Copyright © 2016 by Maria La Serra
Editing by The Polished Pen
Proofreading: Emerald Ash Edits
Cover design by Indie Solutions by Murphy Rae
Formatting by JT Formatting
ISBN: 978-0995097902
All rights reserved.
Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products, bands, and/or restaurants referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.
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For more information about the author visit: maria-laserra.com
For Laura and Sofia, my one true universe.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Epigraph
Montreal Missed Connections/Beautiful Girl With The Red Scarf – m4w
January
1. Girl with a realization.
2. Mr. Universe.
3. When she comes around.
4. Definitely something.
5. Music at the start.
6. A man walks into a bar.
7. The long goodbye.
8. Paths crossed, worlds collide.
9. Thirty-five pills.
10. Philosophy of family.
11. The Artist.
12. Brotherly love.
13. The way you look tonight.
14. Damn electrifying heat.
15. Same old love song.
16. Perfect imperfections.
17. Somewhere with you.
March
18. Uninvited.
19. Daughter to a father.
20. Just friends.
21. Lifeline.
22. Somebody to you.
23. Plays on until something breaks.
June
24. The rain you can’t control.
25. Shine your light my way.
26. Promise of someone yet to come.
27. Things don’t change, unless you do.
28. House built out of stone.
29. Infinity.
30. Blow out the candles.
31. After dark.
32. After it all.
33. The art of letting go.
34. Most interesting women on the internet.
One Year Later
35. Coming home.
36. Love returns.
37. Love still exists.
About the Author
“Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to me,
why should you not speak to me?
And why should I not speak to you?”
Walt Whitman
“You don’t love someone for their looks,
or their clothes, or their fancy car,
but because they sing a song only you can hear.”
Oscar Wilde
Olivia found an escape route on the far left, a red exit sign beckoning salvation. All roads led to a doorway, but she was never capable of venturing through.
“Congratulations!” said a woman in a blue dress.
“Thank you—”
“You look lovely. Are you having a good time, dear?”
“Yes.” If she wasn’t an absolute crazy mess.
You couldn’t tell just by looking at her. Sure, her lips curved beautifully up like an emoji smiley face, but internally, she felt like an imposter in her own life.
Loud music and laughter surrounded Olivia as she stood quietly in a room full of people. Who were these people? They were too busy living their lavish lives to even notice hers was coming to an emotional standstill.
At that moment, a black hole could open before her, devour her right up, and few people would even care to notice. She secretly smiled to herself. Perhaps she shouldn’t wish to be sucked into oblivion, not tonight anyhow. It was her party, yet she couldn’t be more out of place. It was like she had been observing the whole thing behind a two-sided mirror. But this is how Olivia had been living her entire life.
Her brother Paul walked up beside her. “Some shindig you got going on. I feel like I’m at the … what’s the name of that award show they do in Hollywood?”
“The Oscars?”
And the Oscar goes to … Olivia Montiano, for Sham of a Life. It was a shame it had taken her five years to realize it.
After a second glance, he frowned before handing her a glass. “Hey, are you alright?”
She glanced up to find his concerned brown eyes. Even though she genuinely liked the fact she mattered to him, she never wanted to give him any reason to worry about her.
“Yeah, sure … Why?”
“You look a little pale.” Paul playfully rested his hand on her forehead.
“Get out of here.” She laughed, slapping his hand away. “I’m fine.”
Paul had always been handsome, tall, and lean, but something was different about him these days. Maybe it was his light hair, freshly cut to a much shorter length. Could it be he finally got his act together and decided to work for their father?
“Yeah, I guess I’m little overwhelmed.”
“Shit, do you even know all these people?”
“Some.” Smiling weakly, she added, “It’s out of hand, right? You know Dario …”
“Well, it doesn’t surprise me your fiancé would turn your engagement party into a business venture.” Paul brought the glass to his lips but stopped midair.
“Hey, isn’t that the new mayor of Montreal?”
Nodding, Olivia took a sip of her drink. “God, this is awful. What did you give me?”
She scrunched her nose. Olivia wasn’t much of a drinker, maybe a glass of red wine once in a while. She never got drunk because that sort of thing was not responsible. And Olivia always did the right thing, even though it never made her happy.
“Gin and tonic …” He grinned. “O-kay, more gin than tonic. Drink up. It seems you could use it.”
Olivia looked over her shoulder. “Hey, do you have your cigarettes on you?” she whispered.
“What am I, your pusher?” He laughed. “You’re serious? I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Come on. I feel like doing something destructive.”
Who was she kidding? She never did anything destructive in her life. This was the best thing she could think of? Her parents never knew she used to be a smoker, a nasty habit she picked up in college. It was probably the only thing she ever did that would displease them.
“I don’t know what the big deal is. It’s just a cigarette.”
Paul hesitated. “Alright, only this time.”
“You’re such a hypocrite.” She laughed.
“Do what I say, not what I do,” he said, quoting their father.
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Hey, where are yo
u going?”
“I left them at coat check. I’ll meet you outside in five.”
She watched her brother make his way through the crowd. All night she kept her composure: smiling, talking to her guests, occasionally even laughing at their not so funny jokes, never showing a clue about what was going on inside. Today is the day, she told herself. She had reached the point of all she could bear. She needed to escape from the room filled with ignorant people, who believed social status and wealth were the only things that gave someone importance, and the judgemental stares.
Dario approached her from behind. “Olivia, come with me. I want you to meet Mr. Belanger.”
“Who?”
“The guy I’ve been talking about. You know, the gentleman who owns half of the commercial buildings downtown.”
“Can it wait? I was—”
“Well, not really. I don’t want to keep him waiting.” Catching his reflection in the glass window, he straightened his silk blue tie.
He gave her a side glance. “I told you, you should have worn the blue dress. At least, we would have matched tonight.”
Who were they, Laverne and Shirley?
“I don’t believe this shit; I’ve been trying to close this deal for weeks.”
Dario had been irritating her all night. She was not excited at the prospect of being paraded all around the room like this was some circus and she was the show’s main attraction. Her fiancé seemed to miss the point of what should have been a joyous occasion for them. Instead, he had made it out to be something else entirely. Olivia wondered how she allowed herself to get lost in someone else’s life. Was there any hope of getting hers back?
Olivia nervously spun her ring around, itching to take it off like it was a cheap wool sweater. This ridiculous, massive diamond ring would make most woman happy.
Not her.
Dario hadn’t proposed to her the way she’d always imagined. One day he began bringing up the subject of marriage. He’d discussed it like it was some business deal and he was talking to one of his clients. She’d frowned, knowing Dario wasn’t much of a romantic, but still … when they were ready to take the next step in their relationship, she never thought it would feel like a hostile takeover.
He quickly glanced at her. “God, Olivia, would it hurt you to smile?”
She closed her eyes, holding on to a long breath and walked away.
“Olivia?”
Turning the corner, she opened a door leading to the large terrace. As soon as it closed, there was an instant quietness and serenity. It was as though she could finally breathe again. Only the faint of sounds of cars and trucks heading east and west came from below. The city seemed so vast and endless, and it made her feel minute and insignificant. The Place Ville-Marie had the most spectacular panoramic view of the entire metropolis. It was one of the reasons why Dario wanted to have their engagement party here at the penthouse. It was once a nightclub, which was closed for nearly a year, but her father had connections to make it happen. Here she was, at the top of the tower with a rotation beacon that could be seen across the night sky. Standing so high up, she felt like Rapunzel … but she was far from getting her fairy tale ending.
The air was cold and it lightly danced on Olivia’s bare skin. It should have made her shiver, but at the moment Olivia didn’t care if it was the middle of winter and all she had on was her strapless, red, designer dress. It cascaded all the way to the ground, and she let it drag in the snow as she walked closer to the end of the gallery. Dario had made the staff remove as much snow as possible to give the smokers a place. It had been five years since Olivia lit her last cigarette and at this moment, she desperately needed one.
Where the hell was Paul?
She gazed at the view in front of her. The city was twinkling with millions of lights. She could see as far as the St. Laurence river and beyond to the South shore. She’d lived in this city all her life, but knew very little of it.
The beacon light flashed across the sky, forcing her eyes back up again. They landed on the biggest and brightest star. Written on those stars, something big was about to happen, something completely exceptional. What would she wish for? Happiness? Love? A great career? Hadn’t she possessed all those things already? Most of her friends thought so. Olivia felt numb because she knew the reality of it. When it came down to looking at the fine print, it was a different story. These days the thread had been unraveling quicker than she could ever imagine.
For several weeks, Olivia struggled with the feeling that she was not living the life that was intended for her. Why was it so hard to be happy? Olivia thought about Dario. Even if she did believe in soul mates, Dario wasn’t it. Over time, Olivia thought she could change him, but it turned out it had been Olivia who did all the changing. At first, she told herself Dario only wanted the best for her. Lies.
She thought she could live with the fact Dario was a workaholic like her father, and it didn’t bother her.
More lies.
She believed Dario was marrying her because he loved her and not because of her father’s wealth or connections.
More. More. Lies.
The truth had been in front of her all along, but she refused to see it for many reasons.
“Olivia? For God’s sake, what are you doing out here?”
She slowly turned around. The color purple suited her sister well. The cut of the dress fit her like a glove. Her hair, all pinned up, gave her the allure of old Hollywood glamour. Her sister passed her four years in age, but everyone always told her they look so much alike. Olivia never thought they resembled each other much, except they both inherited the same big caramel eyes from their mother. Olivia was always grateful for her siblings and growing up they had always been close. Nina was a Daddy’s girl, and Paul was a Mama’s boy … Olivia fell somewhere in between.
“God, it’s cold out here.” Nina braced herself from the cold.
“Where’s Paul?”
Nina shrugged. “He said you wanted to do something destructive? What’s that all about?” She paused. “Are you crying?”
Nina pulled her dress up, carefully walking closer to her.
“I don’t think I can go through with this.”
“With what?” Nina’s eyebrows meshed together.
“I can’t go through with this charade … I can’t marry Dario.” Olivia covered her face with her hands.
Nina yanked Olivia into an embrace. “Hey … hey, it’s going to be alright. Liv, seriously stop! You’re going to get mascara all over yourself and on me.” Nina pulled back and reached into her purse, pulling out a tissue for her sister. “I know what’s going on …”
“You … do?” Olivia took the Kleenex out of her sister’s hand, wishing Nina could just read her mind without her having to say a single word.
“It’s just cold feet.”
Olivia’s heart slumped. She knew it was more than cold feet, but how was Nina to know. Olivia had been hiding everything from her family. There was so much they didn’t know about her relationship with Dario.
“I got cold feet before I married Peter. It’s only normal. It happens to some people.”
“I don’t believe you. You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“No, it’s true. Ask him.”
“Peter is good to you.”
“Yeah, Liv. All men are brilliant in the beginning. They bring you flowers, sweep you off your feet, and when you marry them, it becomes a different story.” Nina paused, bringing her arms higher around herself.
“All of a sudden you become this freaking 1950’s housewife. Freaking picking up his dirty socks at the end of the bed. Every. Freaking. Morning. Somehow they seem to forget what the laundry basket is for.” Nina gave her a toothy grin.
“But you love him.”
“Sure I do. We’ve been together for so long, but sometimes I wish we could go back to the beginning. To the days of all kinds of crazy fun-time.” Her smile faded. “Marriage is not a fairy tale, Ol
ivia. Other things come into the picture. Mortgage, bills, kids and life has a way of sucking the romance right out of it. There are plenty of days I swear Peter gets on my nerves. I could just choke him … but, when I force myself to stop and think back to the first moment I saw him, and why I love him, it renews my faith in us.”
“Going back to the beginning is always an amazing thing. I don’t know … maybe I’m not explaining myself well.”
Olivia realized relationships went through all kinds of changes. They evolved into something else, leaving a remnant of its former obsessive, passionate love behind. But if you didn’t have the love to sustain the relationship, any snag could cause everything to unravel. She had heard this speech or something like it before, from Aunt Teresa to the sweet Chinese lady next door. It seemed everyone had a piece of advice for her ever since she got engaged.
Her dilemma was quite simple: what if she was making a terrible mistake by settling down before meeting the person she was supposed to love? At the beginning of her relationship with Dario, she couldn’t call it a great love story. Olivia wasn’t sure what had sustained their relationship all this time. Perhaps it was love, but lately, she started to realize it had been her father. He was the one who’d set them up.
There was nothing more motivating than the fear of disappointing a parent.
Nina jumped at the sound of the crackling noise of the door opening behind them and placed her hand on her chest. “Ma, you scared the shit out of me,” Nina said.
“Sei pazzo? I didn’t think you were crazy enough to be out here. Quick, get inside! You’re both going to get sick.”
Their mother’s voice came through the slightly opened glass door. She looked sophisticated in her shift dress and white pearls, emulating the Jackie O. look. Even though their mother arrived in Canada as a young girl, she never managed to hide her Italian accent when she spoke English or French.
“We’re coming, Ma.” Nina began to shake even more. “I don’t know about you, but I’m a freaking ice cube. Please tell me you’re ready to go in.”
Olivia nodded.
“Are you okay?” Nina asked.
The Proverbial Mr. Universe Page 1
