“Do you want me?” Veronica spread her legs wider. “Want me now?”
“So much, please, Ceannard.” Millie panted. “Please.”
“Let go of those straps and come fuck me. Now.”
Millie dropped the leathers from her hands and fell on Veronica, covering her with her body. She grabbed her hips with both hands, aligned the tip of the toy, and in one smooth thrust was deep inside. She slipped her arms under Veronica and held tight to her shoulders as her hips thrust wildly. Veronica gasped, her body shaking hard as the sensation of being taken, even as she took, overwhelmed her. She locked her legs around Millie’s hips and arched into her, meeting her thrusts with her.
“Ceannard, I love being inside you. I can’t stop. Please, let me come. Please.” Millie’s breath was hot on her neck where she rested her head.
Veronica gripped her hair with both hands and pulled her head back.
“Look at me.”
Millie lifted her head and met her gaze as she fucked her.
“Now. Give it to me. Now.” Veronica dug her short nails into Millie’s back.
Millie shouted as she came and sped up her thrusts as she tumbled into an abyss of pleasure, taking Veronica with her. They clung to each other and rode out their pleasure, slowing their movements as they rocked each other, driving each other into one orgasm after another. Millie rolled her hips and Veronica’s clit throbbed. Her body clenched and she came again under Millie’s driving deep strokes, endless waves of pleasure until Veronica was spent. She patted Millie’s back. “Easy, babe.”
Millie leaned down and kissed her, taking her time, and Veronica melted under her. Millie began to move her hips again in slow, gentle, tiny movements.
“I don’t know if I can go again.” Veronica looped her hands around Millie’s neck.
“First time for everything.” Millie clutched Veronica’s shoulders and rolled them over, and now Veronica was on top with Millie’s wide hands holding her hips in place.
Veronica’s upright position caused the dildo to rub against her in a way that made her grind her hips to feel it again. She rose up and lowered herself. “Damn. Does that feel as good to you?” Veronica placed both her hands flat on Millie’s chest and rocked her hips. She trembled as another orgasm built. “Cause now I’m sure I can go again.”
“Yes.” Millie bared her teeth and panted and arched her hips, thrusting up as she held Veronica in place. “Give it to me, Ceannard. Please. Come around me.”
Veronica cried out and came again. Millie smoothed her hands over Veronica’s thighs. Veronica collapsed on Millie’s chest. Millie’s arms came up around her and held her tight. She kissed Veronica’s temple. “You’re the most amazing woman.”
Veronica shifted her hips and rose off the toy. She grasped the silicone dildo in her hand, slick from their lovemaking. She jacked it slowly while watching Millie’s face. “You want to come again?”
“Yes. Please, Ceannard. But I want to feel you inside me. Let me feel you. Please.”
Veronica sat up and eased the toy from Millie’s body. She was swollen and slick, and three of Veronica’s fingers slid in easily as the wet heat welcomed her. Veronica bent over her and took her plump clit in her mouth. She slow fucked her as she suckled her clit, curling her tongue around it and drawing it deep into her mouth, closing her lips around her lushness.
Millie grabbed her head with both hands and held her in place. “Veronica,” she whispered as she shuddered through an orgasm and come soaked Veronica’s face. Millie relaxed her grip and Veronica kissed her thighs, the tight patch of curls over her clit, and her stomach on her way to Millie’s mouth.
Veronica brushed her lips over her mouth, and then kissed her softly.
Millie broke their kiss, her eyes bright. “You. Make me feel—” She kissed Veronica again. “—you make me feel so much.”
Veronica gazed into Millie’s eyes. Love. Is that what she wants to say and can’t? Or is it I make her feel good? She cupped Millie’s cheek and kissed her again, not knowing what to say herself.
THE OVERHEAD LIGHTS in the gym highlighted the squat rack. It was their routine now, Veronica coming to spot her on days she lifted heavy. Veronica helped Millie stack the plates as they loaded the bar. Taking in Millie’s tight ass and well-muscled thighs in her workout tights made Veronica bite her lip to focus on the task in front of them.
Veronica studied Millie’s face. She had spent the night in Portree again, not returning until late in the day. Her brows were drawn down, her eyes shuttered. Veronica had asked her about her visit to Portree, and as she had every other time, Millie changed the subject and shut down the conversation. Does she have another lover? Lovers. Is that what we are? What does she feel? What does she want? She nibbled her lip as Millie positioned herself under the bar, and Veronica stepped into place behind her.
Millie straightened her legs and rolled the bar forward, releasing it from the safety hooks. She squatted deeply, keeping her back straight and her hips squared under the load and blew out a breath. With a low groan Millie stood, rising quickly from her squat, and paused at the top before descending again. Veronica loved watching her work, watching the way she concentrated. Small beads of sweat gathered along her hairline at the back of her neck, and her thigh muscles bunched and flexed, stretching the fabric of her workout pants. She completed her set and racked the bar. Millie’s breath slowed as she recovered.
“Water?” Veronica held out the bottle.
Millie took it and then uncapped it before she took a sip. She handed it back to Veronica. “Let’s add ten kilos.”
“You sure?” Veronica eyed the amount of weight already on the bar.
“Yeah. You’re here. I trust you. You’ll help if I get into trouble.”
They added the weight plates before the timer sounded, signaling the end of Millie’s rest period. She positioned herself under the bar, and Veronica stepped into place behind her and settled her hands on her hips.
Millie took the weight on her shoulders, her body tight under Veronica’s fingertips. She sank into position, mirroring Millie’s movement, lending her support in maintaining her form. Millie hissed as she straightened, an audible indication of her effort. She completed two more reps. Millie’s body trembled and Veronica assessed the strain showing in her face.
“Done?” Veronica tried to keep the worry out of her tone.
“One more.” Millie’s voice was hoarse. She lowered herself, and Veronica moved her hands to the bar, ready to roll it forward if Millie couldn’t finish the repetition. The back of her neck was red, and her whole body shook as she struggled to stand. Her knees drifted out of position, and her back bowed.
Veronica shifted her hand from Millie’s hips and gripped the bar loosely. “Let it go. You’re going to blow your knees or your back.”
“No.” Millie’s voice was harsh. “I can do it.”
Veronica bit her lip, the anger in Millie’s words unsettling.
She gripped the bar harder, overpowering Millie’s hold on it, and rolled it forward until it settled on the safety rack.
Millie growled and stepped away from the rack, her eyes dark. “I said I could do it. What the hell?”
“You were all kinds of out of form. You’d have popped a disc or torn something in your knees.”
“You fucked up my set. I know my body. I could have done it.”
Veronica set her mouth in a firm line. “You said you trusted me.”
Millie stalked away, turning her back to Veronica, the set of her shoulders sending a clear message.
Not enough. She doesn’t trust me. Fuck this. Veronica collected her gear. “I wasn’t trying to fuck up your workout. I wanted to keep you safe.” She waited a moment. Millie’s silence spoke volumes as she kept her back turned, her posture rigid.
What the fuck is up with her? “You want to blow a disk, do it without me.” Veronica slammed the door on her way out of the gym.
VERONICA RAN THE figures on the stabl
e spreadsheet again. She frowned at the negative numbers glaring in red at her from the screen. Where is it? What is out of line? This should balance. Must have entered the figures in the wrong cell. She took her computer glasses off and rubbed her eyes.
A soft tap on the doorframe made her glance up. Millie walked up to the desk and held up a thermos and plate of cookies, her eyes wary. “You ready for a break? Coffee and Robin’s lemon shortbread.” She held out the plate like an offering.
Veronica shifted in her seat and studied Millie’s face. “Maybe. Are you ready to tell me what the hell crawled up your ass the other night? Why are you so pissed every time you come back from Portree? Want to tell me why you’ve so carefully avoided me since last week?”
Millie flushed and rested her chin on her chest. Her shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry.” She placed the plate of shortbread cookies on the desk and placed the thermos next to it. “I’ll go.”
“You’d rather leave it like it is than talk?” Veronica huffed out a breath. “I thought you wanted more than a hookup, Millie. You said you did. And then when I ask you anything about yourself or how you feel, you stonewall. Do you have another lover? Is that the problem?”
“No!” Millie shouted. “No. I don’t.” She scowled at Veronica. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you refuse to tell me anything about why you spend the night in Portree, and you change the subject whenever I bring it up.”
Millie shuffled her feet. “Look, I said I was sorry about the other night. I don’t know what else you want.”
Veronica stood up and rounded the desk. She grabbed Millie’s hand. “I want to know why. Why were you so angry at me?”
“I wasn’t angry at you.” Millie swept her gaze over the ceiling before she brought her gaze back to Veronica’s face. “Not much.”
Veronica quirked her mouth. “You’re a terrible liar. It’s okay to be angry. I’m not afraid of your anger, but for fuck’s sake tell me why. Why did you risk hurting yourself to accomplish some self-imposed goal? You say you trust me, you trust me with your body, and yet you don’t trust me enough to tell me what’s eating you alive. Don’t think I don’t know you’re drinking yourself to sleep almost every night.”
Millie’s throat worked as she swallowed. She held Veronica’s gaze. “I, um, I don’t know why. Okay? I don’t know why I get so angry sometimes. I had a bad day and took it out on you. I’m sorry. I’m not easy to be with. I get it if you don’t want to, um, date anymore.” Millie stopped speaking with a hard set to her jaw.
Truth. Fear. So much fear. And pain. Veronica cupped the back of her neck as she pulled her close and wrapped her arms around her body. Millie kept her body stiff in her arms. Veronica held her tighter and brought her lips close to her ear. “Don’t. Don’t give up on me. Us. You can tell me anything. I’m not going to judge you. I want to know you. Warts and all. Trust me. Please.”
Millie relaxed against her and rested her forehead on Veronica’s shoulder. The soft hum of the refrigerator was loud in the office. Veronica rubbed Millie’s back. “Tell me.”
Millie drew in a breath. “My gran is dying. She helped raise me and took care of me after…” A shudder rippled through her body. Veronica held her tighter. “She’s all I have. My father died of an overdose when I was a baby. My mother wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire. When I got out of the juvenile facility, my gran took me in. She protected me from my mother and helped me get into university. She’s dying. She’s dying, and she doesn’t know who I am, and I can’t fix it.”
Juvenile? She was in Juvenile? Why? Ask. Don’t ask. She’ll tell you when she’s ready. Veronica stroked her hands over her back. “I’m sorry, babe. So, so sorry.”
Millie lifted her head. “I’m always angry when I come back from visiting her now. She doesn’t know who I am anymore. She calls me ‘that nice young man who visits.’” Her eyes grew dark. “And my mother, my mother who hasn’t spoken to me in years, is sniffing around trying to make sure she’s in line to get whatever is left from Gran’s estate.” The bitter edge to her voice shook Veronica.
“Things are bad with your mom?” Veronica chewed her lip.
“She hates me.” Millie balled her hands into fists.
“Why?” Veronica fought the urge to step back from Millie, to avoid her anger, sensing it had nothing to do with her.
Millie blew out a breath. “Besides ruining her life by being born? My mother had a boyfriend who beat the living hell out of both of us. When I was fourteen, he started in on my mother one night. Hit her so hard he knocked her out. I thought he killed her. I stabbed him with a kitchen knife. He died.”
Millie’s voice had taken on a flat tone. Her body trembled under Veronica’s hands. “My mother was in a coma for two weeks. When she came out of it, she freaked, told the cops I murdered him, that I attacked her, and he was trying to defend her.” A grim expression settled over Millie’s face, and she avoided Veronica’s eyes. “The evidence didn’t support her story, but I had confessed to stabbing him and wanting him to die. Because my gran was able to afford a good solicitor, I was sentenced as a juvenile. I was released when I was eighteen.”
The fear in Millie’s face broke Veronica’s heart. It was all there in her eyes. How many times has she told her story and had people reject her? How much pain has it caused her? Veronica rubbed her hand over Millie’s shoulder and squeezed it. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Doubt was reflected in Millie’s face. “You say that now. But later you’ll think of it. The next time I get angry. You’ll think ‘is she going to snap? Am I next?’”
“What?” Veronica raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck? Why would I ever think that of you?” She stepped back and held up her hands. “Anyone who has treated you that way is an ass. I’m not her.” She rested her hip on the edge of the desk.
Millie’s snorted. “Aye. You’re not her. But I’m still me.” She shuffled her feet and glanced up at the wall clock. “I’ve got to go. I have to drive some guests to The Stone Hearth.”
“Can I see you later? After dinner?”
Millie shoved her hands in her front pockets. “I won’t be back until late.” Her expression was shuttered.
She’s done. Doesn’t trust me. Doesn’t believe me. “Okay.” Veronica swallowed and looked down at her fisted hands, unwilling to let Millie see her pain at being shut out. “Drive safe.”
“Always.” Millie leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Veronica’s cheek.
Veronica lifted her gaze and watched as Millie left the office. Gone. She’s gone from me. Opened up to me and is too afraid of being hurt. She poured herself a cup of coffee from the thermos. The shortbread she left untouched, the bitterness of rejection leaving her unable to muster any appetite for the sweet treat.
Chapter Twelve
THE RAIN RATTLED against the windowpane. Veronica turned over and pulled the quilt up higher around her neck. Her stomach rumbled. She closed her eyes, willing herself to go back to sleep. Last night, her mind had replayed her conversation with Millie as an endless loop, the end result always the same. Millie walking away from her, the kiss on her cheek some sort of a fucked-up consolation prize. She scrubbed her hands over her face and stared at the ceiling. Love. How the hell did I let myself fall in love again? Damn it. I love her. I’m so fucked. How many times did I think about telling her I loved her? How many times did I swallow my words? Glad I never told her. At least I didn’t embarrass myself. She can’t love me if she can give up like that.
She had read until her eyes burned, a favorite romance, a classic, and one she had read so many times she could practically recite it by heart. Is it too much? Why not me? Why can’t I find a love like that? I am lousy at picking women. Fuck me. She pulled her phone off the nightstand and checked the time. Too early for breakfast and coffee with Myfanwy and Robin. Call Mom? No, she’ll know I’m sad and ask why, and then I’ll have to explain all of it. Like I even understand. The closeness of the room overwhelm
ed her. I need to get out, think.
The floor was cold under her bare feet. She washed up and then dressed, grabbed her rain slicker off the peg by the door, and left her room.
THE RAIN HAD slowed by the time Veronica had made her second loop around the grounds. Her body stiff and chilled, she sighed with relief when the lights came on in the kitchen. Her mouth watered at the thought of hot coffee and some of whatever delights Robin was baking for the day.
In the mudroom, Veronica tugged off her boots and hung her slicker up. Myfanwy appeared with a towel in her hand. “Put this under it to catch the water, yeah?”
Veronica took the towel from her and placed it on the floor under her raincoat. The smell of fresh coffee wafted out of the kitchen, and Veronica hurried after Myfanwy.
“Help yourself.” Myfanwy tilted her head toward the coffee press. She was preparing a tray with coffee, tea, and an assortment of baked treats. “I’m serving my Mistresses this morning.” A hint of a smile played about her mouth and she hummed as she arranged the pastries on a platter.
Veronica studied her as she worked. She sipped her coffee and tried to stifle her jealousy as she witnessed Myfanwy’s happiness, knowing she had two women who loved her. I can’t even find one.
“How did you do it?” Veronica placed her cup of coffee on the table.
“Do what?” Myfanwy wiped the crumbs from the edge of the platter and placed it on the tray with the teapot and the coffee press.
“Find lovers, two lovers.” Veronica met Myfanwy’s gaze.
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