by Staci Hart
“He had me by the back of my robes before I knew what was happening, laid me in the chariot behind him as he turned, and we left the sky behind. I didn’t scream until the ground closed above us, the blue sky shrinking away until there was only darkness.
“When we reached the palace, I wouldn’t leave the chariot. I cried and screamed, cursed him, swore I would never lie with him, never be his, and he laughed. Dita, he laughed at me. I can still hear the sound in my ears as it echoed off the walls.”
Dita squeezed her hand as she continued.
“He picked me up off the floor of the chariot, threw me over his shoulder like a doll. I fought him every step of the way, thrashing and scratching. He dropped me once. I was triumphant, like I had beaten him. As if I could. But he wasn’t even angry, just said, ‘One day you will come to love me as I love you.’ Zeus gave me to him, like I was a thing, a toy. Like I was nothing. I had no choice.”
Perry sighed from deep in her chest.
“I thought the underworld would be only fire and darkness, but it was beautiful. The palace was full of trees and plants I’d never seen before. The rooms were brilliant and bright, rivaling Olympus, if I’m being honest. Hades had created all of it for me, in the hopes that I would find beauty in my home. He knew me even then.
“Handmaids were waiting when he locked me in our chambers, and I begged them to get me out, to take me back to my mother, to the sun, but they just smiled and bathed me, dressed me in my wedding gown. They tried to sooth me, but I found no comfort. Not at their words, not when I was dragged into the garden where Hades stood waiting for me.”
Perry’s eyes focused on nothing, and her voice was miles away. Centuries away. “I couldn’t speak through the ceremony, just stared ahead as the words were said, and I was only addressed by Hades, who looked down at me with eyes so blue and bright and full of pain and ownership. He honestly thought I would be pleased.
“I was cold and dead as I walked by his side to our chambers, and when we crossed the threshold of the room, I broke. I turned and tried to run, and he caught me without even trying. He carried me to our bed, talking to me all the while. Begging me. Trying to make me see, to understand that I was his by right, that my maidenhood was his, and taking it was a necessary step in forging our marriage. There would be no waiting. But I wouldn’t do it. I just … I couldn’t do it. So he tied me up and took what he believed was his.
“I know now that he tried to make it easier for me, he really did. It wasn’t what he wanted, but I hated him in that moment. I would have killed him or died trying. I fantasized about it for so long, especially after he tricked me into eating the pomegranate, binding me to the underworld forever. I could never leave, and it was all his fault. I considered taking my own life, but Zeus saved me by allowing me to come back for half the year. For many centuries, that was the life I preferred.
Perry’s eyes were dark, the eyes of the girl who had been tortured and the woman who lived through it. “How can you get through something like that? I had been kidnapped, lived in the underworld alone and lonely, so bitter and hurt. I was a prisoner, and Hades was my captor. But he never touched me again, not until it was on my terms.
“You remember what it was like then. None of us had a say, none of us had any rights when we married, though you and I fared better than most. Relationships then were rarely about love, they were about possession, and we were trifles. I would hate Hades still if he’d brutalized me, but he didn’t, not really. His only fault was that he subscribed to the notion that I didn’t get a say. It was hundreds of years before I forgave him. Hundreds of years that he waited for me, served me, loved me at a distance.
“What I’m getting at is that at some point, it ends. Pain isn’t forever. It’s not always. One day it’s just behind you, and you crept past it so slowly that you didn’t even realize it. And that, my love, is how I know that you can get through it. I believe you can do anything. Including having a heart to heart with Ballsack Du Shrinkage.”
Dita busted out laughing through her tears. “Wow, really?”
She smiled, the act simple and honest. “Dita, he can’t hurt you, not really, and I don’t think he wants to. He’ll listen to you because he wants you, but you have to know he won’t hear a word you say. He’s not going to accept no.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“But what can he do about it?”
“I … I don’t know. He could kidnap me and rape me like Hades did to you.”
“He could, but I don’t think he will. He stands to lose everything. Zeus doesn’t make promises he doesn’t intend to keep, and everyone is watching Ares. I mean, he’s stupid, but he’s got a healthy sense of self-preservation. Thing is, you can’t control his reaction, but facing him is crucial for you. You’ve figured out how to stand up, but you’re not ready to walk yet. Not until you do this.”
“How did you move forward?”
“I don’t know, really. I mean, we lived together. I was a prisoner who had to share a bed with my captor, eat meals with him. Endure the company of the man who stole my life.”
Dita looked over her friend for a moment, relating herself to Perry and coming up short. “My problems seem very small.”
Perry shook her head. “Don’t say that, Dita. I knew that Hades wouldn’t hurt me. I don’t know how, but I knew. I was damaged and angry and ruined, but I wasn’t afraid, and I never lost my sense of self. The thing that’s so stupid about all of it is that I probably would have fallen in love with him if he had courted me instead of kidnapping and imprisoning me. But my point is that your fear of Ares is real and valid. I was never afraid to tell Hades how I felt about him or the situation, which was probably irresponsible, but I was only a girl. I had all the answers.”
“Yeah, I know how that goes,” Dita said, her words soft.
“That you do. I think that was part of what gave me my power back. He knew how I felt because I told him, and I still do. It was the thing that allowed me to feel like I still had a voice. You just need to tell him how you feel about everything. He’ll listen if he thinks it will get him back in your good graces. Just wing it. I’m sure you’ll know what to do.”
Dita laughed. “That is so reassuring, since I can’t even find my own ass these days.”
“You’ll be fine. And in the meantime, do you have any big ideas on what to do with Jon and Josie?”
Dita looked in on the players. “I don’t know. I can’t stop Rhodes or I mess with Jon and Josie’s math on catching up with him. They’re so close … it’s only a matter of time before they’re on him, and they have to find him. I don’t know what will happen to Josie if they don’t. They look so tired. Like, life tired. But they need to talk before they get to Rhodes.”
“I know.”
Jon’s Jeep rumbled down the highway leading to a small town in Montana, and Dita noticed three things: a garage attached to the gas station, a bed and breakfast, and the fact that she’d seen the town before. She smiled.
“I got it. Watch this.”
———— Montana ————
Josie woke with a start as the Jeep shuddered to the tell-tale flapping of a flat tire. They were in a tiny Montana town nestled in mountains that were covered in boulders and massive firs. Jon pulled gingerly into a gas station, stopping in front of the stalls of the weathered, red garage adjacent to the store and pumps.
An elderly man approached them, smiling amiably. His white hair peeked out of his baseball cap, and his coveralls were spotted with grease. He waved a greeting as Jon climbed out of the Jeep.
“Any chance you have some time to patch a tire?”
“Sure, son. Let’s have a look.”
As they walked around the car, Josie climbed out and stretched, stiff from sleeping in the Jeep again. She took a look around at the small main street, which was a pleasant change from the dry, rolling plains and mountains that they’d been driving through. They were in a small strip built into a green, majestic m
ountain pass with a few shops across the street, a diner, and what looked to be a log cabin bed and breakfast. There were signs all around for kayaking and hiking, and Josie was surprised that they had landed in a little gem of a vacation spot, smack in the middle of nowhere.
The two men knelt down by the tire, and the elder thumbed a nail that stuck out from between the tread. “That’ll be no problem to fix. Give me a couple of hours.” He stood and hitched a thumb toward the garage. “Bring her around to the first stall.”
Jon nodded, looking beat. “All right.” He turned to Josie as the mechanic walked away. “I’ll grab the bags. You hungry? We can hit the diner.”
“Sure,” was all she could say.
He didn’t respond, only turned for the car.
Josie stood uselessly in the parking lot while Jon parked the Jeep. He came out of the stall with their bags on his shoulder and his eyes on the ground. He didn’t stop when he reached her.
She turned and followed him with a lump in her throat. “Here, let me take my bag.”
“Nah, I got it.” He didn’t look at her, but his voice was so sad it broke her heart, and she was hollow as she followed him across the street and into the diner.
They slid into a booth, and Jon kept his eyes trained on the street beyond the window. They sat in silence for a few agonizing minutes before the waitress stopped at their table and mercifully ended the quiet.
“Can I get you folks something to drink?”
Jon glanced at Josie, and she momentarily lost her wits. “Um, coffee, please.”
“Sure thing, honey. And for you, sir?”
“The same, thanks.” He shifted to pull a flyer of Rhodes out of his pocket, unfolded it, and held it up in display. “Could you tell me if you happened to see this man? This looks to be the only spot to eat here in town.”
The waitress nodded. “Yeah, he was in here just last night. I’m pretty sure he stayed at the Beckham House, the little bed and breakfast down at the end of the street, since it’s the only place to get a room.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” Jon said as he took the offered flyer back and stuffed it back in his pocket.
“Are you guys cops or something?”
“No, but we’re working with them, and we need to find this man. Anything you can tell us would be helpful.”
“Not much to tell,” she said with a shrug. “He sat right over there and was nice enough. Tipped okay.”
“Did you happen to see what he was driving?” Josie asked.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t. Let me go grab that coffee for you two, but let me know if you have any other questions.” She touched the edge of the table and turned for the kitchen.
Jon sighed and pulled the paper ring off his silverware, avoiding her eyes. “At least we know we’re on the right track. We’re practically on top of him.”
“I know.” She bit her lip. “You look exhausted. We may as well get some rest while we’re waiting here.”
“I guess so,” he said, so worn, so tired.
She paused, watching him, not even sure how to start, how to explain. “Jon, I—”
“Not yet. Not here.” He stared across the table at her with his bright eyes full of so many emotions that she couldn’t pin one down.
“All right.”
They ate their breakfast in silence, one of them either looking out the window or watching the bustle of the diner, then they’d switch, both so preoccupied with their own thoughts and the tension that it was one of the longest and most awkward meals either had been through.
Jon laid his card down at the end of the table, and the waitress closed their ticket out. Before long, they were standing at the desk in the lobby of the bed and breakfast, which had only one available room with a single, queen-sized bed.
They climbed the stairs of the cabin to a room that overlooked the main street. The cabin walls were a deep, honey pine, as were the wooden beams that spanned the vaulted ceiling. A fire crackled in the fireplace, and paintings of the mountains hung next to old mining photos on the walls. The four-poster bed looked luxurious and comfortable, covered in a white duvet and quilt. Josie laid her bag down next to the window and brushed back the lace curtain feeling like a fraud, wishing she was there as a lover or a honeymooner, not a heartbreaker.
She turned to find Jon sitting on the edge of the bed unlacing his boots, his shoulders slumped from exhaustion and emotion.
“You should sleep,” she said softly.
“I don’t want to sleep. Not yet. Come here.”
Her pulse raced as she walked over to him, and when he looked up at her, the pain in her heart was mirrored on his face. He reached for her hand and looked down at her fingers, moving them ever so slightly in his own.
“Josie,” he said, his voice husky, “I need to know what you meant when you said you didn’t know. I need to understand.” His thumb grazed her knuckles, and he wouldn’t meet her eyes.
“I don’t know how to want anything anymore. Every breath, every step, every minute of every day has been consumed by Rhodes, and I don’t know how to live anymore.” Her voice broke as her tears fell, and she sank to her knees at his feet, looking up at him through her tears. “How can I love you when I’m broken? How can I give you what you need when I can’t take care of myself? And all of this, you and me … Jon, everything that I thought about you was wrong, and I’ve only just realized it after three long years of missing you and hating you and wanting you. I thought you didn’t want me, that you betrayed me.”
“But you know now that’s not true.” His eyes shone as he looked down at her, his hair falling around his face.
“I do, but …” She didn’t know how to explain, and pressed her hands to her aching heart. “All these years you were waiting for me, but I wasn’t waiting for you. In my mind, you were dead and gone, but in my heart, you were still there. You were always there, and every day, every hour was spent convincing myself that I hated you. When you came back, it pushed me into a free fall that I still haven’t recovered from. I didn’t know what to do, and I still don’t.” A sob caught in her burning throat as she clutched at her shirt.
“Tell me you want to be with me.”
She pulled in a shuddering breath, closing her eyes. “I can’t do that, Jon. I can’t promise that, don’t you see?” When she met his eyes again, they were heavy with sorrow. “I don’t want to hurt you again, but I will. I know it.”
“You fighting us hurts worse than you not being willing to try.”
“But what does that mean, try? All I can give you is this moment and the next one. Today, then tomorrow, and then … I don’t know. I can’t promise you, Jon. I can’t give you something I don’t have.”
Jon looked down at her, broken and tortured at his feet, heard every word that she said. He cupped her cheek and brushed away her tears with his thumb. “Then I won’t ask anything of you but to love me.”
Her voice faltered when she answered, “But I already do.”
And with those words, he dropped to the floor next to her and slipped his hands into her hair, pulling her to him until their lips met, and he closed his eyes, breathed her in as she let her heart fly.
She melted into his chest, wound her arms around his neck, pressed her body against his, and he pulled her as close as he could. His chest burned, and he broke from the kiss to look into her eyes. He didn’t have to ask, she only laughed through her tears with a nod. He kissed her again, long and soft, trailing his fingers down her neck, under her leather jacket to push it down her arms. His lips never let hers go.
His fingertips skimmed her jaw, and she trembled under his touch, his skin breaking out in goosebumps when her hands slipped down his chest. He pulled her into his lap and lifted her up, laid her on the bed, and climbed in after her. Her hair spread out across the quilt, red on white, and her eyes were wide and lovely as she reached for him, pulling him down to her. He gave her everything he could give, wanting nothing more in the world than to kiss her, to love he
r, to keep her forever, even if he only had that moment. He would take every second she would give, as long as she loved him.
He broke away and rolled over on his side, propping his head on his hand. Her eyes were on his, but he watched his fingers as he traced the line of her jaw, across her lower lip. Down her neck to the hemline of her shirt, along her collarbone. He flattened his palm over her heart, feeling it thump through her skin, through his for a moment. He swept his hand across her shoulder, pushing the neck of her shirt over the curve of her joint. She closed her eyes and sighed, and he leaned forward to kiss her bare shoulder, brushing his lips against her skin with reverence as he trailed his hand along the curve of her breast, down her long waist, around to the small of her back. He slipped his fingers under her shirt as his lips found hers again, and he pressed her against him with the flat of his palm as she wrapped herself around him, pulling him close.
She broke away after a moment and sat, and he watched her back as she reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, her hair falling through the neck like liquid copper over her lily white skin. She turned and leaned over him, slipping her fingers into his hair as she kissed him long and slow.
She draped over him lazily, her hands roaming his face, his jaw, his neck, down his chest. She found the hem of his shirt and ran her fingers underneath it. His skin was so soft over the hard muscles of his stomach, and he moaned against her lips as his own fingers skated under the band of her jeans.
He rolled her over and slipped his thigh between her legs, pinning her, and her hips tilted and flexed against him. It had been so long since she’d been touched, and her body ached for him. He hovered over her, watching her as she writhed under him, and she closed her eyes, unable to process anything but his touch as he skimmed the skin low on her stomach. She shuddered beneath him.
“Please,” she whispered and opened her eyes to find him smiling.
He popped the button and lowered her zipper, and her entire body flexed at the sound.
“Oh, God,” she breathed, and he moved down the bed to pull her pants and panties off, throwing them behind him. He threaded his arms under her thighs and grabbed her waist, pulling her down to him until the backs of her legs were pressed against his shoulders. When he ran his nose up the inside of her thigh, her body shuddered underneath him.
