“Eat,” he instructs me without even looking up from the god damn paper.
Survive.
I eat as we sit in silence. I finish and scoot my chair back to stand. The legs scrape across the floor, breaking the silence.
“Sit,” he orders as if I am a dog. I guess I am. I am less than a dog to this man. I grit my teeth and do as he says.
“We will begin your training tomorrow. Today, you rest, regain your strength. Go to the cellar. Be ready at 5:00 a.m. Someone will come get you.”
Just like a good little dog, I obey.
Survive.
19
Knox
(Present)
Raven cries as I tell her my story. I drag my fingers through her hair, trying to soothe her. It feels like so long ago but also like it just happened yesterday.
“Knox, oh, my God. I’m so sorry.”
“Me too, Little Bird. My mother deserved better than that.”
I push those memories back down into the empty hole in my heart. Mom occupies a space within me that nothing will ever fill. A part of me died alongside Vivian Bane that day.
“What happened after that?”
I swipe a tear from her cheek as she nuzzles into me. This is it. I can spill my guts to this woman and hope like hell my fucked-up life doesn’t send her running. The only people who know most of my history are Ace, his mother Ruby, and Lazz. I look down into those shimmering green eyes and decide to trust her. Trust that she can handle knowing how fucked up I am. Trust she won’t see me any differently than she does right now. Trust her to still want me when she sees my demons.
“My father began my training. I was taught many fighting arts such as dim mak, jujitsu, and atemi, to name a few. I loved learning different disciplines. It was my escape. A way to leave my prison in the cellar for a few hours. Forget the things I saw. A way to be free while still trapped.”
I think back on that time, me, just a tall, skinny kid who already saw too much ugly in this world. I learned how to detach myself from my mind. It was my only escape from that hell.
“It became a passion for me. Fighting. My father would lock me in the cellar and send in men. Men, Raven. Grown, trained men to attack me. Some tried more than attacking if they caught me asleep. It was constant. I learned, though. To protect myself, save myself.”
I’d spare her the gory details. She doesn’t need to know the way I’ve been molested or that I’ve spent years trying to push it from my own mind. In the end, I use the memories to fuel my rage, my survival.
Survive.
My mother’s words always stay at the edge of my consciousness. Pushing me. Fueling me. Haunting me. Helping me endure to my ultimate goal, taking out Vaughn Bane in the most gruesome way I can fucking conjure. I’ve spent hours upon hours imagining his death at my hands. The feel of the flesh on his neck as it presses between my fingers, the smell of his blood as it coats his skin.
“My first assignment for Albatross was given to me when I was nineteen. It was my initiation. Pass and live. Fail and die. Live and extinguish someone else. I was sent to dispatch a politician. He was blocking my father from purchasing land for a new development. The first man I killed was for land.”
Raven strokes my jaw as she adjusts herself to lie in the crook of my arm. I squeeze her, drawing her closer into my side.
“He saw through the slick businessman façade my father put up. He didn’t like him, and he was standing in the way of what my father and Albatross saw as a multimillion-dollar deal. I followed the politician for a few weeks doing recon.”
Raven’s fingers trace lazy circles along my bare chest.
“He was a good man. He had a family. Two small girls and a wife. I hated myself for what I was plotting to do. I hated it. I had no choice, though. I had to survive.”
Survive.
“The night came that I was ordered to take him out. The easiest place was at his home. I didn't want to do that to his wife, though. I didn't want her to be the one to find him. I followed him as he left that evening. He was going to a council meeting regarding the land development my father was interested in. It was the final vote. Without him there, no one could vote the development down.”
Scenes from that night flash through my mind so vividly, I doubt I’ll ever forget a single moment of it. God, I was so scared. Just a kid, a kid given the choice of kill or be killed.
“He parked his car, and I circled around the lot. When he was walking toward the town hall, I pulled up, blocking his way and rolled my window down. There was a moment, a few fleeting seconds, where our eyes met. He saw the gun, and I watched him exhale slowly, the realization of his fate laid before him. I had two choices. His death or mine. I squeezed the trigger, shooting him in the head.”
I rub my temple, the memories flooding my mind. I chose myself. I chose my life over his for revenge.
“I was numb as I sped off, driving back to the estate. I sat in the kitchen for hours, staring out the window into the dark, feeling nothing. I felt nothing, Raven. I should have felt terrible, but I didn't. I was hollow. My father came in a few hours later and never uttered a word about it. He told me to go to bed, and I headed for the cellar. He stopped me and told me to go to my room. It would be the first time I saw my room or slept in my bed since I was sixteen."
I entered my room that night for the first time in years. I stood in the doorway, just looking at the things that use to be my life. Gifts from my mother, magazines about dream cars, childish things. Unimportant things. My father wanted me to know that everything I had, everything I was or would be, was because he made it so.
“The memories of that night never left me. I had taken the life of a good man for something as trivial as real estate.”
My finger traces a path down Raven’s arm as I continue, her warm embrace and quiet presence spurring me on even though talking about what I did only makes the memories more vivid, more real.
“I stole a father from his children for land. I know it’s nowhere near close to having their father there, but I do transfer money into their mother’s account every month. It doesn’t absolve what I did, but I hope it can help them. Ace set it up to seem like an annuity from a life insurance policy so it goes undetected. His wife doesn’t know it’s from the man who murdered her husband.”
Tears land on my chest. Little Bird, please see the me I used to be. Past the monster I was forced to become.
“I am an assassin, Raven. I’ve killed many men at my father’s command. I should have turned the gun on myself more than once, but I have to stop him.”
She lifts her head, and I cup her cheek in my hand. She closes her eyes and relaxes into my touch. My heart hammers my chest as I watch her, waiting for her words. What does she think of me? Will she be able to handle my truth? I find myself surprised by the fact that I hope she can. Her eyes flutter open and land on mine, assessing, taking me in. I hold my breath for a moment and slowly exhale.
“Knox, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe what you’ve endured just to survive in this life. Your poor mother.”
Tears pool in her eyes but don’t fall as she continues.
“I understand the things you’ve done and your reasons behind them. I can’t hold those decisions against you. I wouldn’t even be able to endure anything that has happened to you. You were victims, Knox. You and your mother were…are victims of a monster.”
She raises her beautiful face to mine and presses a tender kiss to my lips. A tear falls from her eye and streams down my cheek. In this moment, I can’t think of a more perfect woman for me. She is everything a man like me could never deserve. A shining, bright star to guide me as I weather this storm. I crush her to me, and she lays her head back onto my chest.
“How did you stop your father?”
“I haven’t yet.”
“You haven’t? Where is he?”
The alarm in her voice doesn’t go unnoticed.
“He left to handle a job three years ago and never returned. I
think he may have been killed. Ace and I have searched for him and have found nothing so far. That’s where I was when you first arrived.”
“So, he could be alive somewhere, just waiting to return?”
And plotting something no-doubt diabolical.
“Yes. But I’ll continue to search for him. Something has to turn up sometime.”
“You don’t have to hurt people anymore?”
I notice the hesitation in her voice as she asks me. My brave girl.
“Yeah, babe. I still hurt people.”
I feel her cringe slightly at my answer.
“I’m now in charge of Albatross. I replaced my father. I decide who’s taken out.”
Telling her the truth only leaves one question.
“Raven, can you handle this?”
20
Raven
My mind swirls with thoughts as I lie here in the arms of a confessed killer. Can I handle this? I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared shitless, but I know with everything I am, Knox wouldn’t harm me. I can’t deny I have some sort of connection with this man. Can I handle this? He takes lives. He decides if people live or die.
“How do you do it? How do you live with yourself, taking lives, innocent lives?”
“I no longer take innocent lives. After my father left, I restructured Albatross. Now, I investigate the marks or have Ace investigate them. If they are truly innocent, we don’t accept the orders. They will not die by our hands.”
I stare at the blank wall beside the bed while I try to process everything he’s just told me. Knox traces small circles on the back of my hand as it rests on his chest.
I can’t begin to understand how he takes any life, innocent or not. I can’t deny that day at the abandoned building, after I learned what Ethan had done to Scarlett, I wanted him dead. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to see him hurt, suffer. So, I can relate to Knox’s need for vengeance, to avenge his mother. I want my own for what has been done to my family. But to actually pull the trigger? I don’t know that I could do it.
I look at him as he waits patiently for my answer. He may do very bad things, but from what I see, Knox Bane is still a good man. I lose myself in the depths of his eyes as I seal my fate.
“I can handle this.”
His smile lights up his face, and it draws a return smile from me. His fingers cup my chin, and he raises up to press his lips to mine. He slides his hand from my chin and down the side of my body. Gripping my hips, he flips me over and settles on top of me. He nudges my legs apart with his knee. I squeal, slightly startled, and laugh when he begins to laugh, too. I can sense his need to be distracted from the ghosts that haunt him.
He palms me through my panties. “I can handle this,” he says, trying to lighten the mood. I laugh at his words then moan from his touch as it sets me on fire.
“Can you?” I whisper over his lips as our kiss deepens.
“Every inch, beautiful. I intend to handle every fucking inch of you.”
His words send shivers over my body as he brings his hands up to cup my face. He pulls back slightly, staring down at me. I see him clearly now. My first impressions of him, intimidating, dangerous, and terrifying, while still true, no longer threaten me. He is strong, loyal, and a fighter. This man is a warrior. The reason I am here may be shitty, but he’s my silver lining, my tarnished silver lining. I feel so many things with Knox I never thought were possible. He’s finding a way into my heart, and that petrifies me because I’m not quite sure if there is a happy ending to be had with this man. By his very own admission, he still kills, still plans vengeance for his mother’s death, and where does that leave me? I didn’t intend to come here and put my heart on a platter, but here I am, serving it up to him. Consequences be damned. I can only hope I’m making the right decision.
“You are more than I expected, Little Bird, so much more than I deserve.”
Butterflies swarm inside me as he kisses me with a passion I’ve never known. He pushes up from me, resting back on his knees, reaching for me he begins to slowly unbutton the shirt I’m wearing. One by one the buttons are undone, his warm fingers graze against me as they work causing goose bumps to spill across my body. He helps me slip my arms from it and tosses it to the floor. He brings his index finger to my bottom lip and traces it with the pad. I place a kiss to the tip of it before he begins to blaze a path across my chin and down my throat, he lingers between my breasts and smiles. He continues his descent between my breasts and down my stomach to the place I long for him to find.
Peppering soft kisses to my stomach, he settles between my legs. I feel the heat of his breath at my entrance and arch my back off the bed, seeking the warmth of his mouth. Knox sucks my flesh gently through my panties, and his fingers dig into my thighs. He blows a steady breath across the wet spot he’s creating, and I rake my hands through his soft hair, pulling him toward my center.
“Patience, my sweet Little Bird.”
His deep voice is a soft whisper against my wetness, a promise of what he’s about to deliver. He traces that sinful finger under the seam of my panties, missing everything I need him to touch. My body has been set aflame with need, and he’s the only one with the power to extinguish it. I groan from pure ecstasy of his tease, too much and not enough at the same time.
“Eyes, baby.”
I immediately do as he instructs. I want to know what he has in store for me. His teeth grab at the fabric of my panties. He releases a small growl before using his teeth to slide the offending fabric down. I lift my hips to him, and he grabs my ass in his hands and peels away the barrier between me and his mouth. He lifts me to his lips and inhales before his tongue descends on me. Jolts of pleasure wrack my body. My fingers dig into the sheets, twisting them within my grip.
He lays me back onto the bed, then sits back on his heels with my legs spread around him. He tugs his shirt off and drops it to the floor.
“I want to see you like this, lick you, fuck you every day. Every fucking day, Raven.”
I sit up, reach for him, and pull his lips to mine.
God, I want that too.
He drinks me in as I try to tell him with this kiss all the things I can’t put into words.
I long for him.
I need him.
I crave him.
As we kiss, I remove the rest of his clothes with his help.
“I need you, Knox.” The whisper falls from my lips onto his.
He wraps his arm around me and lays me back onto the bed.
“You’ve got me.”
Then his lips descend onto mine, kissing me as he slowly fills me. Our eyes lock. I see everything in their depths. In this moment, we have opened up fully to one another.
He is mine, and I am his.
The next morning, I wake pretty early and roll over to an empty bed. The door handle jiggles, and a smile spreads across my face. I push the covers down from my chest and prop my head up on one arm as I wait for Knox to come through the door.
“Good morning, pretty girl.”
I gasp as I pull the blanket back up to cover myself.
It isn’t Knox, and there’s a gun pointed at me.
“No wonder my son is fucking you. Nice tits. Now, be a good girl and put your clothes on. We’ve got somewhere to go.”
21
Knox
Raven was sound asleep as I snuck from the room this morning. I glanced back at her before I shut the door. Her beautiful face was peaceful with sleep, and her hair fanned out across my pillow like a halo of midnight. I had to fight the urge to go to her and just breathe her in. It’s still very early, and I haven’t slept. I just couldn’t after I watched that video of Lazz coming into my fucking house and touching my woman. All I wanted to do was protect her and to assure her that I will. Every time I think of his hands on her, I want to slice his throat open. I know Lazz has a wealth of his own demons that he fights, but I cannot let what happened go unchecked. I gather my gun and head out.
At th
e door of his cottage, I press my thumb to the electronic lock. The lock disengages, and I push the door open, pulling my piece as I step inside. The interior is lit only by the fire burning low in the fireplace. A woman’s moan draws me toward the bedrooms in the back.
“Oh, my God! Yes!” she cries as I kick the door open.
She’s mounted on top of Lazz, but when her eyes land on me, she lets out a scream and scrambles off him.
“Get your things and go. Lazz and I have business.”
The girl scurries around, grabbing her clothes while I keep my gun trained on Lazz.
“Bane. What a surprise. Couldn’t wait a few seconds and let me nut?”
Lazz moves his tattooed hands to rest behind his head, like he isn’t surprised to see me in the least.
“Shut up, fucker. It is taking every bit of restraint I have not to put a bullet in your skull.”
I bite out the sentence through gritted teeth. I’d love to pop his fucking head off. Images of my Little Bird slumping to the floor flash through my mind, and I struggle to stop myself from pulling the trigger.
The girl whimpers as she squeezes past me in the doorway. I wait to hear the front door click closed.
“You piece of shit. Come into my god damned house and touch my fucking woman. Who the fuck do you think you are?”
“Wow, Bane. You seem pissed.”
The fucker actually smirks at me.
I walk over to him and punch him the face. Blood pours from his nose, and he yells out in pain, bringing his hands up to his face. I continue to rain blows down on him, and he tries to cover himself as best he can.
“Stop, Bane! I have some news about your old man!”
I immediately stop my assault. My chest heaves as I try to catch my breath.
The Hunted (The Killing Hours Book 1) Page 11