The tingling exploded, and black spots danced in my vision as I came so hard it was like running full speed into a brick wall. I roared her name as I emptied myself inside her. I held her close as we both hit the pinnacle and started to come back down from the high.
“Do you understand?” I panted.
“I’m yours,” she said with a small jerk of her chin.
9
Helena
“Baby,” Stone growled. “Either you tell them, or I will.”
I sighed and pushed the food around on my plate. “Can we at least wait until after the wedding next week?”
I felt bad for the pain I was causing Stone. I’d slept at his house almost every night since the first time, with the exception of one night when I babysat for Lia. He wanted me to come to him after they got home, but I was afraid they would see him picking me up, so I chickened out and told him Lia needed my help with something the next morning, so I had to stay. I learned my lesson quickly. Good grief, was he grumpy after a night apart. The next time, I told him I needed some stuff at the manager’s cottage and had him pick me up there. Which I figured he probably knew was a lie because he’d had me pack up all my belongings and bring them to his house the day after our passionate tryst in the woods.
I didn’t know what was holding me back from sharing our relationship with everyone, but even though my time with him had been the happiest I’d ever experienced, it terrified me like nothing else. At first, I was afraid he would never see me as more than a pampered city girl, and when the passion faded he’d realize he didn’t like me. I’d be left with nothing but the shattered remnants of my heart. But I worked alongside him on the ranch every day and soaked up anything he would teach me. It was clear he appreciated my effort, then as I began to pick things up, he watched me with pride and admiration. When that fear was assuaged, I figured I’d finally be comfortable with going public. Still, though, I was scared.
Then Stone started dropping not so subtle hints about marriage, and I almost went running back to the city. Until he told me it didn’t matter if I ran, he’d find me and spend however long it took convincing me to come home, then fucked my brains out to remind me who I belonged to. I told him I didn’t believe in marriage and that the whole husband and kids thing wasn’t in my plans. He’d stared at me silently, studying me, until he muttered, “I don’t believe that.” I was starting to doubt it too.
Then he’d kissed me softly on the lips and walked away. My thumb strayed to my ring finger again, as it always did when he brought up this subject. It didn’t have the same effect that it had before. More and more, the feel of my naked finger didn’t feed my convictions, rather I simply felt more confused.
I looked up from my plate to meet his gaze with pleading eyes, and after a minute, he said, “After the wedding.”
I nodded enthusiastically, and he sighed heavily before giving me a chin lift in agreement. His brown eyes were swimming with disappointment, and it made me feel like complete crap. He started to clear the table and frowned when he saw everything still left on my plate.
“You’re not hungry again?”
Stone was amazing in the kitchen, which he said he learned from JP because a man needed to be able to feed himself if he was going to run a ranch and didn’t have a wife. Then Stone had chuckled and said, “Or if his wife can’t cook.”
He’d winked at me, and I laughed weakly then changed the subject. He cooked for us most nights, but lately, the stress had been getting to me, and I hadn’t been hungry. I’d dropped a few pounds, but I’d also been working hard on the ranch every day.
His eyes scanned me from head to toe, his brow furrowed and a frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. I hadn’t thought he’d notice the weight loss, but with the way he was studying me, I started to realize I should have known better. Stone didn’t miss much when it came to me. He set the plates back on the table and pulled out the chair next to me, taking a seat. “I’ve been waiting patiently for you, baby. But I’m starting to get worried. What aren’t you telling me?”
I shook my head. “Nothing, I swear,” I said honestly. “I just think it’s the new things in my life. It takes getting used to. The hours, the food, the ranching.
Stone gave me a tender look before caressing the side of my face with one hand. “I know this is all a big adjustment, but you’ve got me to lean on. Is there anything I can do?”
I placed my hand over his and leaned into his touch. I didn’t see how there was anything else he could do.
I barely remembered the grumpy, brooding jerk of a cowboy he was when we met. He wasn’t great with other people, but he was better. Until another man tried to talk to me. Then we all got a reminder. Although mine usually ended with a spanking and multiple orgasms, so I didn’t have any complaints. To me, even his flaws were sexy.
“I just have to grow some tougher stuff. I’m a pampered city girl, remember?” I joked.
Stone rolled his eyes, but a small smile ghosted over his lips. “Former pampered city girl. Now you’re a rancher. Eventually, you’ll be a rancher’s wife. And I like all your soft stuff.” He winked, and I grinned, deciding to let his wife comment pass by.
“Oh, yeah?”
He laughed and scooped me up into his arms. “How about I show you just how much I love your soft stuff.” He chuckled again and smiled at me, making me pause and bask in the beauty of it. The longer I was with Stone, the more I realized that the laughs and smiles I got all the time were rare. When other people got a glimpse of them, they usually froze in shock, which made me chuckle. But it was another way that Stone proved how special I was to him. So, why couldn’t I fully commit?
10
Stone
I stared at Helena as she sat with Lia on the couch in the living room of the main house at Locke Creek Ranch. They were giggling and laughing over something with Rose, who was sitting on the floor in front of them.
She was so damn beautiful. Inside and out. She’d proven my ignorant assumptions wrong again and again. But I really thought I’d had it right when I ignored her arguments that she didn’t want marriage and a family. She’d even started insisting we use protection, although she wasn’t very strong in her conviction and in the heat of the moment, we often forgot. Something had told me she was lying to herself and I should be patient. Patience wasn’t my strong suit, but I did try not to come on too strong. If things had gone the way I wanted, she’d be wearing my ring and would have my last name already.
It was maddening as hell not to know what was holding her back. Because that meant I didn’t know how to fix the problem since I had no inkling what it was. And, apparently, neither did Helena.
Over the last few days, it had been starting to get to me. I began to doubt the conclusion I’d come to. Maybe she really didn’t want those things. And I had to ask myself, now that I’d realized how much I wanted them, could I live without them?
The answer was yes. I would take Helena however I could get her. She was the love of my life, and it would have no meaning without her. But that didn’t mean it wouldn’t gut me to never see her walking down an aisle to me. To never have the privilege of calling her my wife. To never watch our child grow in her belly. To watch our children and grandchildren grow.
“She’s like a sister to me. You know that, right?”
I turned at the sound of James’s voice. I’d been waiting for him in his office when I heard Helena’s laugh and wandered to the door of the living room to watch her. With the wedding tomorrow, she was spending the night with her friends, but since she still wanted to keep us quiet, I was at the house for a business meeting. I glanced back into the room, then at James and frowned.
“Who? Helena?”
James nodded, and he turned to gaze into the room, running his hands through his hair before bracing one on the doorjamb. “I’ve been debating whether to say something to you for a while.”
“Pardon?” I couldn’t hide the shock in my voice or on my face.
&nbs
p; “I’ve been out to the house a couple of times to do some repairs Garrison told me about. It didn’t escape my notice that no one was ever there, and then when I went inside to replace something, I realized her stuff was gone.”
“What makes you think she’s with me?” I hedged.
He raised a brow sardonically. “I heard you on the phone that day. You sounded just like I would if Lia had been missing, or Garrison if it had been Rose. I just didn’t put two and two together until I saw the empty house.”
I faced him with my arms crossed over my chest, and my eyes narrowed. “So, you’re warning me off?”
James chuckled. “Not at all, so calm your ass down. I only wanted to tell you that she’s like family, and if you hurt her—”
“You’ll kill me, I get it.” I started to dismiss him and return to watching my girl but halted when he spoke again.
“Not me, man. You’ll have to contend with my wife. I’ll just be there to help her hide your body.”
I couldn’t help chuckling because I knew it would be the same for Helena and me. She was fiercely loyal and protective of her friends, and I wouldn’t want to get in her way when she felt they were being threatened. Like James said, I’d just be there to support her and help her dig the graves.
“At the risk of your wrath, I have one more thing to say.” I’d turned to the living room again, so I just swung my head in James’s direction. “I don’t like seeing my wife hurt, and when she finally finds out about you two, she’s going to be extremely hurt to have been left in the dark.” I started to open my mouth, but he held up a hand and went on. “I know you both well, and I’m certain it’s Helena putting on the brakes.”
I sighed and dropped my head back in frustration. “It’s driving me crazy.”
“The best ones are the ones who drive us the craziest. That’s what Lia’s grandpa used to tell me. I think it was because he knew I’d end up chasing Lia once she grew out of being the annoying little girl next door with the crush on me.”
“What’s your point, Locke?” I asked with a sigh. This conversation wasn’t helping with the problem at hand.
“In the interest of getting Helena to give in as quick as possible so that I don’t have to see my wife be too hurt, I’m going to share something with you.” He gestured for me to follow him and headed back to his office. Curious, I went with him. He rounded his desk and sat while I dropped into an overstuffed chair in the corner.
“Helena’s childhood was messed up. Her parents had an oops, and while they didn’t want kids, they made use of her as a trophy child. They trotted her out like a blue-ribbon pony whenever it would help their social status.”
I listened intently as James filled me in on her childhood and job and the fact that when she’d come out here to stay, she’d been ditching the cushy life she’d had. It made me feel even more like shit for my assumptions about her in the beginning.
“Thanks,” I told him genuinely. “You’ve given me something to work with. It’s more than I had before.”
I stood and took a step toward the door but stopped to look over my shoulder when James called my name.
“One more thing. I don’t know what happened, and neither does my wife, but Lia insists that there had to have been a catalyst that pushed Helena to make this big change in her life. Nothing terrible, but Lia thinks Helena might be embarrassed by whatever it was and perhaps that’s why she hasn’t told her.”
I nodded in acknowledgment and exited the office, making my way to the living room again. What I saw had me stopping dead in my tracks, and my heart seemed to cease beating.
Helena was standing in front of the couch, swaying gently from side to side. She had little Emma wrapped up in her arms and was staring down at her like she’d hung the moon. When she bowed her head and whispered a kiss over the sleeping baby’s forehead, my heart jump-started and practically exploded with love. And relief.
I knew I hadn’t read her wrong. And the look of longing and complete adoration on her face proved it. Somehow, I needed to break down the wall she’d built around herself. The information from James had given me a starting point, because now I had an idea of what those walls were made of.
“You might as well come in, Kensington,” Lia said, startling me out of my thoughts.
My head whipped in her direction, and I was shocked to see her roll her eyes and give me a knowing smile. Helena looked just as surprised as she stared at her best friend.
“You two think you’re so sneaky.” She shook her head. “I know she hasn’t been staying at the manager’s house. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out.” She glared over my shoulder and pointed. “And you.” I glanced behind me to see James had appeared and was trying to put on an innocent air. “You should have told me.”
“You already knew,” he argued. My head turned back to Lia for her response. You could get whiplash from watching these two banter.
She dropped her hand and crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeah, but you didn’t know that.”
James maneuvered himself around me and into the room, then jerked his thumb in my direction. “I wasn’t the one hiding the relationship.”
“Traitor,” I mutter under my breath.
He glanced back at me and gave me an unrepentant nod. “You know it, brother.”
“Would you stop discussing me while I’m standing right freaking here,” Helena snapped. She carefully transferred Emma to her mother’s arms, then narrowed her eyes at me with accusation. Her hands were hanging at her sides, but her thumb was rubbing along another finger. Something I’d noticed that she did from time to time, though I wasn’t sure what it meant.
“What?” I asked, raising both my hands as though surrendering.
“Did you say something?”
Before I could deny it, Lia snorted and piped up with, “Nobody had to say anything, Helena. The sexual tension between you two is thicker than molasses.”
Helena’s cheeks heated even as she scowled, and it was so cute, I couldn’t help but smile. Then her face practically caught fire when Lia turned to me and asked, “So, what are your intentions with my bestie?”
Rather than giving my answer directly to Lia, I stared at Helena and drawled, “I intend to marry her. Have kids with her. Grow old with her. Basically, spend the rest of my life worshipping her.” Helena shook her head before throwing her hands in the air and stomping out of the room.
“Good answer, Kensington.” Lia smirked. “I knew I liked you.”
I smiled and nodded, then put my Stetson on my head and left through the kitchen. It was time to make a plan.
11
Helena
I stared down at my hands in disbelief. How the hell had a bouquet of roses just landed in my grasp when I’d barely made a half-hearted attempt to catch it? Was the universe trying to tell me something?
My head swiveled to my right, where I knew Stone was standing. He held the garter he’d caught loosely in his hand and waved it at me, even as he stared at me with penetrating brown eyes. One corner of his mouth tipped up, and panic took up residence in my chest, stealing all the oxygen. I pivoted on my heel and fled.
The universe could suck it.
I managed to slink off in the crowd and get to the barn unaccompanied. Was I being a total coward? You bet your ass.
After Lia’s little announcement the night before, I hadn’t been able to get the look on Stone’s face out of my mind. Then, after he’d gone and we were sitting out on the porch, enjoying the night, she’d brought it up again.
“That man is crazy about you, Helena.”
“Crazy isn’t good enough.” The words had popped out of my mouth before I could stop them. And then it hit me like a freight train. Weeks of trying to clear my reticence over the whole Stone situation and wondering why I couldn’t commit. All it took was my best friend saying it out loud, and it was clear as day.
Crazy wasn’t love.
I’d been on that path before, with Howard.
Despite the differences in the relationships (particularly the raw sexual attraction between Stone and me), there was one common theme. Both were missing the one thing that I wanted more than anything. I’d been searching for it my whole life. First from my parents, then from my “fiancé,” and now from Stone. I wanted someone to love me. To love me to the point where they couldn’t live without me. To share a love like I saw between my best friend and her husband.
I hadn’t admitted it to myself, but I was hopelessly in love with Stone, and I knew I would never leave him. Even if he didn’t love me, hopefully, what we had would be enough to keep us together. Because without love, I wouldn’t ever get married. And I would never bring a child into a home like that.
So, there I was, hiding in the barn like a chicken. I sat down on a small stool and leaned against the wall, trying to even out my breathing. I had almost succeeded when my peace was interrupted by Lia entering and looking around. When her gaze landed on me, she was frowning, and her blue eyes were swimming with hurt. I started to stand and ask what was wrong when she rasped, “There is a man here to see you. Howard something? He claims he’s your fiancé?”
It was the last thing I expected her to say, and my butt hit the stool as I dropped down again, shocked. I didn’t know what to say. Lia’s frown darkened when I didn’t speak, but she didn’t push it. She spun around and marched out of the barn.
“I suggest you come handle this before Stone beats the shit out of this guy.”
Oh, fuck. That got me moving lightning fast. I ran out and caught up with Lia. “Stone knows he’s here?”
Lia shook her head and kept up her pace. “Not yet, so I’d haul ass and get this fiancé”—she spat out the word and threw me another glare—“gone before Stone finds out.”
We both picked up speed and double-timed it back to the house. Howard was standing awkwardly on the back porch, his nose wrinkled at the smell and looking around at everything as though it was going to jump up and bite him. He was in his usual three-piece suit—perfectly pressed—with shiny shoes and glasses perched on his face. James was leaning against one of the posts by the steps, casually chewing on a piece of straw and fiddling with his phone. Though he occasionally threw a dark look Howard’s way, making him tense and back up a step every time.
Ride a Rancher: Rancher Only Series Page 6
