Breaking my addiction to cocaine was the single hardest thing I’d ever done. Not even burying my mother or watching my father leave out the front door with a suitcase in his hand when I was 10 years old was harder. No. Breaking a drug addiction was the worst pain of my life.
The day before I’d entered rehab, I made sure to go out with a bang. I’d snorted all the coke I could get my hands on, then I drank a shitload of whiskey and whatever else they had at the party I’d gone to. I woke a couple days later lying next to some dude on the floor of the house I’d been partying at. He looked in as bad of shape as me.
I don’t even remember how I got home early that morning. I really don’t. The suitcase lying open and empty on my bed sobered me up pretty fast, though. With a banging headache, a few trips to the porcelain god to throw up, and cottonmouth from hell, I had packed that suitcase and called Bo to tell her I was ready to go. Even though my hands were shaking something fierce and tears were beginning to form in my eyes.
She’d dropped me off at the New Beginnings Treatment Center here in Tampa and I had been terrified the first day – which didn’t turn out to be so bad. I was shown to a room, and then to where the dining hall was. By the end of that first night, I was sad and down, but okay, my resolve strong.
I woke the next morning in pain. I was shaking even worse and it felt like all my nerve endings were on fire. They were crying out for the drug they were so used to getting, but I was depriving them of it.
“It hurts,” I’d sobbed to the counselor. “It hurts bad. Can’t you give me something?” I’d asked, begging her for mercy.
She’d looked at me with kind, mocha colored eyes and skin the color of chocolate and had shook her head. “I’m sorry, sweetie, no.”
Then came the profuse vomiting and the sweating as the drug worked itself out of my system. It had been so bad, I’d almost passed out from the pain. I had cried and pulled my hair out until it lay in pieces on the bathroom floor. I had tried to be strong but eventually succumbed to sleep, and I think I slept for two days straight after that.
When I woke, I felt better. I attempted to eat a little and tried to distract myself with TV, reading, and talking to the other residents. I had been proud I’d gone through the worst, but little did I know, the worst was yet to come. I had another 27 days to get through without anything stronger than aspirin.
I shook my head at the memory. It plagued me night and day. I had never told another living soul except Bo.
“You’re almost there, baby girl,” Bo said, shoving a cupful of ground espresso into the machine and pushing the start button.
I wiped my hands on my apron and filled a paper cup with steaming hot, dark coffee from the tall, stainless-steel container, then I secured a plastic lid on top.
“I know. I’m so close. I just wish I knew what kind of job I wanted after I got my degree.”
She smirked at me while dumping a shot glass of espresso into a larger plastic cup filled with something white and foamy. “You’ll figure it out. You’re bright and ridiculously smart.”
I grinned a little. She was so good at charming people, at making people smile. It was why she made manager of this store so quickly. She had the ability to smile through her pain and put on a pretty, happy face, even when she wanted to die. Those were her words, not mine, but I could relate.
My phone vibrated in my apron pocket and I waited until there were no more customers in my line before walking into the back room to check it. It was a text from Ellis.
U busy tonight? I need to see your beautiful red-headed self.
I sighed. My night was wide open and the thought of seeing him exhilarated me a little, but also scared me. I was supposed to be distancing myself from him, because he just wasn’t good for me. So if I let him in and he hurt me, I had nobody to blame but myself.
Still, my heart ached at the thought of seeing him. I’d told him to leave a few nights ago. But he obviously knew this dysfunctional connection between us was still very, very strong. I bit my lip in contemplation. Do I want to have him just for a night, his body next to mine, his breath in my ear, his sexy, deep voice dripping words from a talented tongue that I knew was mere lip service by a set of beautiful, perfect lips, just to have the pain of my bed being empty come morning?
Yes, yes I did.
So I responded to him: Sorry, baby. Maybe some other night.
The fact that I wanted him made me turn him down to spare me the heartache. The fact that I called him baby just to keep him hanging on was my insecurity showing. Maybe I was just as much of an asshole as he was. Oh, the games we play.
* * *
The next night was nothing different. He’d actually not texted back last night, but today, he was back at it. I was on the closing shift again today, and the texts from him started late afternoon:
I can’t stay away from you much longer, beautiful.
I’m coming over tonight, and you’re going to be happy when I arrive. Trust me.
I rolled my eyes at his attempt at charm. I had just taken my last final today and had a glorious two weeks off until next semester. I wouldn’t get home ‘til late, but that never stopped him before. I wanted to see him – I always wanted to see him – but I knew I shouldn’t.
However, that didn’t stop me from texting him back and telling him I was free.
Why did I do that?
Ellis: What time you get off?
Me: 9
Ellis: I’ll be over at 9:15.
I bit my lip again. I knew why he was coming over. It was the only reason he ever came over. But I missed him, even if I was stupid and shouldn’t be. I needed to find myself another guy. Get into a “real” relationship with someone who wasn’t so messed up. Not that I wasn’t screwed up myself, but two messy people trying to love each other was not going to work. I needed a normal guy who would worship me and buy me jewelry with his good-paying job. Not this scarred-up dude who didn’t know how to express his emotions and said “fuck” too much.
My reply: See you then.
See? I’m no better than he is. We’re both a steaming, scorching, hot mess… together.
Ellis
Looking at the computer, I wondered what kind of job I should get. The job I’d had in the Marine Corps was what I’d loved, but I really didn’t learn anything much except how to kill people quickly and how to shoot a bunch of different types of weapons. That, and how to disassemble and reassemble a rifle in less than a minute. Something told me this wasn’t a skill that would get me a very high paying job. After all, who uses weapons? Military and law enforcement. I’d already done the military, and after my stint as a teen in the OAB and my arrests, there was no way I was getting a job in law enforcement. Not that I really wanted one. I’d always had some sort of aversion to cops. Probably my rebellious nature. They made me nervous.
I smirked a little at that, knowing in the back of my mind that it was wrong and stupid, but I couldn’t help it. My mom knew it, too, which is why I rarely heard from her anymore. She’d gotten remarried about two years after I joined, and I was glad she had someone to take care of her. Even as a teen I had always felt like I should be looking out for her, even though back then I mostly just looked out for myself and my homies, because I was a stupid, selfish, misguided kid. Trying to fit in where I could get in, and not caring about the repercussions or how it would impact my mom, my family, or anyone else around me.
I slammed the laptop lid closed with a sigh and scrubbed a hand over my face. Gazing around my small little mobile home, I looked at my keys lying on my kitchen counter. A smile lit up my face.
Maybe a bike ride would help my mood?
Getting up from the chair, I plucked up my keys and headed out to the parking lot. The Florida sun was blazing overhead, and the wind was warm and muggy.
Slinging my leg over my beautiful black and blue Ducati Diavel, I pushed the engine to start and rumbled out of the parking lot.
I should technically be wearing a helmet,
but, well, fuck that. My sunglasses helped to keep the wind out of my eyes so I could see and I felt freer weaving in and out of the downtown traffic as I made my way toward the beach highway. I heard a few honks as I wound my way through the cars, and I responded with my customary one-finger greeting, along with my accompanying cocky-ass grin.
I seemed to be able to breathe again as my bike and I reached the 275 freeway so I could ride across the bridge and clear my head as the crystal blue waters glistened under the sun. Testing the throttle, I pushed it harder than it should be pushed and my bike made a beautiful sound as it ate pavement across the bridge.
I wasn’t much to admire beauty of any kind, but the gulf coast waters made anyone who crossed their paths appreciate them. Only two other beautiful things ever made me pause. One was the smell of gunpowder after obliterating a target on shooting day, and the pearly white smile of a redhead who had flipped my life upside down.
I couldn’t explain why Talia did the things she did to me, but all I knew was that I had tried to look for another girl, I had tried sleeping with randoms I’d meet here and there, but none of them were her. Not even motherfucking close.
The sky and sea passed me in a blur as I continued to ride, hoping to find some sea-lined highway I could just fly down without a care in the world. But even I knew that wasn’t entirely true. I would always have cares in the world, but sometimes I wanted to forget them.
Forget that I needed to probably find a job, and soon.
Forget that I, most likely, would never sleep a full 7 or 8 hours a night uninterrupted by nightmares again for the rest of my days.
Forget that the missing finger on my left hand would never be coming back.
Forget that, despite all of the above, I would never care for anyone other than Talia ever again. I’d tried and I’d failed and now I had to figure out a way to tell her. She played games with me, and I didn’t know if it was because she was just a player herself, or because she was scared of me – of us – on some level.
I wanted to “wine and dine” her. I wanted to show her off to the world and let her meet my mom and new stepdad. But I didn’t know how to broach that conversation. I didn’t know how to do anything but strip her bare and love her with my body and feel her body loving mine back. I always wished that would be enough, but with what little I knew about women, I just knew it wouldn’t and couldn’t be.
There were friends of mine in the service who were married. Their beautiful wives seemed to be perfect for them. I should have asked them back then how they met and kept their wives. Because as of now, I was failing on a serious level and I didn’t know to bring up my score.
I had taken her out several times, but lately it seemed like all she did was work and go to school – and trust me, I was proud of her for going to school. Lord knows I couldn’t. It’s not that I didn’t want to better myself; it was just that I didn’t think I could. I was never very book-smart, but working with my hands in figuring out the intricacies on how things worked had always been my specialty. I’d driven my mother crazy as a kid because I would take random things apart – like clocks and phones – to see how they worked.
While I was glad Talia kept busy with her studies, she just didn’t seem to have time to go out with me, so I took what I could get from her. A few hours here, a few hours there – but one thing remained the same: Every minute spent with her was passionate and unforgettable. She and I were a blend of the right chemistry that melded together into the perfect mixture. Or perhaps it was just a perfect storm we were brewing.
I soon found myself flying down the coastline, feeling awesome but wanting to see my girl something fierce all of a sudden. I took the next exit to get some gas and an energy drink. I’d text her once I stopped to see what she was doing tonight. I needed her right now for some reason.
Chapter Four
Talia
Once I walked into the house, I fed Misty and set my purse down, just as my phone chirped inside it.
Ellis: I’m 15 minutes out.
I smirked and plugged the phone into its charger on the wall in the kitchen.
Did I want Ellis coming over?
Maybe.
No, not maybe. I so did, even though I knew he’d just be gone in the morning. A morning where I would really love for him to be here with me, reassuring me that he’d wanted to be here with me, but I knew that most likely wouldn’t happen.
I took a quick shower to wash off the coffee smell that seemed to have permeated my every pore, and wondered what I should wear. I rubbed some jasmine-scented lotion on my body and pulled on a fitted hot-pink tank top with some black yoga pants.
Even though he was on his way, I didn’t bother to put on any makeup or do anything with my hair. It was currently lying in a mass of damp, unruly waves on my shoulders as I grabbed the remote and popped the TV on.
The reality show I’d been watching had barely just started when my doorbell rang. I stiffened up in nervousness and took a deep breath, turning the TV off and getting up to answer the door.
Oh, God.
My knees went weak and I almost crumpled to the floor at the sight of him. Ellis stood there grinning, his dark hair was a little messy, and he had some stubble on his chin. His black leather jacket was slung over the shoulder of his white T-shirt, and resting against the thigh of his jeans he held his sunglasses.
Placing a cool smile on my face, I opened the door wider and indicated for him to come in.
He immediately dropped the helmet and jacket on my couch and turned around and looked at me. Stalking toward me hungrily, he wrapped his arms around my hips and lifted me up, pressing me flush against his hard body. His lips covered mine and I sighed into his mouth as he began really kissing me. Hungry, desperate, passionate.
I wrapped my legs around his waist as he placed both hands under each of my ass cheeks possessively, walking us joined together into the bedroom, his mouth still devouring mine.
He playfully tossed me on the bed. I landed on my back with a giggle, watching his all-too serious face as he placed one knee on the bed and reached up with both hands, yanking my yoga pants off in one pull.
No I had no panties on. I mean, why bother?
He reached one hand over his shoulder to his back, yanking the plain white tee off over his head and then he tossed it to the floor. With a wicked grin, he climbed all the way onto the bed. When both his hands slid up my bare stomach to push the tank top up and over my head, I giggled like a schoolgirl. The only light on in my bedroom came from the adjoining bathroom light, which was enough to illuminate the room a little. I now lay there bare, raw, exposed, and not giving one single care at my nakedness.
His eyes raked over my body in greedy appreciation. “So damn beautiful.”
I was glad he couldn’t see the red stain creep up my cheeks as the compliment rushed straight from my ears to my heart. I had never been told I was beautiful or even pretty very much in my life, and every time he said it, it never got old.
His hard body was now pressing against mine. He leaned down and licked my collarbone, switching to kisses until he reached the sensitive spot under my jawline. The sensation was driving me insane with desire.
Ellis kissed me once – hard and desperate – on the mouth. He pulled off of me, grabbing one ankle and flipping me over on my stomach. Once I felt his weight press the bed down, I knew what was coming next. He’d wedge a knee against one of mine and force my legs open and make love to me deliciously hard. Not that he had to do that much work, I was already open and ready for him.
To my happy surprise, instead of his cock pressing against me, his soft, warm tongue started working at the very top of my sex and then slowly lathed down to the bottom. Except he was on his knees, both hands gripping my ass as his tongue did things that made me whimper with desire. When he had made one full lap up, he worked back down, the rough but soft texture of his mouth causing me to cry out.
Putting a finger into me, he bent it slightly, rubbing perfect
ly against my G-spot, the pad of his thumb simultaneously pushing erotically at my clit in small circles. I held my breath and tried not to let loose so quickly. I was so turned on, so swollen and ready, but my stubborn side didn’t want him to know how badly. I breathed through the sensations of what he was doing, his hard, warm body pressed up against me. I could feel and hear him breathing close behind me, and when he said, “Damn, baby, you’re so wet,” it only took a few of his well-placed strokes and I was screaming at the top of my lungs. The orgasm ripped through me, my whole body shaking while Ellis’s fingers continued to rub every magic spot I had.
My body and mind then began to have a tug-of-war. My body wanted to collapse into a boneless heap onto the bed, but the promise of what his cock could do to me began to overtake my sex-clouded mind. With my whole body still trembling, I began to pull myself up when I felt rough and talented hands grip both my hipbones, pulling my backside up until my ass was in the air. I heard him suck in a breath at the sight. Then I felt his palm smoothly rub over the sensitive skin of my right ass cheek, massaging it gently, moaning in appreciation. He smacked it lightly, and then I heard him stand and remove his jeans, then the distinct sound of a foil wrapper being opened as he put the condom on. Then the sharp sting of another slap on my ass reverberated throughout the room and I gasped at the pleasurable pain it induced. Before I’d had a chance to take another breath and admit to myself that I was nowhere near done, he was suddenly slamming inside of me with a deep, guttural moan synchronized with his forceful thrust.
My eyes rolled back as I cried out at the delicious intrusion. I involuntarily arched my spine so my backside was farther up, allowing him to push in even deeper. One of his hands remained gripped around my hipbone while the other reached around to touch my most sensitive spot gently. His fingertips brushed both himself and me while he continued his forceful, aggressive strokes in and out.
Field Stripped: 15 Steamy Military Romances Page 70
