Entry #17
June 17 [1938]—11:15 [Friday]
This is getting to be almost a standard time for starting work. Last night the itching, burning jitters and no sleep until 3:00. Maybe coffee. Hope my nerves aren’t weak because they have a long haul ahead. Doc Bolin* here yesterday. Fine people. He is going on a collecting trip to the south seas and is very excited about it. Will see him in Honolulu in February. I’d like to go but won’t or can’t or something. Now some reference to the work today. Begin the detailed description of the family I am to live with for four months. Must take time in the description, detail, detail, looks, clothes, gestures. Ma very important. Uncle John important. Pa very. In fact all of them are important. Got to take it slowly. I don’t care how long it is [Ed.-Chapter 8]. We have to know these people. Know their looks and their nature. Must. And now to work. Rest of the line for after work comment. Finished her. I don’t know how well. Tomorrow I’ll have to fight my willpower.
Entry #18
June 18 [1938]—9:45 [Saturday]
Now it is Saturday and we got up early and I am to work early. I don’t see any reason for not doing a full day’s work [Ed.—2,000 words]. This is a huge job. Mustn’t think of its largeness but only of the little picture while I am working. Leave the large picture for planning time. If only I could do this book properly it would be one of the really fine books and a truly American book. But I am assailed with my own ignorance and inability. I’ll just have to work from a background of these. Honesty. If I can keep an honesty it is all I can expect of my poor brain—never temper a word to a reader’s prejudice, but bend it like putty for his understanding. If I can do that it will be all my lack of genius can produce. For no one else knows my lack of ability the way I do. I am pushing against it all the time. Sometimes, I seem to do a good little piece of work, but when it is done it slides into mediocrity. Well the day—Ma, Pretty Boy Floyd, Grampa and Granma and maybe Noah. Can’t tell whether I will get to Noah. To work now. Well, that’s done and I’ve caught up for my hangover—one day ahead [Ed.—Chapter 8]. Try to get another next Saturday. Watch the old people. Might get out of hand but I want them mean and funny. And Monday will be
Entry #19
June 19 [1938]—(Sunday, no work)
Mrs. Gragg and Julia and [indecipherable] came. And I had the insistent sad feeling that I should never see Mrs. Gragg again. She told the best story in the world—the tripes of Josh Billings.* I must write this some time.
Entry #20
June 20 [1938]—11:15 [Monday]
Now a new week. Must slow down and take it easier. Saturday had a feeling of exhaustion near to collapse. I guess I’d been working too hard. It’s not the amount of work but the almost physical drive that goes into it that seems to make the difference. I should take it a little easier or I won’t be finishing. I have just a page or so over 100 typescript pages done out of 600. I have five times as much work left to do as I have done already, so I must conserve strength because I do want to do this novel and finish it this time. Must get no fatal feelings about it. Change from Shawnee to Sallisaw [Ed.—Oklahoma]. Make earth red, not grey—and above all I must take my time. That is the most important of all. Take it easy. I don’t mean to write less or less forcefully but to keep the frantic quality out of my approach. Well it is time for work now. Now the day’s work is done. The prayer and Al comes home [Ed.—finish of Chapter 8]. Tomorrow the sorting of things to go and this should be a well done thing. I think I’ll play The Swan* before because there too is the loss of a loved thing of the past. I think I’ll do that. Beth is coming tomorrow and she has done just that. Just that. Sorted over the trappings of her dead life. And so the book moves on steadily, forcefully, slowly, and it must continue to move slowly. How I love it. Dinner with Louis and Mary tonight. Now on to thought. Tomorrow must be poetry.
Entry #21
June 21 [1938]—9:30 [Tuesday]
Out late last night and Carol mad at me for staying. The house above with its radio blasting has spoiled this place for us completely. Have to fight noise worse than in P.G. [Ed.—Pacific Grove]. That poor little letter in the Record* seems to be causing a fuss. Now I’ll be deluged with requests for letters by other magazines. And I can’t do anything about it. Well forget it. That’s best. And some time before too long, forget every thing for always. Feeling low today but not tired or workless. I’ll be early at work. Beth is coming tonight. I’ll get my work done slowly and if she comes before, she won’t mind if I go right on. I don’t know about starting now. I’d just stop for coffee. However, I should start now. Then I can get some time off. And if I had started at 5:30 when I first awakened, I should be through now. Why not maybe a page now. Good idea. 11:15 actual work starts. Wire from Pare. Must see it. Says job for Dick practically assured as far as Washington is concerned. Now back to work. (Actually only half a second page today but the chapter only went that far anyway and there’s nothing I can do about that.) [Ed.—Chapter 9.] I can’t go on. I hope this general is good. It has to be. Read it to Louis. He says it is good. Only half a page though. But that didn’t matter at all.
Entry #22
June 22 [1938]—11:45 [Wednesday]
Beth came last night. Looks much better than she did and her interests are awakening again. By the end of the summer I think she will be in good shape. She needs not to think too much about anything. But now to work. Little sleep last night. Couldn’t get to sleep. And other things. And today I’ll have to buck into it. Beginning of a particular chapter [Ed.—Chapter 10] and that isn’t so bad. I’ll try to go through with it but for some reason I’m slightly skittish. That does not always mean anything. I’ll just take a running dive at it and set down what happens. Start with Tom and his mother. And works to the return of the men and begins the conference of the men. And the reports and circulars and ads for labor. (Got her done. And I’m afraid she’s a little dull.) Think. Think tonight and tomorrow work harder but get sleep tonight. Need sleep.
Entry #23
June 23 [1938]—11:00 [Thursday]
This seems to be the approximate usual time. Good sleep last night and I feel fine and relaxed. I’m not going to work on Saturday this week so that I will get fresh and rested. Something has been hard on me. I don’t know whether the intensity of the work or what. John Street* is in the hospital. We’ll go up to see him tonight. Don’t know what to take him. Cigars maybe. We’ll eat on the way. I go to the dentist at four. After which digression, get back to work. And I feel relaxed about it too. Yesterday was a nervous drive. I notice my handwriting shows that. Beginning at any rate of the conference [Ed.—Chapter 10]. Enter all the rest of my actors. John, Rose of Sharon, Connie, and the two little kids [Ed.—Ruthie and Winfield]. The circle of squatting men and the plans, the order of authority, and the texture of the family. I only expect to crack the surface of this conference today for it is important and should be dealt with at some length. Carol got new dresses today. Glad to see the cracking of the poverty complex. But she does feel a little sinful. Should lose that. It isn’t good. Wrote to Pare today and to Le Roy.* The last about Louis and a trick just to see if it would work. And now I should go to work. And will with a note to follow. (Well, there she is—just the truck coming home with the new people entering, and tomorrow the conference.) And that will be
Entry #24
June 24 [1938]—10:45 [Friday]
Now another day and one to take easy and to finish. I am going to take the Saturday off this week and so I think I will get thoroughly rested. Carol trying out vacuum cleaner this morning. Letter from Tom [Ed.—Collins] with vital information to be used later. He is so good. I need this stuff. It is exact and just the thing that will be used against me if I am wrong. Well today work is to indicate the curious democracy of the larger group. I think the whole day’s work will deal with this conference and maybe spill over into the next day. I must get this down convincingly. The squatting men, the standing women and children. Well anyway the time has come for
it. (Done. And I think if no interference I’ll do a page tomorrow.)
Entry #25
June 27 [1938]—12:00 [Monday]
Now it is Monday. And I took two days off and have a little trouble getting into the swing. For one thing Pat* can’t meet royalty payment and is paying one third, with notes for another two thousand. This is all right if it doesn’t indicate that he is in difficulty. That worries me a little but not much. Ed came for the weekend. Good Ed.* We ran down to [Ed.—Pacific] Grove Saturday night to inject 300 hagfish—ugly, slimy brutes, and much better looking full of formaldehyde. That knocked the slime. Ritch and Tal* drove back. They are all coming next Saturday night for the week end of the Fourth. Short story volume [Ed.—The Long Valley] comes out in early Sept. It will collapse of course but I’ll be glad to have it out. May sell three or four thousand copies. People looking at the next lot. We really must get out of here. I would love so much to go over to the Aptos country [Ed.—south of Santa Cruz]. Hear the ocean that I love. But must let Carol decide since she lives so much in her environment. Got a mild muscle [Ed.—spasm] in my chest and was dizzy this morning. I don’t know why. This place is getting as noisy as a city lot. There is a lot of talk in the diary this morning—reason is to relieve the tension and get even with myself. Doesn’t matter since I can work later this afternoon. Now for a discussion. Moment I stopped work the drive became sexual. Now the work will take that up. Now today’s work is the pig killing and salting and the loading of the truck and the departure and the capture of Grampa [Ed.—last sections of Chapter 10]. That is at least two days or maybe three, and then the next general is the empty house. Take out the last paragraph of the last general for the next. I’m a little sick today. I don’t know why. I guess that’s why I’m so talkative this week—it is time to go to work and that is all there is to it.
Entry #26
June 28 [1938]—9:20 [Tuesday]
For all that burst and bally hoo yesterday, I got only a half day’s work done. Must catch it up little by little this week. Didn’t tell Carol. Stomach went to pieces, dizziness, and blind nausea. Dick G. * called and I had to take him to the house from Saratoga. Stayed all night. Result—today’s work not planned out as it usually is. Result—have to work longer hours today. Stomach very sore and me feeling very ill. And that’s the way it is. Dick is still here. He or any one must not come again in the week. Might as well try going to work now and see whether I can’t do a little over the two pages today to start picking up the lost page. I’ll give this day a number depending on how much I make up. Well I caught up half a page and only half more to make it; and four days this week yet to do it so it will be all right I guess. Tomorrow I’ll have [indecipherable] and also the empty houses and the empty land and that will be the end of Book One.
Entry #27
June 29 [1938]—11:30 [Wednesday]
Late start today and for no reason at all. Grey day and wind. Carol going to S.J. [Ed.—San Jose] for hair wave. Going to see John [Ed.—Street] in hospital tonight. Bill Richardson wants to come down to discuss new S.F. [Ed.—San Francisco] Chronicle magazine. Wants to see Louis. Louis dedicating his new book to us. * Very flattered. It is a good book. Will see him tonight. Went yesterday to see some land. Beautiful but impossible. Too remote and too many difficulties. What a view though! Lots of things happened. Now to the work. Book One is coming to a close—one more day—today of particulars and one of general and it is closed. I’m tired and a little fed up. I think the new line will ease me out of it. Lots of sleep last night. Afraid of repetitiousness. Must watch that. And I really am doing a great number of words a day. Well, it is time to get to it. Time passes. But I have plenty of time. My system is collapsing towards the end of Book One. Just finished chap [Ed.—Chapter 10]. No more. Tomorrow the general. Then the first book will be done in a little over a month.
Entry #28
June 30 [1938]—11:15 [Thursday]
End of Book One
My system of time has indeed collapsed. Today—the last day of June and I have finished in one month Book One, the background of this novel. One general chapter today and it will be a short one, too. The empty and deserted houses [Ed.—Chapter 11]. Yesterday the work was short and I went over the whole of the book in my head—fixed on the last scene, huge and symbolic, toward which the whole story moves. And that was a good thing, for it was a reunderstanding of the dignity of the effort and the mightyness of the theme. I felt very small and inadequate and incapable but I grew again to love the story which is so much greater than I am. To love and admire the people who are so much stronger and purer and braver than I am. This morning a letter from Barry saying his group was non partisan,* and I wrote back to place myself on record as partisan to the common people. There can be left no doubt of that. And now the sun is shining and the birds, 50 different kinds, are singing in the trees outside my window, and the woods are green and beautiful. It is a good day in which to finish the first book. I have all of my people in whom I shall use, some of them well described. I hope all of them alive because they must live. Carol is washing now. I thought I would move but I can’t. There is more noise in the house than out here, even with the washing machine going. So I’ll stay out here [Ed.—porch deck] and work through it if I can. It isn’t very long after all. My head aches today I don’t know why. But I’ll finish and I hope I’ll have the new part ready by tomorrow. It would be good to have a few days off. I think I’ll take them. Carol is right. Why should I rush? October and November and December will be enough to get it finished. Maybe I’ll take the time off. I’ll see. It would be good for me. And now to finish Book One. It occurs to me that I’ll finish Book Two by the end of July and then two months for Book Three. And now Book One is done—rhyme, rhyme. And I am going to take Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday off. I feel a little daring doing this but I think it will be better if I do. I’m getting a tenseness and a weariness. I must get fresh. This will be the last until the 5th.
Entry #29
July 5 [1938]—11:30 [Tuesday]
Now time has caught up with me. I’ve been four days off work, am all rested but by the same token I’ve got to get back the rhythm. I think I can for I jolly well must. There are no two ways about it. Beginning the second book today and it must have the rolling sound of wheels and the clutter of cars and the panting across the country. The first general [Ed.—Chapter 12] and it must have the meat of the whole second volume in it. For a moment I was afraid to start but this diary is a good idea for it gives me the opening use of words every day. Long weekend. Ritch and Tal and Ed here. Danced Sunday night, went completely mad dancing. Never did such dancing—every one for himself and Ed tippy-toeing around like a bear. All of us more drunk with high spirits than with anything else. Read Ed some little parts of this book and he finds them moving for which I am glad. They went home last night. This morning lots of quail. Play goes on the road with original cast. * Moore wants information for a critique* of some kind. Norwegian translation* coming, etc. Exciting but I can’t allow excitement. Leave that for this winter. I want this done before the show comes out here. It is getting warm after all this time. Now back to the work. I feel fine about it. But during the four days off I have thought of the whole book. And it is rather like the prison term. Must not think too much of the end but of the immediate story—instant and immediate. It is a long haul but what do I care[?] It will be done all of the rest of my life—whatever is left of it. And that is not moody. When this book is finished a goodly part of my life will be finished with it. A part I will never get back to. But now the time is here to get to work and so I go. All done* but I don’t know. I’m afraid of that chapter. Two [Ed.—Chapter 13] is of the family again on the road. Must get down to business now and work hard and tomorrow is
Entry #30
July 6 [1938]—11:05 [Wednesday]
Now the land work starts again. Now the crossing and I must get into it the feeling of movement and of life. Review of my work* in a magazine this m
orning. All wrong. But the writer was dishonest. Still some of his criticism was valuable. Make the people live. Make them live. But my people must be more than people. They must be an over-essence of people. Critics understand very little. They have to be taught the long hard way. But I am in the suck hole of work again. Immersed in it. And this chapter [Ed.—Chapter 13] will be a long one. It is the first day and night. And it has in it the first communication with other migrants. This is important, very important. Letter from George Hedley at work in school, wants us to go up there. Wish I could but I can’t. Got to stay here and work. Must do that. I simply must get this book done before anything else. No matter what other things are going on. And I can’t leave. I must get back to the Joad family on their movement to the west. And now the time has come to go to work. Well that is done. And the story grows again. Work is the only good thing. Tomorrow is
Working Days Page 8
