by Martina Cole
The music was turned down at the request of a fat man who was actually trying to sleep through all the noise. Lizzy saw that Joey was once more skinning up and quailed inside. All she wanted to do was get out of here. Get out and never come back.
But Joey was relaxed again. The two girls either side of Lizzy were both chatting together about their children. As they spoke a little girl of about two stumbled into the room. Her nappy was so wet it was falling down her legs. The girl on the right of Lizzy held out her arms and the child tottered towards her. The heavily sodden nappy slipped down her legs and she just stepped out of it, much to the amusement of the assembled people. The stench of urine was added to the other rancid smells of the room. Lizzy looked over the child’s head to where the man on the floor was jacking up. The needle slipped into his blue-veined arm and he closed his eyes while he felt the first rush. He opened his eyes and looked straight at her.
‘Wanna go?’
Lizzy shook her head.
‘Well, stop fucking staring at me then!’
She bit her lip and the man laughed.
The joint that Joey had rolled was passed to her and she drew on it gratefully. The girl beside her took it and puffed over the child’s head.
Joey smiled at Lizzy and she relaxed. The cannabis was working at last. Someone got up and put on a Pink Floyd album. ‘The Great Gig In The Sky’ filled the room, the woman’s haunting voice soothing Lizzy. This was better, this was music she knew, and somehow the room didn’t feel so menacing. The man on the floor who had jacked up grinned at her and she found herself grinning back. Then Jojo offered her a tab of LSD. She took the proffered tiny scrap of blotting paper and wiped it on to her tongue. Joey did the same. An hour later she was floating somewhere between reality and the fifth dimension. She was having a great time. Somehow more children seemed to have arrived from the bedrooms in the flat. The music, although still loud, was not blaring and someone had even made sandwiches, which were being passed around along with a cider and vodka mixture. Joey was now lying tripping out of his head on the floor.
Then there was a loud knocking on the door.
One of the girls got up to answer it and two well-dressed women came into the room.
JoJo stood up and took them out to the kitchen. Joey watched from his vantage point on the floor as they did the deal. Three thousand tabs of Ecstasy were handed over for a thick wad of notes.
Joey relaxed, happy in the knowledge that for the next few weeks at least, the place wouldn’t run dry of drugs. It was just as the two women were leaving that the pandemonium started. Police seemed to be crawling everywhere.
Lizzy was so far gone by this time that she just smiled at them as they took her out to the meat wagon.
Kate and Caitlin were both going over ‘suspect’ evidence. This involved taking apart any statements made by known offenders and seeing if they could pinpoint a flaw somewhere along the line. As yet they had got precisely nowhere.
Caitlin yawned loudly.
‘There’s nothing here, Katie, you know that and I know that. This man, whoever he is, isn’t your normal nutter. He’s one of the new breed.’
Kate smiled despite herself. ‘New breed?’
‘Sure isn’t that what I just said? I’ve noticed over the years that the violent attacks are changing subtly. If you go back to the fifties and sixties, there were a few killers around like this one. But their attacks, bad as they were - well, they weren’t as violent as now. Look at this man we have here. He batters the girls to death. Now most rapists get off on their domination of the woman. The struggling, the fear, the knowledge that they are committing the worst violation a woman can experience. This chappie here, though, he seems to want them still. As still as death, in fact. It’s almost if he wants the ultimate submission. As if the woman’s acquiescing, if you like. Giving him permission.’
Kate stared at Caitlin’s ruddy face and nodded. ‘I think I understand you. But even knowing that, we’re still as far from finding him as we are from the Holy Grail.’ Her voice was flat.
‘Oh, we’ll find him, don’t you fret. It’s just when. That’s the bastard of it all. When. He’ll make a mistake. They always do.’
The phone on their desk rang and Kate picked it up. Caitlin watched her face register astonishment.
‘I’ll be right there.’
‘What is it, Katie? Another one?’ Caitlin’s voice held disbelief.
‘Oh, no, it’s not another murder. But it could bloody well end up as one.’
Picking up her bag she rushed from the incident room, leaving him staring after her.
Chapter Fourteen
Kate slammed into her house, banging the front door behind her. Dan and Evelyn heard her stamping up the stairs and both followed her. They found her in Lizzy’s bedroom, systematically tearing the room apart.
‘What the hell’s going on here, Kate?’ Dan’s voice was incredulous.
She was pulling underwear from a drawer and searching every piece as she picked it up.
‘Lizzy is at this moment in Grantley Police Station on a charge of possession of cannabis.’ Her voice was thick with fury.
‘What!’ Evelyn held her hand to her heart. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Oh, I’m sure all right. I know what my own daughter looks like.’
She pulled the drawer from its hole and examined the underneath. There, taped to the bottom, was a small plastic bag of amphetamines. Kate ripped it off and shoved it in the pocket of her jacket.
‘Look, Kate, relax for a second and tell us what happened. There must be some mistake.’
‘There’s no mistake, Dan. I thought that as well, until I saw her. I was called from the incident room by the desk sergeant who recognised her. She was in a squat in Tillingdon Place. Yes, Tillingdon Place, the biggest dump in Grantley, and she was tripping out of her head.’
‘No.’ Evelyn felt sick inside.
‘Yes, Mum. Now will you two just get out? I must find out what she’s got, what’s going on. I got the duty doctor to give her a blood test, for my eyes only. I could break her bloody neck!’
‘Listen, Kate, maybe someone took her there and gave her the drugs . . .’
‘Oh, don’t you think I thought of that? Well, don’t you?’ She rounded on Dan. ‘I went into the cell and she told me to fuck off out of it. Those were her exact words. She was shouting and swearing at everyone. I have never been so humiliated in all my life. Miss Goody Two Shoes hasn’t been to work for a week apparently. I went round to Joanie’s and she told me everything. Lizzy wasn’t at Joanie’s on New Year’s Eve, she was at that bloody rave! She’s nothing but a lying, scheming little bitch!’
She burst into tears. Evelyn went to her and put her arm around her shoulders.
‘I’ll make us all a cup of coffee, shall I? Dry your eyes, Katie, crying won’t solve anything.’
‘I did everything I possibly could for that girl. We treated her well, tried to bring her up decently. Why has she done this to us? To herself? It’s as if I never knew her.’
Evelyn kissed the top of her head.
‘Sure there’s plenty of people must have said the same thing after a visit from you, love. You bring your children up, you do your best, but in the end they go their own way.’
‘I could cheerfully kill her, Mum, for this. From what I can gather from Joanie, she’s been taking drugs since her last year at school. No wonder she didn’t want to stay on and make something of herself.’ Kate clenched her fists. ‘If she was here now I’d tear her apart. What a foolish, foolish girl!’
Dan walked from the room, his head reeling.
Lizzy on drugs? His Lizzy? He sat at the top of the stairs as the news sank in. A little while later Kate’s sobs had subsided and Evelyn pushed past him to make her daughter a coffee. Inside the bedroom Kate began once more to search the room. She had just found Lizzy’s birth control pills when Dan came back in.
‘Look, Dan, she’s on the pill. Another first for Madam Lizz
y. When she gets home I’m going to slaughter her.’
‘It’s because of you, Kate. You were never there for her. You should have dedicated yourself to bringing up your child . . .’
Dan’s trite speech was what she needed to bring herself down from her temper. She turned to face him. Her voice was deadly calm as she spoke.
‘You dare to tell me what I should have done, Danny Burrows? You dare to tell me about my child?’ She poked herself in the chest. ‘Yes, my child. Never yours, Dan. You were never here for her. My mother and I brought her up and she brought herself this low. Where that girl is concerned I have nothing on my conscience. Nothing.’
But Kate knew that no matter how many times she told herself that, she would always blame herself. Always.
She began to pull all her daughter’s clothes from the wardrobe, searching the pockets as she went.
‘Look at you, you’d think you were at a suspect’s house instead of your daughter’s bedroom. You haven’t even tried to hear her side of it.’ Dan’s voice was disgusted. He turned and walked from the room.
Kate followed him on to the landing and shouted: ‘You’re another one. You can take your stuff and get out. I’ve had enough of freeloaders. She’s like you, Dan, that’s the trouble. She looks like an angel and she’s a slut . . .’
She heard him slam the front-room door and went back into the bedroom. The Paddington Bear wallpaper that had been on the walls for years was mocking her. On a shelf over the bed were Lizzy’s dolls from childhood. Picking up the Tiny Tears she grasped it to herself, cuddling the cold plastic head to her face.
Oh, Lizzy, Lizzy, when did it all start to go wrong? How could she not have noticed what was going on under her nose? What had come over her child?
She licked the salty tears from her lips and, taking a tissue from the box by the bed, blew her nose loudly.
Placing the doll on her lap she pulled the legs off. Kate knew everywhere there was to look for drugs. It was her job, after all.
Patrick answered the door himself and smiled in delight as he saw Kate on his doorstep.
‘Hello, love. Come in.’
She stepped into the hallway.
As Patrick walked her through to the lounge he frowned. She did not look like a happy woman. When she was seated on the sofa with a glass of brandy, he spoke.
‘What’s up, Kate? You look terrible. Is it something about the case?’
She sipped the brandy. ‘No. Nothing to do with that.’
Then it all tumbled out. Patrick sat beside her, unsure if what he was hearing was true. When she had finished, he sighed heavily.
‘Sounds to me like your daughter needs a good kick up the arse, if you’ll pardon the expression.’
‘I’m sorry to bring my troubles here but I really didn’t know where else to go.’
Patrick grasped her hand. ‘Listen, Kate, if ever you need me, I’ll be there. All right?’ He meant it. Seeing her like this made her more human somehow. It was gratifying to know that she could feel the same as him. That she had the same troubles, worries and hopes that he had. It made her more a person and less a policewoman.
Kate ran her hands through her long hair and sniffed. ‘It was just the way she acted when I went in the cell. You know, as if I was the enemy or something.’
‘At the moment, Kate love, you are the enemy. She probably feels ashamed of herself.’
‘I know what you’re saying, but she was drugged out of her head, Patrick. She was nicked in a filthy squat with a load of known druggies. The boy who took her there was called Joey something or other. He already has a record as long as my arm and he’s only eighteen. I tried to kid myself that someone took her and dragged her there, you know the scenario. But after talking to her best friend, I realise that my daughter is nothing but a little slut.’
Patrick slapped her knee sharply. ‘Hey, hey, you listen to me now, Katie, that’s your child you’re talking about. I wouldn’t care if my Mandy was flashing her clout on the Old Kent Road if it meant having her back! You’re being too hard on her. She’s sixteen. Christ Almighty, didn’t you ever do anything wrong at sixteen?
‘Kids today have too many choices in front of them. Drugs are part and parcel of their everyday life. That’s why they go to these raves. In our youth, the sixties and early seventies, we had the same thing, only we were the generation who were going to change the world. Remember Sergeant Pepper and all the other drug music? What you’ve got to do now is try and build some bridges with her. Try and get her back on an even keel.’
Kate stared up into his face. What he was saying made sense in some respects but she would never, ever forgive Lizzy for the charade of the last eighteen months. She had thought her daughter was pure and good, and she had been gratified by that. Seeing the lowest of the low on a daily basis made you glad your child was normal. Was safe. Was secure. To find out that she was a drug user was like finding out your twin was a murderer. It was unbelievable. To see that child lying in a cell out of her head on drugs was like having a knife twisted somewhere in your bowels.
Kelly watched the changing expressions on her face and guessed what she was thinking.
‘I feel I’ve failed Lizzy, Pat. Failed her dreadfully. I put my work before everything. I could have got a nine to five job but I never wanted one. I wanted to be a policewoman. I suppose you, of all people, find that hard to believe.’
Patrick shrugged. ‘Look Katie, your job is your business, I admit that until I met you I didn’t have a lot of time for the police. But that’s history. I am a hundred per cent legal these days.’
‘All the same though, Pat, what I’m doing with you is not really any different to what Lizzy did with the drugs. We both want something we shouldn’t really have.’
Patrick stared into Kate’s eyes, his expression soft.
‘Drugs destroy people, Kate. I don’t. I resent you implying that. I’ve never intentionally hurt a woman in my life. If you feel that you are in any way compromising yourself with me, then I think we should both say our goodbyes now, before it becomes even harder.’
Kate returned his gaze. He was offering her an out and she respected him for that. While another part of her, the female part of her, resented the way he was willing just to end what they had.
‘I’ll miss you though, Kate, you’ve kept me together body and soul since I lost Mandy. I’ve come to rely on you very much. I’d even go so far as to say I’m falling in love. But what you said has a ring of truth. All I can say in my defence is that I have nothing now in my life that I would need to hide from you.’
‘What about the future?’
He smiled. ‘Who knows what the future has in store for us?
Kate looked away from him and concentrated on the ormolu clock on the mantelpiece, its ticking the only other sound in the room. She bit her lip. So much had happened in the last few months. Her life would never be the same again. Her relationship with Lizzy was over. It would be different now between them. Lizzy would need a firm hand after this. All the trust was gone. The one person whom Kate had always seen as constant and good had been shown up in a dark light. It scared her. How could you not know that about your child? On the other hand, the man she had been wary of seeing, who had a bad reputation, who in her right mind she should never have got involved with, had turned out to be a good man underneath. A good and kind man, whose reputation was only believed by the people who didn’t really know him.
‘I don’t want to finish with you, Kate.’
His voice was soft and low.
‘I don’t want to stop seeing you either, Pat.’
She wasn’t sure she could stop now, even if she wanted to.
‘When is she home?’
‘Tomorrow, I could have taken her tonight, you know, being a DI. But I didn’t trust myself, Pat, I thought I might harm her if she was with me while I felt like this.’
‘Why did you come to me?’ It was a low whisper.
‘Because I trust you, I supp
ose.’
He smiled and pulled her to her feet. ‘Come on.’
‘Where are we going?’
‘I’m going to run you a nice bath, Katie, and I’m going to soap your body personally, every nook and cranny. Then I am going to lay you on my bed and stroke every care and worry from your mind. Then when madam gets home tomorrow, you’ll be in a fit frame of mind to see her and get this sorted out once and for all.’
He pulled Kate to the bottom of the staircase and she dragged her hand from his.
‘Oh, Pat, what am I going to do? What with the case and everything, and now all this with Lizzy . . .’ Her voice trailed off and Patrick took her hand once more.
‘Just you bear in mind that you’ve got me now, Kate, and you’ll have me for as long as you want me. I’m here for you whenever you need someone.’
It was said simply and sincerely and Kate followed him up the stairs gladly. For the first time in years she had someone she could rely on. It was a heady feeling.
‘After the bath, we can have a good old chat. That’s what you really need, you know. Someone who’s not too close to the source of the problem.’
Kate followed him up the stairs. She had left Dan packing and her mother had retired to her bedroom. Kate had felt she could not stay in that house a moment longer. She had found cannabis as well as amphetamines in her daughter’s room. What Patrick said made sense. She needed a real shoulder to cry on.
It was not until much later, after her bath and with Patrick snoring softly beside her, that she realised the implications of her visit to Patrick Kelly.
The irony of it all was not lost on her. But she leant up on her elbow and looked down into his face and knew the truth of it.
She was falling hopelessly in love with the man. And it felt good. Very, very good.
She pictured Lizzy as a small child. Her white socks and sandals pristine on her little feet. Her Holly Hobby dress ironed to crisp perfection. Her long dark hair brushed like burnished jet. It was her first day at school. Kate had been so proud of her. What had happened to make her daughter take drugs? When had Lizzy grown away from her?
