by Lola StVil
“You don’t get it. I let her go because we would go to be together, make love and everything was okay. Then I’d wake up in the middle of the night and find her with a blade in her hand, slicing into my damn chest so she could harvest my powers.”
“What the hell?”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. There is no limit to how far she will go to gather powers. I thought there was, I thought that limit was me, but I was wrong. She even took the vials from Malakaro. Do you know how bat-shit crazy you have to be to steal from Malakaro?”
“So the two of you are working together to destroy her?” I ask.
“No, he must have known about me and Raven because instead of asking me to help him, he came to you. Look, Raven is a study in complication and manipulation. Seriously, that bitch is crazy.”
“And you love it.”
“I did, but there’s a limit. I didn’t know there was, but there is.”
“What limit? What happened to make you dump Raven? Was it the village she massacred?”
“Yeah, yeah. That’s why I left her.”
I know he’s lying. Something happened that made him walk away and he won’t admit it. Whatever he’s hiding is too important to skip over. I try to come at it another way.
“If you and Malakaro have fallen out, helping kill the Raven is the best way to get back in his good graces. To help me do that, I need all the info. What happened with you and Raven?”
“She’s amassing all these powers and she won’t stop until she has consumed everything, everyone…”
He looks wounded and betrayed. It’s more than the fact that Raven tried to hurt him, there’s something in his expression, something I’m missing. I’ve seen that look before, but I can’t really place it right now. Shit! What is it this demon isn’t saying?
Before I can push him even more, Spider sends me a text saying he’s found a Healer who was paid to put together a mixture for the Gentleman. I look up at the demon before me and decide I’m done with games.
“Why did you have six vials of Blank created just days before you broke up with Raven?”
“You’re misinformed,” he lies.
“Was it for Raven? Did you give her a mixture to make her forget? And why would she need to drink so many Blank vials? What memory did you take away from her?”
“Good-bye, Noru. We will talk again—soon,” he says as he takes flight.
“WHAT DID YOU WANT RAVEN TO FORGET SO MUCH THAT YOU USED SIX VIALS OF BLANK ON HER?”
I go to take off after him, determined to get some answers. But I never get the chance because I get a call from the Kon, a call that stops my world.
“What? No! Diana would never do that! She would never try to take her life… When was this?… Why did they call you and not me?… Really, Bex, don’t piss me off right now… Whatever, I’m on my way.”
I land in the nearest alley by the hospital and rush inside. The first angel I see is the Kon.
“Where is she?” I ask Bex as I race towards him.
“She’s in the room next door. She’s refusing to see anyone.”
“Well, she’s gonna see me,” I reply as I march up to her door.
“Hey, she is very emotional right now; huffing and puffing like a damn wolf demanding to be let in isn’t going to help,” he says as he stands in my way.
“You think I’m gonna lose it on her?”
“Why not? It’s what you’re good at.”
“I appreciate you calling me, but this is none of your business, Para.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I helped Diana get her wings back. I didn’t do that so that you could abandon her and let grief eat her up. Why is it so hard for you to grow the hell up and be there for the ones you say you love?”
“I’m not doing this with you, Para.”
“Do the women know what they’re headed for when they let you into their lives? Or is it just a nice surprise, like an unexpected Powerball to the chest?” Bex pushes.
“You really want to do this? You want to keep score on who did what? I’m not the one who spent years with Key, knowing I was into someone else. I’m the one who saved her from having to go to the Center while her boyfriend was drooling over my damn girl!”
“Ex-girl.”
“Why are you so concerned about what happens to Diana? Is this what you do? Chase after girls I’ve been with?”
“Given your track record, it would take too damn long to hunt all those girls down. In fact, I’m sure even Omnis himself doesn’t have that kind of time.”
“So that’s what this is about? You’re jealous because of who I sleep with?” I reply in disbelief.
“I don’t give a damn what you do. What I care about is the wreckage you leave behind.”
“And that’s when you come in, right? You hold them and, what, promise them fortune beyond their wildest dreams? Do you tell them they can rule beside you, or do you just outright offer them your throne?”
“What I offer has nothing to do with me being Kon. You want to know why girls start with you but end up with me? I don’t need to be fixed. Sooner or later every girl gets sick of trying to put you back together. The truth is, no matter how much fun a toy is, once it’s broken, you throw it into the trash where it belongs.”
I tackle him with full force; we both go flying down the hall and smash into the reception desk. Bex manages to get up before I do and rains down blow after blow on my chest. I kick his feet out from under him and he starts to fall over. He regains his balance before he hits the floor.
He takes a swing and makes contact with my right temple. The pain travels down my body. It hurts like shit, but it only makes it easier to be okay with killing him. I growl as I strike back and pound the Kon in the midsection repeatedly. We both summon up orbs; I hold a blue fireball and Bex has a white ball of energy. And without any hesitation, we launch them at each other.
The orbs are halted midflight and redirected out the window. Bex and I look over at the being responsible and find the Face standing behind us. She looks more pissed than usual. Her hands are folded in front of her and her lips are pursed as if she just ate a dozen lemons.
“What is going on here?” she demands.
We start to speak, but she shuts us up with her pointy index finger. She closes her eyes, trying to calm herself. When she finally speaks again, her voice leaves no room for argument. “The two of you have lost your minds and your composure. And I suggest you find them both and fast! This is a hospital, not a brothel. You are the king of Paras, Bexington, perhaps it is time you behaved as such.”
Bex doesn’t reply; he does, however, gather himself and fix his clothes. The Face turns to me and shakes her head, deeply disappointed.
“Mr. Case, does your fury know no bounds? You are here to see the mother of your fallen child. Perhaps you could muster up some respect and self-control. Or at the very least, contain your animal-like ways until after you have seen Diana. Can you do that?” she asks.
I look away, pissed off and ashamed that I let that Para asshole get to me. The Face finally lowers her arms and looks around the room in disgust.
“Now, I am sure the rest of the Noru are on the way. When they get here, I think it’s best that they don’t find this mess…”
When I enter Diana’s room, I’m not really sure what I expect to see. We have kept in touch every day since Sparks’ death, even if it was just a text saying good night. Unlike what the Para idiot thinks, I didn’t abandon Diana. However, since my encounter with Malakaro and the Swoop ordeal, I have been preoccupied and haven’t been as in touch as I should have been.
After Sparks’ funeral, we talked privately and we agreed we wouldn’t be together as a couple. The one thing that held us together was gone, so it was only natural that we fell apart. Yet, we didn’t. Although we were no longer romantically linked, Diana and I would reach out to each other on the days when grief was simply too much to take in. We’d talk for hours if that’s what we needed
to do to get each other back to being “okay.”
That’s the thing about losing a child: you never get back to “happy,” you just try to reach “okay.”
When I walk into her room, she’s lying on the bed, on her side, facing the entrance. She’s always been curvy and healthy looking; now she looks thin and fragile. Her once vibrant face is pale and drained of all life. Her hair is tangled, wild, and hasn’t been combed in days.
The biggest change in her is her eyes. Diana always had these larger-than-life eyes that sought out adventure and danger wherever she went. Looking at her now, it’s like thieves came in the night and robbed her, leaving only a faint smoke where once a flame raged. The girl on the bed is so far from the girl I met in a bar a few years ago.
Seeing her so out of it is torture. So much so, my chest tightens with pangs of guilt and sadness. I knew she wasn’t doing well, but I didn’t know she had gotten this bad. I should have known that. Why didn’t I know that?
I pull the nearest chair as close as I can to her bed. I place my hand on her cheek and pull the hair off her defeated face.
“Hi, beautiful,” I whisper.
“Liar,” she says as our eyes meet.
“You scared me,” I confess.
“Sorry.”
“Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad?” I plead.
“It’s always bad,” she reasons.
“I know…”
“I wasn’t trying to worry anyone, I just…”
“What? What is it, Diana? You know you can talk to me.”
“I’m tired. I’m so tired of missing her. It never gets better for long. I tried to get through it, Silver, I swear I did. But I can’t. I can’t. Every day I wake up and it’s like I’m losing her all over again. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t walk around without my heart.”
My chest tightens once again. A lump forms in my throat and my hand starts to shake. I remind myself that it won’t help for me to fall apart. I then take her hand in mine.
“When it gets to be too much, you have to call me. I’ll come back. It doesn’t matter where I am, I will come back,” I promise.
“It doesn’t matter if you come; nothing matters. It’s just me and the hole inside me. Every day it grows bigger and I just want it to hurry up and swallow me. Hurry up and end my life so I can stop hurting.”
“You can’t do that, okay?”
“Why? Why can’t I just die?”
“Because I need you. Please, please stop talking about death. You are all I have left of our daughter. Please, don’t…I can’t lose any more.”
She looks up at my wings and studies them. She sits up and asks me to bring my wings closer to her. I do as she says. She runs her fingers through the third layer of my wings; shock and alarm spread across her already pained face.
“Silver, what are you doing?” she asks.
I tell her it’s nothing and I look away. She looks at the other wing and finds the third coat just as depleted. You would never know it by looking at the top layer of my wings, the layer everyone sees. However, when you are close to someone, close enough to let them touch the third layer, it’s easy for them to note the missing patches that once held feathers.
“You’ve been going to an actual Hole? You’ve been reliving moments with Sparks?” she asks.
“Just a few times.”
“No, it’s not just a few times. Your third layer is almost gone.”
“Look, it’s just…I can’t stand not being near her for more than a few days. I try not to go, but…it’s hard.”
“Yeah, it is,” she says as she starts to sob.
I pull her into my chest, she wraps her arms around my neck, and we hold on tightly to each other.
“What does Pryor think about you going to the Hole?” she asks as she pulls away.
“She doesn’t know. I mean, we haven’t talked.”
“You two are really broken up?” she asks.
“Yeah, you know that.”
“I thought you’d stay away from her for an hour or so and then go back to her.”
“I’m pretty sure she’s over me and the whole thing.”
“How do you know?”
“She’s been with someone else.”
“Who?”
“It doesn’t matter. She wants me to know she hates me and her message was received.”
“So…there is no hope for you and her?”
“I don’t really see any,” I reply in a small voice.
“Really? Are you sure?” Diana says with slight excitement in her voice.
“Um…look, Diana, you and I are just friends—”
“Oh, I know. I get it. That’s not what I was getting at,” she says.
“Okay, then what is it? Why are you looking at me and smiling?” I ask.
“I thought it would be impossible since you and Pryor would be a couple again. But if that’s not the case, if you two really are over…”
“Diana, what are you talking about?”
“Oh my Omnis, we can do this! We can actually do this!” she says as she jumps off the bed excitedly.
“Do what? Diana, you’re losing me.”
“Silver, don’t you see? We have a chance to fix everything. You won’t have to go to the Hole and risk your wings, I won’t have to take my life, and we can both finally, finally stop hurting.”
“How?”
“Isn’t it obvious? You and I will have another baby!”
Chapter Seventeen:
The Girl I Love
I try to find a way to process what just happened. My first instinct is to ask her if she’s lost her mind, but I can’t, fearing she may actually have lost her mind. Or maybe it’s something else. Could this be her trying to get us back together?
“What?” she asks, reading the perplexed look on my face.
“Diana, you know even if we had another baby, you and I aren’t getting back together,” I reply gently.
“Oh, for the love of Omnis, I told you this isn’t about us. Look, I will sign a contract saying as soon as I get pregnant, you can take off if you want. I couldn’t care less. I just want my little girl back. That’s all this is about,” she says sincerely.
“Okay, I believe you.”
“Good,” she says with renewed hope.
She gets on my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. She leans in close, and there’s a spark in her eye as she goes in to kiss me. I pull back, and she looks at me, baffled.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
“We can’t do this.”
“Oh, you’re right. I get it. I look like hell. Hang on, I think I have some makeup here somewhere.”
“It’s not the makeup, you look fine,” I assure her.
“Then it’s the location, right? I mean, I know we aren’t a couple, but that still doesn’t mean we can’t do it somewhere nice, right? I’ll get my things and we can go to a nice hotel or something,” she says as she hurriedly gathers her things.
“It’s not what you look like or the place. We can’t have another baby.”
“Why not?” she asks.
“Because it’s crazy, that’s why.”
“No, no, it’s not. We made her once, we can make her again.”
“We can have a million kids, and there will never be another Sparks. You can’t just replace her like a lost shoe or a house pet. She was a kid, our kid, and she’s gone. You trying to get her back is…Diana, we can’t have another baby,” I plead.
“You’re thinking too much, Silver. Let’s get out of here. Remember when we spent all night hiding in a butcher shop so the Paras couldn’t find us? We smelled like meat so bad we had dogs chasing us, and we were in a no-fly zone so we had to outrun them.”
“The pit bull got you. I tried to pull it off of you, and you said, ‘Forget about me, save my shoe.’” I smile as I recall that night.
“And when we got away, we treated ourselves by spending the night at that fancy hotel with the
soaps that smelled like—”
“—eucalyptus,” I reply.
“After we got clean, we got dirty…” she says suggestively.
She walks up to me, stands on the tips of her toes, and gently kisses my lips. Although she has no makeup or any “female weapons,” she is alluring just the same. She tempts me with the fullness of her mouth, the closeness of our bodies and, more importantly, our history.
The fact of the matter is Diana and I have a long history, even before Sparks. We have always understood each other. We didn’t belong to any group; we were experts at making bad decisions and had grown accustomed to paying the price.
She parts her lips and explores my mouth with her tongue. She starts to unbutton my shirt. A part of me is hoping she realizes that this is crazy, but as she unbuttons the third button, it becomes clear: she is more than committed to this.
“Diana, we can’t—”
“Shhhh…it’s not nice to talk with your mouth full,” she says as she kisses me deeper.
“We can’t…”
“Um…I think we can,” she says as she hops up on me and wraps her legs around my waist.
I hold her securely and take her back over to the bed. She purrs as I lay her down. She looks up at me with unbridled anticipation. She bites her lower lip and waits for me to lean in and continue what she started. However, I don’t keep the momentum going. Instead I gently unhook her arms and legs from me. She watches as I button my shirt back up.
“What are you doing?” she demands.
“Putting the mother of my child to bed, so she can get a much-needed rest,” I reply as I place the covers over her.
“You always said you would be there for me. You said you’d do anything to make this better. You said you’d do anything for me,” she shouts as she sits up.
“I would do anything for you,” I reply.
“Then do this for me. Give me my baby back.”
“I can’t. She’s gone. Please just stop, okay? Stop making me have to keep saying it out loud because it really fucking hurts,” I bark.
“I’m trying to make that pain stop; come lie down on this bed with me and all the mourning and sadness will go away.”
