I am dressed in a conservative gray dress that Jess picked out, hiding all of my bruises. I don’t want any attention to be on me when I walk into this office. Jess agreed to wait in the car, only after I promised that she could come bolting through the doors commando style if I took longer than fifteen minutes. What I have to say to Jake won’t take longer than five minutes, and if it does, I will probably need her anyhow.
I take in a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, relaxing as the salty air slides through my lungs. Luckily, there are only two steps leading up to the vast front porch, allowing me to hop easily up each wooden step. There are two large columns speckled with ivy on either side of the walkway, making the gray-shingled building seem somewhat more prestigious. A large American flag hangs proudly above the dark oak doors, reminding me that I am going to be in an official government office. No matter how upset Jake may get by my presence, there will be plenty of people inside who will be able to help me if I need it.
I push open the doors and hear the chiming of a bell alerting everyone of my arrival. There is a scurry of people urgently walking around and talking in what seem like heated discussions everywhere I look. However, I notice once I was fully inside, that all of the rabid activity of moments ago comes to a halt once I make my way through the room, and everyone is staring at me like they’ve just seen a ghost. Maybe I really do look like a cast member of the Walking Dead.
I self-consciously start straightening out my dress, and look to a small, middle-aged woman who I somehow know but can’t place. “Good afternoon. What a lovely day it is today, isn’t it?” I ask nonchalantly, as if my presence here isn’t causing a stir.
The woman pushes her glasses up her nose with her finger nervously, and then reaches over and wraps me up in a hug. “My dear, sweet Camryn. We’ve all been worried sick about you. Just worried sick.” Crap. Who is this woman and how do I know her?
I return her hug and smile politely. “Oh, thank you so much. I’m doing wonderfully. Back to work actually, and wanted to stop in and see if I could chat with John or Jake for a moment about the Christie meeting. I’m covering the event for the New Yorker.”
I know John is in DC, but that doesn’t matter. I am here for Jake, and I know he is hiding here somewhere.
“Oh yes, of course, dear. We are all so proud of you and of what you’ve accomplished. We were so worried after your accident, though.” She leans in closer, overwhelming me with her perfume. “Rumor has it that it was no accident at all. You be careful.” She straightens back up with a knowing smile. “Thank goodness you have Holden Patrick to look after you. Are you two a couple now? Has he proposed yet?” Who is this woman who seems to know so much about me?
I try to smile and hide the annoyance in my voice. “Oh, no I’m not getting married to Holden, but I’m very lucky to have him in my life. Now you don’t worry about me; it was simply an accident.”
“Hello, Camryn. What a pleasant surprise.” My blood freezes at the sound of Jake’s voice. “Monica, please show Mrs. Hamilton back and bring us each a cup of coffee.” He looks to me as if we are old friends. “What do you take in your coffee?”
I stutter, too shocked at his nonchalant demeanor. “One sugar, please.”
Jake looks nothing like the disgusting sexual predator he is. His blonde hair is perfectly coiffed, framing his blue eyes that seem to be holding so much pain. He is wearing a light pink buttoned-down shirt, with a navy blazer, and brown Topsiders. Simple. Normal. He holds the door open to his office, eyeing me curiously.
“Do you want me to have my Aunt Monica stay in here while you interview me about the Christie meeting? I understand if you do,” he asks, stepping away from me and keeping a safe distance.
Flustered, I looked away. “Oh uh, no, that’s alright. It won’t take long.” I make my way to the nearest chair, trying to walk rather than hobble. I don’t want him to see me as weak, and especially scared. It is my only chance to get him to believe me and trust me. It’s the only way I can see how to keep my girls safe. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer, right?
Jake walks around his large wooden desk and sits nervously in the large leather chair behind it. The room is covered in family pictures, mostly of Jake and his dad on the campaign trail. Another homey touch.
“So Camryn, before we begin, I have to tell you how sorry I am about your accident.” He leans forward in his seat, putting his hands across his desk towards me as if he is begging me. “I hope you believe me when I tell you I had nothing to do with what happened. Holden and Dave have questioned me over and over, but I was with my dad the entire day. I…”
I can’t take the way he is pleading with me. For a second, I find myself wanting to believe him, but I can’t. I know all too well what a good actor he is, and behind those innocent eyes is an evil, cold man. I sit up straight and look him square in the eyes. Fear begins constricting my vocal cords, making it hard to hide my emotions.
I clear my throat, hoping to hide my true feelings. “Jake, please don’t. I am not here to talk about the accident. I am here to try to make peace.” I swallow hard, ready to say the speech I practiced a hundred times while I was in the hospital. “I need you to know that I have never and will never tell anyone about what happened. I have kept your secret all these years. Please, I’m begging you, Jake, please just leave me and my family alone, and I will take it to the grave.”
Jake sits back in his seat, his face turning red, clearly fighting back his emotions. He sucks in a long, deep breath that makes my skin crawl. He is really struggling to keep is composure. “Camryn, I read your article about me—you have to know that. I wouldn’t exactly call that keeping the secret.”
I interrupt him, knowing the topic of my article would come up. “I never once told anyone that one of the stories was about me. I denied it in each and every interview I did. I will never admit it, especially in public.”
“That’s not it, Camryn. I deserve to be caught and I don’t know why you haven’t turned me in yet. Don’t get me wrong—I am eternally grateful, and do hope that you never do. I’ve changed. I told you, I’ve changed.” He shifts nervously in his seat, with regret written all over his face.
I am growing more frustrated and confused with his answers. “Listen, Jake, I know you sent me that letter back in February, and I am just here to tell you, you don’t have to worry about me. I promise you, on the life of my girls, I won’t go to the police…ever.” Tears betray me and begin pouring down my face. Just the mention of my girls, and the possible danger I could be putting them in, is becoming overwhelming.
He sits frozen, straightfaced, seemingly thinking. The silence is paralyzing. All of the warnings Jess repeated to me the entire car ride over here are screaming at my conscience. I look nervously at my watch to see if my fifteen minutes are up yet. I need his answer.
“Camryn,”—I hate the sound of my name on his lips. It makes my skin crawl—“I have no idea what you are talking about.” The innocent look on his face patronizes me. “I have stayed away since Holden kicked my ass last Christmas, and always try to keep away from you when I’m in town. Seeing you is difficult for me, too, you know. What I did terrorizes me day and night. The guilt is suffocating, especially when I see you, looking at me this way, reminding me of what I’ve done. I knew coming back here was a risk, but I missed my dad, my life here. ”
“Listen, Jake, just stay away from me and my family, or I will go to the police and tell everyone. Everyone.” Hate seethes through me at his lies. It just doesn’t make sense.
“I’m not the monster you think I am. I was forced to do what I did to you, Camryn. I was a scared teenager and saw no way out but to do what I was told.”
Loud noises start booming outside the door, interrupting Jake. I am dizzy with confusion, trying to digest what Jake just revealed. He rose from his seat with a concerned look, motioning for me to stay where I am while he approaches the door. Just as he reaches out for the brass knob of the door, Jess co
mes barreling through the door, yelling back at a flustered-looking Monica.
Her eyes are wide and crazy as she looks frantically around the room for me. She lets out a loud sigh, puts on her fakest smile and turns back to a confused-looking Jake. “Sorry to interrupt, but Cam has to go. I just got a call that Ellie is sick and needs to be picked up from school. Are you done with your interview?” she asks with wide, exaggerated eyes as if she were trying to let me, and apparently everyone in the room, know she is making this lame excuse up.
I wish I had more time to find out what the hell he meant when he said he was forced to do what he did. I’m still not sure that my threatening to expose him was the right move, but it was all I could do.
“Oh, poor thing, she said she wasn’t feeling all that well this morning,” I say, trying to cover up Jess’s pathetic attempt at a lie. “Thank you for your time, Jake. Please send my regards to your family.”
I try to stand gracefully, failing entirely, and stumble forward into Jake’s arms. Bile rises up my throat, and the look on Jake’s face tells me that he has the same reaction to our contact. How strange. I really do seem to make him nervous.
“Will do. Please think about what I said. If you need anything else for your article, make an appointment and we can talk more.” His words shake when his eyes uneasily meet mine.
I shake my head, not able to speak. Fear, confusion, and disgust all mix together through my body like a cyclone. Jess leads me carefully out the door, smiling and greeting every staff member we come across. The second we step out on to the porch, she lets out a loud sigh.
“What. A. Creepazoid.” She clicks the button on her keys, and opens my door. “What did I walk in on—did he admit everything?” She buckles my seatbelt for me like I am a three-year-old.
“Just give me a minute to process everything and I’ll give you the play-by-play, promise.”
“Alright, but what are you going to tell Holden?” she asks, knowing the wrath she will face if he finds out where we were today.
“He won’t ever know where we were today, Jess. This is between you and me, remember.”
“Ugh. Yes,” Jess says, shutting the door and stomping around the front of the car like a pissed-off toddler.
So many questions are swirling around in my head right now, I don’t think I can handle the barrage of questions I am sure to get from Jess. I lean forward and turn on the radio right when she starts the ignition, hoping to distract her with a song. An upbeat song comes on, and true to form, Jess squeals, “I love this song!” She begins clapping like a schoolgirl, singing along to Bruno Mars singing “Marry Me.” “Have you seen the YouTube video of that guy proposing to this song?”
Clearly it is a rhetorical question because she turns up the volume to a deafening level and pulls out her phone. Before I know what is happening, she has her phone in my hand and I am watching this woman sitting in the back of her car with headphones on, watching a parade of people lip synching to this song, with her soon-to-be fiancé proposing at the end. Wow.
I can see why Jess loves this song, because that was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Right then, I am happier than ever for having Jess as my best friend. The sick, confused feelings of moments ago are buffered, and replaced with happiness. She knows me well enough to know that I’m not ready to talk about what just happened. Yes, she will be sure to badger me later for details, but right now, we can just deflect. We replay the song again and sing along like teenagers rather than talk about something far too serious.
Chapter Twelve
It’s been a month since my meeting with Jake, and I’m more confused than ever. There haven’t been any other threats or attempts on my life. That is an odd thought to have. I haven’t seen Jake, or any of the Waters family for that matter, and Holden still has no idea about the ultimatum I gave Jake. I have spent the past month sorting through everything that Jake said, and can still make no sense of it. Part of me wonders if he is schizophrenic, or mentally ill, and the other part wants to believe him. Yes, it is the crazy part of me, but a small voice in my head wants to believe that he regrets everything, and that he’s changed. He said that someone made him rape me all those years ago. Well, what if it was the same person who sent me the letter? I know the power of the Waters family and the connections they have here in Jersey. If Mr. Waters is behind this, there was no doubt in my mind that he will stop at nothing to shut me up if he thinks I will expose his son.
So, I work overtime trying to smooth things over with the Waters family in an effort to keep my family safe. I wrote a glowing article on all of his efforts in restoring the shore after Hurricane Sandy, and refused to answer any personal questions in the media in regard to my article on rape or my accident. The realization occurred to me that night after my meeting with Jake that it isn’t necessarily him I had to fear; it is his family. And the more I replay our conversation in my mind, the more I am certain that the invincibility I felt writing the article and finally unloading the burden of my secret was the exact reason that my life and the lives of those I love are now in danger.
Living with Holden has been better than expected and we’ve all gotten into a routine. Holden is always up before the girls, making breakfast. Mainly because he spends his nights in bed with me, but still wants to make sure that they don’t know we are sleeping together. My job has mainly been to lie on my ass and watch crap on TV with Jess, but thank God for my writing. It has paid the bills to write for the New Yorker, but I have decided to write a novel. I don’t know why I ever thought it was a good way to challenge myself while laid up like this, but I’m halfway through my first draft of a historical fiction novel that takes place in the early 1800s. I have to admit that when I am writing is the only time I’m not obsessing over the safety of my family.
I am ready to move back to New York City and away from the shore. Everything started once I moved back. Maybe moving away again will help keep us safe. I know telling Holden this will start a fight, though, so I haven’t said anything yet. He doesn’t want us to leave, but I have to. I need my space for a bit. Everything seems to be moving so fast with us, that I can’t be sure of what’s real anymore. Holden has been walking on eggshells around me this past month, still feeling like it was his fault I was in my car alone that night. If he hadn’t been making out with Bridgette when I walked in, we would have been together that night. I don’t see what difference it would have made if he was driving, other than we would both have been hurt, but there is no talking any sense into him. When I think of Bridgette’s lips on his, it still makes my stomach burn with jealousy. I know he has to work with her time and again, and that is something I’m not sure I was ready to deal with.
I am falling for Holden too hard and need my space to slow things down. Holden is too perfect. He is ridiculously handsome. I mean, literally head turning, and that just makes me feel insecure. I have to be with him longer, build the trust between us more, before I can let myself fall all the way for him again. Like I haven’t already.
Moving back to New York will be the perfect excuse for that distance. He still has his apartment up there, and we can go back to having our perfect weekends at the shore like before the accident. I love Holden, more than I have ever loved anyone. But I need to do this right. We both have to be absolutely sure that things are going to work out in the long term, for the girls. I am going to have to talk with Holden about my decision soon so that I can get the girls settled before school starts, and that’s only two weeks away. Deep down, I know he’s going to freak, so that’s why I’ve waited so long to tell him. I will tell him soon, but not tonight. Tonight, I am going to celebrate!
I am having my cast removed today, and Holden is taking me out tonight to celebrate with Jess and Dave since the girls will be with Marcus. I can’t even begin to imagine the freeing feeling of having this sucker sawed off will give me. This cast has been my enemy for what seems like a lifetime, and the first thing I want to do when I get home tonight after dinner is ta
ke a nice long soak in the hot tub.
I can’t help but laugh when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror of Holden’s bathroom, dancing around like a fool to Rihanna. Being able to move like a human again is even more invigorating than I imagined. I turn to look for my best pair of heels when I catch Holden standing in the doorway, staring at me. Dear Lord, please don’t tell me he saw my pathetic attempt at dancing.
I know I am blushing and Holden is loving every minute of it.
“Those are some good moves you have there,” he says in a voice too sexy to start off the night. He eyes me like I’m his prey and pushes off the doorway, stalking towards me. As usual, he is a vision to be seen. Holden’s white linen shirt is casually hanging off his perfectly toned body, with tailored brown pants that makes his ass look like it belongs in a Calvin Klein ad.
“Shut up,” is all I can think to say. I start shuffling through the closet again, knowing if I continue to undress him with my mind, we won’t ever make it to dinner.
“Very mature,” he replies, coming up behind me, grabbing tightly onto my waist. “You’ve always had good moves, Cam.”
I stand up and lean in against him, not able to resist his touch. He grips my waist tightly as he inhales my scent. I have on his favorite lotion since I know he doesn’t like perfume, and am glad he notices. It’s not fair if I’m the only one having inappropriate thoughts all night. “I’m just going to grab my shoes and I’ll be out in a minute. Jess and Dave should be here shortly.”
Holden doesn’t move. He just holds me in his arms. “Can we just cancel and stay home?” Holden’s hands are now moving to the hem of the tight black dress I have on.
I turn in his arms, slapping his chest. “No. We can’t. It’s just a few hours, and then we have the rest of the weekend to ourselves. I’ve wanted to get out on the town for a month. I hate how cooped up I’ve had to be.” I lean up on my toes and give him a quick kiss before heading over to one of my suitcases that have yet to be unpacked, looking for my shoes.
Dust to Dust: A Broken Fairy Tale Page 17
