by Sarah Thorn
“Connor’s gang, they just attacked us on the road,” said the conscious one, “they told me to give you a message.”
“What is it,” Buck asked.
“They said, ‘don’t mess with things that aren’t yours’”
Buck polished off his cigarette and stamped it out on the table before lighting another one. I hadn’t known Buck to chain smoke except for time when he was incredibly upset.
He stood up and loomed over the crowd. His rage was palpable, but with a glance from me, he seemed to calm down a little.
“Connor needs to pay for this. I say we ride out and beat the ever living snot out of every single one of ‘em.”
Buck reached behind the counter and pulled out a familiar shotgun.
“Buck, wait,” I said, running over to him and throwing my arms around him to try to make him stop for even a moment.
“Wait for what, he didn’t wait to start attacking us,” he said.
“Buck, you started this. You slept with the guy’s sister. Will you at least talk to the guy first, before bullets start flying?”
He grunted, and let out a puff of smoke.
“Fine,” he said, “but, I’m taking my shotgun with me.”
3.
I rode with Buck for the first time, in a long time. It was another thing that I missed about living here. The drive was long, and I didn’t mind. I got the chance to hold on to the man that I loved for a long time.
I wanted to have him pull off the road and have his way with me like he used to. But, it wasn’t the time or place for such flights of fancy. The vibration of the motorbike hit me in just the right places, and I could feel myself grinding my hips into the bike.
I think Buck noticed, but he didn’t do anything to prove it. He just gripped the choppers handlebars and carved out a path to the rival gang’s hideout.
It was probably near an hour long ride. I didn’t mind the time; I enjoyed being driven again.
The tavern we pulled up to was in much better shape than the one Buck owned. The neon sign stood prominently by the road, inviting us inside.
As we turned into the lot, we were met by several members of the rival gang. All of them brandishing a weapon of some kind, and I felt helplessly unprepared. Buck seemed unfazed by any of it as he parked in the middle of the entryway.
“Which way is that prick, Connor?” he asked.
A few of their number seemed to be preparing to attack, but a shout echoed out from the tavern.
“I’m in here,” he shouted.
The two of us pressed onward; I stayed close enough to Buck that I could smell him. Which really wasn’t that close, if I’m being honest. I wrapped my arm around his.
The inside of the bar was quite nice. The tables were mostly new, the bar was decently lit, and they even had a pool table in the back that didn’t appear to be missing any balls.
“You beat up two of my boys,” Buck started.
“And you fucked my sister,” Connor replied.
“Yeah, but she wanted it,” Buck barked out.
“I didn’t,” Connor said.
“And, what does that matter to me,” Buck asked.
“It should mean everything. I have enough guys here to wipe your small club off the map.”
Buck laughed.
“But, you wouldn’t all make it back.”
A girl walked in and sat next to Connor. I could only assume it was Gracie. She was a petite thing, and I was surprised that Buck didn’t break her in half when they slept together.
I wondered if that’s what Buck preferred now; petite women. He always seemed more interested in full-bodied women when we were together. Not that I would consider myself very busty in any way, but I still had curves. More guys liked me for my long taught legs, though; even I thought they were my best feature.
“You Gracie,” I asked the girl.
“That’s my name, now what does an old worn out hag like you want with me?” she asked spitefully.
I wanted to break her, and Buck could tell. He threw an arm in front of me and shook his head no. I understood what that meant right away, and Buck always made good on his threats.
“I’m glad I got to see the little slut that Buck spent the night with,” I said, “now I know what a broken condom looks like.”
Gracie went red in the face and dang near leaped from her seat to strangle me, if Connor hadn’t held her down.
Connor and Buck just seemed to share a laugh watching us girls duke it out. It probably did well to diffuse whatever animosity was between the two men. Still, the more I looked at Gracie, the more I could see the man Buck was. It was as though I were staring at every woman Buck had ever slept with while we were an item. It only served to make me fume.
“Tara, get your ass outside, this is between me an’ Connor. I don’t wanna listen to a shouting match between two bitch seats.”
I exhaled, trying to rid my lungs of the fire that was building. I knew Buck was right; taking his advice I marched out of the bar and took a seat on his bike.
I was interested in hearing what was going on, but a nagging feeling in the back of my head knew that Buck wouldn’t like knowing that he was being spied on. I shuffled nervously in my seat while the rest of Connor’s gang eyed me like a pack of ravenous wolves.
If anyone in Buck’s gang were to eye me like that, they’d be missing teeth and memories. Buck always made me feel safe, no matter where I was. Even now, I knew that nothing would happen. But, I didn’t want to wait too long.
The door swung wide, and Buck strode out, tucking his shirt into his pants.
“I think we figured it out,” he said.
“That’s good.”
“I’ll tell you all about it on the way back,” he added.
We plopped back into his seat, and after I returned to my usual place behind him, he took off down the road. I heard Connor shouting in the back, but paid it no mind.
Buck didn’t say anything for a while. He was a stoic man, rarely discussing matters with the gang; it was nothing new. I broke the silence after we hit the half-way point.
“Are you going to tell me what the plan is?” I asked.
He didn’t respond right away, it appeared he had not the words.
“Buck, if it’s bad news, you should tell me,” I said.
“Gracie wouldn’t let up,” he said, “so I told him I was gettin’ hitched.”
I looked at him with a puzzled and confused look. I never imagined him getting married, and even so I didn’t even know he was dating someone.
“Who are you getting’ married to,” I asked.
“You.”
I started chuckling at his obvious joke, but my humor changed when I noticed he wasn’t joining in on the laugh.
“You’re kidding, right?” I said.
“Nope,” he replied.
I was trying to piece it together in my head, but it still wasn’t making sense. I began to feel faint.
“Buck, stop the bike,” I said.
“We’re almost back-”
“Stop the bike!” I said, interrupting him.
He slowed the cycle down and pulled off in a gravel embankment. As soon as we were slow enough I jumped off the bike, doubling over while trying to catch my breath.
“You told him that we were gettin’ married,” I said calmly, trying to figure everything out.
“I told Gracie that she should stop pursuing me because I was marrying you. Connor seemed to buy it well enough. Besides, it’s not like we weren’t going to get hitched one way or another.”
I realized now that Buck thought we had the chance of not only getting back together, but he assumed we’d be married. It’s not that I wasn’t interested in him at all. I still missed all the days we spent together, and knowing the warmth of his big powerful arms. But, he hadn’t changed at all, and I didn’t want to marry him unless I was his one and only.
“Buck, I’m not marrying you,” I said.
He cocked his eye and ga
ve me a confused look.
“You’re the one that told me to use my words to solve this problem; now you won’t go through with what I decided?”
He crossed his arms and puffed out his chest. He didn’t look like he was in the mood to argue.
“Why didn’t you just apologize, or marry Gracie instead? I’m sure if you were with Gracie then you’d make an alliance with the clubs. If you want to get married so bad, why didn’t you say that?”
He laughed.
“You think I’d marry that little brat? I don’t want some alliance with his motorcycle club. There’s only one person on god’s green earth I’d marry, and you’re it. We just have to get married, Tara.”
I had a feeling that he was about as interested in getting married as I was.
“If I’m hearing you right, it sounds like you just need to be married so Connor won’t be breathing down your back, right? So we don’t have to stay together or sleep together, nothin’ like that?”
He nodded.
I bit my lip thinking about the options. Buck wouldn’t be the worst person to be married to. It only seemed fitting to be married to the man that took over my dad’s motorcycle club. And, it seems that I don’t have to stick around, either if I don’t want.
“So, if we get hitched, then we just have to keep up appearances? Then we can go our separate ways when things cool off?”
“Yep,” he replied.
I let out a drawn out sigh. He had me cornered, and I really didn’t mind.
“Okay, fine. Let’s get married,” I said.
He could tell I was reluctant, but I doubt he really cared. He embraced me in his arms, and some of my worries disappeared.
“Once this thing is all over, I’m gone,” I said while climbing back on the bike.
“Fine by me,” he said, “one less person I have to take care of.”
4.
“How long have you been engaged for,” momma asked me.
“Today makes it a week,” I replied.
“It’s nice to see you two finally getting’ together. You two were always just right,” she said.
I tried my best to hide my disdain.
“Momma, you know we’re just doing it to keep the heat off the club. Once it blows over, I’ll be taking off. Besides, we’ve both decided it would be best to keep it impersonal.”
She raised her eyebrow and shot me a look of disbelief.
“I know you two, hell he’s practically been my son since your father died. I know he’d be the perfect man to take care of you. Why don’t you just get married for real?”
I didn’t really know what to tell her. I wanted to tell her about all the women that Buck slept with while we were dating, or about all the times he had to beat someone up to prove himself the leader of the club. I’m sure she knew how brutal politics could be in a motorcycle gang.
“Ma, I know I still have feelings for the guy, but it just isn’t right. I’ve changed over the past few years, and so has he. We’re just not meant to be.”
She laughed, I didn’t.
“People always change; whether they’re in a relationship or not. Your father used to take me out for rides before he started the club. But, after we had you and settled down, he opened that bar. Then he stopped taking me out on rides. He was a different man, much more responsible in his later years.”
My mother didn’t talk about my father like that very often. It was a treat to hear her talk of the old days.
“Well, Buck and I aren’t like you and Dad-”
“Oh posh,” she interrupted, “love is something that grips your heart and doesn’t let go. You’ve loved Buck since the first time you met. And, he loved you right back just the same.”
My thoughts started to wander as we talked. I knew that deep down I wouldn’t ever stop loving the guy. He was always there for me and knew just what I needed. My heart ached to actually feel as I did when we first met; those days when we’d just ride and sleep together, and beat up anyone that got in our way.
I wanted to think that it was possible to fall out of love, but life was proving that impossible. I wondered if that was what Buck thought.
I snapped out of my daze when I heard a knock at the front door.
“Are you expecting anyone, ma?” I asked.
“I haven’t been out of bed in more than a week, how could I invite anyone over.”
I peeked out the window and saw a couple of motorcycles parked in the front lawn, ones that I didn’t recognize.
“I’ll be back in a second, Ma,” I said.
I crept up on the front door, trying to see if I heard any weapons being loaded or waiting. I’ve been shot at a couple of times, and the last place I wanted that to happen was my momma’s house.
I opened the door just a crack till I could see who was there. I didn’t recognize them in the slightest. I rested my hand on the shotgun that I always had stashed just inside the entryway.
“Who the hell are you,” I said.
He was a biker; tall and broad shouldered with a bald head and a patchy beard.
“You Tara?” he asked gruffly.
I contemplated telling him no. But, didn’t think that would really help right now.
“Yeah,” I said while gripping the shotgun tighter.
“I got a message for you.”
He held out a crumpled piece of paper and dropped it in my outstretched hand. I unfurled it as best I could so I could make out the writing.
“Tara, I don’t buy the engagement. You have one day to make good on your marriage, or I’m coming after the gang. –Connor,” read the note.
My hand shook as I finished reading the note. I wanted to respond, but the biker that dropped off the note was already riding off down the road along with a couple of his friends.
There was only one thing I could do at this point. I had to tell Buck what I just heard. He would know what to do; he always knows what to do.
5.
I arrived at the tavern, shortly after, in a panic. When I stumbled my way in I felt everyone’s eyes on me. I sought out Buck immediately and hurried to meet him.
“Buck, I got news, and it isn’t good,” I said as I handed him the note.
He took it and read, then turned it over looking for more writing.
“This it?” he said.
I was surprised by his careless demeanor. He barely batted an eye after he finished reading.
“Yeah, Buck. You know what this means, don’t you?” I asked.
“I do. It means that we have to make the marriage a real thing,” he replied coldly.
I sat on the stool and rested my head in my hands.
“I don’t think that will work, this time, Buck,” I said.
He snapped open a beer and set it down in front of me.
“I don’t take threats lying down. He’s calling our bluff, simple as that. I’m thinking I should go give him an invite to the wedding, personally.”
Buck pulled his shotgun from behind the bar. I knew what his invites were like, and they usually came at you fast.
“Buck, don’t do this,” I said putting a hand on his arm.
“I know what the note means, Tara. Whether we get married or not, he don’t care. He’s itching for a fight, just like me. I’m going to make sure that he doesn’t get the first punch,” he said.
The door flung open again, and in walked a bloody mess of a man. I ran over to him to hold him up; a couple other guys followed along.
“What happened,” I asked, “it looks like you rolled your cycle?”
The biker did his best to smile. I laid him out on a nearby table and was quickly surrounded by the rest of the gang that was there. Buck stomped over and looked the man up and down for a second.
“Two of them…” started the injured biker, “… they ran me off the road, into a ditch… then they bolted … Connor’s boys.”
“This is becoming too much of a habit,” Buck said angrily, “those bastards are going to get what’s coming
to them.”
The rest of the motorcycle club cheered. This was the start of something which I didn’t want to get involved in. I shouldn’t have come back.
“Buck, I can’t do this anymore,” I said, “I’m going home.”
Buck grabbed my shoulder with his massive hand.
“Tara, I didn’t want you goin’ anyway. Take care of your momma.”
It was the last thing I thought he’d say. When we were younger, he wouldn’t have ridden off unless I was right behind him. But, now he didn’t want me. I was hoping he would have grabbed me and forced me to come along, just like the old days. He could have, and I would have followed along with a smile.
“Goodbye, Buck,” I said.
“Goodbye, Tara.” He sighed and gave me a push toward the door.
Now that he wasn’t holding me, I felt something missing. I wanted to run back into his arms and just run away. An overpowering thought started running through my head; I thought this would be the last time I would see him.
I turned to look at him while I walked out the door. He smiled at me. It wasn’t his regular smile; it felt like he trying to say ‘goodbye and thanks for the memories.'
I steeled myself and rode home. I could do little to hide my tears anymore, and they flowed freely.
6.
I tried to take my mind off the events that were unfolding. I wanted to get on my motorcycle and join in on the chaos that was probably ensuing. Then I would see my mother, lying in bed, barely able to move.
I knew where I was needed, and it wasn’t in a warzone. Buck could handle himself; I just had to stay positive. I waited by the phone, expecting a phone call at any moment; one that would never come.
“You look nervous, Tara,” my mother said.
“There’s a lot going on right now,” I replied.
“What’s keeping you inside? You used to like going for rides when you were like this, before. Is it something that Buck did?”
I wondered if I should tell her the truth.
“No, momma, it’s nothing. Just get back to sleep,” I said in a vain attempt at assuaging her curiosity.
“I’m not stupid, Tara. You could just tell me that Buck is off doing something crazy, like beating up a rival gang.”
