“I miss you.”
Thirty-three
Caitlin muttered as she walked on trembling legs. Finally, when she'd nearly reached the elevators, she turned. Colin was gone.
“Stupid ass,” she chastised, as she stood waiting. “That was brilliant, Cate. You finally had the chance to tell him, and what did you do?”
“What did I do?”
Caitlin turned with a start. She wasn't alone. An older gentleman stood behind her, and she smiled at him. “I guess I was thinking out loud.”
“Count your lucky stars you can still think, young lady,” the older man said. His eyes twinkled, and Caitlin couldn't help but smile.
“Have you ever felt like you're losing your mind?”
“I am, unfortunately,” the man said, and Caitlin groaned.
“I'm sorry.”
“So is my wife. It's been hard on her. Today is a good day though. You have to relish in the good days.”
“I know,” Caitlin said, wondering if she did know. Lately she hadn't taken time to relish in anything. She had simply gotten wrapped up in the current of life, and let it lead her along.
“Martin, where are you going?” a woman's voice called, and Caitlin turned.
“I'm going to my appointment,” the man, who was obviously Martin, called out to the woman. Caitlin wondered if she was his wife.
“We've already been to the appointment. The car is parked illegally out front. I've been looking for you everywhere.”
“Told you I was losing it,” the older man said, and Caitlin smiled weakly at him. “It was nice to meet you, although I won't likely remember it.”
Caitlin felt sadness well within her, and without thinking, she reached to hug the older man. “Good luck, Martin. I hope you remember the good days,” she said, and when she pulled back, Martin touched her cheek.
“I hope I do too, dear. Have a nice day.”
Caitlin watched Martin walk away. There was a spring in his step, but his wife looked exhausted. Her shoulders were rounded, and she shuffled along side her husband. The elevator dinged, and Caitlin stepped inside the waiting car. She pushed the button for the seventh floor, and as the door closed, she shut her eyes. She had seen Colin. He did look battered, but he looked beautiful, and her lips still burned from the brief kiss.
The elevator door opened on the seventh floor, and Caitlin stepped into a quiet hallway. The ICU waiting room was just down the hall, and Caitlin moved soundlessly toward it. The room was small, but tastefully furnished, with a small couch and several chairs. Caitlin was alone in the room, and she took a chair near the window. The older man had made her think, and there was a call she needed to make.
She needed a friend. Maria Sands had been her best friend for about fourteen years. Caitlin had been thinking of calling her for weeks, but each time she thought of it, she couldn't imagine what she'd say, so she didn't call. None of her friends knew she was a mother, nor did they even know she'd been pregnant. Her co-workers knew, of course, but they had been sworn to secrecy, and Caitlin had known she could count on their discretion.
Caitlin couldn't remember when she had decided not to tell anyone, and in retrospect, it had been the wrong decision. She had needed her friends, especially Maria, but it had become easier to withdraw from life, to spend the day working, and the night with reruns, Lifetime movies, and an aging cat. Caitlin punched in the numbers she knew by heart, and Maria answered on the first ring.
“Cate! Caitlin Goodrich, you skank, is that you?” Maria nearly screamed, and Caitlin had to suppress the urge to cry. She had missed her so much.
“Maria, it's me. Don't hang up. I know I've been a bitch, and I haven't called, and I have been dodging your calls, but please..........just don't hang up.”
“Talk fast, jerk. I'm tempted.”
“What are you doing?”
“I'm trying to clean up a bunch of loose ends, and there's a ton of shit on this desk, and I'm taking a long weekend. What are you doing?”
Caitlin smiled. Maria was just as she remembered, a walking, talking, overflowing bag of chaos, and a few times, Caitlin had been put off by it. Chaos and disorder had once frightened her, but in the past few months, she'd grown used to it. The more comfortable Caitlin had gotten with chaos, the more she had missed Maria. She had thought of calling her at least a hundred times.
“You wouldn't believe it if I told you.”
“Well, I'm serious, Cate. I haven't got a lot of time.”
“Maria, I know this is out of the blue, but what are you doing with your long weekend?”
“Not a fucking thing.”
“Jeez, don't sugar coat it.”
“Sorry, babe. I'm just pissed. I finally took your advice and ditched Jason. He was cheating on me – you were right. Harry from Accounting caught him banging Jessica from the Mail Room in the fucking Copy Center. You can barely get in there to make a copy, but those two assholes found a way to get it on in there. Can you believe it?”
“Unfortunately, yes,” Caitlin said, reveling in her friend's description of events surrounding the breakup with her most recent Mr. Wrong.
“Maria, you date beneath you. You always have.” Maria was a criminal prosecutor, a lawyer, a damn good one. Jason was a paralegal. “Does Jason still work there?” Caitlin asked.
“No. I got him fired. Actually, he got himself fired. He forgot to file important papers at the courthouse about a month ago, and he misplaced a brief.”
“Obviously his mind wasn't on the brief.”
“Obviously his mind was on what's in his briefs.”
Caitlin laughed. “You still crack me up, Maria.”
“Cate, I'm sorry, but I really do have to go.”
“Maria, wanna come to New Hope this weekend? There's a great festival and I need to talk to you. It's important.”
Without hesitation, Maria responded. “Yeah, sure. I'll come to New Hope. Where are you, anyway?”
“I'm visiting my mom.”
“Is Rita okay?”
“Yeah.” She's babysitting her newborn grandchildren, and beating herself up for lying to her daughter for forty-four years. “She's good,” Caitlin added.
“Good. I'll come Friday night. I'm drinking tonight and shopping tomorrow. How does Friday sound?”
“It sounds great!” Cate said. It did sound great. By Friday night, they would know more about Ella's condition, and if she had to have open heart surgery, Caitlin knew the recovery would be long. She'd want to be there for Ella as much as she could.
“You still there, bitch?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“I gotta go, Cate. Seriously, I am really glad you called. I've missed you, and I have been really, really worried. I haven't been the greatest friend lately. I got wrapped up in this Jason shit, and I just finished a case that was a real bitch. I love you, kiddo. I'll see you Friday.”
“I love you too, Maria. I'm sorry I haven't called. I'm glad you're coming.”
“So am I. Ciao.”
The phone disconnected before Caitlin could say anything more. She tossed her phone into her purse, and stood to look out the window. She was right to call Maria, and she needed to tell Colin the truth. It was wrong to hide things from the people you loved, from the people who loved you. It was easier to tell the truth.
***
Colin Thomas sat in his late model Volvo, with the driver's side door open. His injured left leg was propped against the armrest on the open door. In his right hand he held his cell phone. He needed to call Caren, but it was Caitlin he longed to call. What the hell had just happened? He'd promised everyone, including himself, that he would find her. And, as a stroke of luck, on an otherwise unfortunate day, he had found her. And what had he done? He'd let her go.
“Stupid jerk,” he said to himself inside the car. His leg had begun to ache and he needed to get someplace where he could relax and take a Vicodin. It was said that doctors made the worst patients, and Colin didn't doubt it. He'd driven himself t
o the ER, then he'd sat in the car for ten minutes, willing himself to move. He'd had to force himself to go into the hospital, coward that he was. He knew the leg needed stitches, and he'd sat picturing the wheeled cart, with its items of torture assembled on the sterile towel, including Lidocaine, likely the most painful thing in medicine.
“A little stick and a sting, my ass!” Colin complained, as he sat in the hot car. When the pretty resident had hit his leg with that “little stick”, a part of him had wanted to strangle her. Instead he had held tightly to the hand of a male nurse, something he would never mention, and hoped the young man wouldn't either.
“God that hurt,” Colin said, talking to himself inside the Volvo. He still held the cell phone in his hand, and dialed Caren's number. The vet's card was on the passenger seat, and Colin could picture the little puppy. Who the hell could beat a puppy? It was a question Colin couldn't answer. Sure he'd wanted to strangle the resident with the needle, but it was a fleeting thought, and once the leg was numb, the two had joked about the incident, and Colin had become a model patient. What kind of human beat a puppy? The question plagued him, picked at his brain, and he was reminded of the sheer evil of some humans. It wasn't something he saw often, and he chose to distance himself from it whenever possible. Soon he would be caring for a child, and it would be his job to protect Mia from the evils of the world. God, please help me protect her.
Colin sat thinking as he waited for Caren to answer, and his call went to voice mail. Before he could speak a word, his phone beeped. She was calling him back.
“Hi,” Colin said, disconnecting the other call.
“Hi, Doctor Thomas,” Caren said.
“Caren, I don't mean to press, but I need to know what you've decided.”
“I've decided it's time for me to return to a job my heart has never left, Colin,” Caren said, dropping the, “Doctor Thomas.” “If you're really sure about this, I'd like to accept your offer. I've talked to the service, and they have already interviewed some capable candidates for another position here. They said I could quit without notice, but I've agreed to stay on a week to help with training.”
“So, that's a yes?”
“Yes, Colin.”
“I'm pleased, Caren. Thank you. I'm going to need your help.”
“Yes, you are,” Caren said, and Colin smiled.
“Caren, one more thing. An opportunity presented itself to me today, in a rather odd way, and I need to ask you a peculiar question.”
“Shoot, Doc. I mean........, Colin.”
“Caren, how do you feel about dogs?”
“I love dogs. I haven't had one in years, but I love them. I love taking them for walks, and I don't even mind cleaning up after them, and I'd imagine that's far more of an answer than the question required,” Caren rambled.
“Nope. You're doing fine. Allergic?”
“Allergic?”
“Are you allergic to dogs? To any type of dog?”
“No. God would never have done that. Not to me.”
“Okay, here's the scoop. I took a nasty tumble in Central Park this morning.”
“You all right, Colin?” Caren asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
“Yes, although I think my picture is now in the ER with the words, 'problem patient', underneath.”
“I'm sure that's not true.”
“Well, I got a nasty stick with a horrifying looking needle, twelve stitches, some release instructions, and a grape lollipop.”
“You were a good boy then?” Caren asked, and Colin could hear the smile in her voice.
“Once the needle business was over, I was all right. Okay, back to the story. I tripped over a dog leash. Never saw the dog, the leash, or the woman walking her. I went to high school with her. Faith's a rescue,” Colin rambled.
“The woman?” Caren asked, sounding understandably confused.
“No, the dog.”
“Oh, gotcha,” Caren said, struggling to follow the abstract story.
“I'm going to take her.”
“The dog.”
“Yes.”
“Good boy.”
“You sound like my mother.”
“Wait until I'm running your house.”
“Actually, I can't wait,” Colin said. “It's gonna be a full house.”
“That's the way I like 'em,” she replied.
“Caren, I'm not coming back into work until a week from Monday, but I need to see you to go over some things. Can you come by the condo sometime in the next few days?”
“I could come later today.”
“Good. What time do you get off?”
“In an hour, but I have some errands.”
“No problem. How's four o'clock?”
“Four is good.”
“You know where I live, right?”
“You still in the condo in Manhattan?” Caren asked.
“Yes. Upper East Side,” Colin began to say before he was interrupted by a ringing phone.
“Colin, I have to run.”
“Okay, Caren. I'll text you the address. There's a doorman. I'll let him know you're coming.”
“Okay.”
“Thank you, Caren. I really mean that.”
“Thank you, Colin. See you in a couple of hours.”
Colin heard her disconnect the call, and sent her a text with his address on Third Street before he forgot. He paused for just a moment, then called Emma. He wanted to let her know he was okay, and he'd take Faith. The call went to voice mail. Colin left his name, told Emma how good it was to see her, then told her he'd like to adopt Faith. He glanced at the phone again. He wanted to call Caitlin. He couldn't believe he had seen her. He'd felt someone bump into him, had struggled to keep his balance as he turned, and then he'd looked into the eyes of the woman who held his heart and haunted his dreams. It was his moment, his chance to tell her how much he still loved her. His life had gotten crazy, but he wanted her in it. He needed her in it. He'd taken a risk kissing her, but it was a moment he would relive in his mind. He pictured her hair, and her eyes, and remembered the feel of her soft breasts in his hands, and the perfect curve of her hips. He imagined making love to her, and remembered the last night they'd been together. It had been magical, and a hundred times he'd wanted to say they'd made the wrong decision, but he hadn't. He'd simply devoured her, body and soul, and then as the sun rose, he'd left her bed, and walked out of her life. He was an idiot.
Something stirred in his running shorts, and he was reminded of his lower extremities. Obviously most things were working fine. Colin carefully lowered his leg, managed to get himself behind the wheel with little difficulty, and closed the door. The change in position seemed to wake the knee. The Lidocaine had only provided him temporary relief, and he winced against the sudden pain.
“Holy shit,” he said, gritting his teeth against the pain. He started the Volvo, flipped on the A/C full blast, and leaned his head against the headrest. Hidden by the confines of the vehicle, he slipped his right hand into the front of his shorts, moved his erect member to a more comfortable position, and exhaled loudly. He felt like a teenage boy. He had a sports related injury, a girl on his mind, he couldn't stop thinking about this damn puppy, and he had a boner that was amazingly impressive.
“Good lord, Thomas. Get your shit together,” he chastised himself out loud. He put the Volvo in gear, and backed out of the ER parking lot. He was going home to take a pill, a cold shower, and get some ice for the knee that had taken on a life of its own. Colin suddenly had a new life, a big life, and a life that made the erection look small and inept. He'd definitely take the shower and the pill. He'd give the knee a couple of days to heal, and then he had to start getting his act together. He wasn't a teenage boy. He was a grown man, with a grown man's life, and although he was terrified, he smiled.
Thirty-four
At the designated time, Caitlin walked quietly to the doorway of Ella's hospital room. The visit was limited to five minutes, although the ICU had ma
de a special allowance for Caitlin the previous night. Ella dozed in the bed, oblivious to the whirring and beeping of the machines monitoring her every breath and heartbeat. It reminded Caitlin of the fragility of life, and suddenly she was filled with sadness. Fighting the urge to cry, she walked quietly across the room, and sat in a chair by the window.
“Hi,” Ella whispered, and Caitlin turned away from the window.
“Hi there,” Caitlin said softly. Ella reached for her hand, and she took it and held it tightly.
“Something's different,” Ella said, and as always, Caitlin was amazed by her perception.
“I saw him.”
“Colin?”
“Yes.”
“How did that go?” Ella asked gently, and Caitlin smiled.
“I told him I'd call him.”
“And, did you?”
“I will,” Caitlin said.
“Good girl,” Ella said with a smile.
“Can I ask you something, Ella?”
“You can ask me anything.”
“I'd like to know more about my real father.”
“He was wonderful,” Ella said wistfully. “He was smart, but more importantly, he was wise. He was a good son to his mother, and a good friend, and he would have made a fine husband, and a wonderful father. He was a man of honor. I loved him immediately, Caitlin. I love him now, and I've loved him every day in between.”
“I'm sorry he died.”
“Oh my, dear girl, so am I. There is something so wrong with the universe when it takes a man like my Charles so young. He had so much to give this world, but at least he left something wonderful behind when he left it. He left us you.” There was something so beautiful about Ella when she spoke of the man she loved, and for a moment Caitlin couldn't speak.
“There is something in that drawer, Cate. In the ugly metal table. It's a little box. Could you get it?”
The House of Roses Page 19
