A Grateful Kind of Love

by Ellie Wade

  “Rachael Ray’s 30 Minute Meals. I love this show. What’s she making today?” I ask him.

  “I don’t know. I’m not really watching,” he utters.

  “Well, we brought something for you,” I say excitedly.

  “What’s that?” Jax asks, not taking his eyes off of the large screen.

  “Look up, man,” Landon urges.

  The cheesiest of grins is plastered across my face as I hold Mr. Snuggles in my arms.

  “Uh, sweet.” Jax sounds bored. “You got a cat.”

  “No, you got a cat,” Landon tells Jax.

  Jax rolls his eyes and sits up. “I did not get a fucking cat.”

  “Just listen,” I tell him, my voice soothing. “I really think you’ll love him. We got him from the local shelter. He was by far the most affectionate cat there. You need the company, Jax.”

  “I appreciate the offer. I do. But please take him back.” Jax drags his hand across the nape of his neck.

  “Okay, we’ll make you a deal,” I say. “Keep him for one week. We’ll set up his litter box and food area before we go. We have everything you’ll need. Then, after one week, if you don’t want him, I’ll keep him myself.”

  Jax drops his arm to his lap, staring at me, his eyes vacant and unconvinced.

  “Listen, Jax.” I sit down beside him. “Not many people know this, but I was once in a dark place, and though our situations are different, I can empathize with how you’re feeling. When I was depressed, I didn’t know how to get better for a long time. I didn’t know that I needed help, so I certainly didn’t know to ask for it. I’m not saying that this boy is going to make everything better. But he’ll give you a purpose because you’ll have to wake up each day to feed him. He’ll make you feel like you’re not so alone, and right now, that’s a great first step to getting your life back.”

  “One week?” he asks solemnly.

  “One week.”

  “Does he have a name?” Jax asks.

  I hear Landon chuckle softly beside me.

  “Well, I gave him a little nickname, but you won’t like it.” I grin. “I think you should name him.”

  “He looks like a Buddha.” Jax reaches out his hand to pet the cat’s head.

  “Buddha it is.” I hand him the big ball of fur. “We’re going to go set up his stuff,” I tell him before standing.

  I give Landon a hopeful smile as the two of us leave Jax with his new pet.

  “I think he’s going to fall in love with him,” I tell Landon as we head out to the car to get the rest of the supplies.

  “Jax or Fatty?”

  “Both.” I chuckle. “I think they’re going to love each other.”

  Once outside, I pull in a long breath of fresh air, still trying to rid the lemon chemicals from the shelter that are clinging to my senses.

  Landon stops me when we get to the car and grabs my hips. “You know, you’re really great. Jax is lucky to have you. I’m lucky to have you.” He kisses me sweetly.

  “Thank you,” I say when his lips leave mine.

  I grab the bag of cat food out of the trunk.

  “We should tell Jax about us,” Landon says as he picks up the litter.

  “Now?” I ask.

  “Yeah. Why not?”

  “It’s not the time, Landon. Jax isn’t in a good place right now.”

  Landon sighs as we walk toward the house. “It’s never the time, Amy. When is it going to be the time?”

  I stop and turn toward him, my eyes narrowed. “Are you serious right now? We’re here for Jax. Believe me, I want to tell everyone just as much as you do. But it’s not the right time. I want people to be happy for us when they find out. If we told him now, it’d probably just make him feel worse.”

  “I don’t think it would. You know, it is possible to be in a sad place and still feel joy for someone you love. Jax would be happy for us. Our families would be happy for us. I feel like everyone is living their life, and ours is always on hold. It’s getting really old, Amy.”

  Landon continues to walk toward the house.

  “Ugh,” I groan behind him. “You’re being so selfish, Landon.”

  He whips around to face me. “No, you are.”

  “I am not!”

  He sighs with a pinched expression. “Look, I get that you want everything to be perfect when we tell our families. But the thing is, Amy, life isn’t perfect, and it never will be. At some point, you have to start living your life for you and not others.”

  I open my mouth to argue but close it, not sure as to what it is that I want to say. Landon’s wrong to want to tell Jax now. I understand that he’s anxious to have our relationship out in the open, but it’d be cruel to parade it in front of Jax when he’s going through so much.

  Landon drops his gaze before he lifts it to meet mine. “I want a life with you. I’m tired of hiding us. I adore that you care so much about everyone’s feelings, but sometime soon, could you care about mine?”

  My mouth falls open. Before I can respond, Landon’s gone inside, leaving me alone.

  Landon

  “Bless you,” I say to Tucker after he sneezes. “I know; this place is a mess. Not very romantic, is it?”

  I look around at the old, abandoned cottage and second-guess my proposal site.

  No, she’ll love it. It’s more about the meaning of the location over the aesthetics.

  Tucker sneezes again.

  “Dude, stop sniffing everything,” I say with a chuckle.

  I suppose I could’ve had the old place cleaned out before today, but it wouldn’t have been the same then.

  After covering the wooden floor with rose petals, I light a path of tea light candles leading to our spot in the living area where we sat and told our secrets.

  Amy and I weren’t inseparable, growing up. I wouldn’t even say we were best friends. Yet, despite our two-year age difference, she was always my person—the one I went to if I truly needed to talk to someone. We always had a deep respect for one another, a trust. I knew that, whatever secret I told Amy here would remain here.

  Our love story hasn’t been conventional. It kind of hit me when I was least expecting it. I ran into my lifelong friend at a college party, and for some reason, I suddenly saw her differently. She was no longer my buddy, my confidant. She was an irresistible temptation that I would do anything to have.

  And I did have her—for a while.

  But, even when she wasn’t mine … I loved her as if she were.

  I guess that’s the thing about true love. Once you find it, you’re never able to let it go. I feel like I’ve been waiting for Amy my whole life, and to be honest, I’m tired of waiting. I want her now, and I want her forever.

  Amy thinks I’m hanging at home with Tucker, watching Michigan football today while she’s at her parents’ house, visiting.

  I grab my phone and text her.

  Code 411 at the cottage.

  Hurry.

  I grab the large bow tie from the bag I brought. “All right, buddy. Let’s get this on you. Mama’s on her way. She’ll be here soon.” I place the bow tie around Tucker’s neck.

  Reaching into the cooler, I pull out a carton of cookies and cream and place it in front of me with two spoons. Out of all the truths I’ve told Amy in this place over the years, the one I’m about to tell her is the most important.

  Amy

  My pup in a bow tie.

  Landon on his knee.

  Saying yes.

  My heart races as I drive across the field, my body bouncing in the seat from the bumpy ground.

  As I near the edge of the field, the cottage comes into view, hidden among the tall oak trees. Vines grow up the front of the small house, covering the majority of the siding in a blanket of green. It doesn’t look neglected though, just quaint.

  It reminds me of a home a writer would have. An old-world dwelling off the beaten path, secluded and adorable—a place where the author could sit peacefully and create beautifu
l words. I’d imagine, the stories in the mind and the secrets from the heart could easily flow onto the paper in such a surrounding. There’s just something about this place. It’s enchanting.

  My secrets always felt safe here, in this captivating place made just for Landon and me, for our friendship and the worries and celebrations of our lives.

  I was incredibly surprised when Landon’s code 411 text came through a few moments ago. I thought he was back home, watching football. He lives for Saturdays in the fall. For the Porter men, Michigan college football is life.

  Things have been great between us. We’ve been living in our own little bubble of happiness in Ann Arbor for almost a year now. He hasn’t brought up telling his family since our spat outside of Jax’s house months ago. Though all is well in our families’ worlds now. Jax and Lily are back together. Everyone’s wonderful, and there hasn’t been any drama for a while.

  I’m ready to tell everyone about us now. I’ve been meaning to tell Landon that. Life is just so perfect with him that I haven’t thought about it recently. Now, he’s summoned me to our place of truths, and I’m praying that I didn’t wait too long.

  I feel secure, knowing that I can make sure that others are okay because he’s always right there, waiting for me. Loving me. Cherishing me.

  Yet I can’t stop the nervousness I feel deep within my gut. Whatever Landon wants to tell me here is serious. What if my choice to continue to delay our announcement has pushed him away? In my heart, I know Landon would never leave me. Yet my insecurities want to convince me otherwise. Or worse, what if he’s sick or there’s something wrong?

  I bring my car to a stop beside Landon’s and shut off the engine.

  I pull in a steadying breath and wipe the palms of my hands against my jeans with uneasy anticipation.

  The cottage is quiet as I approach, save for the crunching of the brittle grass beneath my feet, but this place is always silent. Our whispers have been the only noise inside its walls for decades.

  I turn the doorknob and startle when I’m greeted by a piercing noise—a bark. I jump, bringing my hand to my chest.

  Tucker.

  I’m expecting Tucker to greet me at the entryway, but instead, I’m met with the glow of a candlelit path. The soft light warms my heart.

  My fears from moments ago dissolve into a pile of shame for ever doubting Landon’s love for me—regardless of how slight those reservations were.

  Uncertainty is replaced with unbridled gratitude and love for the man standing at the end of the path. He’s wearing my favorite jeans of his. Some find suits sexy, but nothing turns me on more than a good-fitting pair of worn jeans that showcase my man’s ass perfectly. The light-blue button-up that he’s sporting is also one of my favorite items of his because of the way it makes his eyes stand out, as they are now. His hazels shine with love for me, so fierce that it’s tangible as it hits me, stealing my breath.

  I walk along the flower petals, my lips quivering and my eyes filling with tears. Landon waits for me, Tucker in a bow tie on one side of him and a carton of our ice cream on the other.

  “Hey,” he says, taking my hands in his.

  He licks his full lips, and I have an intense urge to kiss him.

  “Hi.” I look up to his handsome face and can’t believe how lucky I am to have him love me.

  He begins speaking, his voice saturated in adoration, “I brought you here today, Amy, calling a code 411, because there is a serious truth that I have to tell you. It’s a secret so powerful that it has to be told here, in the place where the memories of our biggest secrets reside. I see you writing in your gratitude journal every day. The thing you don’t know is that I, too, take note of what I’m grateful for. Each night before I go to sleep, I think about what I’m thankful for. I don’t write it down because there’s no need. It’s always the same. You’re my greatest gift, Amy Madison. You.”

  I pull in an unsteady breath, and he continues, “You were atop my gratitude list last night. It’s you who I’ll be thankful for tonight, tomorrow, and all the nights to follow. You see, I didn’t know when I was young that you were the one for me. You were my friend and my confidant. I’m grateful for you in every way that I’ve had you and all the experiences we’ve shared both together and apart because they all led us here. Every choice we made prepared us to be the people we are now, and the people we are now are destined to be together always.”

  Landon continues to hold my hands with one of his as he kneels down before me. His free hand produces a diamond ring from his pocket that he now holds up before me. “Amy, the truth that I have to offer is that I love you more than any man has ever loved a woman. You are the only one I want to share my life with. I will love you, appreciate you, and be thankful for you every second of every day for the rest of my life. Will you please marry me?”

  I pull my hands from his, and they cover my mouth as I bounce up and down, chanting, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

  Landon stands and holds out his hand, palm up, beckoning mine. I place my left hand in his, and he slides the ring on my finger.

  I start laughing as tears fall. Once the ring is on my finger, he takes my mouth in his, and I kiss him with everything I have because I’m his.

  All of me loves everything that Landon Porter is.

  My mind, body, and soul are at peace, knowing I’m exactly where I need to be with Landon, now and forever.

  When our lips part, I stare into his compassionate eyes, and he whispers, “Better?”

  I blink a couple of times, fearful that I’ve forgotten some inside joke.

  Landon chuckles. “My proposal? Was it better than last time?”

  I snicker. “Oh my gosh … yes! So much better.”

  He tilts his head to the side, peering down at me with a sexy grin. “You’re still not digging the closet proposal?”

  “No.” I laugh. “This one was perfect.

  “Well, good. I’m glad you approve.”

  I lift my arms and wrap them around his neck, pulling my body closer to his. “I definitely approve.”

  His thumb runs along the small of my back as we dance slowly to music that only our hearts can hear. His chest is firm and comforting beneath my cheek. I pull in a breath, wanting to savor every detail of this moment. As always, Landon smells irresistible, a mix of clean and sexy—the perfect combination of fabric softener, soap, and cologne. Then, I smell his scent is followed by years of dust, which oddly makes it even better.

  I’ve loved this man my entire life, and yet the majority of that time, I would’ve never guessed in a million years that I’d be dancing in this run-down cottage with a promise to be Landon’s forever wrapped around my finger.

  Yet here I am. And it’s perfect. I couldn’t be happier.

  Landon pauses, and I look up to him.

  “Ames, since we’re in our place of truths, there’s one more thing I really need to say.”

  “Okay.”

  Landon takes a step to the side and extends a hand, motioning for me to have a seat.

  Looking down, I see Tucker curled up in a ball, sleeping, and I can’t help but smile. I step over him to the sofa and sit. Landon sets the ice cream on the end table between us.

  “Uh-oh, the ice cream is coming out. This is getting serious,” I tease.

  “It is,” he says as he pries the top of the carton off to reveal what can only be described as dairy soup with chunks of cookies floating in it.

  Landon’s eyes dart to mine, and we both immediately start laughing.

  He secures the lid back on the melted ice cream and shrugs. “This conversation is going to be without a dairy treat today.”

  I grin. “We can handle it.”

  “So, I’ve been thinking …” He stops and stares at me, causing a nervous shiver to sneak up my spine.

  “Okay …” I nod, urging him to continue.

  “I feel like it’s taken us a while to get here, to the engagement, you know? There’s always something—some worry tha
t pushes the pause button on us moving forward. I’ve wanted you since your first day at college years ago. But I’ve known since Jax’s wedding to Stella a year ago that I was never letting you go again. We’ve been a done deal in my head since then.” He motions between us.

  “I knew since the second we got back together that it was forever. For me, it’s as if we’ve been engaged for a year now. We live together. We have a fur baby. We’re both secure in our jobs. There’s no reason for a long engagement. I want you to be officially mine—until death do us part—and call me selfish, but I don’t want to wait.”

  “You’re definitely not selfish, Landon,” I tell him.

  He holds my hands in his. “Let’s get married now.”

  “Now?” I lean my head back, squinting toward him.

  “Not now, but soon. Like, next weekend. Let’s go to Vegas.”

  “Vegas?”

  “Why not? Let’s just be married already.”

  I find myself agreeing, “Yeah. Why not?” I laugh at the thought, which interestingly enough sounds like the perfect plan for us.

  “Good.” He grins wide, and even in the dim candlelit room, I can see the joy in his eyes.

  I bring my hand to my chest. “Oh, wait. We have to tell everyone.”

  “Do you trust me?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I say hesitantly with a tilt of my head.

  He reaches for his phone.

  “Landon, what are you doing?” My heart hammers nervously in my chest.

  “I composed something earlier, and I just need to press … Send. There, it’s done.” His thumb leaves the screen of his cell.

  My eyes bulge. “What did you just do?”

  “Something I’ve been dying to do for a very long time.”

  Landon’s phone starts buzzing, and my heart sinks.

  Amy

  Telling secrets.

  Wedding plans.

  My fiancé.

  I grasp for Landon’s cell phone as he holds it just outside of my reach.

  “Please tell me that you did not just text the fact that we’re engaged to our families?” The high octave of my voice wakes Tucker, and he starts to roll around on the floor.