“When?” she asked, watching me carefully, as if putting something together in her head.
“I don’t know. As soon as we can—I’ll let you know.”
We stepped onto the bus and she nodded, letting me know she understood. Then we found a seat in the back of the bus and sat in silence. After all, what was there to say? The only thing in my head at that moment was an overwhelming fear. It was a sickening fear that caused waves of dizziness to pass over me and a knot to form in the pit of my stomach.
The ride passed in a blur. Really, I guess it was about an hour, but I hardly remember anything about it. I only remember sitting there thinking: I've lived my entire life on the Island, survived the disease, and passed the test. But now I know it was all pointless because the plan all along was to murder us in the end. And what made it all the more horrible, was that we had no way out; no way to escape. Even if we did get out of the building, where would we go from there? I told myself that I couldn’t give up; that I had to find a way out, but I just kept thinking what if. What if we didn’t get out in time? Or what if I made it out but one of my siblings or friends didn’t. If that happened, how could I ever do anything enjoyable again without thinking that they should be there to do it too? How would I ever enjoy anything again? I tried the whole trip to keep my mind off thoughts like that, but as a result I didn’t end up having any brilliant ideas for an escape either.
The minute we got back, I hurried to Priscila’s room. I knew I couldn’t appear too much in a hurry. Without bothering to knock, I burst through the door and into her room. (Thinking back, I probably did look like I was in quite a hurry.) A slightly startled Priscila stared at me from where she sat on the edge of her bed.
“What are you—did something happen?” she asked.
“I…” I tried desperately to think of a reason why I was there. I wanted to tell her everything I’d found out, but I knew that wouldn’t help keep her safe. “I’m fine. I just…wanted to see if you were doing alright.”
“I’m fine,” she said. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, nothing,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “But I did want to tell you that we’ll be leaving soon.”
“Oh,” she said, sounding greatly relieved. “I—I mean, that’s good, but
“I don’t know. But we’ll be going somewhere far away, where we won’t ever have to do anything like this again.”
When I left Priscila’s room I paid a visit to Kendall. I told him similar things to what I told Priscila. When I told him that we’d be leaving ‘soon’ I could tell by his expression he’d guessed it wasn’t that simple—that we wouldn’t simply ‘leave’.
After that, I just had one place I wanted to go—to Owen and Livia’s room. I hadn’t seen them in so long; it was like they’d been purposely avoiding me.
When I got to Livia’s room I knocked and then waited. But there was no answer. I knocked again, this time louder. A moment later the door slid open and there stood Livia. Only she didn’t pull the door open or ask me in. She just stood there in the doorway. Then in a cold, serious tone she said:
“I’m sorry, but I’m busy just now.”
“Oh,” I said, slightly startled. “Well, what about Owen? Is his room next to yours or—”
“He’s busy too,” she cut me off. Then she began sliding the door shut, but just before it could, I jammed my foot into the space between it and the wall.
“Why haven’t you been around lately?” I said, shoving the door back open forcefully.
“Well this may come as a surprise to you,” Livia’s tone was now angry. “But I’ve been a little preoccupied.”
“Preoccupied??? Preoccupied with what?”
She looked at me, as if I’d asked the dumbest question imaginable. “I’ve been preoccupied with the test, recovering, going to some huge place with thousands of people!”
At that point, I realized that if this conversation was going to continue, I’d need to be a little calmer. I didn’t want to come off as if my purpose for coming was simply to argue. “Livia,” I said, keeping as soft a tone as I could maintain. “I’m sorry. I know this whole thing has been hard for you. It’s been hard for everyone. But we really need to talk. I have some important things I want to tell you. So could we, even just for a few minutes?”
I wanted so badly for her to say yes. I needed to let her know somehow what was going on—how we needed to escape. But instead, she simply shut the door without another word.
16
I stood there for a full twenty seconds, staring at the door, before I finally turned to leave. How could she just ignore me like that? And she knew I had something important to tell her, too. But she’d just shut me out, refusing to talk for even a minute. She was one of my best friends. I just didn’t understand why she would do something like that.
That night at dinner, I noticed Owen and Livia sitting at a table far away from the rest of us. Livia’s gaze caught mine for a moment, but just as quickly it turned away. The knot in my stomach grew at the thought that Owen and Livia didn’t know the real reason we were here and possibly didn’t know we were in any danger. I guess, maybe I should have felt differently. Maybe I shouldn’t have cared, because it was their fault and not mine, but somehow I just couldn’t bring myself to think that way.
I didn’t feel like eating, and since no one was talking, all during dinner I tried to think of ideas for an escape. But the problem was, everything I thought of, just seemed too risky and dangerous. I felt like I was a tiny person inside of a lock, trying to find my way to the keyhole. But how could I if I didn’t even know my way around the lock? But, then I had a thought that what if risky was a good thing? Since we’d die if we stayed here, we really wouldn’t be losing much by our plan not succeeding. So, I made up my mind to come up with a plan no matter how risky or dangerous it was.
With this new outlook on things, I made up my mind to try and eat. After all, hadn’t I decided to earlier that day? But I’d only just started eating and was already feeling stronger, when I noticed something. Every meal, the same two kids sat next to each other at a table right next to ours. I hadn’t known them very well, but I think they were brother and sister. The boy was around ten, the girl possibly thirteen. They’d always sat in the exact same place without fail, but now…they were gone. I searched frantically with my eyes all around the cafeteria but there was no sign of them. They were gone.
I began to feel sick and my vision wavered as I set my fork down and stood up. “I…I’m tired,” I said distractedly; as if in a trance. “I’m going to go to bed early tonight.”
I didn’t even wait for them to say anything; I simply turned and walked towards the stairs. People stared at me, but I hardly noticed. I grasped the railing tightly when making my way up the stairs; truly afraid I’d fall over the edge. And while making my way down the hall I nearly tripped several times, as waves of dizziness hit me.
When I got to my room, I went through the normal, ordinary motions of getting ready for bed, but my mind wasn’t present. Those kids that were missing... They hadn’t simply skipped dinner. No, I knew exactly where they had gone. They had been put against their wills in The Other Side. They had gone to their deaths. And who would be next? Maybe it would be one of my friends, maybe me. For some reason though, I had the feeling that Kendall, Priscila, my friends, and I would all be taken at once. Because, since Challan knew I distrusted The Island Program, she'd be careful not to give me anything to be suspicious about. That could cause problems if I spread the word something was wrong. So, I made up my mind to find an escape plan and carry it out; by tomorrow night.
All night, I lay awake doing the best I could, as far as escape plans, with the little information I had. I knew I couldn’t underestimate the many devices they had to keep us from getting out. We’d need key cards and passcodes, not to mention there’d be guards and attendants all over the building. But I knew I couldn’t overestimate them either. After all, they’d never planned for any of
us to figure out what they were doing. And if we didn't know, we’d never have a reason to escape. So maybe, it wouldn’t be quite as hard as I’d been imagining.
Around five a.m., I’d come up with as much of a plan as I ever would. It wasn’t brilliant or even very complex, but it had a chance of working. The idea was, that if I could somehow make Vanissa understand the plan without actually saying anything about it, then she could be used as a distraction. So when an attendant opened an elevator, Vanissa would distract her while I slipped passed, and into the elevator just as the doors shut. My first stop would have to be quick. I’d be picking up as many of the syringes, that the nurse had told me about, as I could carry. Then, assuming whoever was operating the room where they controlled the cameras was still confused, I’d somehow make it to the control room and knock them out. (That is, if I could even find it.) Then I’d return to the lowest level where Vanissa would already be getting people on to the elevators. After that, well we’d just have to get out—out of the city. And we’d find some place to go. I didn’t know where. Even if we had to disguise ourselves for a while—we’d find a way.
I guess it really was unrealistic to believe all of that would go just as planned. But I let myself believe it was possible. If I didn’t, I’d be handing myself over to The Island Program; because I didn’t have any other ideas. So I finally closed my eyes and cleared my mind, soaking up the peacefulness that I felt at not having to think about anything. And I didn’t have any idea of how, after all I’d been through that day it happened, but in a few minutes, I fell asleep.
The next morning at breakfast, I noticed that more people than usual were talking—but not in a relaxed way. They kept glancing around the room at empty places with distressed expressions on the faces. I noticed about seven more people gone. Maybe some of the people glancing around were looking for their friends. Or maybe someone was looking for their brother or sister. But they’d never find them. They were gone—maybe even dead already.
I hardly even felt hungry, but I knew I should eat to be ready for our escape that night. So, I slowly began taking little bites out of the food, not even noticing what it was that I was eating. But, despite my efforts, I ended up eating not quite half of the food. I just didn’t know how I’d make it through that morning, let alone entire the day.
As I was walking back to my room after breakfast, Vanissa walked me up to me.
“Britta,” she said. “Have you talked to Owen or Livia lately?”
“Well, no,” I said. “I tried to, but they refused to listen.”
“They did the same thing to me when I tried to talk to them,” she said, a look of worry coming over her face. “I think they know something. I think there’s something going on behind our backs.”
I wondered what Vanissa thought they knew. Could it be they knew what The Island Program was really about? If so why didn’t they tell us? Maybe they had some involvement in it?
The whole morning I spent trying to tell Vanissa the plan. (This took a while because I had to find just the right thing to say that wouldn’t arouse suspicion, but at the same time something she’d understand.) I would make a comment about how distracting it was when the lights flickered to let her know she’d be a distraction or I’d mention that, back when we first came here, it would have been easier to split into groups for the elevator rides, to let her know we’d be splitting into groups when we took the elevator. Then, when I was leaving to go to Priscila’s room, she asked me how long it’d be until I was back. The look she gave me let me know, she was asking how long it would be between the time of her distraction to when we’d split into groups for the elevators. I told her about ten minutes.
I noticed more kids gone at lunch. How could they have disappeared so quickly? And I knew very soon, it would be us who’d suddenly disappear. Maybe Kendall, Priscila my friends and I would go all at once. Or maybe we’d go separately. But, however we went I knew we’d go soon. I just didn’t know when. And I knew it’d be when we least expected it. A chill made its way down my spine at the thought of someone coming up behind Priscila and jabbing some sort of anesthetic needle into her.
With only seven hours till our escape, it seemed like anything and everything could go wrong to prevent it from going well. Vanissa might not be able to convince everyone else to go with us. I might not be able to find the control room. Or maybe we’d all already be gone and it would be too late.
For a moment, I stopped to consider, that if no one else there was in danger would I still go through the effort of trying to escape? The answer, of course was yes. I wanted to live. But, why was I so attached to my life if it was so truly terrible? I guess it was, because it wasn’t the desire to keep living the life I was living that made me want to get out. It was the hope of someday finding a different and better life for me and for those I cared about. But I knew what did happen next in my life would depend on the decisions made in the present; for better or for worse.
The rest of the afternoon drug by slowly. I tried talking to a few acquaintances of mine, trying to see if they had any useful information, but none of them really did. But what I did notice was how different the people I’d known were. Some seemed almost skittish; seemingly afraid of everything. They would look around, this way and that, their eyes darting all around as if looking for something or making sure someone wasn’t watching us. But a few others I talked to had a much different appearance. They made me feel that after all I’d been through, I was blest. With sunken eyes and a distant expression on their faces, they looked as if they’d lost everything that mattered to them. Without asking, I’d known those were the kids whose siblings or friends had been left behind on the island. And I knew those left behind were certainly dead by now.
I wondered if I’d be the same way if Priscila and Kendall died. Most likely, I would, but I simply couldn’t think about it. It was all too horrible. I knew if they did die, I’d most likely be ruined. That’s what made talking to those kids so hard. Because I knew there wasn’t any way to help them. At least that’s what I thought at first, but after reflecting on it for a moment I realized there was something. I could help them escape. I could save their lives since I hadn’t been able to save the people that mattered to them. I guess I really did have regrets about that day back on the island. If I’d tried harder, caused more commotion, would they have given in and let the sick ones come? So I promised I would save all of them to make up for it.
17
Later, at dinner I hardly ate a thing. My stomach felt like it had shrunk and was now filled with a sickish nervous feeling. Even though I couldn’t tell exactly how many kids were missing but I knew it was quite a few. But I couldn’t let myself dwell on the fact though, because every time I did, it made me feel dizzy and lightheaded. I could tell Vanissa seemed to be feeling the same way. Priscila and Kendall however, were eating a normal amount and didn’t look particularly upset so I guess they hadn’t noticed the missing kids.
I took a few small sips of water just to look normal. The water actually felt good to drink, passing my lips (which I hadn’t realized were so parched) and entering my dry mouth. I even attempted eating something, but ended up setting down the fork just before it reached my mouth.
Looking around, at the worn-out, tired looking people in the cafeteria, I began to worry more about the plan succeeding. How could any of these people make a quick and stealthy escape on short notice? Most of them looked as if they’d hardly be able to stay awake for the next hour. I just hoped they’d be able to get at least a little sleep, before they were startlingly awakened to a most likely chaotic building.
Just before I left dinner that night, I made sure to pointedly remark to Vanissa that I didn’t think I’d be able to get much sleep that night. (I was trying to let her know she’d probably better stay awake, so she’d be more ready and alert when the time came for our escape.) She seemed to understand after a moment and said that she probably wouldn’t be able to sleep either. After that, I got up and head
ed up the stairs to my room. The next time I’d use those stairs, I’d be setting our escape plans into action.
Back in my room, I paced nervously, rethinking each and every detail of my plan. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong. I just didn’t know what. I guess, ultimately, there was an endless list of possibilities. But I just couldn’t afford for anything to go wrong. Because even the slightest delay in timing could ruin our entire escape.
I pulled my diary out and sat down on my bed; trying to think of something I could write that would help us.
Dear Diary,
I’m not feeling exactly tired tonight. That is, I don’t feel sleepy. However at the same time, I do feel extremely worn out. Hopefully, in a few days we can leave this place. Not that I dislike it here. It’s just so different from what I’m used to. One thing I do appreciate here is the beds. They’re probably ten times more comfortable than the ones we had on the island. But I don’t like the fact that practically everything here is gray. Back on the island there was color everywhere. The blue sky, the green grass, pink flowers in spring and red leaves in fall. But, from what I saw yesterday, once we leave The Island Program there’ll be plenty of color in the city. Anyways, I’ll write more in a little while. I’m going to find a better place to write.
That last part about finding a better place to write had been written for a specific purpose. I’d written it because I’d realized I should probably take my knife with me. To do so, I’d have to carry it in my pack. And I couldn’t take my pack anywhere without arousing suspicion—unless of course, I had a reason. And I guessed whoever was watching me at the time would most likely believe that I was simply finding a new place to write—especially after the entry about how I was worn out and how I missed color. It gave the impression that my mind was doing anything but planning an escape and trying to figure out how to bring my knife without looking suspicious.
The Other Side (The Other Side Trilogy Book 1) Page 11
