“Where are you from originally, Logan?” Miranda sipped on her water as she watched him in the kitchen.
He picked up the hand towel and patted his hands dry, then set it down. He leaned against the counter behind him, pressing his palms on the top. “Texas originally, but we moved around a lot. Dad was in the military and he had been stationed around many parts. Fort Bliss, Fort Bragg, Fort Carson. You name it, we probably moved there at least once.”
She nodded listening to his words. “How did you feel about uprooting yourself all the time?”
He shrugged. “You grow used to it after the first ten or twenty times.” He sipped on his water. “Pen pals were great as a kid. When the Internet came out, it made it that much easier.”
“I suppose it did.”
Logan turned and stirred the vegetables. “How do you like your steak?”
“Medium,” she told him.
“Come, join me outside. It’s a nice afternoon, would be a shame to waste it.” He winked and made his way to the fridge. He pulled out two steaks that had been previously seasoned.
“So you planned out tonight with the food?” She leaned against the counter and smiled.
He nodded. “One could hope you’d have gone along with me on it. If not,” he shrugged, “I’d have two meals rather than one.”
They made their way to the back porch. Logan opened the grill and laid the steaks across it. He lowered the lid and picked up the plate. “Have you always lived here, Miranda?”
She nodded. “I don’t get out much, I guess.” She smiled.
“Nah, you just need a little adventure.” He grinned and they went back inside. He washed his hands, then stirred the vegetables. He looked to her as she stood on the other side of the bar. She seemed uncomfortable, which in a way, he could understand. She had been assigned as his counselor and here he was, trying not to woo her. He smirked at the word again.
“So, tell me where you feel you started? In your own beginning?” She sipped on her water then sat it on the counter.
“I…” he paused and made his way toward her. He leaned on the counter and considered how to word what he wanted to say. He couldn’t talk about the Delta Force, but war talk… he was not sure how accustomed she had become to soldiers from special ops. “How familiar are you with the rules of war, Miranda?” He motioned for her to join him outside.
“I can’t say I’m accustomed to any rules of war. I’ve never been to war. However, I’m aware of the Geneva Convention. I know prisoners of war are to be treated in a certain way.”
He chuckled. “That’s what they want you to believe.” He turned the steaks then looked to her. “I’ve been on the fronts, Miranda. I’ve pulled that trigger. I’ve taken down far too many enemies than I can account for.”
She blinked and stared at him. “Are you able to sleep at night when it’s over?”
He nodded. “When I first joined the military, I was not aware Special Ops was even an option for me. The first time I went to war, and I pulled the trigger for the first time, the effects of it did not settle in ‘til I came home. It was once I settled back into routine of civilian life that the nightmares began.
“Once Special Ops happened, and I received the training I did, it changed me. This is now what I’m trained for. In and out. If there are hostages, we rescue them during the raid.”
She nodded. “Do you think… this is where your beginning happened?”
Logan shook his head. “No, it’s not. I have a pretty good idea of when that happened.” He checked the steaks and satisfied to their texture, pulled them off the grill, then the two went back inside.
He took the vegetables off the heat and set them aside. “Feel free to plate up as much as you like.” He handed her a plate and she took it.
He appreciated Miranda holding off her questions until they settled; that or she had been thinking of what to ask. Logan pulled a chair out for her and when she sat, he pushed her in. “Thank you.”
He smiled and nodded. “You’re welcome.” He took his seat and picked up his silverware. “Dig in.”
The two ate in silence for a few minutes. Logan took a bite of steak and glanced up to a watching Miranda. She quickly averted her gaze. He grinned and took another bite.
“So,” she started and took a drink of water, “tell me where you feel the beginning happened for you.”
Logan sighed and set his silverware on his plate. He wiped his hands and sat his napkin down. He pondered her question for a moment. “I could blame my father for dragging me around the states, but that’s a shit excuse.” He grinned and glanced down to his plate. “I joined the military before meeting the former whore wife of mine. When I left for my first deployment, she took it pretty hard.”
“Stop for a moment. Let’s put aside, for just a moment, that she cheated. Let’s focus just on you. Tell me about your beginning, Logan.” She sat back in her chair and crossed her fingers in her lap.
He had her undivided attention. Now that he had what he wanted… he no longer wished for it. Tension ceased his mind and he began to clam up. Logan did not necessarily wish to discuss this part of his life with anyone, especially a woman like Miranda.
He shook his head. “Give me some time, Miranda, before I go too far in. I don’t discuss this with anyone.”
She nodded. “Take all the time you need.”
He sighed and thought back to Susan. As much as he hated her, he knew Miranda was right; he needed to see past what she did and think back to where they started.
“Susan married me six months into our relationship. We were in love, or so I thought.” He shrugged and when Miranda raised a brow, he chuckled. “Okay, I know, leaving her out of this, for now.” He adjusted himself in his chair and sighed. “I had been selected for a special role in the military, one of which I cannot discuss at this time.”
Miranda nodded. “That’s fine.”
Logan continued. “I had been brought in for questioning and some vigorous training. Needless to say, I was selected for the job and with that, my military duties completely changed.
“We were relocated to Fort Bragg. She knew no one there, but also knew there were possibilities of us uprooting. Within the first year of our new marriage, I was sent to the sandbox.”
“Iraq?” she asked him.
Logan nodded. “It was not often I was allowed to phone home, but we wrote each other as much as we could. Getting letters from home, and care packages, is something I lived for. It always brought a smile to my face whenever I received something from her or my family.
“When I received my orders I was going home, Susan was the first person I called. After the excitement over the phone, I called my parents. Susan told me they were planning a party for me.”
Miranda smiled to this. “How was the homecoming?”
Logan watched her for a moment and noticed her smile did not reach her eyes. He shrugged. “To say it was rough is an understatement. Susan and I fucked like damn rabbits. I knew she would get pregnant from the countless times we had sex.” He shook his head as he recalled the distant memories. A tightness squeezed in his chest and he ran a hand over his heart.
“Are you all right?”
He looked to her and nodded. “Yeah, just memories I guess.”
She nodded. “Are you okay to continue?”
He nodded in return. “Yeah. Anyway so we were getting reacquainted, so to speak.” He chuckled. “When we finally decided to venture out into the real world, she held onto me as if I would disappear if the wind blew. I took it as her way of coping with my absence. I didn’t think anything of it.
“About a year later, I had been deployed again. Her letters became less over time.” He slouched in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Okay, stop right here. I think you’ve found it.”
He raised his brows to her. “What did I find?”
“Your beginning. I’ve been watching your body language. Recalling the memories of your wife
troubles you; anyone could see that. However, talking about going back and her letters becoming less, it is evident this is the beginning for you.”
“You think so?” he asked her. “Because to be honest, I would think it would be when she died in her car wreck.”
“I understand why you’d think that, Logan. However, you did say she had been cheating, right?”
Logan nodded. “Can I be angry about that again?” He grinned to her smiling.
“Yes, you may be angry again.”
“Thank you, I suppose.” He chuckled. “Anyway, so you think my constant deployments away from her is my beginning?”
She nodded. “I do. It was not anything you did, so please, do not take my words that any of this is your fault. What I’m saying is, I think, for the most part, your wife did not take it well. In her eyes, she may have felt like she lost you every morning she woke up.
“I’ve had many discussions with women who are married to the military that feel this way. When their husband is deployed, they wake in the morning and for a brief moment, everything is as it should be. Then when they look to the empty bed space, reality sets in.
“Imagine, for a second, what it was like on her to wake and have no idea if you were alive or dead?”
He raised a single brow. “I get that, I really do, but how is it okay to justify her cheating?”
“It doesn’t. Maybe in her mind it was compensating for your loss. Maybe in her mind what she was doing was not wrong. I cannot speak for her, Logan.”
He nodded. “No, you can’t. If you could though, I’d have you tell her she can go to hell.” He stood from the table. “Wait here for a moment.” Logan left the dining room and walked toward his bedroom.
As he entered his bedroom, he leaned against the inside wall, out of sight, and sighed. He thought about where this dinner conversation was going.
She knows more about me than most based on the conversation we’re having. She has a way about her that makes me feel I can tell her anything. But do I want to?
He pushed off the wall and stepped into his closet. He pulled out a shoebox he had tucked away then made his way back into the dining room. Blinking to the woman in his kitchen, Miranda busied herself washing the dishes. He raised his brows in surprise. “What are you doing?”
She stopped and turned to face him. Miranda shrugged with a smile. “You cooked, figured I’d help clean up while you were doing whatever needed attending.”
“Well, thanks for that, but completely unnecessary.” He sat at the table and set the box in front of him. “Come on back in here. The dishes can wait.”
Miranda dried her hands and returned to the dining room. She took the seat next to Logan.
He looked to her, then back to the box. He opened the lid and glanced at the contents inside.
An old cell phone, a folded phone bill, screen prints, and a few other odds and ends were in the box. He pulled out the screen shots and smoothed the documents out. Laying them on the table, he pushed it toward Miranda.
She picked it up and read the information. He watched her facial expressions change from her normal expression, to surprise, then chagrin, then surprise again.
“Logan, well, I see you have your evidence. I’m sorry.” She sat the paper down and pushed it back toward him. “May I ask why you hold onto this?”
“You really want an answer for that?” His voice had lowered. He knew why he held onto it, but would Miranda truly understand why, if he told her?
“Yes, please. It’ll help me understand and maybe help you as well.”
He chuckled, but humor was not evident. “I seriously doubt it’ll help me.” He pulled out an image of Susan and showed it to Miranda. “This is Susan, my wife.” He enunciated the word. “I hold onto these items to remind myself trusting anyone is overrated. It helps remind me what I went through so I’m not ignorant enough to do it again. It helps remind me that no matter what anyone says or does, no one is worth the shit I went through with her.”
Miranda nodded and remained silent. Logan packed up the box and pushed it forward. He rested his arms on the table, then sideways glanced to her. “So, I’ve made you speechless? This a first?”
She smiled softly. “I’m not speechless,” she told him in a soft voice. “I’m digesting so I know what to say, when the time is right.”
He raised a brow. “When the time is right?”
She nodded. “Yes. Right now, you’re not ready. When I feel you are ready, I’ll tell you.”
“Tell me what, that it’s okay to move on and open my heart again?” He shook his head. “Keep it. Not happening.”
“You’re telling yourself that now because you’re still hurting. Logan, grief runs in stages. From what I can tell, you’ve already been through denial and anger. It sounds like you’re approaching bargaining.”
He furrowed his brows. “Stages of denial? Denial about what? She cheated and now she’s dead. The whore did me a favor by dying so I won’t have to take her ass to court.”
“Ahh…yes, still on anger. I think bargaining is on the way.” Miranda stood from her chair. “I’ve studied this for a long time, Logan. Trust me, please. I know what I’m talking about. Just know that everything said here,” she motioned between the two of them, “stays here. I promise you that.”
He nodded and stood from his seat. “I’m telling you, right now, this is the first time you’re wrong. I’m not in denial about shit. I’m not going into a depression. I’m not going to accept what she did. I can’t and I refuse to.”
“No one said anything about you accepting it, Logan. I’m only suggesting--”
He held his hand up and shook his head. “I’ve heard enough.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, I get what you’re trying to do here, but I’m telling you,” he looked to her and raised a brow, “I’m not in a funk, depression, or anything like that. I’m fine and just need to get over the gunshot wound she gave me to my heart.”
Miranda smiled. “And there it is.”
He blinked. “There what is?”
“The acceptance. I see it in there, Logan.” She smiled again. “When the time is right, it’ll come out, and trust me, before that happens, you need someone by your side you can trust. If that’s me, I’ll be happy to be your person.”
He slightly flinched. “What the hell are you talking about? Being my person and shit?”
She grinned and lowered her gaze. Miranda took a few steps toward him and tapped his chest. “When you figure that out, you’ll know where to find me. ‘Til then,” she glanced up, “have a great night. Thank you for the amazing meal. You know, you could have a second career as a chef.”
He smirked. “Thanks. Let me walk you to your car.”
She nodded. They made their way outside and the sun had already set and in its wake, the moon had risen. The stars were out and they blinked with signs of new hope. He grinned and touched her shoulder enough to pull her to a stop.
Miranda turned to face him. She glanced up to follow his gaze, then smiled. “It’s a beautiful night.”
Logan looked down to her and grinned. “It definitely is.”
Miranda looked to him and smiled, then lowered her gaze. “Goodnight, Logan. I’ll see you next week.”
He nodded and opened her door for her. “See you next week.”
Miranda started up her car and pulled out his driveway. Logan waited outside until she had pulled away in the distance, only seeing the faint red of her back lights. He smiled and headed inside.
He finished cleaning up the kitchen then making his way to the dining room, he picked up the box of Susan’s belongings he held onto and put it back into the closet. He sat on the bed and rested his elbows on his knees.
Logan’s heart ached at the memories he recalled this evening with Miranda. He had not given Susan much thought as of late, but tonight, he gave her an undeserved presence of his time.
He thought of the call he received of her passing, her funeral, and th
en the shock of her cheating. A tear streaked down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away.
He stood from his bed and headed toward his bathroom to shower for the night. Tomorrow came a new day and he had training with the Night Stalkers. He needed his rest and hoped he would not remember his dreams; he hoped they would not be of Susan.
Chapter Thirteen
Tap, tap, tap. Logan nodded to the familiar signal to go ahead. The flash bang in his grasp, he pulled the pin and threw it. Inside it exploded and the enemies screamed. Logan and the men behind him stormed the building. Guns were fired, bodies hit the floor, and men yelled, “CLEAR!” and “GET DOWN!”
Logan stepped softly across the floor and tapped a lifeless body with his foot. The body didn’t move. He glanced to his left, then this right. He reached back and tapped the soldier behind him, then stalked forward a few more steps when a body ran across a hallway. This was not one of his, and Logan fired. The body dropped as blood splattered the wall behind the man.
He aimed his rifle as they made their way across a wall toward the next room.
Click.
Setting his safety on, Logan tapped the man behind him, always in formation, and the man behind him tapped the next one. He pulled another flash bang from his vest, pulled the pin and threw it into the room.
BOOM!
Logan and the others ran into the room and shot the man standing with the weapons. He was loaded and he had been taken down. Standing over the body, he nudged it with his foot. Satisfied he’s dead, Logan nodded to the man behind him.
“LOGAN!” a woman’s voice screamed his name and Logan immediately looked toward a window. The woman’s voice sounded familiar, but she did not sound in distress. The noises in the room he just secured suddenly went quiet; he could hear ringing in his ears. Breaths of someone breathing heavily… almost like sex noises, sounded.
Logan made his way toward the window of the room and it began to shift in shape. No longer was there a window, but now a door. It slowly opened and in front of him manifested a dark bedroom. Logan glanced behind him and the men continued to raid the terrorist building. They paid no attention to his leave, or acted as if he had actually been there.
Field Stripped: 15 Steamy Military Romances Page 36
