“He ended up being more pissed I’d confronted him. I was so mad I didn’t see it coming, I don’t even know how it happened, but we ended up on the floor. He was on top of me and I was struggling to get him off, and when I finally did and got to my feet, he punched me in the back, taking me to my knees. I was in so much pain the second and third punches didn’t register. Not until later when it hurt so bad I couldn’t breathe.”
Throughout this, my muscles were clenching tighter and tighter, but not Addy’s. Her voice was even, no emotion, completely detached like she was telling a story, not the abuse she’d experienced. And that scared the fuck out of me.
“That was it. I was done. I needed help. The next day, I was out with Quinn and I was going to tell her, make a plan to get Keith out of my life. But then she brought up how upset Mom and Dad were because something was going on with Delaney. And how Jason had finally pulled himself together and was happy with Mercy but Mom and Dad didn’t get a chance to enjoy that before a new crisis hit. I knew I couldn’t tell them,” she finished on a whisper.
Jesus fuck.
Jasper would lose his ever-loving mind if he knew that his daughter didn’t reach out for help because she didn’t want to add to his stress. Delaney would feel guilty and Hadley would…Christ, I couldn’t even think about what Hadley would feel if she ever knew Addy was on the verge of asking for help but didn’t because of their conversation.
“Baby—”
“So I lied to my sister, again. She saw my back and I continued to lie. But I couldn’t do it. Quinn was right, Mom and Dad were beside themselves with worry. I couldn’t add to it. And the more I thought about it, I knew I was doing the right thing by not telling. You know my dad, my family. They would’ve gone ballistic, and one of them would’ve ended up in trouble because of my stupidity. I couldn’t do it. I had to figure it out myself.”
The thought of my sweet Addy going at it alone ripped me to shreds.
“Then it happened. The worst of it. The very worst.”
The worst?
It got fucking worse?
“What happened?”
“It had been too easy. I should’ve known better. He’d said over and over he’d never let me go, he loved me, he’d never do it again, never yell at me, scare me. So many promises, all of them broken. So I should’ve known he wouldn’t have given up. But I thought after a week of me hiding out, dodging him, not going to campus for classes, I thought maybe he’d moved on. So stupid.
“I was getting out of the shower and he was there standing in my bathroom. And I knew, it was going to be the worst, and it was. When he was done, I was on my bathroom floor in a puddle of my own blood. I couldn’t move I hurt so bad, everywhere hurt. I finally crawled to the vanity and got my phone. I called Jackie, her dad’s a doctor. She was the only person I could trust.”
Visions of Addy beaten and bloody tortured my brain, my hands itched to wrap them around Keith’s throat and choke the life out of him. But not before I did to him what he’d done to Adalynn.
Her flat, emotionless voice pulled me from my plotting and filled me with more outrage.
“Jackie came over, helped me get dressed, and took me to her parents’ house. I begged them not to call the police, not to take me to the hospital. I think Jackie’s dad was afraid I’d bolt so he agreed to look me over at his house.
“He took pictures,” she whispered. “So many pictures. I was like…it was like a movie…it wasn’t happening to me. How could something like that happen to me?” Addy’s body started trembling. My eyes drifted closed and I held her tighter. Thank fuck. A response. “I couldn’t understand how I let it happen.”
“You didn’t let anything happen.”
“I did. I should’ve left the very first time he touched me. I knew better. I trusted him. He promised he wouldn’t do it again. I ignored all the red flags. I saw them and ignored them. And now I have to live with it. My stupidity. I’m exactly what my family thinks I am, stupid and naïve.”
“Serious as fuck, stop calling yourself stupid. You are not that and you are not naïve. And not a single person in your family thinks that.”
“Jason—”
“Jason was acting like a dick, lashing out because his head was fucked up. Mercy was sick, he was having flashbacks about Kayla, and he took it out on you. It doesn’t make it right, but it’s the truth. You’re his favorite and you have to know that. He knows something went on with you and he knows he missed it. He feels guilty for that and he took that out on you, too. He fucked up and he knows it. Then and now. But the bottom line is, he doesn’t think you’re anything but what you are—smart and strong.”
“But—”
“Listen to me, Addy. I know weak. I’ve lived with it my whole life. I watched my mom take my dad’s shit since I can remember. Never protecting her boys or herself. Using me to hide behind so I’d get the brunt of my dad’s abuse. My brother learning to be like my dad as a tool to get himself clear. Now they both give my mom shit and she takes it. I will never understand why. She had the resources to leave him when I was a kid, and she certainly does now. I don’t know why she is the way she is and I’ve never asked, but I have offered to get her out and she was appalled I’d suggest such a thing. Making excuses for my dad, bullshitting herself into believing he loves her.
“Love does not hurt. Not fucking ever. And it sure as fuck doesn’t break you. She lives in denial—that’s weak, Adalynn. Not only did you get out, you did it on your own when in reality you had an army at your back.”
“I didn’t get myself out.”
“You damn well did.”
“No,” she denied. “Keith was tracking my phone and showed up at Jackie’s house. Her dad answered the door, showed Keith the pictures, and told him if he ever contacted me again they’d go public. Keith worked as a programmer on government contracts. He’d lose his security clearance if he had a police record. But in the end it didn’t matter—he lost it anyway.”
“How’d he lose it?”
The trembling turned into racking shakes, vicious jerky movements like she was trying to get out of her own skin.
“He killed someone,” she whispered, and my stomach started to tighten.
“What?”
“Ethan called me the next afternoon to tell me Keith had been arrested, vehicular manslaughter. He left Jackie’s, got drunk, and killed someone driving home.”
“That’s not your fault.”
Addy flinched and I realized in my haste, I’d shouted.
“It is. All of it is. I was too weak to stop it, too weak to report it to the police that night. Too stupid to see the lies. Jason’s right—”
“The hell he is,” I cut her off. “That is not weak or naïve. That is the very fucking definition of strong. And your brother and dad will think so, too.”
“I can’t. You can’t. He can’t,” she stammered and I realized my mistake.
I shouldn’t have brought Jasper into the mix. Not yet. Not until I understood why she’d never told him. I had my suspicions and I figured they were good ones. She’d said she didn’t want him to get into trouble but it had to be more.
“Why not?”
“Why not?” she breathed.
The shaking stopped and her body grew taut.
I would find that was my second mistake. And the stillness was the calm before the storm.
Because seconds later, all hell broke loose.
27
It was out.
And just like I knew would happen, I couldn’t shove it back down.
“Adalynn.”
“No.”
My hands came up and I vaguely noted I was out of bed and I didn’t understand how that came to be.
I’d been safely tucked next to Trey, now I wasn’t.
I was cold and alone.
Terrified I couldn’t shove it back down.
Say it, Adalynn. Keith’s harsh voice assaulted my mind. Say it. Tell me how much you want it.
�
�Addy, baby, you’re scaring the fuck outta me. Please come here.”
“No.”
Say it, bitch.
I didn’t want to say it. I couldn’t say it through the pain that had exploded after Keith had backhanded me. So I didn’t say it.
But he didn’t care.
He never cared.
He just took it.
And my mind drifted.
“Jesus Christ.” Trey’s voice cut through my memory.
Escape. Run.
I turned to do just that but strong arms wrapped around my middle.
Don’t walk away from me. You don’t ever get to walk away from me.
My foot connected with his but he didn’t release me. He never did. Keith always got what he wanted. Always.
“Let me go.”
“Baby, I can’t. I’m afraid you’re gonna hurt yourself. Please calm down and tell me what’s happening.”
Tell me how much you want it.
Tell me.
“I won’t tell you. I’ll never tell you.”
The arm around my middle got tighter and I twisted and fought until I broke free. I dashed to the door but Trey was faster and blocked my only way out.
No escape.
“Come back to the room, Addy. It’s me and you, honey. Just me and you. I’m not gonna hurt you. I’d never hurt you, I love you, honey. Please let me help you.”
You know I love you, Adalynn. I love you so much you drive me crazy. I love you so much you make me lose my temper.
“You don’t love me.”
Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe.
I had to shove it back in. It was too close, clawing up my throat, almost there.
This was all wrong. Everything was wrong. I had to beat it back before it was too late. Everything would be ruined.
I was ruined.
You think you can leave me? You think I’d let you walk away from me?
Another slap. More pain.
I’ll ruin you before I let you leave me.
“No!” I screamed.
But I didn’t scream then. I didn’t fight because I knew it would hurt worse if I did. I was weak.
My vision cleared and my gaze landed on Trey, still in front of the door but with his phone to his ear. “Yeah, Emily, it’s Trey.”
Oh, no!
No. No. No.
“Don’t!” I shouted.
“Yeah, that was Addy. I need you at my place.”
There was a pause and his pain-filled stare held mine. I ignored the fear I saw, I ignored the worry, I ignored everything.
“Please, don’t.”
“Jasper’s on the visitor list at the guard gate and the back door is unlocked. I know he’s coming with you but he doesn’t come upstairs. Only you.”
My dad.
No.
“I hate you!” I screeched.
“One more thing, and I want this crystal clear. This ends for Addy tonight. And when it does, she’s not leaving my sight. Right now, she needs her mom, probably needs her sisters, too. And, Emily, brace.”
“It was over,” I told him. “It was over and now it will never be. You ruined everything. Everything.”
How could he be so calm?
My life was over.
Everything was ruined.
“Thanks. See you soon.”
Trey tossed his phone on the dresser and just stared.
“I fucking hate you.”
“No, baby, you don’t. We’re gonna get it all out and when we do, it won’t be able to hurt you anymore.”
“My dad will kill him.”
Trey’s face turned to granite and he squared his shoulders when in a low, terrifying growl he said, “And he goddamn well should. That motherfucker took his hands to you. Hit you. Hurt you. And, Addy, I’m scared as fuck, because you’re leaving something out. Something big. And you have to give it to me. What else did Keith do to you in your bathroom?”
Tell me how much you want it.
I screwed my eyes closed to block out that horrible voice in my head. The sight of Keith above me.
Down.
I had to shove it down, but the problem was it was coming up fast. It was gagging me. I couldn’t breathe.
Then I wasn’t standing. I was moving. My feet hit the cold tile, then my knees didn’t, and my hair was pulled away from my face before I emptied the contents of my stomach.
You want it.
I didn’t want it. I didn’t want anything.
Ruined.
I kept my eyes closed and retched more, the whole time knowing that my life was over and it was all because of Trey.
I heard his soft murmurs but I couldn’t make out the words and I didn’t care.
He called my mom, now it was over.
My dad wouldn’t let this go.
More stress. More worry.
My mom would be left alone. My sisters without their dad, and it would all be my fault.
Poor, stupid, naïve Adalynn.
“I hate you,” I muttered and spit.
“I can live the rest of my life knowing you hate me if it means you no longer live with what’s eating you up inside.”
“I’ll never forgive you.”
“And I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t love you enough to get this out of you.”
“My dad will never be able to look at me again and I’ll hate you for that, too.”
Trey had no response to that.
And more of my dinner churned in my stomach before it came back up.
In the silence, Trey never let go of my hair, and his other hand never stopped stroking my back.
I don’t know how long I was on my knees in front of the toilet. I was too far gone in my fear. But it had to be a long time. Long enough for my mom to make calls. Long enough for her to drive to Trey’s. Long enough for my humiliation to be complete.
“Delaney, pull the wet blankets off my bed, yeah?” There was a pause, then he continued making demands. “Quinn, get me a wet washcloth. Emily, my tees are in the bottom right drawer.”
“Great,” I muttered.
“We’re gonna work this out of you.” He kissed the top of my head.
“I didn’t want it worked out.”
Then, like I was a two-year-old, Trey wiped my brow with a wet washcloth and finished with a swipe over my mouth and chin.
“Need to get you out of the bathroom.”
I felt the heat from his body move away and I sat back on my heels before I twisted to get up. When I did, my mind took me back to the last time I was on my knees in a bathroom. The memory was vicious and swift. My body revolted, my mind protested, but I couldn’t stop it from breaking free.
Tell me.
I could feel his breath on my neck, feel his teeth sink into my flesh.
Then pain.
“I’ll never tell you.”
“Fuck. Everyone out.” Then I felt strong hands on my face, holding me hostage. “Open your eyes, baby.”
“I can’t watch.”
“Watch what?”
“What he took. I can’t watch him do it. I have to keep my eyes closed.”
I heard noises. But nothing penetrated. I couldn’t watch.
“He’s not here, Addy. It’s me and you. Open your eyes and look at me.”
Shame.
Searing, hot, shame.
“He’s always here. I beat it back and keep it locked away. I told you I had to keep it deep down or I couldn’t—”
“Adalynn, open your eyes and look at me,” Trey demanded.
Slowly my lids lifted and all I could see was Trey. He was sitting on the floor, his knees bent cocked to the sides and I was between them. We were face-to-face and all I saw was him.
“He cannot hurt you.”
“It hurts every day,” I admitted. “Every day, I’m afraid.”
“He will never hurt you again, I swear it.”
“Not him. I’m afraid of my dad.”
I heard my mother gasp and I closed my eyes.
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“Your—”
“You don’t know him, Trey. You don’t know what he’ll do. You don’t know how it will eat him up inside until he won’t be able to look at me.”
“Baby, that’s what you’re afraid of?”
“Yes,” I croaked. “You don’t know. It will hurt him so bad he won’t be able to love me anymore.”
“I do know that you are absolutely wrong. There is not a single thing you could do that would make Jasper Walker turn his back on his daughter. There’s nothing you could do that would make him love you less.”
“He’s right, my sweet girl,” my mom said, and my heart flip-flopped hearing her voice.
Sad. So sad.
“I didn’t want you to know.”
“I know you didn’t. My strong girl, always going at it alone. Quiet as a mouse making her own way, but stronger than the rest.”
“I’m not strong,” I whispered, and Trey’s hand slid from my cheek to my neck and he gave me a gentle squeeze.
My eyes lifted and I was shocked to find his eyes glossy.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I’m—”
Then I wasn’t speaking because I leaned forward and buried my face into his throat. He held me while I cried. He held me when the tears subsided. And he did it even longer as I tried to catch my breath.
“How about we get you out of here so you can talk to your mom?”
“Trey?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“I didn’t mean what I said.”
“I know you didn’t.” His tone was dull and his eyes were no longer glossy but they were clouded with something I didn’t understand, but it scared me. “Emily, do you mind helping Addy up?”
“Trey?”
His gaze hadn’t left mine and I saw him flinch.
“Yeah?”
“Nothing.”
He knew.
Now everything was ruined.
Just like I knew it would be.
I didn’t fight when my mom helped me stand, nor did I struggle when she led me to Trey’s bed and made me get in it. And once her arms wrapped around me and Hadley got in and pressed herself to my side, my mind blanked.
I lost him.
He knew I was ruined.
I’d been the perfect Addy with the perfect life. He now knew I was flawed.
Flawed (Triple Canopy Book 2) Page 23
