by J. N. Baker
Steam burst from its large nostrils as it swung its head at me. It had to be the biggest horse I’d ever seen—far bigger than William’s stallion—and blacker, if that was even possible. I backed up a step, trying not to make any sudden movements. That’s when I realized it wasn’t alone.
My eyes traveled up to the rider.
Her eyes were solid black as they peered down at me, not a speck of white to be seen. Her long hair was dark brown, matted and messy as if she’d never touched it a day in her life, however long that might have been. It gave her a wild look. I wasn’t so sure she wasn’t wild. Not a shred of clothing covered her pale green skin, vines and bark the only things standing between her and complete nudity. I could have been wrong, but they almost looked like they were growing out of her skin.
“You’re one of the forest nymphs.” It wasn’t really a question.
She didn’t reply. Her gaze shifted as she lifted a slender arm, a three-inch long fingernail pointing through the trees.
“Josh?” I asked as if she would somehow know him by name. “The man who came through here, you saw him? Is that the way he went?”
Her head bobbed once, her black eyes finding mine once more. Before I could make a run for it, she hopped down from her large mount. She stood at least eight inches shorter than me, but that didn’t make her any less intimidating. I fought the urge to step back as she approached me. She snatched my hand in her much smaller one and placed the vine-like reins into my palm, closing my fingers around them.
“Fast,” she hissed, flashing a row of tiny jagged teeth.
I gulped. “Thanks.”
She bowed at the waist and then disappeared back into the trees, swallowed by the darkness.
I boosted myself onto the horse’s bare back and steered it in the direction that Josh had gone. I had a feeling I already knew where he was headed.
I hadn’t spent time with Josh since before the “accident,” since before William took me from the life I once knew and dropped me into this nightmare. That had been just over a year ago. This was the first time Josh was staying with me since he’d surprised the hell out of me by showing up at my door a month ago. When he’d found me then, he’d only stayed for the day. This was going to be the entire weekend. I was nervous for more reasons than one.
But this was Josh. This was my best friend. To say that I was excited to have him back in my life was an understatement. It was just…my life was different now. But more than that, I was different now. I wasn’t the same girl Josh once knew. Hell, I wasn’t even human. How was I supposed to hide something like that from him?
I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, though. I had to hide it from him, hide the real me. He could never know. For one, William would kill me and possibly Josh if I blabbed about what I was. And, more importantly, I had to protect Josh. I needed to protect him from the shit show that was now my life. He could never see me for the monster I’d become.
A soft knock on my front door pulled me from my thoughts. He knocked again, harder this time and with more urgency as if he was worried I’d disappeared all over again. Which wasn’t too far from the truth. William had tried but I’d put my foot down.
I stepped up to the door and took a deep breath, hand lingering on the knob. Before I could chicken out, I pulled the door open.
Josh stood in the doorway with his overnight bag slung over his shoulder. The bag quickly slipped to the ground as Josh took me into his arms.
I slid my arms around his muscular back and returned the hug. I had to be careful about how hard I squeezed. Hell, I had to be careful how much contact we had. I still didn’t know my own strength. I pulled away.
“You made it,” I said as casually as I could.
“Of course I did. I’ve been looking forward to this weekend all month.” He flashed me a devilishly handsome smile. Yep. He had definitely gotten hotter since high school, if that was even humanly possible.
“Me too,” I breathed, dropping my contact-clad eyes to the carpet. Couldn’t let him see me. Couldn’t let him see the real me.
An awkward silence hung between us until I realized that Josh was still standing in the doorway of my apartment, waiting to be invited in. God, it was like we’d just met. What the hell was wrong with me? Oh, right—a lot.
“Come in,” I finally said, pulling the door open wider.
The air smelled cleaner the farther I got from the castle. Less like death and more like freshly fallen snow. I took a deep breath, holding it in my lungs as I tucked into the horse’s muscular neck, digging my heels into its flanks as the dark world around me flashed by.
I was consumed with thoughts of Josh. I still hadn’t caught up with him and somewhere in the back of my mind, I worried that the Sythen was toying with me again, trying to lure me out into the open alone. But I couldn’t risk even the slightest chance that Josh was really out there, defenseless. I had to see for myself. The hoofprints in the snow gave me a small shred of hope.
“Oh, he is out there, all right,” a voice came from the dark and a chill raced down my spine. “All alone with no one to protect him.”
The horse galloped along none the wiser as a large black mass fell into pace beside us. Red eyes found mine and then disappeared. Laughter filled the air and I kicked my heels into the horse’s sides, encouraging it to pick up speed.
“I could probably get to him before you ever could.”
“Don’t you touch him!” I shouted and the horse neighed in protest, slowing its pace.
“But how could I not when that is all you think about?” it hissed and I gripped the reins tighter. I thought I felt the beating of its leathery wings above me and tried to remind myself that it wasn’t real, it was all in my head. I forced my eyes to stay forward.
“You cannot hide your true feelings from me, warrior,” the beast continued. “Remember, I can see inside that head of yours. I know all your deepest and darkest desires. Along with all of those precious memories of yours.”
A sharp pang shot through my temple and I gasped, grabbing my head with one hand as if I could push the beast out. “No!”
“There are some movies in my bag,” Josh told me, heading into my small kitchen. “I brought the complete Die Hard and Lethal Weapon box sets. I’ll get the popcorn started and you get a movie going.”
“You know, it isn’t Christmas,” I teased, remembering our old holiday tradition.
Josh chuckled, throwing a bag of popcorn into the microwave. “Yeah, well, I think we can make an exception, since we missed it this last Christmas.”
Yeah, we’ve missed a lot of things, I wanted to tell him. Instead, I headed back into the living room to retrieve the movies.
“Any preference to which ones we watch first?” I called over my shoulder to him as I opened his bag, shuffling through clothes and toiletries.
“Nah, you pick. Either is good.”
As I pulled out one of the box sets, a foil packet slipped out of a folded pair of cargo shorts and I froze.
What was Josh doing with a fucking condom?
Well, I guess that was rather prudish of me to think. He was an adult and a damn fine one at that. But he hadn’t mentioned being in a relationship. Then again, I hadn’t been in his life for over a year, so it was possible he was. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was serious. Josh wasn’t one to sleep around. Hell, as far as I knew, he hadn’t sleep with anyone throughout all high school. A lot could have changed in the past year.
Maybe he wasn’t in a relationship. Maybe he carried one around just in case, to be safe. Most men did that, right? Still, something about the idea of Josh being intimate with another woman made my stomach roll. The fact that he brought it on this trip was even more gag worthy. Did he think he was going to hook up with some random chick on his visit with me? Would Josh actually do that? I couldn’t bring myself to believe it.
He probably forgot it was even in his pocket.
I tucked the foil packet away using the corner of the
Lethal Weapon box set as if the damn thing would bite me.
As I popped the movie in, Josh came from the kitchen with a bag of popcorn in one hand and a couple beers in the other. He dropped down onto the sofa, propping his feet up on the small coffee table, smiling at me as I plopped down beside him. He passed me the popcorn and a longnecked bottle and pressed play. It really was just like the good old days. I wished I’d known back then that those were the good days, I would have cherished them more.
I sighed, settling into the sofa, draping my legs across his lap to watch the movie. We fell into a comfortable silence, passing the popcorn back and forth, eyes glued to the TV. When we were like this, sitting with little conversation between us, I didn’t have to worry much about hiding who I was. But I knew that wouldn’t last.
“So,” he started as the first movie came to an end, “what have you been doing since you moved here? Other than not doing any decorating whatsoever.” His eyes roamed the small studio apartment, taking in the lack of personal touches or photographs. Yep, I basically lived in an empty box.
I went to give his thigh a stern kick but stopped short, afraid what was supposed to be a playful kick would lead to a broken femur. “Just hanging out. I do errands for a company in town.” It was almost true. Except the company was William and the errands were executions.
“Like a personal shopper?” he asked.
“You could say that.”
“What about a man—anyone special in your life?”
The question caught me off guard. My mind flashed to Alec momentarily, but I pushed the thought away. After all, Alec had left me. “No,” I replied with a bit more bitterness than I had intended. “No one. It’s just me and my new pal, Mr. Whiskers. How about you?” I asked, trying to put the attention on him instead since there was little about my life that he could actually know. “What have you been up to? Any special girl you got back home?”
Thoughts of the condom surged to the front of my brain again and I tried to push them away.
Josh shook his head. “Nope. And not doing a whole hell of a lot, just basic classes at the JC until I transfer next semester.”
Before he could ask anything else, I got up and put on the second movie and we fell back into our companionable silence.
As the movie played, Josh’s hand absently stroked my legging-clad calf. It was so soothing that I damn near fell asleep. And then his hand slipped under the protective fabric, massaging my bare flesh. My heart pounded wildly in my chest. I stole a glance at him, only to find his eyes still glued to the television. If his touch felt good before, it felt even better now. Better than better. I resisted the urge to throw my head back and sigh. I couldn’t help but wonder what his hand would feel like somewhere else. That thought alone made my face heat up.
How long had it been since I had genuine human contact? And by Josh, no less?
I savored the foreign sensation until the harsh realization hit me. My pant leg was inching up with every few strokes of his big hand. It wouldn’t be long until my markings were visible to him. Reluctantly, I pulled my legs away, casually tucking them up under me as I continued to watch the movie. It was clear that the movement didn’t go unnoticed by Josh who was now balling the hand that was wrapped around my leg into a tight fist. Shit.
It wasn’t like I was trying to hurt him. But he couldn’t see the markings. He could never see the real me again.
“Get out of my head!” I screamed and the Sythen laughed.
“Oh, but he does see the real you now, warrior. He sees the monster you have become and he is running to get away from you. He is trying to escape before you kill him too. Just like that friend of yours.”
“Fuck you,” I spat. “I would never.” But even as the words left my mouth. I knew it wasn’t true. Not while the Sythen still controlled my mind. I pulled back on the reins, bringing the large horse to a stop.
“But you must,” the voice rasped, “you must kill him before he kills you. You know it will happen. You have seen it.”
“Never!”
“Worry not, warrior. I will help you,” the Sythen purred. “There is nothing between you and the human but death.”
My eyes lingered on the hoofprints stretched out in the snow before me, knowing they’d lead me straight to Josh. My blackened heart ached within my chest.
“I can’t kill him if I don’t go after him,” I whispered, turning the horse around.
“That is true,” the beast sneered and I started back toward the castle. “But I still can.”
The Sythen’s laughter faded into the night until I knew I was alone again. I looked in the direction of the castle and then over my shoulder to where I knew Josh had gone. If I went after him, the Sythen could make me kill him just as it had Cindy. But if I didn’t go after him, the beast might kill him itself.
After riding hard for a good hour, I saw it, surrounded by fog and covered in snow. Stonehenge. And there in the center, illuminated by the torch burning in his hand, was Josh.
I watched him from afar, wondering if I should turn back now and leave him to whatever it was he was doing. After all, I’d seen for myself that he was safe. That had to be enough. The farther he was from me, the better off he’d be. No matter how much I needed him. I didn’t know what the hell was I thinking coming after him in the first place. What would happen if I had another hallucination while we were out here alone together? I could hurt him…or worse. And yet, what would happen if I left him alone and the real Sythen came for him? Talk about a rock and a hard place.
“Zoe?”
I froze. It wasn’t too late. I could still make a break for it. He’d never be able to catch me on the forest nymph’s horse. But could I do that to him? Hell, could I do that to myself? No. No, I had to see him. I needed to see him—talk to him—if only for a moment. Then I’d make sure he got back to the castle safely and that would be the end of it. Right.
I slid down from the horse’s high back and headed toward him, very aware that the last time we were both there I’d nearly killed him.
“What are you doing out here?” Josh asked, though he didn’t sound too surprised. He propped the torch against one of the large pillars, the flames reflecting off the snow and illuminating the stone formation. He made his way toward me. I retreated a step and he stopped, furrowing his brow. “What’s wrong?”
“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have followed you…” I turned away from him only to find the large black horse galloping back into the darkness. Traitorous bastard. I’d walk the whole way back if I had to. How long could it possibly take? I’d walked farther after the tsunami and that was at a human’s pace.
I made a move to leave. Either Josh was getting faster or I wanted to be caught. I had a feeling I knew which of the two it was. His hand shot out, long fingers coiling around my wrist and pulling me into his arms. “I’m so glad you’re okay,” he whispered into my hair, his voice shaky as if he were on the verge of tears.
I hadn’t seen Josh cry since the accident. That wasn’t to say he hadn’t, if his red-rimmed eyes when he came by my bed chamber the night prior were any indication. Still, it sliced a hole clean through my emotional armor. “Dammit, Zo, I don’t know what I would have done if Alec had…if he’d…”
I pulled away from him. “If he’d killed me? He should have done it, Josh. And, you want to know the truth? I wish he had. I killed her!” I exclaimed. “I killed Cindy. And all I keep thinking is what if it were you? What if you were the one that came to find me on that balcony instead of her? What if you’re next?”
I collapsed into the thick blanket of snow, pulling my cloak tighter around me. And then I did something I thought I’d never do again, something I hadn’t done in years. I cried. A shuddering sob escaped my lips and that was all it took. The dam broke, my body convulsing with each violent heave of my chest until I thought the tears would never stop.
“I’m a murderer,” I sobbed. “I didn’t mean to kill her, Josh. You have to know I didn’t me
an to do it.”
“I know,” he said, dropping to the ground beside me and pulling me onto his lap. Big hands ran up and down my spine. “It wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.”
“But it is my fault,” I snapped. “I wielded the blade. I drew her blood. I watched the life leave her eyes. If not me, then who?”
“Zoe…”
“No! You didn’t see the look on her face, Josh. She was so scared. She didn’t want to die. She looked at me like the monster I am.”
“You are not a monster,” he said, his voice firm.
“But I am. If it weren’t for me, she’d still be alive.”
“If it weren’t for you,” Josh countered, “she would have been dead back in California. We both would have been. You saved us. You saved her.”
“And then I killed her!”
Josh took my face in his hands, tirelessly wiping the endless flow of tears from my cheeks. He brushed the hair back from my face with gentle fingers and his eyes locked onto mine. “You listen to me. It was not your fucking fault. It was Baldric’s. He made you do this. He took Cindy away from us, not you, Zoe.”
“I saw it, Josh,” I whispered. “I saw her cross in a vision. I thought I could stop it from happening. I was so sure I could protect her. I never thought I’d have to protect her from myself.”
Without another word, Josh scooped me into his arms and rose to his feet, carrying me into the stone formation. Using the toe of his boot, he kicked the snow off one of the flat center stones before setting me on top of it. I grabbed onto his forearm as he sat back on his heels, already feeling him pulling away.
