Chasing Faith

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  Savannah giggled. “I know. I helped him pick it out. But that dress won’t do for the event you’re going to tonight.” She touched my arm. “My brother’s running for lieutenant governor,” she said quietly. “As his girlfriend, you have to dress the part.”

  “I don’t know,” I whispered, looking back at the adorable dress. “It’s just so…”

  “Don’t you like it?” she asked, her eyes wide.

  “I love it,” I assured her. “But it’s awfully…expensive.”

  Savannah laughed. “Don’t you worry about the price. I told Sebastian about this dress. He gave me his credit card to pay for it if you decided you liked it.”

  “I don’t want to take his money for a dress I probably won’t wear more than once.”

  Savannah smiled. “You’ll be wearing a lot of dresses just like this one. There will be reporters taking pictures at every event you attend with my brother. Every newspaper in the state will have photographs of you, and women everywhere will be checking out your clothes.”

  I hadn’t even thought that I would be in the limelight because I was Sebastian Stokes’s girlfriend. Suddenly the shopping spree was unsettling. “Look,” I said, “I appreciate the gesture, but no thanks. The dress is gorgeous, but it’s just too much money.”

  “Okay.” She turned away from the saleswoman and whispered, “Don’t sweat the price—I told you we can use a credit card to buy the dress. You wear it to the governor’s dinner tonight, and tomorrow one of my girlfriends can bring it back and get a full refund. We do that all the time.”

  I giggled. “My friend Eden and I used to do the same thing, but we don’t anymore. Girl, that’s wrong, and now we just buy cheaper dresses.”

  We left the expensive dress on the rack, and the saleswoman frowning, to see what else we could find. As we strolled through the mall I saw a Parisians store. “Let’s look in here,” I suggested.

  Savannah hesitated, but followed me in. As I searched through the racks of clothes, Savannah stood behind me, glancing around as if she didn’t want to be seen by anyone.

  I found two breathtaking outfits: a conservative black blouse with an ankle-length skirt that had slits on both sides, and a long, red, form-fitting gown with a bare back, also slit above the thigh. I asked Savannah what she thought of them.

  “They’re really nice,” she said.

  “Let’s both try one on,” I suggested, handing her the black one.

  We tried on the dresses, then walked out of the dressing rooms to check each other out. We smiled and nodded, complimenting each other on how we looked.

  “See?” I said. “You don’t have to spend a lot of money to look good.”

  She checked the price tag and shook her head. “I had no idea a great dress like this could cost so little.”

  We changed back into our street clothes and got in line at the counter. “Thanks for showing me this store, Christian,” she said. “All my life my mother taught me that women had to pay a lot of money to look good, but she was wrong. You just have to know how to shop.”

  “That’s right,” I said with a grin.

  When our turn came to pay, I pulled out my wallet.

  “No way,” Savannah said. “Since you showed me how to get the most for my money, I want to buy this dress for you. With Sebastian’s credit card, of course.”

  “Now, I can afford to pay for this,” I said. “It’s only a hundred and sixty dollars.”

  “But Sebastian told me to get a dress for you with his credit card.”

  “I’ve got the gift certificate,” I said, pulling it from my purse.

  Savannah gently guided the gold-foiled envelope Sebastian had given me back to my handbag. “Save that for another time. Besides, thanks to your shopping expertise, we can get two dresses for less than the price he was willing to pay for one.”

  I reluctantly let her purchase the dresses, but insisted on buying her lunch. Savannah suggested we go to a Caribbean restaurant and I eagerly agreed, though I’d never been to one before. She drove to downtown Atlanta and parked in front of a place called Reggae.

  To my surprise, Reggae had moderate prices. Soft Jamaican music played in the background, and people from all walks of life were dining there.

  We seated ourselves and were given menus by the waitress. I asked Savannah what she recommended and she said the jerk chicken was great. I ordered the chicken, a beef patty, and a cola. Savannah got the same thing. When I took my first bite, I thought that I had died and gone to heaven.

  Between forkfuls of food, Savannah filled me in on the family background.

  “Most people don’t realize this,” she said, leaning close and whispering, “but my dad is a real player with the ladies.”

  “Reverend Stokes?” I said, dumbfounded, realizing that there was much about the man I protected that I didn’t know.

  “It really hurts my mom,” Savannah added. “She’s from the old school where women tolerate their men’s infidelities, and she’s afraid to give up all her luxuries. Besides, she really wants to be first lady.”

  “Is that why Sebastian is so adamant about not having sex outside marriage?” I asked.

  “That’s part of it,” she said, “but the main reason is that my older brother, Steven, was diagnosed with HIV a year ago. I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this, but since you’re practically family, I figure you ought to know all the dirt.”

  I raised my eyebrows. I loved Sebastian, and I wanted to take our relationship further, but I wasn’t sure a proposal was in our immediate future.

  “His wife asked for a divorce as soon as she found out about the disease.”

  I stared at my beef patty, then I told her that Sebastian had already told me a little about that.

  She looked a little surprised, then said, “You and my brother are really close. He tells no one about family stuff.”

  I smiled, knowing deep inside that I did have a special bond with Sebastian that meant so much to me.

  Savannah then said, “Steven convinced her to see a doctor. They checked her out and said she’s fine. He promised to be faithful from then on, even though the two of them couldn’t have unprotected sex again. They seemed to be getting along okay, but then last month Steven used my apartment when I wasn’t there. I came home early and caught him with a woman.”

  “Did you talk to him about using your place to cheat on his wife?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “He’s got something on me that I don’t want to get back to my mom.”

  “What did you do?” I asked, enjoying the close friendship developing between us.

  She blushed. “It’s not that bad. But my mom would flip if she knew. When I was at Spelman, I had a boyfriend who went to Morehouse.”

  “Isn’t that where your brother went undergrad?” I asked.

  “Yeah. But my boyfriend transferred to Morris Brown. He wanted to go out for pro football after he graduated, and Morris Brown has a better sports program than Morehouse. He didn’t make the pros, but he’s a great player, so he took a job as a college football coach.”

  “That sounds good.”

  “My mother wouldn’t think so. She wants me to be with someone whose family has money. So we told her that his family is wealthy and he just coaches because he wants to. If she finds out the truth, she’ll probably get him fired. So, whenever we go out with my family, we pick a really nice restaurant and my brother Steven lends us the money to pay for it.”

  “Savannah, if you really like this guy, you’re going to have to be honest with your parents sooner or later.”

  “I know,” she said, exhaling deeply. “But it’s not easy. I’m used to the finer things in life. I mean, when you’ve been eating caviar all your life, it’s hard to settle for hamburger.”

  Though I couldn’t relate, I could sympathize. I felt sorry for her. She was trapped by what her mom wanted, what she wanted, and what her boyfriend could offer. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “That
’s okay,” she said. “It feels good just talking about it. Thanks.”

  After we finished our lunch, I told Savannah I needed to get my hair and nails done. She offered to give me a manicure and style my hair for me. I accepted her offer, and we went back to her apartment.

  Savannah decided that my hair would complement my spicy red dress best if I wore it up. She pinned it up, leaving a few curls dangling around my face.

  I was in my room putting on my makeup when I heard Sebastian calling my name. Savannah came in and told me he was anxious to see me. I put on the full-length wrap Savannah had loaned me for the evening and followed her to the living room.

  When I walked down the stairs, Sebastian gasped. “You’re beautiful.” Without tearing his gaze away, he added, “Thanks, sis. She looks fabulous! It’s a little revealing, but you wear it well.”

  As Sebastian drove us to the governor’s mansion, I wondered what he really thought of my dress. I’d searched hard to find something nice. Did he hate it and not say anything just to keep peace? From that moment on, I was self-conscious. Wearing clothes that accented my body was certainly my thing; however, he was my guy and if I’d overdone it, I’d feel bad. Searching for words to break the silence, I told him how much I’d enjoyed my day with his sister.

  “I’m glad,” he said. “I spent most of the day thinking about you and hoping you were having a good time.”

  “It was great. I really like her,” I said, pleased that he didn’t seem angry.

  As we drove up the long driveway to the governor’s mansion, I hoped the night would go well. I was nervous, wondering how I would be received by his supporters and campaign workers.

  When the car stopped, a valet opened the door and took Sebastian’s keys. As we walked to the house, I noticed the other couples going in were dressed more conservatively than I was.

  An African-American butler offered to take my coat at the door. As he deftly lifted the wrap from my shoulders, I smiled at Sebastian, waiting for his response. His face seemed to pale, but he didn’t say anything as he ushered me into the room.

  The party was rather boring. I met a lot of politicians, danced, had a few watered-down drinks, and listened to Sebastian talk about politics all night. Throughout the evening he seemed a little uncomfortable, and I wondered whether he always acted this way at highbrow political affairs.

  On the way home, Sebastian’s lips were pressed tight and his forehead furrowed. After several moments of more uncomfortable silence, I said, “Sebastian, what’s wrong?”

  He hesitated. Then, finally, he mumbled, “I was taking you to the governor’s mansion, not a nightclub.”

  Knowing I read him right earlier, I said, “Are you telling me I look like a—”

  “Don’t even talk like that,” he interrupted. “A Christian woman wouldn’t—”

  I cut him off. “Wouldn’t what? Look cute for her man?”

  “You’re dressed like one of my dad’s girlfriends. Wearing devil red to a conservative function. You want to stand out.”

  My temples started to throb. “The other candidates found me charming. You were the only one acting stupid.”

  “I thought we were ready to move to the next level. But if you want to be with me, you’re going to have to change.”

  “Then maybe I don’t want to be with you.”

  He stared at me with a look of anger and disbelief.

  We drove the rest of the way to his sister’s house in silence. I prayed silently, Lord, if I’m dressing wrong in Your eyes, open mine.

  For the next two days, Sebastian kept himself busy during the day and I spent time with his sister. He invited me to a couple of stiff-sounding engagements, but I declined his lukewarm offers, so he just went without me.

  “Christian, what happened between you and Sebastian?” Savannah finally asked as we sat in the den talking.

  “Your brother was embarrassed by the outfit I wore,” I burst out, glad she’d asked so I could get it off my chest. “He said I looked like one of your father’s women, and that if I was going to be with him, I had to change.”

  “He didn’t!” she exclaimed, her hand over her mouth.

  “Yes, he did. So now we’re not communicating at all. I am seriously thinking about going back to D.C.”

  “Have you told him that?” she asked.

  “No,” I said. “Why should I? Since I’m obviously not the woman he wants me to be, it shouldn’t matter if I’m here or not.”

  Placing her hand on my shoulder, she said, “You really should talk to him before you just up and leave.”

  “Forget it,” I said. “And I want you to promise me you won’t tell him.”

  “Okay,” she said, “if that’s the way you want it.”

  That night, Sebastian came over while Savannah and I were watching TV. “I need to talk to you before you do something drastic,” he said.

  I turned and looked at Savannah. “Thanks,” I grumbled.

  She shrugged. “Sorry. But I didn’t want you to leave.” She turned off the television and stood. “Why don’t you two just kiss and make up,” she said as she left the room.

  Sebastian sat on the couch next to me. I got up and moved to a chair.

  “Sorry I haven’t been around much,” he said, massaging his temples. “This campaign is making me crazy.”

  “You don’t have to apologize,” I said coldly. “Just take care of your business and don’t worry about me.”

  He got up from the couch, pulled me from the chair, and grabbed my waist. “I’ve missed you,” he said softly.

  I took his hands off my body and flung them back at him. Then I walked to the couch and sat down.

  He stood there, staring at me. “So it’s like that, huh?”

  Picking up a magazine, I mumbled, “Yeah, it’s like that.”

  He sat beside me. “I have another event tonight.”

  “That’s nice,” I said, flipping pages.

  “I think you’d be comfortable at this one. It’s at a dance club called Altitude.”

  “Oh, so you think I’d be in my element hanging with the nightlife instead of in a refined setting like the governor’s party? Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  Before he could answer, Savannah’s phone rang. A moment later, she yelled out, “Christian, it’s for you.”

  “Excuse me,” I said, standing.

  I walked past Sebastian to get to the phone. He stopped me by grabbing my wrist. Without looking up, I proceeded to answer the phone.

  “Your hearing’s been moved up to tomorrow afternoon,” Troy said without a word of small talk.

  “I’ll be there,” I promised.

  After I ended the call, I went back into the living room. “I have to go back to D.C. right away. My hearing’s tomorrow afternoon.”

  He grabbed my hand. “You can still go to the club with me tonight and fly back in the morning.”

  “I have to get packed.”

  “Please,” he begged.

  I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. He looked so forlorn, so repentant, I almost melted into his arms. I turned away and took a deep breath. “Fine,” I said halfheartedly. “But I’m gonna wear whatever I want, you got it?”

  “Got it,” he said. “Thanks.”

  I went upstairs and put on a pair of tight red pants and an off-the-shoulder top with long sleeves that showed part of my belly button. It was the sexiest outfit I owned. I planned on showing him the difference between an outfit that was sexy yet conservative and a hootchie club outfit.

  The parking lot of Altitude was full of expensive cars. A line of people wrapped around the building, waiting to get in. Everyone was dressed in the latest fashions.

  Sebastian opened the car door for me, then took my hand and escorted me to the front door. All the people in line murmured when we were allowed in.

  Inside, the club was dark and the music was jammin’. I smelled a little reefer but I didn’t see anyone smoking it. The huge dance fl
oor had a DJ booth above it, a long bar alongside it, and several small, round tables around it.

  A tall, bald man dressed in a Rocawear jean outfit showed Sebastian and me to a small group of tables. There was a private bar just to serve these few tables, and one of the tables had a card with Sebastian’s last name on it.

  The owner of the club came up to Sebastian and they started talking. As I sat at the table, watching the people dancing and mingling, a guy came up to me and asked for a dance. I looked at Sebastian. He was too busy talking to even notice the guy approach me, so I said yes and went out on the dance floor. I stared at Sebastian the whole time, but he never once looked my way.

  When the song ended I thanked the handsome guy I danced with and went back to Sebastian’s table. He was still talking with the club owner and several other people who had joined them.

  Sebastian and the owner walked to the DJ platform, and the music stopped. The two men announced that it was time to cut the ribbon for the club’s dedication. The crowd cheered and clapped. I checked my watch, wondering how much longer this was going to take.

  When the ribbon-cutting ceremony was over, the music blared again and people resumed dancing. Sebastian continued mingling with his friends and ignoring me.

  Another guy came up and asked me to dance. After I boogied with him, seven other guys asked me to dance, one right after the other. I was happy to oblige the fine-looking brothers.

  When a slow song came up, I excused myself and returned to my table. I found Sebastian there, frowning at me.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked, my hands on my hips. “Don’t you like it when men look at me?”

  “I wish you hadn’t worn that outfit.”

  “What’s wrong with it?” I did a fashion-model twirl for him. “Everyone else seems to like it.”

  “It’s not really the image I’m trying to portray.”

  “Then you should have said something before we left the house,” I snarled. I took off and left him sitting there. I thought about calling a taxi, but I didn’t know his sister’s address. So I just strutted to the long bar by the dance floor.

  After ordering a drink, I turned around to see if he’d followed me. Instead I saw him walking toward the exit. Before he could leave, a girl who was dressed even raunchier than I was slipped up to him and started talking. I stood a few feet away and watched.