by Laura Pavlov
“I don’t think he’ll mind that at all.” My brother winked.
“I’m in.”
“You kids are ridiculous,” Mom said, pushing to stand from the table and coming around to give us each a hug. Just like she always did.
We all helped Lorena clear the table and sat outside drinking wine and shooting the shit until it got dark.
“Okay. It’s time for Operation Boogie Bob,” Jack said, and we said goodbye to Mom.
Laney was riding on my back, and her nearness had me in a constant state of discomfort. But I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything. She was coming around, and that’s all that mattered.
“What if he’s with someone? Like a woman,” Laney whisper-shouted.
“Oh man. That would give me joy,” Jack said.
“Why?” I asked with disgust.
“Because the thought of him getting his game on and us interrupting him when I ring his doorbell forty fucking times. Priceless.”
“Payback’s a bitch, Jack-ass,” Laney reminded him, resting her chin on my head.
“That’s right, girl.” Jack crouched down behind some bushes when we were one house away. “Okay, so who gets to ring the bell?”
“You two can be my guest. I’ll stand guard.” I rolled my eyes. I was only going along with this ridiculous stunt because it meant more time with Laney.
She hopped off my back and bent down to take her shoes off. “I’ll most likely need to sprint from the crime scene, so you hold these. But once we’re in the clear, I’m hopping back on.”
“I feel so dirty. Like you’re using me as the getaway car,” I said.
She turned to face me. The moon was full and shining all its glory down on her. Her eyes danced with mischief. She pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed me. It wasn’t fast. It wasn’t soft. And it took me by surprise. Jack howled beside us. Let’s just say his ability to stay incognito was slim to none.
She pulled away and smiled before taking off with my brother for the door. I watched as they walked up to the front porch and took turns ringing the bell. Over and over. I mean, they took this to a whole new level.
“Jesus. Let’s go,” I whisper-yelled.
The door flew open and Laney and Jack were in a full sprint toward me. We all took off through the wine fields laughing. I tugged at Laney’s arm once we were far enough away that we couldn’t hear him shouting anymore.
“Hop on. I don’t want your feet to get cut up.”
She jumped up and her legs came around my waist, her arms around my neck—goodness surrounded me everywhere. I put a hand over hers, and we walked the rest of the way.
“Man, that was awesome. I think you got in more rings than me, Laney Mae,” my brother said.
“Did you hear the dogs barking and Boogie Bob shouting after us?” Her body vibrated against me as she laughed.
“Fucking awesome. Just like old times,” Jack said, as he walked beside us.
I tilted my head back and she kissed my cheek. She was feeling it too. When we got to the end of the vineyard, Jack headed to Mom’s to get the car and head back to the city for the night. I walked Laney back to her parents’ house. Something I’d done more times than I could count when we were young—but this time it meant everything. We were getting back on track. Back to what we had. Something neither of us had found since.
She dropped down to the sidewalk and slipped her shoes back on, insisting on walking the short distance to her house. Our hands linked of their own volition and we swung them between us.
“That was fun, huh?” she asked.
“It was. You two are insane.”
“Yeah. I forgot how many happy memories lived here.”
“Yep. There’s a lot. So, what’s your plan? I mean, now that you’re not engaged, do you think you’ll still go back to Chicago?”
She led me up to the front door. “I don’t really know. I haven’t thought that far ahead, which is very unlike me. But I just need to see how my mom is doing before I can make any decisions.”
We both knew that wasn’t the reason, but I’d let her say what she needed to. Her mom was doing great. Laney was just lost right now. And I was desperate to help her find her way.
“Okay. You know if you need to talk to me about anything, I’m here.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I know. Thank you so much for taking it slow. I’ve flashed your mother and your brother all in one day.”
My head fell back in laughter. “Yeah, it was quite a day. Sure brought back a lot of memories. I don’t think you’ve changed nearly as much as you think you have.”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I haven’t.” She pushed up on her tiptoes and gave me a chaste kiss.
“I love you, Laney.”
She reached for the door handle. “I love you, too. That was never the problem.”
What was the fucking problem? She’d ended things with Charlie. Why were we taking it slow? We’d been apart for five years, what was the hold up?
She walked inside and shut the door.
I thought about all that had happened today. She may be holding back, but the bottom line was—we were making progress.
She was coming back to me.
And that’s all that mattered.
Chapter Seventeen
Laney
The next two weeks went by in a blur. Mom was doing well, and she’d recovered like a champ. She was getting ready to go back to school. I was keeping busy at the winery planning Monica’s party and spending every spare minute with Harrison. I’d kissed this man so much over the past two weeks that my lips were permanently chapped. The thought made me smile. The way he made me feel. The way he kissed me. But we hadn’t taken things further and it wasn’t because neither of us didn’t want to. But I wanted to take it slow, and he respected that.
Everyone continued to inquire about my plans as far as staying in Napa or going back to my life in Chicago. Hell, I was just as curious as everyone else. But I didn’t have a clue. My position at the W Hotel had already been filled, and what surprised me was that I didn’t care. I wasn’t upset.
I liked being here. I walked into Jenny’s office. I saw her twice a week now and talking through everything with her helped.
“So, how are you? Did you think some more about what we talked about?” she asked.
I settled on her white couch and held the floral throw pillow on my lap as I thought it over. Jenny and I continued to delve into the conversation about why I’d stayed away. Why there’d been this shift or change after Harrison and I broke up all those years ago.
“Yes. I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”
“That’s good. And are you talking more with Harrison?”
“Yep. He’s being really respectful about taking it slow. I know he’s confused. But there’s just—I don’t know. So much has happened. I’ve accepted that I was with Charlie for the wrong reasons. I think even Charlie knew it. I was never all in. And the guilt about hurting him still sits heavily on my shoulders,” I admitted.
I felt terrible for what I’d done to him.
“Well, you owned it, right? You knew he deserved better and you called it off. And it sounds like he understood from the conversation you had with Natalie.”
“Yeah. I just hope one day he’ll be able to forgive me.”
“I’m sure he will, Laney. But I think right now, you’re the one who needs to forgive yourself. Which brings us back to the question. Why were you in a situation where you felt you owed Charlie—what? Your love? He’d been there for you, so you felt obligated to marry him?”
I sucked in a long breath and leaned back on the couch. I chewed relentlessly on the inside of my cheek and clutched the pillow in my lap.
“I’ve thought about a lot of things lately. It’s not like I haven’t made mistakes in my life before this. I have. But I w
as never someone who ran from the consequences. I’ve always owned them. God knows I was grounded plenty of times for my shenanigans growing up. Hell, I’d break curfew and sneak out of the house with Harrison. I even took the family golf cart four-wheeling once. But I always owned it. I never hid things from my parents. I faced my mistakes head-on.”
“And you don’t think you do that now? I think that’s exactly what you did with Charlie.” Jenny sat in the chair across from me and crossed one leg over the other, adjusting the notebook on her lap.
“I just think that there are things you can’t come back from.”
“You don’t believe in second chances or redemption?”
I moved the pillow off my lap and set it beside me. “No. Of course I do. And I know there are consequences for our actions. I just think sometimes those consequences take you away, if that makes sense.”
“Okay. I’m following. When you were in high school, you got into normal mischief, and the punishment was maybe losing your phone or being grounded.”
I nodded. “Right.”
“But as you get older, such as what happened with Charlie, the stakes are higher. So, the consequences are going to be different. Tell me, what kind of crime leads to a consequence that forces someone to avoid going back home?”
I glanced out the window at the blue sky, as the sun shone down. “Shame, guilt, uncertainty.”
She nodded. “I understand shame and guilt but explain what you mean by uncertainty.”
“Just about knowing who you are anymore. I don’t really know?”
“Try, Laney. Tell me more about these consequences,” Jenny said as she reached for her bottle of water and took a sip.
“I guess it depends on each person. But I think sometimes feeling all that shame and guilt, you know, like you’re drowning in it. Like you’ve been sentenced to a lifetime in purgatory, but no one in your life knows it, and you can’t be set free.”
She studied me and remained quiet for a moment. “That’s a heavy price to pay for an accident. I don’t even think our criminal justice system condemns anyone to a lifetime of purgatory for an accident.”
I nodded. I knew logically she was right. But my head and my heart weren’t on the same page. “Well, we are our own worst critics, right?”
“If that’s the case, then I guess it all comes down to you. It sounds like you’re the judge and the jury. So only you can set yourself free.”
I clasped my hands together and nodded. “I think you’re right.”
“What I want you to do when you leave today is to think about what you want. What would make you happy? And then we’re going to figure out how to get you there, or why you don’t feel deserving of it.”
I released a breath that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “Okay. I can do that.”
“Yes, you can.” She smiled and pushed to her feet.
I gave her a hug because we’d grown close over the past few weeks and Jenny felt more like a trusted friend.
But some things you couldn’t trust anyone with.
Because that would mean saying it aloud.
Harrison brought the popcorn over to the couch and we were in the midst of deciding what movie to watch. We’d spent the day out on his property measuring and configuring the layout for the party. This event was going to be epic, and I was thrilled to be part of it.
“Okay, so how do we possibly decide between Jason Bourne and Sweet Home Alabama?” He rolled his eyes. He wasn’t a big rom-com guy, and I wasn’t in the mood for action and suspense. It was Friday night and we’d had a long week. We’d spent every day together, and I’d been thinking a lot about what Jenny said. I’d come to the conclusion that Harrison Montgomery made me happy. He always had. He was the missing piece in my life. We’d had more steamy make-out sessions this past week, but I was still holding back. And he wouldn’t push me. I appreciated it, but the sexual tension was getting to me. I hadn’t wanted anyone the way I wanted him since—well, since I was last with Harrison. No one else had ever known me the way he did. What I liked. What I needed.
“We could skip the movie if you want,” I said.
He opened his mouth and I popped in a few pieces of popcorn and studied his handsome face. I ran my fingers over his scruff, loving the feel of his prickly stubble against my fingertips.
“Yeah? What do you want to do?” His heated gaze nearly dropped me to my knees.
“What do you want to do?” My lips grazed his as I repeated his words back to him.
He pulled me onto his lap, and I straddled him. “All I want to do is you, Laney Landers.”
My head fell back in laughter and he kissed his way down my neck.
“You don’t have any family members that are going to bust through the door and catch me the minute you take my top off, do you?” I didn’t recognize the sound of my own voice. It was breathy and gruff, and he chuckled against my skin. Chill bumps covered me, and I tangled my fingers in his dark, thick hair.
“No one’s coming through that door. It’s locked, so we’re safe. But does this mean you’re going to let me take the whole thing off? You’re not going to torture me with one shoulder at a time?” He continued to graze his lips against my skin as he kissed his way across my neck and came back up to meet my gaze.
“No more teasing. I’m ready.”
“What are you ready for, baby?” His dark eyes locked with mine. Intense and hungry. Full of desire.
“I’m ready for you. All of you.”
The corners of his mouth turned up. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to hear those words?”
“A couple of days?” I teased.
He put one hand on each of my cheeks and held me there. “Five fucking years, Laney. That’s how long. From the minute I pushed you away, I missed you. Needed you. You’re it for me. And I want all of you.”
“I’ve always belonged to you. We just had to find our way back to one another.”
“And here we are.”
“Here we are,” I whispered.
He reached down and tugged the T-shirt over my head, pausing to take in my pink lacy bra. He reached behind my back and unsnapped it, and it fell to my lap.
“Jesus. You’re so beautiful. I just want to look at you,” he said, and his eyes were wet with emotion.
“I missed you, too.” My voice trembled. Goose bumps spread across my skin as his hands cupped each breast, and I fell forward with a desperate need to kiss him.
He pushed to his feet, not losing contact, and my legs wrapped around his waist. He groaned against my mouth as he placed me down on the bed. He pulled back to tug his shirt over his head, and I studied him. His chest was more muscular than it used to be. Strong arms and chiseled abs. He’d always been fit, but this was a whole new level.
When I looked up to meet his gaze, he was watching me. The heat in his eyes was impossible to miss. He leaned down and unbuttoned my jeans, tugging them off of my body and dropping them to the floor. I pushed to sit forward and reached for the button on his jeans. His erection threatened to break through the denim.
“Someone’s excited to see me,” I whispered as I carefully freed him from both his pants and his briefs. I let out a long breath as I took him in. “Wow. Was it always this big?”
His head fell back in laughter and he looked down at me. “I think he’s just really excited that you’re here.”
He pushed me back on the bed and propped himself above me. “I’m going to take my time with you, Laney. It’s been way too long.”
My breaths came hard and fast. This was happening. I was in Harrison’s bed. The love of my life. There were still so many things that hadn’t been said. So much time had passed.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, and the concern in his eyes made my chest squeeze. He pushed the hair back from my face and stroked my cheek. “You’re shaking.�
��
“I’m sorry. It’s just been a long time. What if it’s different? What if I’m different?”
“There’s no part of you that I don’t love.”
“I love you, too.”
“Let me make you feel good, baby.” He kissed my forehead, my eyelids, my nose, my cheeks and my lips. All the worry left me as his lips traveled down my neck, heating and scorching parts of me that had been dormant for years. His mouth covered my breast and I arched into his touch, needing more. He made his way down my body and his lips lingered over my panties. His fingers slipped beneath the silk fabric and he slowly moved them down my legs. I writhed beneath him as he settled between my legs, and his warm breath hit my most sensitive area.
I squirmed with need and the feeling was so unfamiliar that panic coursed through my veins. I hadn’t even liked sex after Harrison. I’d gone through the motions with Charlie. But this—this was different. Because I didn’t know I could feel this way again. And it was everything.
Harrison Montgomery lit a match and set my soul on fire. He awakened me in every way. He buried his head between my legs and the sensation was so overwhelming, so freeing, I didn’t stop him. I allowed myself to feel every single thing.
And, oh my, did I feel it.
I whimpered and squirmed before I cried out my release. Pleasure rolled through me as I tried to calm my breathing. Harrison propped himself above me and swiped at my falling tears.
“Hey. Was this too much? We can stop.”
I shook my head, as a sob left my throat. “No. I don’t want to stop.”
“Laney, you’re crying. You’re upset.”
“No. No, Har, I’m not. These are happy tears.”
“You sure? Tell me what’s going on.” He dropped to lie on his side, and I turned to face him. He stroked my hair and searched my gaze.
“I just haven’t felt this much in a long time. I didn’t think I could anymore,” I said, and his thumb caught the last tear as it fell.
“That’s a good thing, right?” he whispered. His eyebrows cinched together, causing a worry line to form between them.
