by T S Paul
Love sucks.
Darkness in the Garden
by TS Paul
Unicorns.
It was all I could do not to hunt the little bugger down and give him a good thrashing! My prized petunias were devastated. He ate every single one of the flower heads! I got down on my knees and started cropping the foliage back. Without the flower heads, I didn’t even have seeds to use for next year.
“What’cha doing?” A voice spoke.
Here is a lesson for you. Never sneak up on a Witch. Especially a Witch with garden tools in her hands. I muttered a spell and turned to see the little terrorist stuck to the ground. The very grass was entwined around him, holding him fast.
“Why hello, Fergus. Nice to see you. Did you enjoy your snack?” I motioned with my spade toward the destroyed flower bed.
“Can you let me go? What did I do to you?” The small unicorn bit at the grass, but didn’t make any progress since it continued to cover him faster than he could bite it back.
“You ate my prized petunias yet again! That’s what you did.” I made a hand motion and stopped the growth of grass. Fergus looked a bit like a green mushroom with a unicorn head. I scooped him up.
“Petunias? What are petunias? All I ate was some flowers, a bushy plant over near the fence that smelled like feet, some weeds, and something that tasted like peanut butter. That peanut thing was delicious. Got any more of those?”
I looked past my small flower garden towards the entrance to the primary garden and grimaced. “Did the bushy thing have purple stems and white flowers on it?”
“It did. Hey, why is it getting so dark out here? Whoa? Where did the pretty colors come from?” The unicorn struggled out of the grass that held him tightly and lay down on his back.
Looking down at my hand all I could do was shake my head. How stupid could he be?
“Ugh. What did I eat? Why are you staring at me like that?” Fergus rolled over, shook himself and sniffed the grass that once held him. “Got anything to eat?”
“Is that all you really think about? Food?” As I held him, I considered tossing him into the field. Whatever Agatha did, made him indestructible. He bounces like a ball when tossed. Zeus, my Savannah cat, does it all the time.
“Pretty much. Where I grew up on the farm, grass and unicorn chow was all I had to eat every day. This place has so many new things I can try. Not like that other weird place at all.” Fergus moved up my arm carefully balancing at my elbow.
Frowning I looked at him. “What ‘other’ place?”
“The place they took me to after I left the farm. Humans grabbed me, threw me into a stinky metal box, and took me to a place.” Fergus mumbled. He managed to work his way up my shirt using his teeth to pull himself up.
“Fergus, do you know where you came from? What was the farm's name?” There were only a couple farms raising unicorns on this side of the Atlantic Ocean.
The little unicorn twisted his face up in concentration. “Magnet Farms? Something like that. I was the sacrifice. I’m just doing my part to live up to the pact we made.”
Magnet farms. It made me wonder if he meant Magnus. Our family had ties to that company. I made a silent note to check on that. “What is the Pact?”
“What is the what?” Fergus ignored me and stared off into space.
“The Pact? You are the one that mentioned it. Remember?”
He stared at me and slumped. “Fine. Unicorns once made a pact with humans. They would protect us from Dragons, and we would become mounts or playthings for their children. The Pact. Sometimes a unicorn would disappear, and we said he was the sacrifice. The sacrifices are those that protect us.”
The reason why unicorns allowed humans or Witches to breed them and keep them penned has plagued biologists for years. They were intelligent and able to free themselves if they wished. Why stay?
“Fergus, the strange place you went, what was it like?”
“Flowers, grass, funny tasting water, and small castles. The flowers were tasty. Agatha told me they were called roses. The red-speckled ones were the best tasting. The water tasted funny when I drank it but felt so good on my skin. For some reason, the humans didn’t like me getting clean and made all sorts of funny noises.”
Speckled roses were a dead giveaway. I love my daughter Camilla, but she is a royal pain in my ass. They took Fergus from the farm and dumped him in her backyard. So much for her prized roses and fancy party jacuzzi. It made me wonder how well the filters worked with unicorn hair in them.
“Let me show you something.” I carried the unicorn over to the garden gate. “This is The Garden. It was the first thing constructed by my family on this continent. The magic-infused seeds came from both the Old World and Magickal Worlds.”
“Whoa! Big trees.” Fergus looked up and up at the towering Ash and Oak trees that made up the gate.
“This is the entrance. You may visit here as you like during the day but never, ever, at night. I mean it, never at night. This place collects magic. It is not good or evil. There is only Magick.” I looked at him sternly.
“Is it full of Gremlins then?”
I shook my head. Agatha found the movies after all. I thought those were hidden, but I was wrong. “That is fantasy, Fergus. This is real. Believe me. Very, very real.”
The gate creaked open as I placed my hand upon it. “It opens to a touch. As part of the family, you have access. Remember that if you try to leave past sunset, you cannot. The gate will not open. From sunset to sunup the gate remains closed while the dark reigns.”
Three paths presented themselves as I stepped forward. The right was the land of herbs and comfort. The left the stomach and the heart. Center concerned only the heart. Choosing the proper path was a chore in itself. “This way to the food you desire.”
Three steps and the path opened up to a vast garden filled with vegetables and fruit. Members of the Coven could be seen here and there as they picked and tended the Garden.
“Take a look.” I held him up so he could see.
“All of that is for me?”
“No. We feed the town and a good part of the countryside with that. We also send some elsewhere… This is a very Magickal place, Fergus.” Setting him down I sat on the bench near the first field of strawberries. He ran for the first berry bush and dove inside. Unicorns.
Watching his tiny white form run from row to row kept me so engaged I overlooked someone sitting down next to me. The Middle-Eastern man was dressed as a common field hand.
“Good afternoon, Marcella.”
“The same to you, Emesh. Here for your tithe? You are a bit early this year.” Emesh was one of many that took fresh produce and other green living things to places elsewhere.
“It’s needed. The Bar has acquired a few new residents of late. Better to be prepared for a sudden influx than not.”
I nodded. “Good to be prepared. Shall I send more next season?” Emesh was one of the Garden’s biggest customers.
“That would be acceptable.” He sat next to me watching Fergus’s antics for a moment.
“He is young for one of his kind. Train him right, and he might surprise you one day. Your granddaughter will also. Until next time, Marcella.” I watched as Emesh stepped to the right of the trail and opened a door that I could swear wasn’t there a moment ago. Once in my youth, I took a small trip with him. There are worlds and people in the plains of existence that will both boggle the mind and enrich the soul. Maybe one day Agatha will venture there.
“Who was that?” I nearly jumped off the bench!
“How did you get up here?” The bench was a good two feet off the ground. Fergus stood on the backrest staring at me.
“I jumped. Your friend had a glow about him that was pretty cool. Is he a Jedi or something?”
“He’s something. Did you enjoy the Garden?” I made a mental note to investigate his jumping. Unicorns had powers, but leaping was not one of them.
“Nice place. Lots of things to eat.�
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Looking up at the sky I could see the sun beginning to set. “Come along Fergus. Agatha will want her dinner. Do you like salad?”
“What’s salad? She said we were having pizza tonight. Can I try that?” Unicorns don’t eat cooked food, or at least they aren’t supposed to. What did Agatha do to this young fellow?
“I suppose. How about you help me make the pizza, and we can explore what you like. Are you up for that?” I scooped him up and stuck him in my shirt pocket. His head stuck out the top as we walked back to the gate.
“What're the flashing lights for?” Glancing to my left, I could see tiny fireworks and flashing lights in the direction of the center of the Garden.
I sighed. “Mice. They do that every night.”
“Mice? Little grey things that squeak?” Fergus looked worriedly around at the edge of the Garden.
“You, yourself, are tiny. A word of caution, Fergus. Don’t bother the mice. They are tougher than they look.” I carefully closed the Garden gate. Darkness was settling over the landscape. The night now belonged to the other side. Time to go inside. Laughter and happiness would keep the dark at bay.
Plus, we will see if a unicorn would actually eat a pizza.
What’s Pizza?
by TS Paul
Food.
Food.
FOOD!
That’s all I could think of. Maybe too many years of eating unicorn chow or having to fend off the bigger herd members. Whatever it was, food was my primary objective at the Blackmore Estate.
“Fergus, would you like a salad?” The large human called my name, and I turned toward her. Salad? Was that food? I vaguely remembered the big human woman mentioning that word out in the marvelous Garden. So many things to eat around here. Peter and the gang would be so jealous. I froze stock still as my thoughts turned darker and more introspective when I remembered the herd. Peter won, and I lost.
“Grandmother? Why does he freeze like that? He does it all the time.” The small human was talking to the big one about me. Her name was Ag something.
The large woman looked down at me with her eyes gleaming in the bright lights of the kitchen. Running away didn’t work with these Witches!
“He’s not used to being so small and being able to talk. You need to speak with him, so he gets used to you, Agatha.”
Agatha. That was her name. It was on the tip of my horn. The big one was sure right about me being small! How in the name of Epona am I supposed to find a mate like this? Complaints don’t work. The little one, Agatha, already introduced me to those squirrels. I felt myself shudder. Purple is so not my color.
“What’s salad?” I looked up at the two of them.
Agatha reached down and grabbed me by my ribs and picked me up. I struggled just enough so she wouldn’t drop me, but at the same time not completely give in. Unicorns are not tame creatures.
“ Salad is a bunch of vegetables and other things thrown together in a bowl.” Agatha set me down on the big table and showed me a big bowl of green, orange, red, and white things.
“Is that food? Can I eat it?”
Agatha laughed. From down here her teeth looked huge, and for a moment I believed she might eat me. “No, silly! This is my salad. That one is yours.” She held out a smaller bowl full of green stuff.
After all the things I saw in the Garden that bowl looked boring. I could have grass back on the farm. I wanted real food. “Can I have the big bowl? It seems more fun.”
“Can he have some of this Grandmother?” Agatha held out the bowl to the bigger human.
“None of this will hurt him except possibly the egg. Whatever you did made him almost indestructible. I don’t believe we can kill him.”
The Agatha human picked me back up and put me in the bowl. “Thank you!”
What is this red thing? I bit into it, and this red goopy juice shot out at me!
“He’s funny Grandmother!” These people were laughing at me. The young one peered down at me as I tried to eat! Treating her like one of the herd I gave her the tail.
“Fergus, that is rude. Agatha is a little girl. She is but a foal in your frame of mind. If she was in your herd, she might still be with her mother.” I stopped eating and looked up at the now sad face. Why was she crying?
“Is she OK? Why does she cry?” I looked down and took a bite out of the orange thing. Mmm, this is tasty. I nosed the green stuff out of the way and looked for another of those bites.
“Her mother was hurt, and she had to come live with me. Anytime I mention it she still cries for her.”
I nodded. My mother… I assumed she still lived. The entire herd must think I made the sacrifice.
“What is this thing?” I nuzzled the large round white thing with the yellow center. It tasted funny, and the white part was squishy.
“That is a hard boiled egg. It was my understanding unicorns didn’t like…” I took a huge bite out of the yellow part and started chewing. “Forget I said anything Fergus.”
The egg was tasty, but much better when combined with the white goopy stuff the humans called dressing. Salad was good!
A loud ‘ding’ noise made my head come up. What was that?
Agatha called. “Grandmother! The pizza’s here!”
The rounded sides of the bowl didn’t let me see what was going on, so I jumped out. I took two steps forward to see through the house and to the door I stopped. Looking down there was a round black thing around my right foot. Giving it a shake the black circle stayed there. Carefully I gave it a sniff. What was that? I nipped at it and was shocked it was salty!
Salt was a rare commodity on the farm. We needed it to live, but the Elders protected and guarded the licks.
Lots of good food in this place!
“Pizza! Fergus do you like pizza?” Agatha approached me carrying a large flat box. The most wonderful smells were coming from it.
“Agatha, be careful with the pizza it’s hot.” Grandmother reentered the room and sat at the table. Both humans were staring at me.
I trotted across the table and smoffed at the steamy box. Taking a deep breath, I let the smell wash over me. “What is pizza?”
“It’s cooked grains with fermented milk and tomatoes. There are circles of mixed protein-soaked in oil and spices baked into it.” The large woman reached into the box pulling out a steamy thing. She placed it on a plate and pushed it toward me.
I took a small bite and jerked my head away from it. Hot. Hot! The smell made my nose twitch, and I licked my lips. Looking up I could see both witches watching me. Throwing caution to the wind, I took another bite.
Mmmm. I could feel my eyes roll back in my head and tingles ran down my horn. This stuff is good!
“He likes it, Grandmother!” Agatha jumped up and down making the table shake. I didn’t care. The pizza food was soo good!
“Fergus, it’s called pepperoni, and it’s made from pork and beef, and you don’t seem to care.” I have no idea what pork was, but I didn’t care. This was spicy and greasy and ever so tasty!
I wasn’t sure where I was or how I was ever going to be big again. But if this is what they feed unicorns, here I may never leave. Pizza is good!
Fergus Dreams
by TS Paul
"Fergus! Where the hell are you?"
Wincing I looked up from my project. Agatha's legs were in front of me. My new barn fits perfectly on one of the tables we found in the old medical laboratory storeroom. A little sandpaper and some paint and Chuck build me a new home. He was still feeling guilty about losing my original home. I, being the good friend that I am allowed him to help me fix it up. I was too small to do any of the real work though.
"I know you're in here somewhere! Now is the time to admit what you did before I catch you. I thought we had an understanding?"
I felt a slight shiver up my rear and across my back. Now wasn't the time to freak out. Agatha still hasn't found me. Picking up the chunk of cloth between my teeth I went back to cleaning my new b
oat. It had to be perfect when I did show it to Agatha. I just knew she would love it as much as I do.
A second voice joined that of Agatha. "Did you find him?"
"No. Cat, I swear sometimes I want to lock him in a box and throw away the key. Did you see this?" I could hear the crackling of paper.
"Five hundred dollars? What did he buy that costs that much?" Cat sounded like she was just outside my hiding place.
Agatha blew out a breath. "Would you believe a functioning remote control Viking ship?"
"No, but I wouldn't put it past the little devil. I thought you fixed it so he couldn't order stuff with his phone anymore?"
Agatha replied. "I did. He got into my things last week. He claimed he was looking for Magickal hay, but I think he found my bank card. We all forget he's really smart under that dumb act of his. He must have memorized the numbers. I found the receipt inside an empty Giganticus box."
"How big is this ship?" Cat asked.
"The box was about a foot long. Hmm. That's a good idea, Cat. Look for the ship, not the rat driving it."
"Check under the bed. I've got the closet." Cat's feet stepped toward the closet.
I stood completely still. Between the two of them, they could hear a dropped pin outside in the middle of a hailstorm. If they don't find me, I might get to keep the ship.
"He's not under the bed. Is he in the closet?" Agatha yelled.
"No. If I could smell him I could find him in a second. I have to hand it to you, Agatha. Whatever you hit him with when you were a kid is effective. No scent, immune to Magick, and immortal. The perfect combination for a spy or a pesky unicorn," Cat laughed.
"It's not funny. That card isn't free money. The FBI only pays me so much. Grandmother told me the trust fund I have doesn't kick in until I'm twenty-five."
"Didn't you tell me your grandmother set you up with a bank account and some cash when you started at the Academy?" Cat asked.
"She did. It was an emergency fund so I could have a little freedom and get home in a hurry if I needed to. Now that the FBI is paying me she closed it down. No free rides anymore. Not that I used maybe more than a couple of hundred out of it anyway."
