Trevor, and of course, Shank.
Shank never let us react emotionally to his illness or incoming death. Ever. He wouldn’t tolerate it. Let’s just say that first night at my crib, we did it together. April and Jade came out at some point. April leaned on Trick’s shoulder as he practically wailed with his feet in the lit pool. Jade wrapped me in her arms as I lay my head on her belly, feeling the baby kick against my face. I didn’t cry, but was raw and sensitive to it all. Since that night, we’d been in touch weekly, mostly about my moms and her bizarre behavior Trick couldn’t handle anymore. This time when the doctor recommended aggressive treatment and monitoring, we both agreed.
“You know Trevor used to tell Shank all the time he thought something was wrong with her?” I turned to Trick. Without looking at me, he nodded. “Me and you was like…mad young. Maybe eight or ten, but I remember when Shank used to buy them big ass bushels of steamed crabs from that lil spot on Westfield. And one day, we was all eating them and I heard your big brother complaining about something not being right with her. That was like the first time. I don’t think Shank thought she had mental problems. He probably thought she was just weird as fuck. Keep it real: I did, too. But when I came home, I was seeing different shit. And my people was filling me in on her crazy ways. Shank was sick and I ain’t wanna stress him over it, but I paid attention.”
My moms was behind the heavy double doors and my eyes fell to the floor. He nudged me to leave. Snapping out of it, I turned with him for the elevator.
Trick kept speaking at a low tone, “I remember all that shit. It all came back to me right before Shank died and she started coming around the family again. To be real, it got me remembering how you used to say she was mean to you and why you wanted to live with Mommy and us.” We stepped on the elevator and I pressed for the lobby. Yeah… I remembered begging to live with my grandmother. “I used to think you was just complaining about nothing, especially after Trevor died. Then Shank took you under his wing and I flipped the script. After that, I sold my soul to the streets and turned a blind eye to everything that wasn’t getting me fast money.”
Trick was quiet on our way to my truck where Tyheem was waiting on us. John was off this week. Earlier, Trick and my moms drove up to my house. I had Tyheem drive us to the hospital to drop her off. The plan was for Trick to drive April back down to Camden—well, April would drive because Trick had no license. My moms actually drove to my house, which was a part of the disconnect to me. If she was so sick, how could she drive? But I saw for myself, she was off. She took orders from Trick like a child.
“About the house,” Trick spoke once we were back in the coolness of the air-conditioned truck. “My lady got two more weeks to find a place on her Section 8. We’ll be out then.”
Everybody got Section 8!
The mention of it annoyed me
, reminding me of uncertain times in my life. I hadn’t been hearing much from Jade, but what she did communicate since that night in Bloomfield was she broke the lease on that apartment and handed in the keys. I was happy, but not relieved. What else did she have up her sleeve for the next time I screwed up?
“No sweat. Take your time,” I offered.
I’d been considering offering him the place for a little while, at least until we saw how my mother did at the hospital. But I needed to discuss that with Jade first. For some reason, I felt she could make an unbiased call on it better than I could. She was smarter at things like that.
“Hello?” Trick answered his phone. I didn’t even hear it ring.
I went for mine, too, to check emails. Divine was heating plans up with a casino he was trying to take over in Vegas. I couldn’t wait to see this one through. Was grateful he pulled me in on it.
“Oh, shit! For real?” Trick stomped his foot on the floor board and rocked in his seat, hyped. “Yo, I’m in the area now!” He looked out the window, searching for something. “I’m coming through, yo! That nigga gone be surprised to see me, too!” He listened in, smiling real big. I went back to my phone, now on social media to stalk my little one. “A’ight! Don’t even tell him. I’ll be there. A’ight. One.” Trick cut the line.
He turned to me, still psyched. “You know who that was?”
“Who?” My eyes were still to the screen.
Daaaang, Jade…
“Cousin Wendi! Remember her? Mommy’s cousin?”
Dropping the phone, I thought for a minute. My grandmother had a first cousin, who packed up his kids and left Camden for Newark when he hooked up with a Puerto Rican baddie. Wendi was his daughter.
“The one with the little brother, who always wanted to stick underneath us?”
“Really you!” Trick laughed, that missing tooth space proud. “Yeah. Him, Butchie. He just got out yesterday. Six year bid, this dude! They giving him a little welcome home party in The Bricks later.” Trick was hyped. “We should stop through and show love before the crowd comes in, man.”
I was stuck at the little homie doing six hard ones. Butchie was a friendly kid, impressionable. He didn’t talk much, but was a soldier. He was over one weekend I walked to the store and dudes tried to jump me. He was about four years younger than me, but tall and bulky, and was able to help fight them off until the store owner caught it and scared us all away with a bat. That was the last time I remember seeing him.
“We only… What?” Trick looked around to see where we were on the highway. “Twenty minutes from Newark. You could say hi and drop me off. April’ll come get me on her way down.”
My first thought was to say no. I had practice to get to. It was almost twelve noon and I still needed to get back to Connecticut. I’d only come down to check my moms in. But I figured it was no biggie since he was now saying he’d stay. We could drop him off, say hello, and head straight up to Connecticut. Plus, I hadn’t seen Trick this happy in years. I almost forgot how much of a big personality he had. The guy must have had a real change of heart when it came to me.
I tossed my chin to the front seat. “You’re gonna have to tell Tyheem which way to go.”
“A’ight.” Trick moved to leave the truck. “Stay here. I’mma get the lil homie and bring him out to you. He gone be double surprised as shit.”
I nodded, going back to my phone.
Me: Its done. We checked my moms in. I don’t know how I’m feeling right now. Actually… I’m feeling crazy. Guess what? On our way to the hospital she asked what we were having. A boy or a girl. When I told her it’s a girl she told me I’m gonna look good with a little princess. She said it don’t matter if the baby looks like you or me she gone be alright. Crazy! Right?
Anyway. I’m in Newark dropping Trick off to family I ain’t seen in years. I wanted to come back to the crib in case you and Ky were back but now Imma head back up for practice. Plus I can’t promise I can keep my hands off you if I see you. I miss you so much. Tell April Trick want her to come scoop him. He’ll give her the address.
Miss you Jelly
I closed my eyes after hitting send, my finger brushing over my lip. Jade had me on some sucker shit. I halfway cared, growing desperate to have my baby back. It’d been a cold world without her. If this was the only way I could prove to her I was best-friend worthy I’d do it.
I looked around outside of the truck, trying to remember if I’d ever been up this way. I’d spent time in Newark with StentRo when he came back to his hometown to give back to the community with fairs and food and clothes drives when invited. But I wasn’t sure if I checked my family out those times when helping him out. The block was quiet at this hour and didn’t look familiar. In front of the truck was a baby Benz, C-Class. A few cats were leaning against it, shooting dice. Things got loud for a minute, catching my attention. I could see Tyheem staring, too.
“Yo, why does that one voice sound familiar?” he asked.
I shrugged with my head, even though he couldn’t see me. “These your stomping grounds. You probably know them.”
Tyheem’s head moved closer over the steering wheel. “Not really.”
Then they got loud again. One must have scored.
“Word life, man! I put that on my seed: you cheatin’ out this bitch!” one accused.
“Man, I ain’t got shit to cheat for! You see what I’m sittin’ on. I got skills, my nigga!”
“You sittin’ a’ight!” the first one came back with. “That’s all you doing. That ain’t even ya ride, my nigga. That’s yo bitch ride!”
“Ohhhh!” the guys in the group egged him on.
“Who the fuck you think copped it for her, dick head?”
“I thought maybe some other dude. Maybe she got smart like ya other baby mother did and went and fucked wit a real baller.” He laughed, totally disrespecting dude. “Ain’t that what ya son moms did? What Hov say? ‘In the future, other niggas playin’ football with ya son’?” The guys in their cypher cracked up at that one. The type of laugh that said they chose a side. “Fuck outta here with that whack ass, E.O. bullshit. You in the Bricks, my nigga.” He kept laughing.
My face was tight, processing what dude had just said.
“In the future, other niggas playin’ football with ya son—”
Wait…
“No fuckin’ waaaaaay,” Tyheem breathed out in the front seat.
At the same time, we went for the doors. But I was ahead of him, making my way to the small cypher. When I made it, my eyes scanned the heads for a familiar face until it landed on him. Then I widened my stance, crossing my arms over my chest and cocked my head to the side. Ryder’s expression was blank at first. Then he chuckled, grabbing his sacks.
“Word? Y’all set me up?” his tone was casual.
“What the fuck,” one breathed behind me.
“Fuck you want, nigga?” Ryder spit.
“My apology, and I ain’t got long. So get with it.”
He rolled his eyes, backing up to lean back on the baby Benz. “Errrbody want Ryder to apologize. Y’all keep waiting. Go ‘head.” He snapped his head. “I ain’t that nigga.”
“Oh, yeah? Well, I am.” I stepped closer to emphasize it.
“Yo, Ryder, man!” One of his friends yelled and tried stepping closer. “Who dis?”
“Ut!” Tyheem intercepted him. “These ain’t the problems you want.”
“You disrespected my wife, our house, and my friends. You think I was goodie with all that? I ain’t that nigga.”
“Man, listen,” Ryder tried laughing. “whoever that chick was, was tryna play me. I ain’t start no shit. Just finished it. She spoke on some bullshit lies Jade done told her.”
“What lies?”
He laughed again, looking to his left as he swiped his nose. “About how I ran through that pussy, is what.”
Ryder may have been talking his shit, but I smelled fear from him. This was not his hood and these dudes were jus
t clowning him, so I didn’t think they were his peoples like that.
“Jade pussy ain’t been run through until I had it.”
Ryder’s face wrinkled, one cheek went up as he looked me up and down. “Yo, you trippin’ over recycled pussy. Ask yo wife how I used to skeet-skeet all up in her.”
With one step, I was on him. I had Ryder against his babies’ mother’s baby Benz with his feet dangling.
“Motherfucka, I can make her do shit with my dick you couldn’t with your tongue.” I was inches away from his face. His hands were at my one holding his neck, trying to break from my grip.
I saw a swift body move next to me. That was followed by a smacking sound I knew was a punch when I saw one of the dudes drop next to me against the car.
“Oh, shit!” Somebody yelled behind me. “Pull out! Pull out!”
“I wouldn’t do that, my nigga,” Tyheem warned. Then I heard the cocking of a pistol. “Let’s be fair about this.”
“Yo! What’s going on, man?”
“Trent, bruh! Fuck is you doin?” new voices screamed behind me.
That last one, I recognized as Trick. I couldn’t look, my eyes were glued to Ryder’s that were turning red and filling with tears from not being able to breathe. He was short. Maybe 5’7, and a light weight. He knew he had no wins.
“Hold up, mayne! This my cousin, and I swear on everything: y’all mufukas pull out on him, I’m lightin’ the whole E.O. tonight!”
The kid Tyheem knocked out was stirring near my foot.
My breathing turned harsh, ready to do damage on the kid. Pent up anger and frustration was rushing in, good sense never arrived.
I moved closer to Ryder’s wet face. “Now, I’m waiting. How long you got before this lullaby rocks yo ass to sleep?”
“He can’t talk, yo!”
“That nigga ‘bout to die!”
Then I heard Trick. “Trent, man. Put him down, please,” he begged. “Ain’t nothing worth your beautiful family. I’m here. I got you.” His voice was pained as he pressed up to my right side. “I’ll take care of whatever this is.”
