by K. A Knight
I know her better than myself at this point; all her fears, all her secrets, all those embarrassing moments she’d rather not share.
Fuck. I slam my fist into the wall. She didn’t even look. I can admit that’s what bugs me.
When we bonded, I offered her my mind. It seemed only fair since I saw all of her. But she didn’t even look, didn’t even peek, before blocking me off from the light and salvation of her head.
The anger and darkness that consumed me in Purgatory is hard to fight; even harder now that she cut me off from her—only allowing me scraps of her emotions and feelings, and only when she doesn’t realize she’s doing it.
Yet I still drink them up like a drowning man, rushing for each one and the light it throws into me that blocks the darkness. But it’s never enough, never for long enough.
The only time I felt like my old self was when we bonded and were open to each other. For that split second, I was whole again. The monster in me retreated back to the darkness.
God, I don’t blame her, though. If she’d seen what I had done, what I became while I was there, before I met her, she wouldn’t want me. I’ll have to accept that. Maybe find a way to break the binding. It’s my only choice, because I sure as shit won’t sit here and watch as she falls in love with everyone else but me.
She will never love you, a whisper inside of me speaks, and I know it’s true.
How could she? I’m nothing more than a monster.
32
Aurora
Once Ezra and I dry off and dress, we head to the kitchen. He holds my hand along the way, and I expect him to drop it when we reach the kitchen. He doesn’t. He keeps hold of it and sits down next to me.
Alex looks back and forth between us, his blank mask clearly in place. “Lucky bastard.”
I pretend not to hear, but Ezra smirks at him.
“Yes, angel. Although next time you decide to fuck one of my brothers, could you block me from your mind, please?” Darius says sarcastically as he leans against the counters.
He wants to embarrass me, but I won’t let him.
Instead, I make eye contact and smile slowly at him. “You’re jealous.”
Alex laughs and I feel Ezra’s amusement from next to me, but I don’t look away from those brown eyes. Something flashes in them, and a stab of anger mixed with jealousy hits me.
My smile grows.
“Whatever you say, angel.” His voice is snarky, and if I couldn’t feel his emotions, I would probably hate him. As it is, I’m weirdly glad for the ass wipe’s jealousy.
Ben walks into the kitchen and kisses my cheek before sitting down next to me. Jason wanders in behind him and heads to the kettle.
“So, what time are we leaving?” I ask everyone in general, trying to keep my wandering eyes from Jason’s ass.
“After breakfast.”
I glance at Alex, who smiles about something. Weirdo.
Mikael comes in next, shuffling until he sits down hard across the table from me. He smiles at me tiredly and yawns.
“Someone have a late night?” Alex asks smugly.
I stick my tongue out at him.
As Jason puts a mug down in front of me, I lean back. “Thanks, sweetie.”
He smiles before giving Mikael a mug.
He grips it, his eyes half closed. Guess he’s not a morning person. I blow on my coffee and watch them. Jason goes about making breakfast and Mikael continues to zombie sip his coffee. Alex reads a newspaper. Darius comments on Jason’s cooking. Ben tells awful jokes to me and anyone who will listen. Ezra leans back, watching it all.
My smile grows. It’s good to be back.
“Cookies!” comes a scream right in my ear and I jump, throwing my coffee all over myself.
I turn to where the gremlin stands giggling to himself. When I glare and raise my hand, he pops out of existence again.
Fucking magical beings.
I end up wearing one of the guys’ shirts and some jeans that are a little too tight. I don’t ask where they got them. I help everyone pack up as Alex leaves to speak to the healer. Ezra goes with him.
Ben and I then sit on the front steps to the house waiting to go. I can’t wait to see Lane. I lean my head on Ben’s shoulder and watch the nature surrounding us. He kisses the top of my head and I smile.
“Missed you, sunshine,” he admits, a note of sorrow in his voice.
“Missed you too, Benny,” I say softly.
He wraps his arms around my waist, and we sit like that, waiting for the others.
“Why do you never see elephants hiding in the trees?” He doesn’t wait for me to respond. “They’re really good at it.”
I laugh softly at his bad joke. “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.”
He groans at my bad joke. “Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed space.”
I try and hold in my laughter, but when I glance at his face, we both burst out laughing. We nearly stop again, but then one look at each other has us hysterically giggling again. Tears run down my face and I can barely breathe.
“What are you two doing?”
We peer up at Jason who watches us with his eyebrow raised as he watches us leaning on each other laughing.
We glance at each other, then him, and laugh again.
He stands there watching a smile on his lips.
Ezra, Alex, and Mikael come up behind him. At their side, Nev wags his tail. There he bloody went.
“What’s going on?” Mikael asks.
“I think they’re broken,” Jason says, still watching us.
I manage to control my laughter and Ben seems to as well.
“What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh, sheet!” I shout.
Ezra’s lips twitch and Alex smiles, shaking his head. Jason and Mikael both laugh with me and Ben.
“Are we leaving or what?” Darius’s grumpy voice comes from behind them.
Groaning at the party pooper, I stand and brush off my ass.
Need a hand with that, angel?
I ignore Darius’s voice floating in my head. I really need to learn to block him.
Anger explodes down the bond, making me stumble. As soon as it started, it cuts off, leaving me reeling as an empty feeling replaces it in my chest as Darius stomps away.
I sit squished in the back of a black Range Rover between Jason and Ben. Ezra drives. Alex follows in his car with Darius and Mikael, and Nev rides with them.
“Why couldn’t I sit in the front again?” I ask, confused.
“Because then we wouldn’t get you pressed up next to us,” Ben says happily.
“Perv.” I laugh.
When I meet Ezra’s smiling eyes in the rear-view mirror, he sends a pulse of happiness to me through the bond.
I lean my head on Jason’s shoulder and watch out his window as we drive through the countryside.
A song comes on the radio and I sing along softly to it. Ben joins in and soon all three of us sing along.
When we pull up outside my house, I feel strange. So much has changed since I was last here.
Ben hops out and reaches back in, his hand outstretched for me. I grab it and stand next to him in my driveway.
My front door opens, then a blonde blur flies at me, almost tackling me to the ground But with a grunt, I manage to right myself.
Lane wraps herself around me, muttering about how she’s going to kill the guys and how much trouble I’m in.
The feeling of being loved hits me and I squeeze her back. “Sorry, Lane.”
“Yeah, you will be,” she replies, but sobs disrupt her voice.
We stand there holding each other as Alex’s car pulls up. A door opens, and Nev bounds to Lane.
I laugh and pull away as she tries to stop him from licking her.
She looks up from the dog and stiffens. “Who are they?”
I follow her gaze to Mikael and Darius. “Long story.”
She glares at me.
I hold up my hands. “I promise to tell you. Can we go inside first?”
She nods, turns with a hair flip, and marches back inside my house like she owns it. I smile, happy to have her here. I promised to tell her, and I will. I’ll tell her everything and hope like crazy she sticks around.
Who’s the human, angel?
Curiosity laces Darius words, and a pang of jealousy hits me. Lane’s beautiful. She’s taller than I am. She has the crazy curved body. She looks elegant. She’s basically the total opposite of me.
I try and shut my thoughts down. I’m not used to being insecure or jealous.
I prefer my woman, small, dark-haired, curvy, and with a smart mouth.
I try and ignore the flipping sensation in my stomach his words cause, even as my jealousy retreats at his words. Not looking at him, I follow my best friend into the house.
33
Aurora
“So, let me get this straight. You’re a witch and you went to visit a god realm and then to Purgatory?” Lane’s voice is flat, and I can’t get a read on her emotions.
We sit in the living room while the guys hang out in the kitchen, giving us some space.
I watch her like a wild animal. “Err, yeah, pretty much.”
“All this time! Every time we watched Harry Potter and I said how cool it would be to have magic! And you’re telling me now that you have it?” She ends on a screech, and I wince.
She paces in front of me, muttering, “Wait, is Hogwarts real? Did I miss my letter?”
She turns to me, and we both burst out laughing. There’s a hysterical edge to it, but I’m relieved she hasn’t run out of the door yet.
She sits opposite me on the sofa. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks softly, staring down at a cushion.
I fight the urge to make a joke. “I was scared you would think I’m crazy. Or you would leave.” Now I’m the one looking at the cushion.
She sighs. “I’m not going anywhere. I might not have known you were a witch, but I always knew there was something different about you.” She grabs my hand and stills it as I pulled at the threads of my jeans.
I look at her. “You mean it?”
She nods. “Yeah, you always had—”
I interrupt her with a smile. “You’re not going anywhere?”
She snorts. “Like you could get rid of me. Especially now.” We smile at each other. “So, tell me everything again and don’t skip any details.”
She settles down, and I start from the beginning.
As we wait for pizzas to arrive, Lane grills the guys and gives Alex the stink eye. Apparently, he put the phone down on her. It’s hilarious watching my skinny, bubblegum pink human best friend glare at the huge witch.
She tilts her head in curiosity. “So, can you do anything you want with your magic?”
“We use spells and words of power, but essentially, yes. It also depends on power levels. The stronger the witch, the stronger the spells,” Alex answers.
“What about you?” Lane asks me.
“I never really need spells or words. I sorta wing it.”
She snorts. “Of course, you do.”
I carry on. “My power is different, though. It’s not completely witch power, so maybe that’s why?”
Ezra grunts next to me. “I don’t know.”
We all look at him.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Since we bonded, my magic is stronger, and I don’t need any of that, either.”
I stare at him in surprise.
“Me, either,” Darius mutters.
“So, it might be because of this blessing that she has? Maybe it unlocked her power?” Jason offers. “I’ve been doing some reading, and apparently we didn’t always need to use words and spells. The strongest of us had control over their magic. It would stand to reason that Aurora would have control over hers, too, and I’m guessing with her magic touching you two, now you do as well.”
“Why doesn’t everyone know we didn’t used to?” Ben asks, confused.
“It’s hidden in ancient books. My guess is the council doesn’t want anyone to know how far we’ve fallen. If what Perses said to Aurora is true, they’ve corrupted their power,” he muses.
“So, basically, we bind with Aurora and become like some mega transformer?” Ben ask.
I laugh at his description.
Jason shrugs. “Maybe, but it’s a theory.”
“A good one. We need to know how it works. I don’t think Aurora should bind anyone else until we know all the side effects.” Alex looks at all of us.
I glance down guilty. In all honesty, I hadn’t planned on binding Ezra. But it felt right, like my magic was in control.
“Awwww, I wanna bind to my sunshine,” Ben whines, and I shake my head.
“So, what is this binding, then? And who are you bound to?” Lane asks, curious.
“I’m bound to Ezra and Mister Bag-of-Fun over there.” I jerk a thumb in Darius’s direction.
He sneers at me. “Cute, angel.”
“Jackass,” I mutter. “I had to bind Darius to bring him back. The dead can’t cross without the living. I bound to Ezra the other night.” I smile at him, and he smiles back.
“Uh huh, and why is that?” Lane laughs with a knowing look on her face.
I lean back casually. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“No?” she says innocently.
When she wiggles her eyebrows at me, I laugh.
“So, you didn’t sleep with him?” Amusement fills her voice but her face turns red from talking about this.
All the guys glance between us.
I don’t look at them, scared of the expressions on their faces. I’m not ashamed of sleeping with Ezra. Hell, it’s the total opposite. But I don’t know how they’ll all react. Perses mentioned the bonds don’t need to be sexual, but if I’m honest with myself, I’m attracted to all of them, even Jackass.
I decide to go with humor, hoping it will cut the tension. Plus I’ve never been shy, and I don’t want Ezra to think I regret it. “Want all the details? Because he did this thing with his tongue—”
When she flames bright-red and covers her ears, glaring at me, I cut off in laughter.
But I still don’t look at the guys.
“So, is that part of the binding? ‘cause if it is, I’m so down to test it.” Ben winks at me.
I smile at his attempt to cut the tension. Jason stares at the floor. Mikael watches me carefully, and Alex’s eyes run over everyone.
The silence stretches until the doorbell rings.
I jump up and jog to the front door, calling over my shoulder, “I’ll get it!”
Well, that was awkward.
34
Aurora
As we all eat together, the tension lessens, but it’s full of unspoken things.
Lane leaves after grumbling and making me promise to call her tomorrow.
I make an excuse about showering and flee to get some space.
The spray from the shower flows over my tired muscles. My hands brace the wall in front of me, and the water hits my head and flows down my back. I spend the time trying to block Ezra and Darius from my mind without cutting them off completely, especially when I remember how painful for Darius this has been.
I imagine a steel wall surrounding them. I never noticed before, but I can feel them there, like a warm presence. As soon as I shut them out, it seems almost empty, but I need to be able to think without them pushing in and without Darius’s attitude.
I know I should be an adult, sit them down, and ask how they feel about the binding of me and Ezra. Instead, I hide out in the shower, allowing myself one last minute of peace. Lost in my thoughts, I don’t hear the bathroom door open and close.
“You know, you ran away pretty fast.”
I spin in shock and stare at Alex where he perches on the counter next to the sink. “Seriously? Can I have no privacy?”
I don’t bother trying to cover
myself. Maybe I should be embarrassed and grab a towel, but I don’t really care.
He looks at me, his amber eyes glowing. “If you really wanted some, yes, but I know you’re trying to shut us out and feeling unsure.”
He lets his blank mask fall to reveal the Alex I’ve come to love so much.
Wait, what? Nope, not going there.
“You know, I never apologized while you were conscious for the things I said to you,” he continues.
I sigh and grab my shampoo, knowing he won’t leave. “You don’t need to.”
I lather up my hair and the scent of strawberries hit me.
“I do. I didn’t mean it. I let my fear and desperation cloud my judgment. It was wrong of me. So, I’m sorry, kitten.”
I stop lathering to look at his serious face. I can tell it’s bothering him.
“Apology accepted,” I say and turn so the water washes away the shampoo.
His eyes burn a hole in my skin as he watches me, but it’s oddly comforting to have him here, to know I can’t block him out. Alex would never allow that. He doesn’t speak as he watches me condition my hair and rinse it out.
When I turn off the water and turn to him, he waits on the other side of the glass shower screen with my black towel in front of him, open.
I smile and step out into it.
He wraps it around me, then steers me to stand in front of the mirror.
I wipe the fog away to see him. “What are you doing?”
He smiles at me in the mirror and goes back to rummaging through my drawers. When he finds what he wants, he turns around.
I raise my eyebrow at the hairdryer and brush, then laugh. “You’re going to dry my hair?”
“If you’ll let me.” He walks closer and perches his head on my shoulder, gazing at me in the mirror. He looks so open and eager, I can’t say no.
“Let me look after you, kitten,” he whispers softly, and I nod.
He smiles and plugs in the hairdryer. He runs it over my hair, and I feel loved. It’s a strange intimacy. I feel more vulnerable now than even during sex. It isn’t driven by need or lust, but by kindness and caring. He concentrates so hard, his tongue caught between his teeth as he dries my hair.
