The child inside me grows and my decision grows ever closer with it, Eva read the words. Lucretia sang the words in the second act. Eva felt her stomach twist. It was only an opera, it was her character, not real life.
“Do you want to watch something? We could be terrible and watch something super girly…” Bridget looked up from her mug.
“Is that code for Cary Grant?” Eva pulled her thoughts back to the present moment but she still felt the fluttering pulse of misgiving.
When Eva showed up at her follow-up appointment with the doctor she was feeling a stronger kick of nerves pulsing through her.
Her voice was barely audible. She’d begun carrying a notebook around with her so she could write out her thoughts or requests and show them to people rather than speak to anyone.
“I don’t think the vocal rest is doing much good,” the doctor with his thinning hair sat across from Eva. She nodded. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she’d sung and spoken during the time she was supposed to have been taking a break.
“And the blood test?” She whispered, she’d meant to wait for him to bring it up but the growing trepidation had been too strong.
“We’ll have that in a few days.” He smiled as if it weren’t a big deal. “It looks like surgery might be in the cards after all. I think I would like a colleague of mine to look at you first. It couldn’t hurt to get a second opinion.”
Eva nodded her thanks and stood. She felt worse than when she’d come in.
She walked out of the office and into the waiting elevator. Everything in her wanted to walk straight to Ambrose’s apartment or to the opera house, wherever he was. She wanted answers to her questions, she wanted to know what was happening to her body and why Luciano had chosen an opera where the lead female was losing her voice and impregnated by the Vampire King.
Her breasts felt tender, her stomach was lurching... but it seemed very possible that her mind was creating symptoms where none existed. How was she possibly supposed to wait a few days for the blood test to come in?
No, she wasn’t pregnant. That was not what this was. She shook her head.
She’d been denying the possibility of pregnancy, pushing it stubbornly from her mind every time the thought made its way into her mind. Then somewhere in the middle of her examination she just rasped, “Can I get a blood test, I think there’s a possibility that I might be pregnant…”
Did she really think that? Her words had surprised her, and the doctor. The doctor looked at her wide hips as if she would be a natural candidate for such a thing. It wasn’t his specialty, it was probably something he never did, but there was a nurse in the office and it was easy enough to take a blood sample and have it sent out to a lab.
Ambrose. Ambrose Leroy. Eva’s mind swilled over his image. She couldn’t bear to think of it. He would never be ok with Eva’s having his child. He was a profligate womanizer. He tossed women over like they were nothing more than lunch.
As much as she wanted to go to him, imagined going to him, she also saw the blonde head of Tessa and the cropped brown head of Cecile. Each time she passed an attractive woman on the street she thought of Ambrose wrapped in her arms and legs. A deep jealousy and need bubbled up in her.
She’d never been a jealous woman before. She’d always been the best in her voice classes. She’d seen the greedy looks her male teachers had given her. She’d briefly tested the waters of dating but soon found that her work, her voice, her singing was more important than spending time in the arms of a boy.
Ambrose was different. He was a man. He was world famous for his art, for his voice, but…
Eva stopped her mind. She would go home and forget about the possibility of the blood test, the possibility that had burrowed its way into her mind.
When she got home she realized that she had a missed call. She had not heard her cell phone go off in the depths of her bag.
It was Luciano. Official rehearsals would still not start until the end of the week but she and Ambrose were to work with Luciano tomorrow. Alone.
Eva had made a decision. She hadn’t made it consciously, but somewhere along the way she’d chosen nonetheless. Music was her life. Her voice was fading and she knew that she could never bear to be without it.
As she dressed for her informal rehearsal with Ambrose and Luciano she knew that she’d chosen. She would sing. She was choosing the life Ambrose had spoken vaguely about, she was choosing Ambrose, she was choosing music.
The next day, when she walked in to the rehearsal studio, Ambrose wasn’t there.
“Ah,” Luciano looked up at her. His dark eyes twinkled up from the score in front of him. “I’ve made some changes, Glenda will guide you through them but I don’t think they will prove a problem.” He stood and walked toward Eva.
“You look lovely,” Luciano studied Eva.
“Oh?” Eva heard the scratchy croak but tried to make it sound natural.
Luciano smiled then ushered Eva into the room. Eva looked back, as if Ambrose might suddenly appear behind her. If she spoke they would notice her voice, if she tried to sing it would be a disaster. She moved in close to Glenda, “Is Ambrose joining us?” She tried to make it sound like a confidential whisper.
Glenda looked up at Eva with a quizzical expression but she didn’t press Eva on her voice.
“He’ll be here, he had an interview with the New York Times,” Glenda said, still evaluating Eva. “Nothing to worry about.”
Eva tried to smile. She couldn’t sing without him in the room, that much was clear to her. Even now she imagined the horrible strains and cracks in her song. Luciano would throw her from the room, fire her on the spot if she opened her mouth for one second.
Glenda moved the pages of sheet music in front of her. “We’ll start on the third bar of the first aria,” she said as looked over a slim pair of glasses.
Eva stood behind her. Panic was growing through her body. Where was Ambrose? How long would he be? She couldn’t possibly tackle any part of the song without his presence.
Glenda’s fingers began gliding over the piano and a stream of music poured out into the room. To Eva Glenda’s effortless production of music was more terrifying to her right now then the bridge incident had been.
Eva could see Luciano from the corner of her eye and she heard the break in the music where she was supposed to come in. Eva opened her mouth. Nothing came out.
“You’ll come in just there,” Glenda didn’t even look up. She simply began again. Eva took a shaky breath. Her whole body was beginning to break into a sweat, her stomach was clenching and she tried desperately to relax the muscles in her throat. She had to think of an excuse and be able to say it out loud without alerting Luciano to her distress.
There was the same break in the music and Eva exhaled, willing herself into action.
Eva put a hand to her mouth to keep her voice muffled on purpose.
“I’m a little off today,” Eva whispered.
“I can hear that.” Glenda looked up at Eva, taking off her glasses. So Glenda had been able to hear Eva’s troubles—not really a surprise, anyone could hear that there was something wrong with Eva’s voice box. “Has this ever happened before?”
Eva could see that Glenda was asking the question that Luciano wanted the answer to.
Eva shook her head no and looked away from Glenda’s eyes. She meant to tell the truth, she wanted to tell the truth, but she couldn’t. Telling the truth meant giving up Lucretia, giving up what might be her only chance to make it in the opera world, it meant giving up Ambrose.
Singing was her life and even though her heart knew he was heartbreak, Eva couldn’t let Ambrose go.
“Tea,” Eva tried to make the word clear. “I’ll be back.” She tried her best to look confident and not show how terrified she truly was. She should have made sure Ambrose was in the room before even entering, she should have asked someone ahead of time.
Eva did her best to walk confidently from the room, the
n practically ran down the hall.
Chapter Eight
Once outside she felt the weight of the scene crash on her. She walked slowly down the street to a café, hoping the process would naturally take long enough for Ambrose to return from his interview. Undoubtedly Glenda and Luciano would not be sorry for her absence while she sounded like this.
Eva sat down at a table to give herself even more time. A few extra minutes wouldn’t hurt. Anything would be better than walking back into that room without Ambrose. She sipped at her tea and looked out onto the foot traffic traveling by.
A tingling sensation went up her spine and she got the distinct feeling that she was being watched. Eva turned and looked at the patrons around her, she looked back out to the street.
Not seeing anyone, she stood and left the café. Her heart was beating a little too fast and she remembered the feeling she’d had in the park before she had almost been pushed from a bridge. There was a weight sitting on her chest, but it was just from her embarrassment from the scene in the rehearsal room, wasn’t it?
Eva stood back from the street, waiting for the light to turn. The longer she waited the more her body transition into panic mode. She looked back again but didn’t seen anything around her to panic about.
Was this to be her life now, running from rehearsal rooms and looking over her shoulder at street corners?
The light changed and Eva walked out into the street. She was moving fast now even though it meant she would get back to Glenda and Luciano that much faster.
A light, cool breeze blew across Eva’s neck, she felt a terrible presence behind her but couldn’t force herself to turn and look again. Eva began to run, tea jostled out of the cup she was holding and she dropped it.
From across the square Eva saw the light curls and tall, chiseled form of Ambrose moving toward the opera building.
“Ambrose,” Eva yelled out across the square. Everyone in the square turned to her, including Ambrose. He smiled at Eva, ignoring the obvious panic she ran at him with.
Eva ran straight into his body, pushing herself against him.
“Is everything alright?” Eva felt Ambrose’s hand push back into her hair and she closed her eyes.
“I felt…” she spoke into his shoulder, “the same things that I felt in the park—at least I think I did.”
Ambrose’s lips were close to Eva’s forehead and she could feel the heat of his breath, “Nothing to worry about now, you’re safe here. Safe with me.”
For days Eva had been picturing Ambrose entwined with other women, but despite all her lingering apprehensions she let herself go completely into him. She wanted to cry over her need for him, over the protection she hadn’t realized she’d been craving so desperately.
“I couldn’t sing without you in the room, my voice…” Eva looked up at him. His eyes were softer than she’d expected. He looked…he looked at her with such tenderness, such all-encompassing care.
“I’m back.” He squeezed her arm then stood back to look at her. “Come on,” he gestured with his head toward the entrance and Eva nodded. She followed him like a puppy up the stairs and into the rehearsal room.
Glenda and Luciano looked up.
“No tea?” Glenda raised her eyebrows.
“I dropped it,” Eva flushed. She’d left her fallen cup on the street, she’d have to remember to pick it up and throw it away on her way out.
“And your voice?” Luciano looked concerned.
“It feels perfect now,” Eva with real confidence over to Glenda.
The music lifted and flourished with Eva’s voice. Ambrose sang with her and the two voices together rose and twisted around one another, their sounds mingling, distinct and different, with the same flawless tones rising above anything Eva had ever heard before.
“Just be sure you warm up next time,” Glenda smiled at Eva. Luciano also seemed to have lost all apprehension over Eva’s rough start to the day.
“You are performing tonight?” Luciano asked Ambrose as the group cleaned up their empty paper cups, and strewn sheets of loose musical score.
“No, we’re off tonight,” Ambrose said beginning for the door. “I have the sheets for the beginning of act three so I’ll give them a look over. Goodnight!” He raised a hand to Luciano and Glenda then held the door open for Eva.
“Thank you for today, I feel like I could sing your music forever.” Eva smiled at Luciano who only looked vaguely flattered. It had become apparent to Eva that Luciano, and his perfectionist tendencies, would not permit too much in the way of self-congratulation. Eva was certain, that the older man would be making changes up until the day they opened, and maybe even after.
The two walked down the darkened hall together. Eva smiled. It felt so right being next to him, she felt like she could manage this possible new life, like everything might work out in the end.
“You sounded great today,” Ambrose said.
“Is act three finished then?” Eva asked, thinking about Ambrose’s comments to Luciano.
“It’s getting there, I can’t wait to look it over.”
Eva wanted to reach down and take his hand but she just let her own hand dangle instead, just in case he was feeling the same impulse. She thought about suggesting that they look it over together, tonight, right that moment. They could go back to his building, or her building. Or maybe they could go to dinner, have some warm food and laugh the way they had on their first night together.
The two walked into the night side by side. They said nothing but fell into step both breathing deeply.
When they got to the steps leading down from the square Ambrose stopped. Eva turned to him thinking he might kiss her, might hold her, wrap an arm around her. But Ambrose turned away from her.
“There you are,” he said to Tessa, who was strutting her way up the steps.
Tessa stopped at the top step and winked at Ambrose. “You should have told me you were running late,” Her voice was petulant. The top she wore was tight and a mound of cleavage spilled over. She turned to look at Eva.
“I don’t know if you’ve officially met,” Ambrose said, as he turned and looked between the two women. “Eva this is Tessa, Tessa this is Eva.”
“The famous daughter.” Tessa put out a hand and Eva wanted to smack it away. The other woman’s face dripped with superiority and, no doubt, with the knowledge that Ambrose was going home with her tonight.
Eva lifted her chin and tried not to attack.
“She’ll be famous in her own right, mark my words. You’ll have to hear her voice to believe me.” Ambrose focused his eyes on Eva. Tessa took the words in with a distasteful look that made Eva feel the slightest bit better.
Eva extended her own hand back to the woman.
When their skin met, Tessa’s hand was ice cold. Eva looked up at her with surprise. Did that mean she was one of them? Was she Ambrose’s girlfriend in the world of darkness he talked about?
Tessa laughed at Eva’s expression then released her hand.
“Come on, we’re already late, I made reservations.” Tessa focused her energy back on Ambrose, turning her shoulder only a few inches shy of Eva’s face.
“Be safe getting home.” Ambrose gave her a meaningful look and Eva wanted to stomp on his foot. Instead, she turned away from the couple and walked down the steps without saying a word of goodbye.
Eva was twenty feet away when she heard the grating female laugh come from her back. Eva didn’t dare turn around. She didn’t trust herself around that woman.
If she saw that Tessa was laughing at her she might grab her by the neck—and if Tessa had even one quarter of the strength that Ambrose possessed, then that would a very bad move indeed.
Chapter Nine
Once Eva made it to end of the block she stopped and sat on a ledge.
Was that all she was to people, the daughter of two people who had been famous? Were people talking about her in other circles? Would she come into rehearsals as a known quantity? And if so
, then what if her voice disappeared? What if she weren’t able to sing? Would they all think it served her, right?
The horror of the morning came back to Eva, the inability to speak, let alone sing. The way she’d felt when she’d been put on the spot by Luciano and Glenda. What if that happened again? It was bound to! Was she going to have Ambrose by her side every time she wanted or needed to sing?
Eva stood from the ledge and waited for lights to change so she could take the subway home. Home was all she wanted. She wanted the comfort of her things, the comfort of beautiful music on the record player.
“Eva!” The sound came from behind her and Eva turned to see Jerome running toward her. She smiled. His was just the face she wanted to see right now. “What are you doing here?” Jerome smiled broadly.
“An impromptu rehearsal with Luciano,” Eva’s voice was cracked and broken.
“You sang today?” Jerome looked incredulous and Eva felt the weight of all her problems fall down around her again.
“Are you hungry?” Eva asked, suddenly craving some fresh pasta primavera or a savory onion tart.
“Starving,” Jerome’s eyes grew wide.
The pair moved off the main drag and into a little, neighborhood restaurant with only four tables.
Eva and Jerome took the empty table closest to the window and to the street. Eva’s stomach growled loudly when they sat down and both of them laughed at the remarkable timing of her stomach.
“I think I’ve been so worried about everything that I haven’t had a decent meal in weeks.” She rubbed her hands together as she thought of all the dishes she wanted to order.
“How are you singing through rehearsals with your voice the way it is?”
Eva looked at her hands trying to think of some excuse, finally she looked up at him. “I don’t know. It’s…strange… like the night we went to Don Juan and then met Ambrose, sometimes my voice just comes.”
“Sometimes?”
“Most of the time it doesn’t…” Eva paused, trying to decide how much she should or could safely disclose to Jerome. “It’s really strange actually… whenever I’m with Ambrose my voice just—it works, perfectly, it doesn’t make sense but… probably just some psychosomatic thing…”
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