SISTER TAYLOR: (In attitude of defiance) Well, I’m gonna witness! An’ I ain’t gonna bit mah tongue neither. You knows you cheated me outa half a pound o’ salt pork Sat’day night. I weighed dat piece when I got home, and ’twarn’t no bigger’n mah fist here.
SISTER PITTS: Huh! Dat’s a common thing, chile.
CLARKE: (Calmly) Is dat all?
SISTER TAYLOR: No, that ain’t all. You waters yo’ cider, an’ yo’ sells bag meal.
CLARKE: An’ yo’ been buyin’ outa mah store fo’ God knows how long. Yo’ owes me Thirty-eight Dollars and Ten Cents, an’ can’t nobody whuts in mah debt testify in this court. Set down!
SISTER TAYLOR: You’se a lie! You’se a…(But the noise of the gavel drowns her out. In the meantime, the other witnesses are all seated at the front.)
CLARKE: Now, we’ll go on with this trial. We’s tryin’ Jim Weston fo’ ’saultin’ Dave Carter wid a dangerous weepon. Did he or did he not done it, that’s what we got to fin’ out? You, Lum! You was there. You’se de Marshall. You saw it. Now, what went on?
LUM: (Startled, drawls) Well…
DAVE: You better, “Well…” (Mocking LUM)
LUM: Daisy come….
SISTER BLUNT: Uhm-uh! Not Daisy.
LUM: I mean (turning to CLARKE in distress) Well, you say I should take Jim and lock him up, an’ that’s whut I done, jus’ like you tol’ me.
CLARKE: You sho did, but I God, I ast you whut you seed befo’ I told you to take Jim and lock him up? (DAVE, JIM and SISTER TAYLOR eye LUM dangerously)
LUM: (Shifting nervously) Well, I ain’t seen much.
CLARKE: (Rapping impatiently) Whut did you see?
LUM: Well, ole lady Pitts’ mule was tied in yo’ back yard a-tearin’ up Mis’ Mattie’s tomato vines, an’ Mis’ Mattie say, ’Lum, you go ’roun’ an’ tend to dat mule’, an’ I went, an’ that mule sho drawed back to kick me.
CLARKE: (To SISTER PITTS) I God, yo’ mule drawed a hoof on de marshall?
SISTER PITTS: Dat’s a lie! Mah mule don’t kick.
CLARKE: G’wan, Lum!
LUM: An’ I was busy wid dat mule.
LIGE: Looks like de marshall warn’t at de scene o’ action.
SISTER LEWIS: Dat’s de kin’ o’ men de Mayor hires to do de duties o’ dis town.
CLARKE: Set down, Lum. Ain’t worth de dust it took to make you. (To HAMBO) Hambo, you was settin’ an’ loafin’ right on mah front porch all day Sat’day, and night, too. Get up an’ tell whut you saw.
HAMBO: (Rising) Now, in de first place, Joe Clarke, I warn’t loafin’. I’se a deacon in de church an’ you knows I don’t waste mah time wid dem low niggers whut hangs aroun’ yo’ store.
LIGE: Do you hear that?
HAMBO: An’ furthermo’, I don’t know if I wuz there or not, now dat you so sure I wuz.
SISTER HAMBO: Make him prove it! Make him prove it!
CLARKE: I God, Hambo, you know you wuz there!
CHILDERS: (Quickly) He were there, yo’ honery, but he warn’t loafin’. (To HAMBO,) You mah main witness, Brother Hambo. Now tell jus’ how dis vileness was done. You sees our lamb all hurted here. (Pointing to DAVE’s head. JIM laughs.)
DAVE: Hush, fool! You’se in court.
JIM: Boy, yo’ head sho is soft.
HAMBO: (To JIM) An’ you’ll soon be gone. (To the MAYOR) Clarke, it were like dis. These two boys here started fightin’ over Dais…(sees SISTER BLUNT half rise in her seat) over somethin’ or nother o’ no importance…(BAPTISTS all murmur in agreement) an’ dat there triflin’ rascal, for no cause whatinsoever, hit this boy in de head with a mule bone.
CLARKE: Um-hmmm! Dat’s right.
SISTER THOMAS: Hear him, Lord! How he kin lie!
SISTER NIXON: An’ then re-lie!
HAMBO: (To CLARKE) You ’lows dese ’ruptions in de court?
CLARKE: (To WOMEN, rapping) Hush! I say, hush! Hambo, is you through?
HAMBO: (Sitting down pompously) I is.
CLARKE: (To OLD WOMAN) Sister Pitts, le’s hear whut you got to say!
SISTER PITTS: Brother Mayor, I wan’t there, but I been knowin’ this boy Dave since he was knee-high to a duck an’ that boy wouldn’t hurt nobody, but that varmint yonder (Pointing to JIM) is de crookedist limb of Satan that de Lawd ever made. He is a scoundrel, a rat, a low-down dog, a…
SIMMS: (Jumping up) I objects! I objects! Nobody’s got de right to call my charge no names like dat. (As CLARKE is silent and SISTER PITTS goes on, “rascal, heathen, etc.”) I objects! (Dances in front of MAYOR’s face) I objects!
CLARKE: I God, Simms, if you don’t set down an’ stop spit-tin’ in mah face I’ll lam you over de head wid dis mallet.
SIMMS: (Weakly) I objects.
CLARKE: Dat’ll do! Dat’ll do! Dry up, suh! (Turning to DAVE) Stand up, Dave. Since youse de one got hurted, you tell me jus’ whut went on out dere. (DAVE rises slowly)
MRS. TAYLOR: Dat’s right, Dave. Git up dere an’ lie lak de cross ties from New York to Texas. You greasy rascal, you! You better go wash yo’self befo’ you go testifyin’ on people.
DAVE: (Calmly) I’m jus’ as clean as you. (JIM laughs)
CHILDERS: (Jumping to his feet) Wait a minute! ’Tain’t none o’ y’all got no call to be thowin’ off on dis boy. He come here to git justice, not to be slurred an’ low-rated. He ain’t ’ssaulted nobody. He ain’t stole no chickens. He’s a clean boy. He set at mah feet in Sunday School since he was so high (Measures knee height) and he come through religion under de sound of mah voice an’ I baptized him an’ I know he’s clean.
MRS. TAYLOR: It’ll take more’n uh baptizin’ to clean dat nigger.
DAVE: I goes in swimmin’ nearly every day. I’m jus’ as clean as anybody else.
MRS. TAYLOR: (MAYOR begins rapping for order. SHE shouts out) Swimming! Dat ain’t gointer clean de crust offa you. You ain’t had a good bath since de devil was a hatchet.
CLARKE: I’m goin’ to have order heah or else! G’wan, Dave!
DAVE: It’s jus’ lak you seen it Sat’day night. You-all was there.
CLARKE: Yeah, but dat wuz at de store. Dis is in court an’ it’s got to be tole.
SIMMS: Just uh minute, Brother Clarke, before we any further go, I wants to ast de witness uh question dat oughter be answered before he open his mouf.
CLARKE: Whut kind of a question is dat?
SIMMS: Dave, tell de truth. Ain’t yo’ heart full of envy an’ malice ’gainst dis chile? (Gestures towards JIM. DAVE shakes his head and starts to deny the charge, but SIMMS hurries on) Wait a minute, now! Wait till I git thru. Didn’t y’all used to run aroun’ everywhere playin’ an’ singin’ an’ everythin’ till you got so full of envy an’ malice an’ devilment till y’all broke up? Now, Brother Mayor, make him tell de truth.
DAVE: Yeah, I useter be crazy ’bout Jim, and we was buddies till he tried to back bite me wid my girl.
JIM: Yo’ girl! Never was yo’ girl, nohow! I reckon I ain’t none of yo’ buddy. I ain’t got no buddy, they kilt my buddy tryin’ to raise me. But I did useter lak you till you tried to root me out wid Dais….
SISTER BLUNT: Jes’ dare!
MAYOR: Aw, table dat business, an’ le’s open up new business. We ain’t here to fin’ out whose girl it is an’ we ain’t gonna mention no woman’s name. We wants to know ’bout dis fight, an’ who hit de first lick, an’ how come. Go ’head on, Dave, an’ talk.
CHILDERS: Yes, Dave, talk, son.
DAVE: Well, we was all dancin’ an’ a singin’ in front o’ yo’ store, an’ seem like Jim kinder got mad ’bout somethin’ or nother an’ so I went in de store an’ left de ole nigger. Well, near as I can remember, when I come out seems like I kinder step on his ole big foot whut had no business where it wuz nohow. An’ then he up and knocks mah soda all ovah mah clean shirt.
JIM: Who’s shirt?
D
AVE: De shirt I had on. An’ then I hits him. An’ fo’ I knowed it, he done picked up that bone an’ lammed me ovah de head wid it.
CHILDERS: He hit you, didn’t he?
DAVE: Yes, sir.
CHILDERS: He assaulted you, didn’t he?
DAVE: I reckon he did.
CLARKE: Uh-humm!
(DAVE resumes his seat and JIM drops his head for a moment then snatches it up arrogantly and glares at the BAPTISTS. The whole place is very silent for a moment. Then MAYOR CLARKE clears his throat, raps with his gavel and looks sternly at JIM.)
Jim Weston, stand up, suh! (JIM rises sullenly) You’se charged wid ’ssaultin’ Dave Carter wid uh dangerous weepon. You heard de charge. Guilty or not guilty?
JIM: (Arrogantly) Yeah, I hit him an’ I’ll hit him agin if he crowd me. But I ain’t guilty of no crime. (HE hitches up his pants and sits down arrogantly.)
CLARKE: (Surprised) Whut’s dat you say, Jim? (Raps sharply) Git up from there, sir! Whut’s dat you say?
JIM: (Rising) I say, yeah, I lammed ole Dave wid de mule bone, but I ain’t guilty uh nothin’. (There is a stark silence for a few seconds. Then CLARKE raps nervously.)
CLARKE: How come you ain’t guilty?
SIMMS: (To JIM) Set down, Jim, and lemme show dese people dat walks in de darkness wid sinners an’ republicans de light.
(JIM sets down amid jubilant smiles of METHODISTS. SIMMS chuckles out loud and wipes his face with his handkerchief. He gets to his feet still laughing.)
CHILDERS: You jus’ as well tuh hush up befo’ you start then, Simms. You can’t show nobody uh light when you ain’t got none tuh show.
HAMBO: Ain’t dat de gospel?
NIXON: Aw, let de man talk! Y’all soun’ lak uh tree full uh blackbirds. Go ’head on, Elder Simms.
WALTER THOMAS: Yeah, you can’t teach ’em nothin’, but talk on. We know whut you talkin’ ’bout.
CLARKE: (Rapping once or twice) I God, tell it…whutever ’tis you got tuh tell!
SISTER NIXON: Law ’em from Genesis to Revelations, Elder.
SISTER LEWIS: Aw yeah, hurry up an’ tell it. I know it ain’t goin’ tuh be nothin’ after you git it tole, but hurry up an’ say it so you kin rest easy.
THOMAS: Aw, shet up an’ give de man uh chance.
SISTER LEWIS: My shetters ain’t workin’ good. Sposin’ you come whet me up, Walter. Den you’ll know it’s done right.
LIGE: Aw, whyn’t y’all ack lak folks an’ leave de man talk!
CLARKE: (Rapping repeatedly) Order in dis court, I God, jus’ like you wuz in Orlando! (Silence falls) Now, Simms, talk yo’ chat.
SIMMS: (Glances down into his open Bible, then looks all around the room with great deliberation. It is evident he enjoys being the center of attraction. He smiles smugly as he turns his face towards the pulpit. He speaks slowly and accents his words so that none will be lost on his audience.) De Bible says, be sho you’re right, then go ahead. (He looks all around to collect the admiration he feels he has earned.) Now, we all done gathered an’ ’sembled here tuh law dis young lad of uh boy on uh mighty serious charge. Uh whole passel of us is rarin’ tuh drive him way from home lak you done drove off his daddy an’ his brothers.
HAMBO: We never drove off his pappy. De white folks took an’ hung him for killin’ dat man in Kissimmee for nothin’.
SIMMS: Dat ain’t de point, Brother Hambo.
HAMBO: It’s jes’ as good uh pint as any. If you gointer talk, tell de truth. An’ if you can’t tell de truth, set down an’ leave Reverend Childers talk.
SIMMS: Brother Mayor, how come you let dese people run they mouf lak uh passel uh cowbells? Ain’t I got de floor? I ain’t no breath-an’-britches. I was people in middle Georgy befo’ I ever come to Floridy. Whut kin’ of chairman is you, nohow?
CLARKE: (Angrily) Heah! Heah! Don’t you come tryin’ show yo’self round me! I God, I don’t keer whut you wuz in Georgy. I kin eat fried chicken when you cain’t git rainwater tuh drink. Hurry up an’ say what you got in yo’ craw an’ set down. We needs yo’ space more’n we needs yo’ comp’ny.
NIXON: Don’t let him skeer yo’, Elder Simms. You got plenty shoulders tuh back yo’ fallin’.
HAMBO: Well, each an’ every shoulder kin hit de groun’ an’ I’ll git wid ’em.
THOMAS: Hambo, everybody in Orange county knows you love tuh fight. But dis is uh law hearin’, not no wrassle.
HAMBO: Oh, you Meth’dis’ niggers wants tuh fight, bad enough, but youse skeered. Youse jus’ as hot as Tucker when de mule kicked his mammy. But you know you got plenty coolers.
SISTER TAYLOR: Aw, ain’t nobody skeered uh you half-pint Baptists. God knows ah’m ready an’ willin’. (She glares at MRS. LEWIS. SISTER LEWIS jumps to her feet, but is pulled back into her seat. MAYOR CLARKE raps for order and the room gets quiet.)
CLARKE: Aw right, now, Simms. I God, git through!
SIMMS: (Pompously) Now y’all done up an’ took dis po’ boy an’ had him locked up in uh barn ever since Sat’day night an’ done got him ’ccused uh ’ssault an’ I don’t know whut all, an’ you ain’t got no business wid yo’ hands on him a-tall. He ain’t done no crime, an’ if y’all knowed anythin’ ’bout law, I wouldn’t have tuh tell you so.
CLARKE: I God, he is done uh crime an’ he’s gointer ketch it, too.
SIMMS: But not by law, Brother Mayor. You tryin’ tuh lay uh hearin’ on dis boy an’ you can’t do it ’cause he ain’t broke no law. I don’t keer whut he done so long as he don’t break no law you can’t touch him.
CHILDERS: He committed assault, didn’t he? Dat sho is breakin’ de law!
SIMMS: Naw, he ain’t committed no ’ssault. He jus’ lammed Dave over de head, dat’s all. (Triumphantly) Yuh see y’all don’t know whut you talkin’ ’bout. Now I done set in de court house an’ heard de white folks law from mornin’ till night. (He flips his Bible shut.) I done read dis book from lid tuh lid an’ I knows de law. You got tuh have uh weepon tuh commit uh ’ssault. An’ ’tain’t in no white folks law an’ ’tain’t in dis Bible dat no mule bone is no weepon.
CLARKE: (After a moment of dead silence) I God, whut’s dat you say?
SIMMS: (Sitting down and crossing his legs and folding his hands upon his Bible.) You heard me. I say you ain’t got no case ’ginst dis boy an’ you got tuh turn him loose.
CHILDERS: (Jumping up) Brother Chairman!
CLARKE: (Raps once and nods recognition) You got de floor.
CHILDERS: I ain’t book-learnt an’ I ain’t rubbed de hair offen my head agin no college wall, but I know when uh ’ssault’s been committed. I says Jim Weston did ’ssault Dave. (He points at Dave’s head.)
SIMMS: (Arrogantly) Prove it!
CHILDERS: Stands silent and puzzled.
(The METHODIST side breaks into a triumphant shout of “Oh, Mary don’t you weep, don’t you moan, Pharaoh’s Army got Drownded”. CHILDERS sinks into his seat. When they have shouted out three choruses, SIMMS rises to speak.)
SIMMS: I move dat we sing doxology an’ bring dis meetin’ to uh close. We’se all workin’ people, Brother Mayor. Dismiss us so we kin g’wan back to our work. De sun is two hours high yet. (Looks towards the METHODIST side.) I second de motion.
CHILDERS: (Arising slowly) Hol’ on there uh minute wid dat motion. Dis ain’t no lodge meetin’. Dis is uh court an’ bofe sides got uh right tuh talk. (Motions towards SIMMS’s Bible) Youse uh letter-learnt man, but I kin read dat Bible some, too. Lemme take it uh minute.
SIMMS: I ain’t uh gointer do it. Any preacher dat amounts to uh hill uh beans would have his own Bible.
CLARKE: I God, Childers, you right here in yo’ own church. Come on up here an’ read out yo’ pulpit Bible. I God, don’t mind me bein’ up here. Come on up. (A great buzzing breaks out all over the church for order. CHILDERS mounts the pulpit. SIMMS begins to turn the leaves of his Bible.)
SIMMS: B
rother Mayor, you oughter let us outa here. You ain’t got no case ’ginst dis boy. Don’t waste our time for nothin’. Leave us go home.
CLARKE: Aw, dry up, Simms, you done talked yo’ talk. I God, leave Childers talk his. (To CHILDERS) Step on out when you ready, Reverend.
CHILDERS: (Reading) It says here in Judges 18:18 dat Samson slewed three thousand Philistines wid de jaw-bone of an ass.
SIMMS: (On his feet) Yeah, but dis wasn’t no ass. Dis was uh mule, Brother Mayor. Dismiss dis meetin’ an le’s all go home.
CHILDERS: Yeah, but he was half-ass. A ass is uh mule’s daddy, and he’s bigger’n uh ass, too. (Emphatic gestures) Everybody knows dat, even de lil chillun.
SIMMS: (Standing) Yeah, but we didn’t come here to talk about no asses, neither no half-asses, nor no mule daddies. (Laughter from METHODISTS) We come to law uh boy for ’ssault an’ larceny.
CHILDERS: (Very patiently) We’se comin’ to dat pint now. Dat’s de second claw uh de sentence we’se expoundin’. I say Jim Weston did have uh weepon in his hand when he ’ssaulted Dave. ’Cause y’all knows if de daddy is dangerous, den de son is dangerous too. An y’all knows dat de further back you gits on uh mule de more dangerous he gits an’ if de jaw-bone slewed three thousand people, by de time you gits back tuh his hocks, it’s pizen enough tuh kill ten thousand. ’Tain’t no knives nor no razors ever kilt no three thousand people. Now, folkses, I ast y’all whut kin be mo’ dangerous dan uh mule bone? (To CLARKE,) Brother Mayor, Jim didn’t jes’ lam Dave an’ walk off…(very emphatic) he ’ssaulted him with de deadliest weepon there is in de worl’ an’ left him layin’ unconscious. Brother Mayor, he’s uh criminal an’ oughter be run outa dis peaceful town! (Great chorus of approval from Baptists. CLARKE begins to rap for order.)
SIMMS: (Standing) Brother Mayor, I objects. I done studied jury and I know whut I’m talkin’ ’bout.
CLARKE: Aw, dry up, Simms. You’se entirely out of order. You may be slick, but you kin stand another greasing. Reverend Childers is right. I God, I knows de law when I hear it. Stand up dere, Jim! (JIM rises very slowly. SIMMS rises also. DAVE looks worried.)
Mule Bone Page 8
