She'd given plenty of herself in the past few months to see them through a rough spot. Done things she was ashamed of but never regretted. She'd thought once that Noah had wanted the same thing. She'd been embarrassed when she realized she'd been wrong. And humiliated she'd offered herself to him when bedding her had been the furthest thing from his mind.
But she wasn't so sure he didn't think of it now. Over the last several weeks, she'd caught him gazing at her numerous times. The look in his eyes as he watched her was filled with heat and the desire she saw flickering there caused his eyes to shift from gray to silver. She could almost believe he was imagining her naked in those stolen glances. And if truth be known, her pulse raced every time she caught him looking at her like that.
But those lingering looks was all he ever gave her.
As quiet as Noah was at times, his eyes told a story of their own. The pain was still there, the loneliness he'd lived with for so many years, but every once in a while, she'd glimpse a bit of hope shining in his eyes. It was such a small thing to have—hope—and it would change his life if he just believed he was worth the trouble.
If he thought he was capable of being loved.
She blinked and realized she was staring at him. Noah noticed too. He stood by the side of the wagon, his gaze locked on her, and for a reason she didn't quite understand, her breath hitched when he held his hand out to her.
He'd been helping her in and out of that wagon ever since she'd fallen out of it in town, always steadying her as she climbed up, but today when she reached his side, he settled his hands on her waist, his touch light, and Keri could only stare up at him. That heated look she'd seen so many times over the past several weeks once again burned in his gray eyes as his gaze roamed her face, then settled on her lips.
Her pulse jumped when his fingers tightened against her waist. His pupils dilated, his chest expanding as his breaths quickened and if she didn't know any better, she would swear he was going to kiss her.
Chapter Nineteen
Noah slapped the reins down, getting the horse to moving and tried to convince himself the sight of Keri didn't force all the blood in his body to head south, but every passing second in her presence told him otherwise. He couldn't get her out of his head. He couldn't look at her without remembering what she'd felt like in his arms. How her warm breath had felt against his neck.
How badly he wanted to kiss her when he'd caught her staring at him as if she'd wanted him back at the house.
His good sense prevailed when he reminded himself that just because he wanted her did not mean she felt the same way. So he'd given one last lingering look at her pink lips and put her in the wagon. Then spent the next ten minutes trying to decide if the look on her face was disappointment or relief.
The questions about her life with Robert and her husband had come from nowhere. He wasn't even sure why he asked them, especially since he'd been so rude to her when she'd asked him why he'd moved to Montana. He'd not wanted to tell her how miserable he'd been after Isabelle's rejection but today, he'd wanted to see her reaction. Wanted to see how she'd respond when faced with the same thing. To see if she found him as repulsive as Isabelle did. For some reason, he didn't think so.
A gust of wind blew snow and sleet at them, pelting their faces until Keri let out a small shriek, then laughed before trying to tuck her head inside the neck of her coat. Noah reached behind the seat, grabbed one of the blankets he kept back there for the kids to bundle up in and lifted it, trying to open it by giving it a hard shake. Keri took it, snapped it into the wind, then twirled it around her shoulders. Instead of laying it against her to ward off the cold, she held her arms up and turned her body toward him, blocking the wind-blown snow and cocooning them in a semi-warm, snow-free haven. She was so close, her knees rested against his thigh and he could smell the perfumed soap on her skin.
"Is this another blizzard blowing in?"
He glanced over at her. She was staring up at him, her blue eyes as captivating as she was. He cleared his throat and looked back at the road. "Hard to say." He looked up into the sky. The clouds were thick and gray but the snow fell in small flakes. "I guess we'll find out soon enough."
Reaching town took longer than it should have. The snow was falling harder by then and they ran into the school to collect the kids, smiling a greeting at Laurel when she saw them. Aaron and Sophie were huddled in a corner with a few other students, drawing something. Noah stood off to one side as he waited.
"I hope this snow isn't the start of another blizzard," Laurel said as she smiled up at them. "Everyone will be disappointed if we have to cancel the Christmas party. You'll be bringing the kids, won't you?"
Noah looked at Keri. He'd heard Aaron and Sophie Ann talking about the party, of the food and music, the dancing and games, and wondered if Keri would want to go. He imagined she did, and some small buried part of him wanted to take them. Wanted to see them smile and enjoy themselves. The part that preferred to stay hidden balked at the idea, but seeing Keri's eyes shine with excitement at the possibility made the decision for him. He'd bring them even if he had to sit in the wagon until time to go home. "They'll be here."
Laurel's face lit up as she smiled. "Wonderful! The children will be so excited. They weren't sure you'd be able to make it."
Aaron and Sophie finished whatever it was they were doing and raced across the room, talking on top of each other as they bundled up in their coats and gloves.
"Remember, a week from Friday at the stagecoach station," Laurel told them as they exited the school.
They hurried back to the wagon, covered the kids with one of the blankets and made it back to the house just as the snow stopped falling.
Aaron helped him unhitch the wagon and feed the animals while talking nonstop about the upcoming party. When they walked into the house, supper was waiting like it was every evening. Keri smiled at him when he entered the kitchen and heat spread through his limbs at the sight. The fact he enjoyed her smiles should have had him hunting a place for her and those kids to settle in to. Most days, the thought never entered his mind but when it did, a simple smile and her blue eyes seeking him out were all it took to convince himself that her and those kids were exactly where they needed to be.
Where he wanted them to be.
He'd lived alone for the last twelve years, cooking for himself and spending his evenings in quiet solitude. How was it a mere slip of a woman and her kids could turn his whole world around in a matter of weeks? He had no explanation for it. He avoided most everyone he came into contact with and the thought of speaking to a woman nearly choked the life out of him. He'd seen many a pretty faces. Many that, a lifetime ago, he would have pursued without thought. But not anymore.
Well, not until Keri.
Her, he spoke to, and the simple act of her doing things for him caused feelings to stir he thought long dead. Feelings he knew would have him acting like a fool in the very near future.
He sat in his chair, listening to the chatter of Aaron and Sophie Ann and watched Keri move around the room, filling plates and smiling at whatever the kids were talking about. She caught his eye, staring at him for long moments before her cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink. The fact she blushed from nothing more than a look from him left him dazed, especially when he recalled what he looked like. For the first time in years, he wished he was the man he used to be.
Setting his plate down in front of him, Keri glanced at him as she settled into her seat, those pink tinted cheeks turning darker by the second.
The joy he felt seeing her blush stirred that part of him he'd buried the day he left Charleston. He'd given up his dreams of a wife and children when Isabelle shunned him and he traveled halfway across the country to escape the pain of her rejection, resigning himself to always being alone. But Keri made him want those things again. He just wasn't sure how to go about getting them.
Chapter Twenty
The town Christmas party was an event not to be missed,
or that’s what Keri had been told every day for the last week. Aaron and Sophie Ann made sure she knew how much they wanted to go. Fear she'd change her mind at the last moment clouded their eyes with worry regardless of how much she reassured them. They wouldn't be happy until they were in that stagecoach station surrounded by food, music, and good old fashioned fun.
Getting them to school knowing they'd have to wait all day before the party made her glad she wouldn't have to sit with them while the hours ticked away. That job had been left to Laurel and Keri didn't envy her at all. She couldn't begin to imagine how rowdy those school kids would be while waiting. Laurel had laughed and said, "I'm used to rambunctious kids."
When they returned from town, Keri was surprised when Noah brought the large bathing tub into the house and sat it in the kitchen by the stove. He filled it with hot water from the stove's reservoir then hung a blanket over the doorway for privacy and asked her if she'd like a bath. She stumped her toe on the bed frame in her haste to gather her soap, clean clothes and a drying cloth, and cursed a blue streak under her breath while limping back to the kitchen. If Noah heard her he didn't say anything.
The bath eased every drop of tension she felt, the floral scented soap making her feel pretty despite her skinny frame and chopped off hair. She washed it, working a lather through the curls, and did it all over again before climbing out and dressing in the pink and white work dress she owned.
The moment she sat down by the fire to dry her hair, Noah grabbed a stack of clothing off the side of the desk and walked into the kitchen, pulling the curtain closed behind him and the sound of splashing water stunned Keri so much, she could do nothing but stare at that blanket covering the doorway. When he finally stepped back around the curtain long minutes later in clean clothes, his hair wet and lying across his shoulders, she barely recognized him. She stared until she realized he was talking to her. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
He shifted on his feet, his chest lifting as he inhaled a deep breath. "I asked if you would mind cutting my hair."
His voice was pitched so low, Keri barely heard him. But hear him she did. He wanted her to cut his hair. She was standing without even realizing she'd moved, a twinge of anticipation causing her pulse to leap. "I don't mind," she finally said, realizing he was still waiting for an answer.
Noah nodded, then turned and grabbed a chair out of the kitchen and sat it near the fire. He collected a comb and a pair of scissors and handed them both to her before sitting down.
Keri spent the next ten minutes combing the tangles out of his hair. The strands were long, the ends falling way past his shoulder blades and once it was gnarl free, she ran her fingers through it, amazed he was allowing her to groom him.
"Any preference to length?"
He didn't answer right away but eventually said, "Whatever you think."
Keri cut the length to lie against his shoulders. He'd been hiding behind that hair for so long, she imagined cutting it too short would have him hiding out in the cabin until it grew back. At least with a little length he'd feel like he could still hide. Not that he needed to.
She thinned it by half, ran her fingers through it as it slowly dried, and could only stare as she stepped around him. As unruly as his hair had been, the dark strands now fell smoothly around his face. For some reason, he didn't look quite as intimidating without that wild mane of knots and gnarls sticking about his head. He looked as tame as his hair did.
His beard was still three years too long, though. She smiled and locked eyes with him. "What about this?" she said, raising a hand and tugging at the facial hair. "A good trim wouldn't be a bad idea."
A flash of panic sprang into his eyes and she saw a vein on his temple thump against his skin as his pulse raced. She could almost see the reasons to leave that beard flash across his brain, the same reasons he'd probably clung to when growing it so long to begin with.
He met her gaze and held it until the air around them seemed to go still.
Keri felt his panic as she looked into his eyes. Saw his fear at being so exposed. "You've no reason to hide, Noah." She smiled at him and saw a flicker of hope blaze in his eyes. "Besides, what good is a fancy new haircut if you let this bushy thing distract people from even noticing?"
He drummed a finger against his leg, those blasted gloves still encasing his hands. She'd have to work on getting those off too now that he seemed to be coming out of whatever shell he'd been hiding in. Whatever he was hiding under that leather couldn't be so bad as to never remove them.
His nod was so slight, she barely caught it. "Is that a yes?"
"Yes."
The word was whispered but Keri took it as a good sign. She grabbed the drying cloth he'd used on his hair and laid it across the front of his chest, draping the ends over his shoulders. "Hold the front of this."
With the cloth underneath him to catch the hair she snipped away, Keri bent slightly and started cutting. Noah shut his eyes with the first clip. Getting as close to his face as she could, she cut at that scraggly beard until she could make out the shape of his jaw and the curve of his chin. Until she could see how perfectly his lips were formed.
Keri combed and clipped his beard until it was shorn close to his face. She made the last cut and didn't realize she was holding her breath until her lungs started to burn. She looked down at his face, at the smooth lines he'd hidden for so long and felt her heart flutter as she stared at him. Noah Lloyd had been hiding a handsome man underneath all that hair.
She took the ends of the cloth from him, folding it so none of the hair would slip out and set it, and the scissors and comb aside then turned back to face him. The scar he'd tried to hide ended just under his chin. The crooked, white line cut a slash down the length of his face. She could only imagine what it had looked like right after it had been done. How it looked when Isabelle saw it.
The puckered skin was white now, its zig-zag pattern over his cheek noticeable, but not as hideous as he makes it out to be. His Isabelle must have ripped his heart in two. Life was passing him by while he let the actions of some silly girl who should have loved him enough to comfort him, not turn away in disgust, force him into seclusion.
She raised a hand, tracing the path of it from his eye down. He grabbed her hand, stilled her movements, and whispered, "Don't."
More than twelve years had passed since he was hurt and the emotional pain was still there. Keri could see it in the lines of his face. Rubbing her thumb across his cheek, she said, "It's just a scar, Noah. A minor imperfection. It doesn't define who you are."
* * * *
Her soft spoken words tore a hole in his heart. How could she act as if it made no difference? Isabelle had cried when she saw him, shook her head as if to deny what she was seeing. Begged him to have someone fix it. But there was nothing to fix. His face was ruined, his body riddled with scars that made the one on his face seem like such an insignificant thing.
But Keri wasn't flinching or looking away, instead, she was touching him, her fingers warm and soft against his face. A mere caress.
As nice as it felt to have her touch him, he'd never felt so exposed in his life. Fully clothed he felt naked, as if the entire town of Willow Creek was sitting there in his cabin laughing at the town monster who thought he was good enough for someone to love. He kept his eyes closed, not able to bear the pity he knew he'd see if he looked up at her.
Her thumb slid across his cheek again, the small touch leaving a trail of fire behind it. She moved closer, stepping between his legs until the heat from her body warmed him, the scent of that floral scented soap that lingered on her skin filling his senses.
A fluttering touch against his lip forced his eyes open. Keri traced the outer edges with the tip of one finger. The look on her face was his undoing. The disgust he'd seen cross Isabelle's features wasn't present as Keri looked at him.
The fear of rejection he'd lived with since Isabelle turned her back on him shattered as he looked up at Keri, desire shining s
o brightly in her beautiful eyes his body jolted, his pulse leaping and dancing under his skin.
She ran soft fingers over his face, smoothed both of her hands over his bristled jaw and looked up, her heart shining in her eyes. "You've no reason to ever hide, Noah." She cupped his face in her hands, her thumbs grazing his cheeks.
Then she kissed him.
His entire body clenched tight at the first touch of her soft lips, the air was sucked from his lungs and he sat there unmoving as she sealed her mouth over his, her tongue darting out to tease his bottom lip. He hardened in an instant, ached to have her with a craving so fierce it burned over every inch of his flesh.
He grabbed her, pulled her flush against him, and slid his tongue inside her mouth, tasting her sweetness as her arms wove around his neck.
Good God, how had he lived so long without the simple pleasure of a kiss? She felt so good, tasted as sweet as the finest wine, and caused his body to pulse with need. Threading his fingers into her hair, he angled her head the way he wanted and used his other arm to pull her flush against him.
She moaned deep in her throat, the sound vibrating through his body as her fingers dug into his scalp, her hold bordering on pain, and it still wasn't close enough. He wanted to feel her against his skin, to drown in the scent of her. To end the agonizing yearning to sink into a soft, willing woman.
His hands spanned her waist, sliding up her ribs to the underside of her breasts. He wanted to touch her, to cup them in his hands, to feel them against his palms.
He needed to stop before he wasn't able to.
Grabbing her arms, he broke the kiss, pushed her away from him and stood, knocking the chair over in his haste.
They were both breathing heavily, Keri's lips swollen and plump, her gaze darting over his face. "What's wrong?"
Hell's fire. She was flushed pink, her eyes wide and luminous and every harsh breath she took raised her chest, drawing his gaze to those breasts he wanted to see and touch. He groaned, his erection throbbing at the sight of her nipples pebbled and poking against the material. The pain in his groin cleared his head enough to turn and head for the door. He had to get away from her.
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