The Proverbial Mr. Universe

by Maria La Serra

  He had it wrong and for once she had it right. Olivia had placed herself first, and that was what changed. That was what was different about her.

  “You’re in love with him and not with me.”

  “Dario, trust me when I say, I sincerely hope you will find someone that will make you happy.”

  There was no bad karma wished upon him; she just didn’t care one way or the other.

  “How about if I don’t want someone else?”

  “You’re not in love with me. I don’t think you ever were. You always want what you can’t have, but you should try wanting what you already have.”

  “Yeah, maybe …”

  “Look, Dario, it took us five years to realize that we don’t make sense together.”

  “I guess there is nothing I can say or do to convince you that I’m not a monster.”

  “You’re not a monster, Dario, but I do think that you’ve been hurting. I’m glad you’ve realized you need help.”

  “Where do we go from here?”

  “For starters, we need to sell that apartment, so sign those papers the next offer we get. You owe it to both of us to move on. It’s time to let go.”

  He looked at her. “Alright, alright, I will.”

  “Promise me something else.”

  “What?”

  “That you’ll treat the next girl better than you did with me.”

  Nick drove up the secluded gravel road that led to his grandmother’s home. This stone house was in the family for two generations, sat on three acres, and was surrounded by trees. Located in the Victorian village of Knowlton, it was an hour drive from the big city. The original part of the house dated back 1859, but an addition was added twenty years ago when his grandfather was alive. After his father had left, his family moved around often. There was no stability or place he felt any connection. This house was the only thing that was consistent, a sense of home. It was where he spent most of his childhood summers and where he took refuge during a time in his youth, when he couldn’t see past his reflection in the broken glass.

  It was here that he unraveled himself, discovered his hidden talents, so this was where the artist in him was born and the self-destructive boy came to pass.

  Nick shut the engine off and glanced at Olivia, who was checking herself in the mirror. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”

  “Don’t be. Trust me, she’s going to adore you.” She rolled her eyes, not buying it.

  “What if she doesn’t?”

  “What if she does?” He smiled. “Stop worrying. She’s going to see how happy you make me, and with that alone she’ll love you.”

  It was a confession to himself. This love could not be compared to anything from his existence, not even Chloe.

  When her eyes met his, she smiled.

  “Ready to go?”

  He adjusted his olive-colored fedora hat. Olivia placed her hand on her forehead to block the sun from her eyes.

  “I love these Victorian homes. They have so much character.” Olivia walked around the car to where Nick stood. He straitened her washed-out jean jacket and frowned. “Aren’t you going to be hot with this on today?”

  “No, I’ll be fine.”

  Nick looked down at her pink Converse sneakers and smiled. Nostalgia hit him, missing her crazy, stupid heels and sad eyes. That was where it all began. Now in front of him stands not a new Olivia, but a whole person. He took her by the hand and led her toward the walkway.

  “Hey, isn’t that your brother’s car?” she asked.

  He jerked his gaze further down the gravel road, tossing his head back and letting out an exasperated, long breath. His brother had told him he wasn’t able to come up this weekend and secretly he was relieved. He loved his brother, just sometimes he had no filter. Things with Olivia were fresh and delicate. He didn’t want to give her any reason to over think their relationship.

  “So much for a quiet weekend,” Nick murmured to himself.

  She laughed. “I like Dan. He’s fun to be around.”

  “My brother, Dan?”

  “Yeah, why is that so hard to believe?”

  He smiled. “I’m happy you like him. Dan can be rough around the edges sometimes, but I know he means well.”

  She started to walk in front of him, but Nick pulled her back by her hand just as she was about to go up the walkway. “Hold on. I want to show you something first before we go in.”

  He guided her down a path that brought them to the lake, and they stopped once they came to a wooden deck. Nick took in the view of the calm lake before settling down on the wooden planks, tugging Olivia with him, folding her within his arms.

  Nick came to live with his grandmother eleven years ago. Before that he had been a reckless teenager, fueling the weekends with hard drinking and drugs. It had led him to make horrible decisions, crazy, and dangerous choices. It was all self-indulgent. He never once thought of the consequences or how it would affect the people he loved. Any given moment, it could have easily had turn out to be the end of him. If it wasn’t for his family, which never gave up on him, he wouldn’t have found himself in the present. In his life there had been many dark moments of time.

  But now he lived in the light.

  He glanced down at Olivia, who was staring at out on the lake. If time should stop, this was where he wanted it to, with Olivia in his arms. At that moment he wanted to breathe her in, memorize everything about her. The shape of her nose, the way the strands of her hair always found their way in the front of her face. He adored her catlike eyes, the way they lit up every time she spoke about some piece of irrelevant information she had read somewhere on the internet, or the fire in her eyes when there was an injustice somewhere out there, and how she wished she could change it, change the world. She made him desire her in the most beautiful way. His life had been a brighter place since Olivia Montiano crossed his path. Because he had finally found someone who understood him and accepted him the way he was.

  “My mom continued to bring us here every summer,” he said softly.

  “Even after my dad left. I guess she wanted us to feel that things could still be normal, that we hadn’t lost everything completely.” He looked across the lake. “See that tree over there. My dad installed this big tractor tire that we used to swing from and fall into the water.”

  “It’s so peaceful. I could stay here all day.” She leaned further into him. He watched the water floating by and it gave the sensation he was floating down with it too. That was what it was like to be loved by Olivia: a smooth current of serenity.

  “Doesn’t sound like a bad idea?” He kissed the top of her head.

  “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

  “How much I miss my mom,” he said, staring at the lake. “After all this time, I keep thinking she’s going to come through those screen doors. I can still hear her voice calling out to us, like when Dan and I were boys.” Nick looked back at the stone house.

  “What was she like?” Olivia asked.

  “Strong, pretty, a lot like you.”

  She removed herself from his arms to look up at him.

  “It’s unreal to think she was once here, on this very deck and now she’s not. No longer existing. I can’t help but wonder how that’s possible. How someone you love so much can be taken away from you leaving you, to live with a big hole in your world,”

  Nick looked down at his hands because if he looked at her, his eyes would fill with tears. He knew what was ahead for her, the pain she’d have to deal with. In her case it would be slow and heartbreaking. One day she will lose her father. It was a pain he wished he could bear for her, but Nick knew too well when it came to loss everyone had their own cross to bear.

  “I wonder sometimes am I still considered a son of someone who’s no longer here. I don’t know, it’s fuckin’ hard to wrap your mind around it.”

  “Nick, you have to remember her presence is still here, around you. She lives within your heart and your memor
ies. You will always belong to her, and she still belongs to you. And that’s how you have to take it. Thinking otherwise would be too depressing. I never got the chance to know her, but I know what it’s like to love you, and I believe she loved you too much to see you live like that.”

  She brushed his hair away from his eyes, under the brim of his hat.

  “I wish you could have met her.”

  “I did. I see her in your eyes.”

  He gave her a quick smile. Just when he thought he had nothing left to give of himself, nothing left to offer, it was her heart that helped him grow and awaken his soul. And just like that there seemed to be enough in him, enough for the both of them.

  All he could do was sit there in silence, keep breathing, keep staring, and loving. He reached over for her.

  “Get a room, you lovebirds!” a deep voice yelled from behind them. Nick groaned. “So much for that,” he murmured between kisses.

  Nick stood up and held out his hand to her. He looked up the hill to see his brother, Dan, making his way toward them.

  “Remind me next time not to tell Dan where we go.”

  “Nana,” Nick said to a short woman with whitish-blond hair greeting them at the back porch. She was dressed in a nautical shift dress. It was hard to believe that someone who looked so prime and proper had often taken cocaine at parties in her early twenties. It was the late sixties and something she only disclosed to Nick. Perhaps he had gotten his wild streak from her. There was an old adage, “You are who you are,” but his grandmother was proof that some people do change. His nana once told him, “For people like you and me, it seems empathy came later. When you finally realize that every decision you make has an impact on others around you, it is with empathy that you realize you can’t continue the way you’re living. In life there is nothing wrong with making things as fun as you can, but do it without hurting anyone else along the way.”

  “I’m so happy to see you, love,” she said as she flung her arms around Nick and hugged him tightly.

  “Nana, this is Olivia.”

  She reached out for Olivia. “It’s such a pleasure to meet you finally! Nicky always talks about you.” His nana pulled Olivia into her arms for an embrace, then turned back at Nick. “Nicky, she’s lovelier than I imagined,” she said as if Olivia wasn’t in the room.

  “You have a beautiful home, Mrs. Montgomery,” Olivia said.

  “Please call me Nana. They all do around here.”

  With a full heart, Nick wrapped his arm around Olivia’s shoulder and kissed her forehead.

  “I’m going to go and help Dan outside with the barbecue, before he makes a mess of things.”

  “Yes, love, please help your brother. It will give us a chance to get to know one another.”

  “Hmmm, maybe I should stay …”

  “Go!” She waved her hands at him.

  He looked over at Olivia. Only when she smiled confidently did he go out the back door.

  Inside the interior décor was mix of country and retro, not Olivia’s taste but the place felt very much lived and loved. The kitchen was filled with all sorts of porcelain roosters, every shape and color. Calling Mrs. Montgomery a collector would be an understatement.

  “So Nick tells me you’re a designer?” Mrs. Montgomery asked from across the kitchen table.

  “Not yet. I’m an assistant to the owner of D.S. Designs.”

  Olivia didn’t look straight at her, but she could feel Mrs. Montgomery’s eyes on her, studying her, making her feel like she was at an interview.

  “Olivia, I can’t tell you how happy I am to know that Nick is painting again.” She put her hands together, showing the seriousness of her words. “It’s evident that my grandson is happy with you. You’ve brought him some stability in his life.” Her eyes sparkled, and Olivia now saw where Nick got his blue eyes from.

  “Well, I’m glad we found each other.” Olivia took a sip of her iced tea before looking up to meet Mrs. Montgomery’s eyes. When she does, her smile slightly fades.

  “I assume Nick told you about his health? You do understand the seriousness of his condition?”

  Olivia sympathized with her concerns. After all, Chloe had left. Why wouldn’t Olivia do the same? But Olivia wasn’t Chloe. She grasped that Nick lived with uncertainty that things could go wrong at any time, but Olivia was in it for the long run. Whatever the universe brought them, she wasn’t going to walk away.

  Not from the man she loved.

  “Yes, I’m well aware,” Olivia replied.

  “My poor boy has been through so much already. I just want to make sure that you understand.”

  “Mrs. Montgomery, the last thing I would want to do is hurt him more than he already has been. He holds a very special place in my life, and I’m grateful to have him there.”

  A smile graced Mrs. Montgomery, and she raises her glass to her lips. Olivia’s eyes caught a tiny tattoo on the corner of her hand.

  Mrs. Montgomery looked down at her hand. “I got this long ago, when only criminals got tattoos.” She laughed.

  Olivia found it intriguing that someone who seemed so put together could have such a colorful past. Nick had once told her that his grandmother was carefree in her youth, which Olivia could appreciate. Very few people do things in their life that they want to; the rest do what others expect them to. Olivia knew this all too well.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.”

  “No, it’s okay, I get asked about it a lot. Shocking, isn’t it, for an old lady such as myself?” She laughed. “It’s hard to believe I was once young and foolish, and oh what I put my parents through!” She shook her head. “That’s what it means to be human. Our emotions drive us in all sorts of directions, and we are prone to make mistakes, just some are permanent.” She lifted her hand to show her tattoo. Now, she sounded more like her Mr. Universe. Olivia was still finding his notes.

  “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not something I regret because experience should never be looked down upon, but appreciated. It’s with experience you grow and, my dear, how I’ve grown.” She patted Olivia’s hand.

  “Is it the infinity symbol?” Olivia asked.

  “Yes, at the time it appealed to me because it represented something without bound, countless, never-ending possibilities of life.” Mrs. Montgomery got up and placed her empty glass in the sink.

  Olivia looked across at the fireplace. Old pictures adorned the mantel. She walked over to get a better look.

  “This was Nick when he was eight.” Mrs. Montgomery handed Olivia the picture frame.

  In the photograph Nick and his brother were playing by the lake.

  “Is this Nick’s parents?”

  In the photograph was a young couple in their late teens, posing in front of an old mustang.

  “Yes.”

  “They look so happy. It makes you wonder what happened.”

  “Well, at the beginning of every love story, we think it’s going to last forever, but when things get difficult, it’s hard to distinguish where the arrow is going to land.”

  Olivia thought about her parents, on how her mother spent years growing their family while her father worked long hours. It just seemed so unfair now. Her father was close to retirement. They should be spending time together, not just for her mother to become her father’s caretaker and watch the man she loves slowly disappear.

  There were no guarantees in life, none what so ever.

  “Olivia, if you saw them together you would say they loved each other deeply. Somehow they just couldn’t keep it together.” She frowned, playing with her string of pearls. “I don’t know how much Nick told you about his parents.”

  Olivia shook her head. “Not much. All I know is he hasn’t spoken to his dad in years.”

  She nodded. “Yes, Nick never forgave his father for walking out on them.”

  Olivia didn’t blame Nick for not wanting anything to do with his father. What kind of a man would walk away from his family, leaving
a sick wife and two small children to support them on her own? It was one thing for any marriage to be over, but the manner in which it was done … no longer wanting to be a part of his children lives … was heartbreaking.

  “It was hard for everyone. My son stepped out and I stepped in. His decisions put me at such disadvantage. I love my son, and I love my grandsons.”

  “Yes, I imagine it would be. Why do you think he left?”

  She exhaled a long breath. “When Beth, Nick’s mother, was first diagnosed with cancer, it seemed to put a more of a strain on their already stressful relationship. At the beginning of her treatment, he had been supportive, but then something changed.”

  Olivia handed her back the frame, and Mrs. Montgomery placed it back on the mantel.

  “I read somewhere that some men can’t cope with the fear someone they love might not survive. So they just get up and leave rather than face the pain. Greg didn’t leave because he didn’t love his family; he left because he couldn’t cope with the fear that she wouldn’t survive.”

  “But she did survive the first time?” Olivia asked.

  “After a brief period he wanted to come back, but Beth wouldn’t have it, not allowing him to even see the boys.” She paused. “After a while Greg just couldn’t live in the same city, knowing he couldn’t see them. It tore him apart, so he moved away.”

  “Does Nick or Dan know about this?” Olivia asked.

  “No, Beth didn’t want them to know, and I had to respect her wishes. You understand, I didn’t want her to shut me out as well, so I closed my mouth.”

  “But now she’s gone so why not tell them? Don’t they deserve to know the truth?”

  “I cannot be the one to betray her memory. How do you think they will feel knowing their mother was the reason for keeping them apart from their father?”

  “But I don’t understand. Doesn’t Dan still keeps contact with him?”

  “Yes, he does but at a minimum. Ever since Nick was hospitalized, Greg flew back and forth from Calgary to Montreal until Nick got his new heart. Dan and Beth had reconciled to some degree, but Nick refused to see him.”