Even as I say it, though, I don’t think it’s true.
“But the thing is, even before the kiss, we were having such a great time.” I clasp the warm mug between both hands. “We connected, you know? He even loved the same music I do. It was crazy. I never really talked to Preston like that and we were together for years. He never asked me about what kind of music I like or what kind of movies I wanted to watch. And even if he did, I was always so scared to tell him the truth. I always told Preston what he wanted to hear, thinking that if I was the perfect girlfriend, eventually he’d really love me.”
I fall silent. I’ve never put words to it like that, but as soon as they come out of my mouth, I am hit with the absolute truth of them.
With Preston, I was always fighting to feel worthy of him. Last night with Judd, I was just myself. And for a little while, I thought that was enough.
Monica pulls me into a hug. “Honey, if Preston couldn’t see that you are perfect just the way you are, then he never deserved you anyway.”
Tears spring to my eyes. “I’m not sure I ever really gave him the chance to see the real me,” I say, realizing it for the first time.
“Then it’s his loss,” she says.
“Is it?” I say, wiping at my eyes.
“Absolutely,” she says. “And if this other guy doesn’t see it either, then screw him.”
“I tried,” I say with a smile.
Monica laughs and stands up. “I’m sure you did,” she says. She turns and stares down at me. “It’s really good to see you smile again. I missed that happy face.”
“Me too,” I say.
“Now get your hungover ass out of bed and get ready for work,” she says. “You’re gonna be late.”
I lean forward to get a better look at the clock beside my bed. It’s nine-thirty and my shift at The Cup starts in thirty minutes. “Shit,” I say. I jump out of bed and run toward the shower without the luxury of time to worry about last night for another minute.
Chapter Ten
I’m halfway through my shift when the bell over the door rings.
I look up and hazel eyes meet mine. My heart skips a beat and my mouth falls open slightly.
I stop in mid-step, a very full cup of cappuccino in one hand and a hot chocolate in the other.
Sassy, one of the other servers, comes around the corner in a rush and smacks right into me. Coffee and hot chocolate splash down the front of my white work shirt and I stumble backward, the cups crashing to the ground.
Everyone in the small cafe turns to look. I bend down, avoiding the one set of eyes I don’t want watching me right now. How am I constantly making such a fool of myself around him?
“Be careful,” Mr. Edwards says. “Here, grab a broom. Don’t pick that up by hand. I don’t want you to cut yourself, Bailey.”
I stand and take the broom from him. My face is growing hotter by the second. I don’t dare look up and see if Judd is still watching me. If he’s smart, he turned around and got the hell out of here.
“You okay?” Sassy asks. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“I’m fine,” I say. “It was my fault. I zoned out for a second. I’m not feeling too great today.”
“Do you need to head home early?” Mr. Edwards asks. I hadn’t realized he was still standing behind me. “You shouldn’t be in here serving if you’re coming down with something.”
I shake my head and start sweeping up the mess on the floor. I can’t afford to take any time off work right now. I paid an arm and a leg for that stupid dress for the Christmas dance. If I don’t work my butt off this month, there’s no way I’ll make rent.
“I’m fine,” I say. “I just didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“Okay, well, get that cleaned up and I’ll head back and remake those drinks for you.”
“Cappuccino and Hot choc,” I say.
Sassy and Mr. Edwards disappear into the small kitchen, leaving me out front to clean up the broken cups.
After about the third pass over the wet floor, a pair of tattered sneakers appears at the edge of the mess. I swallow, my stomach flip-flopping.
“Hey, you okay?”
The sound of his voice sends shivers up my spine. I look up and all I can see are those delicious lips. I look back down, not even wanting to know why he’s here today, of all days.
“I’m fine,” I say. “Sit anywhere you want. I’ll send Sassy over to take your order.”
“Wait—”
But I’m already gone.
I turn the corner out of sight and press my back against the wall. I press the broom and dustpan tight against my body, clutching them so tight. What the heck is he doing here?
I really hope he isn’t here to rub last night in my face.
I wonder if I can still get out of work and head home early. I can’t really afford it, but I do not want to be here with him for the next hour or two while he sits and studies. There’s no way I’ll be able to concentrate.
Even if there was some part of him that was coming back to see me today, there’s no way he’s going to like me more with coffee stains all over my shirt. To top it off, there are bags under my eyes and my hair is pulled into a tight bun that was still dripping wet when I left the house this morning.
Not exactly looking my best today.
Besides, Judd already rejected me once. I’m not about to give him the opportunity to do it again.
Mr. Edwards emerges from the kitchen and I spring into action, hoping he doesn’t realize I’ve just been standing here. “All cleaned up?” he asks.
“The floor is,” I say.
“I think I have a spare shirt in the closet in my office,” he says. “It might be a bit big for you, but it’ll work for today. Why don’t you run in there and get changed so you don’t have to wear that the rest of the day.”
I nod and disappear into his office, glad for a temporary escape. I take my time. I hope Sassy gets Judd’s order. I don’t think I can face him.
He was the last person I expected to see here today. I thought he’d be avoiding this place and anywhere I might be like the plague.
And what the heck is up with the way I reacted just now? Just a moment’s glimpse into his eyes rendered me completely paralyzed for a second. I’ve never reacted to a guy’s presence like that in my entire life.
I pull the coffee-stained shirt over my head and toss it on the floor. The manager’s extra shirt is hanging on the back of the door. He was right about it being big. It’s an extra-large and it swallows me. I try to tuck it in so it looks like an actual shirt instead of a tent, but it’s hopeless.
Great. So not only did I proceed to make a complete clown of myself in front of Judd for the second day in a row, but now I also have to look like I’m drowning in white cotton for the rest of the afternoon.
Attractive.
I can’t stall in here much longer, and I really don’t want to get in any trouble. I need this job.
I grab my dirty shirt from the floor and walk into the hallway. I toss it on top of my backpack and take a deep breath, drudging up any confidence I can force to the surface before I walk out front.
Maybe he didn’t stay. Maybe he’s gone.
As soon as I come out into the main part of the cafe, my eyes flicker to the table near the window where he always sits. He’s there and my shoulders tense.
Judd has his earbuds in and is hunched over a big stack of books.
Before running into him—or running into a door—yesterday, I didn’t think I’d ever paid much attention to him. But watching him now, I realize I’ve watched him there many times before. He’s probably been in here dozens of times. Even though he always sits near the window, he always faces in toward the cafe. Most of the people who sit there choose to face out so they can watch the people walking by. The window has a great view of the quad where students play Frisbee and sit studying in the summer or walk back and forth to classes in the winter.
But it
occurs to me now Judd always sits facing in.
As if he senses me staring, he looks up. A slow smile tugs at his lips, but before I can react or do anything other than stare like a dumbass, he goes back to his books.
Sassy walks up to take his order and I feel a strange disappointment wash over me.
What the heck is wrong with me? Wasn’t I hoping she would take his order so I wouldn’t have to?
I straighten my shoulders and tear my eyes away from his table. Yes, I was hoping she would take his order. I’m sure he’s only here because he’s used to studying here. Now that I think about it, it’s close to the labs, which is where I ran into him yesterday. He probably comes here because it’s convenient. It has nothing to do with me.
For the next hour and a half, I stay as far away from his table as I can. Whenever someone comes in and sits near him, I beg Sassy to take their order. I do my best to stay behind the counter and in the kitchen for most of the afternoon.
We close early on Saturdays, and as five approaches, I keep expecting him to leave. But he stays.
And stays.
Every once in a while, I catch him watching me. And every time that happens, I end up spilling someone’s drink or knocking over the salt or tripping over a chair.
If I can’t get it together, I’m going to have demand that he leave just so I can get my work done without turning into a walking bruise. At this rate, I’ll be fired before the shift is over.
When the last table pays out and leaves, I have no choice but to move close to him and clean the table next to him. It’s my turn to close and Sassy left half an hour ago.
My heart thumps against my ribs as I approach the table. I try my best to avoid his eyes, but I can only hold off so long before the magnetic pull of him demands my attention. I glance at him for just the tiniest second.
My hand bumps the half-empty water glass on the table and it knocks over with a clatter. I scramble to catch it, but the water spills over the top and off the side of the table. I collapse into an empty chair and lean my head dramatically against the table.
“I give up,” I say.
Judd’s laughter rings out in the deserted cafe. I can’t help but laugh with him. I’ve never had a more ridiculous day in my life.
I peek over at him. God, that smile does things to my insides. It lights up his eyes like they’re full of magic.
I smile back despite myself. “You’re going to have to stop coming in here or I’m going to lose my job,” I say.
“Who? Me?” he says, looking around.
I roll my eyes. “You’re distracting.”
He wiggles his eyebrows and I lift my hands up to hide the smile that’s attacked my face.
“You’re pretty distracting yourself,” he says.
“Yeah, I’m a regular clown,” I say. “I could keep people entertained for hours with my clumsiness.”
“I wasn’t talking about your clumsiness,” he says, his voice low and his smile fading into a serious look that makes my breath catch in my throat.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you here today,” I say. “I figured after last night you’d want to avoid me for the rest of your life.”
He shakes his head. “Not a chance,” he says. “Besides, you’re the one who’s been avoiding me all afternoon.”
I stand up and start cleaning up the latest mess. I don’t know what to say to him. It’s true, but only because I thought it would be less embarrassing than having him turn me down yet again.
“Silence,” he says. “Does that mean you really have been avoiding me?”
I shrug, not wanting to meet his eyes. “Maybe.”
He turns in his chair. “Bailey, I had a great time last night,” he says. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
A tingle travels up my spine. “I acted like an idiot last night,” I say. “How can you possibly still be interested in me?”
“You were beautiful last night,” he says.
“You turned me down.”
“And it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” he says. “Trust me, it wasn’t because I didn’t want you.”
Warmth crawls up my neck and cheeks and I look away. “I was afraid I ruined everything when I asked you to take me home with you,” I say.
“You didn’t ruin anything,” he says. “I just didn’t want you to wake up in the morning and feel like you’d made a huge mistake. If I ever take you to my bed, I want it to be because you really want to be there. And I don’t want you to have any reason to regret it.”
I rest my elbow on the table and cover my mouth with my hand. I’m blushing and smiling like a little girl, and I can’t hide it. I’ve never met a guy who was so honest and direct. He doesn’t dance around the point. He just says it like it is.
“Will you go out with me?” he asks.
I bite my lower lip and look over at him. “When?”
“Now,” he says, straightening.
I shake my head and motion to my outfit. “There’s no way I can go out looking like this,” I say. “I’m wearing a freaking tent.”
“And you look hot in it.”
I roll my eyes. “Shut up.”
“I’ll just call you Barnum & Bailey,” he says, laughing. “Look what tents did for them. The Greatest Show on Earth.”
I laugh and the sound comes from way down deep inside. It’s like medicine to my poor, sad heart.
“Say yes,” he says. “I’ll take you to dinner.”
My face is all smile now. “Someplace dark and casual,” I say.
“Deal,” he says. “What time do you get off work?”
I look up at the door, then stand and turn the sign over. “Now,” I say. “Just let me clean up this last table and cash out. I’ll be less than ten minutes.”
“It’s a date,” he says.
I grab the plates and glasses off the table beside him and practically float toward the kitchen.
Chapter Eleven
Judd slings his bag over his shoulder, then reaches for my hand.
As our skin touches, I feel that same pinch of attraction deep down in my belly. We walk together across campus, and I feel like a different version of myself. I’ve spent the majority of my three years at Fairhope Coastal University as Preston’s girlfriend. Not once have I been on a date with a new guy or even so much as touched another guy besides Preston.
It feels foreign and wonderful and new all at the same time.
When I sprinted toward that door yesterday, I never could have imagined it would have brought me to this moment. It’s amazing how fast someone can enter your life and start to change everything.
Amazing and terrifying all at once.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask.
I look awful in this shirt. I can’t believe he didn’t want me to go home and change. From now on, I vow to always keep a fresh change of clothes in the bottom of my bag.
“I thought maybe we’d walk along the beach for a while,” he says. “It’s a really nice night out if you’re not too cold.”
I have my leather jacket on over my work clothes and other than cold cheeks, I feel good. I forgot to bring my gloves, but he’s doing a good job keeping one of my hands warm. I have the other shoved deep in my pocket.
“I think I’m fine for a little while,” I say. “But I am pretty hungry.”
“I’ve got that covered,” he says.
“Okay,” I say, assuming he’s going to take me to one of the many bars or restaurants near the pier.
He shocks me when he walks up to the hotdog cart on the corner at the end of the boardwalk.
“You can’t be serious?”
“What? You don’t like hotdogs? You asked for something dark and casual.” He elbows me and when I look up, his eyes are dancing in the dim light.
“I like hotdogs just fine, but I never had a guy take me out for hotdogs on a first date,” I say.
“Trust me, these are the finest dogs in town,” he says. He lifts
his head in a nod toward the guy standing behind the cart. “Hey Alex, what’s up?”
The man nods back and reaches his hand out to Judd. They give each other a sort of slap, high-five, hand-shake combo. “What’s up, my man? Who’s this gorgeous lady?”
“This is Bailey,” he says. “Bailey, this is Alex.”
I take my hand out of Judd’s so I can shake hands with the cart owner. “Nice to meet you,” I say.
He takes my hand in his and gives it a soft kiss. “My pleasure,” he says, his Spanish accent thick. “What can I get for you, my dear.”
“I’ll take a hotdog with mustard and relish,” I say. “I don’t think I’ve had one of these since I was a kid.”
“You’re kidding,” Judd says. “Hotdogs are a college staple.”
“Says you,” I tease. “And you’re a med-student? I thought you’d be eating nothing but health foods. No offense, Alex.”
“None taken,” Alex says with a laugh as he fixes my hotdog and hands it over to me.
He doesn’t ask for Judd’s order. He just pulls out two hotdogs and loads them up with chili, onions, ketchup, mustard and pickles.
Judd hands him a wad of ones and thanks him. We walk over to a wooden bench that faces out toward the shore and sit down.
“Do you know everyone around here?” I ask. He seems to relate to people easily. Something about that smile makes him very approachable and easy to like.
“Not everyone,” he says. “I just like my routines I guess.”
I take a bite of my hotdog and a dollop of mustard slides out the back and onto my jeans. I stare at it, not believing I just did that. I close my eyes and feel like giving up.
Judd laughs and pours water on his napkin, then cleans up the blob on my leg.
“I’ve never been so accident-prone in my life,” I say. “I swear to god.”
He smiles. “I believe you,” he says. “I think it’s kind of cute, though.”
“This,” I point toward my mismatched, stained outfit, “is not cute.”
A Season For Hope (A Fairhope Christmas Novella) Page 5
