Guessing why our phones suddenly became so busy, I didn’t offer to help. Better to face the music and get it over with.
“What’s going on?” I asked, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach already suggesting the answer.
“We’ve got some new data,” Daniel said. “To be blunt, it’s not good.”
“Your little show in the park may have sunk this campaign,” Erica said.
With a sigh, I sank into a chair at the end of the table. “What are you talking about?”
“We’ve been polling all morning,” he said, “and your numbers are sinking like the Titanic. How could you do this?”
“I didn’t do it to hurt the campaign,” I snapped. “Finally, after weeks of acting like a of dress-up doll, I took ten minutes to enjoy myself.”
“I hope it was worth it,” Erica said.
“It might have been, if you’d gone away like I told you.”
“Sorry, Melody, but you can’t fire Erica,” Daniel said.
“I told her that.” She glared daggers at me.
“Shut up,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Ladies!” The sharpness in Daniel’s voice hit me like ice water. Things were worse than I thought. “Erica, you’re here to help Melody. If you’re just going to antagonize her, go home. We can figure out how to fix things later. Melody, I know you didn’t want to change your image, but Erica and I can help you win. Please, let us do our jobs.”
The plaintive tone in his voice punched me in the gut. He was right. If I wasn’t going to listen to my advisors, I was wasting my time. I might as well go home and start applying for new jobs, because Curtis would walk away with the election without trying.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “It was mostly dark, there was no one around. I had no idea anyone could see me. I just needed to blow off some steam.”
“People are always watching you,” Erica said. “Curtis has been pissed since the moment you filed. He expected to walk into this position without breaking a sweat, and you took that away from him. Now he’s looking for anything to make you look bad that won’t be traced back to him. Which means no one is just a random jogger. Assume everyone you meet on the street may have been hired by the other side.”
“Wow, that’s paranoid.”
“That’s politics.”
“How bleak.”
“Hold on. We’re getting ahead of ourselves,” Daniel said. “Let’s look at the numbers. Hard data, not accusations.”
“I’m not making accusations, I’m providing information Melody needs,” Erica said. “She’s clueless about all this.”
“That’s enough finger-pointing for now.” He stepped between us, forcing us to take a step back. “It doesn’t matter whose fault this is. We need to fix it.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“The good news is, you’re up twenty-seven points with college-aged men and men over sixty-five.” His lips twitched. “I mean, you do have some mad skills. Those pictures are—” He caught Erica’s deathly stare and shook his head. “Never mind.”
At least one of us found this amusing. It wasn’t exactly breaking news that oversexed college boys and old men were turned on by a woman dancing on a pole. If anything, I’d have expected the numbers to be higher. I rolled my eyes, ignoring the flicker of hope that ignited at Daniel’s comment. Now wasn’t the time to discuss any skills I wanted to show him.
“What’s the bad news?” I asked, hoping to get my mind back on track.
“The largest college in our district is a women’s school. You polled fairly well with self-identified lesbians and bisexuals, but it’s a small percentage of the total student body.” I groaned, holding my head in my hands. “Still, thirty-seven percent of the women at Skidmore said they thought what you did looked ‘cool’, and they wish they had the upper body strength to try it.
“You’ve gone up eleven points with blue-collar men since the story went live. That helps with the northern part of the district. Unfortunately, you’re down twelve points with women over twenty-three, and forty points with voters who identify as religious.”
With each word, I wanted to cry more. “Is there any silver lining here?”
“Well, if you lose and open your own studio, you may get a lot of eighteen to twenty-three-year-old men traveling from Albany to take classes. The college students will be lined up around the block.”
“That would be excellent news if losing the election didn’t also mean Curtis would pass laws preventing me from working.”
“Touché,” Daniel said. “That’s not the only problem. A lot of people who support you aren’t planning to vote. It’s tough to get college kids to the polls, especially for a non-Presidential election. We were always expecting low turnout, but Curtis gave a speech this morning on role models and ‘appropriate conduct.’ He was already slightly ahead as a known commodity, and now he’s up close to nine points.”
My heart sank. I needed to overcome a nine-point gap in just a few weeks. All because people didn’t like something I did that had nothing to do with my politics. This world was bananas.
Erica said, “You’ll have to issue a formal apology for trespassing and inappropriate public behavior.”
My jaw clenched involuntarily. Inappropriate, my ass. “I’m willing to acknowledge that I shouldn’t have been in the park after it closed.”
Daniel leaned forward and placed one hand on my arm. I ignored the fireworks that shot down to the tips of my fingers. “Erica, issue an official statement from the campaign, apologizing for the incident and promising a donation to the City Parks Department.”
She shot me a triumphant look that made me seethe even more. “Do you want to review the apology before I send it out?”
“I don’t need to see it,” Daniel said. “I trust you. You know what to do.”
Unlike me. I didn’t know what to do. All I did was ruin the campaign. They didn’t trust me to help fix it. Daniel didn’t believe in me. No one believed I could do this.
Blinking back frustrated tears, I rose to my feet. “Well, then, I guess you don’t need me. I’m just the screw-up candidate.”
As I stalked toward the door, Daniel called my name, but I ignored him. He didn’t follow. Erica spoke in such a low voice I couldn’t make out her words. It didn’t matter.
I needed a way to fix things, to figure out how to fight back. I had too much at stake.
CHAPTER 20
Angel: When you go into your climb, push off the ground with your foot to make the pole spin. Then, arc your left arm over your head, push your body through, right arm first, and spin.
- Push and Pole Fitness Tutorials, Vol. 2
After that, Daniel moved Erica from image consultant to Communications Director. That may or may not have meant they gave up on me as a lost cause. It probably included a raise. Her job didn’t change much. She’d already been changing my look, handling press inquiries, and assisting with public appearances. Now she wrote speeches and stopped critiquing my outfits (most of which she’d picked out, anyway). As long as she left me alone, I didn’t care if Daniel called her the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
After a couple of days, things largely died down, although Jerry kept posting old clips of the videos I’d done before that one went viral and changed everything. No idea how he found them, since they’d all been taken down after Curtis got the injunction. Guess it’s true what they say: the internet really is forever.
Daniel didn’t mention our kiss, and neither did I. We seemed to have reached an unspoken agreement to forget it ever happened. Or at least to focus on the campaign for now. I called Lana, cried on her shoulder for about fifteen minutes, and then forced myself to let him go. With so many eyes on me right now, I just couldn’t risk getting involved with my campaign manager. There was too much at stake. If it was meant to be, we’d figure something out when the time was right.
Every time another video appeared
on the newspaper’s website, I dropped another point and a half in the polls among those who planned to vote, rose three points among those who didn’t. When each story broke, I half-heartedly suggested to Daniel we abandon all our plans and go beg the college kids to come out and vote since they liked me. But there weren’t nearly enough of them. Most still used their parents’ homes as their legal residences—and their registered voter addresses. The registration deadline was long gone. Only the commuter students would be part of the special election.
Late one afternoon, I was on the phone with a potential voter when a wave of sneezes hit. “Are you—achoo!—planning to—achoo!—vote in the special—achoo!—election?”
“Is everything okay? You know, you shouldn’t be at work if you’re sick. You could infect others.”
Sniffling, I took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry about that. No, I’m not sick. There must be some dust in the air.”
Weird that I would get a sudden attack, though. Usually I wasn’t terribly sensitive to dust or anything—achoo!
Appearing out of nowhere, Daniel handed me a tissue and took the phone out of my hand. “Thank you for your support, Mr. Upshaw. We’ll have to call you back.”
Another wave of sneezes hit me. When it subsided, my nose was streaming, and I could barely see. I grabbed for my water bottle to clear my throat, but it did nothing.
“Mel, if you’re sick, go home,” Daniel said. “There’s a lot to do before the election, and not a lot of time.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry.” I sneezed again. “I don’t know what’s come over me. It’s almost like—”
Erica stepped into view behind me, carrying a small white poodle under her arm.
“—someone brought a dog into the office.”
“Oh, dear.” Maybe the lack of oxygen reaching my brain made me overly sensitive, but it sounded an awful lot like Erica was feigning concern for my well-being. “Are you allergic to dogs?”
I nodded. When she didn’t move, I tried to force words out between sneezes. “Can you—achoo!—take that—achoo!—outside?”
“Princess Sofia Sassypants is not a ‘that,’ she’s a she,” Erica said snidely.
“You named a dog?—achoo!” Never mind. This conversation could wait until I regained the ability to breathe.
Finally realizing that I wasn’t putting on a show, Erica led the dog over to Jade while I stumbled into the bathroom to blow my nose about six hundred times and wash my face repeatedly. A few splashes of cold water helped me feel better until I looked up at the mirror. Even my mom wouldn’t recognize me. My face was bright purple, eyes swollen nearly shut.
But at least I could breathe. Cracking the door open, I peeked out. Erica still stood by my desk, talking to Daniel, but the dog was nowhere to be seen. Jade must’ve taken her outside. I hoped she wanted to spend her afternoon with a puppy, because Princess Sofia Sassypants couldn’t stay in our office another minute.
“Sorry about that,” I said when I returned. “I guess I should’ve mentioned at some point that I’m allergic to dogs.”
“You’re going to have to get shots,” Erica said.
“What if you just don’t bring your dog to work?” I shot back.
“Princess Sofia Sassypants isn’t my dog, she’s yours,” Erica said.
“Excuse me?”
“I got you a dog,” Erica repeated, as slowly as if speaking to a young child. “Poll results so far suggest that some people think you’re a bit stiff, severe. People were having trouble relating to you.”
Perhaps my ears were still clogged, but it sounded an awful lot like my Communications Director was telling me that I’d done too good a job of burying my real personality, on the advice of my image consultant—which was her—and that, as a result, people didn’t want to vote for me. Because I was too good a robot.
Oh, the irony of it all.
“So you got me a dog? Without asking.”
Daniel spoke up. “You know, I wouldn’t have thought of it, but this is perfect. Did you know that almost every U.S. President in history has had a dog? People love dogs. When someone has a dog, it makes them more relatable.”
“That’s beside the point. I’m allergic.”
“Right. Not perfect. Sorry, I didn’t know.”
“No reason you should have,” I assured him.
“We’ll come up with something else,” he said.
“No need.” Erica didn’t seem the least bit concerned that her plan was a bust. “As I said, they have shots. Princess Sofia Sassypants is perfect. Not only is she adorable, but she’s sympathetic. When people see a woman who loves a three-legged dog, they instantly identify with her.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Please tell me that you did not maim a dog to make people like me better. Please.”
Daniel snorted, but he shifted his feet as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer to my question.
“Don’t be ridiculous! I’ve got a friend who works at an animal shelter, and I lucked out. Princess Sofia Sassypants is fully housebroken. You can take her to events with you. The purse was found with her, and they let me have it for a steal. After all, she fits perfectly.”
Of course she did. Lana’s voice rang in my ears. Don’t let them make the election about you. It needs to be about the issues. Also, I didn’t want a dog.
“Erica, if Melody is allergic, this isn’t going to work. You should have asked her before getting her a dog.”
“It’s too late now. Princess Sofia Sassypants needs a home.”
“She can’t come with me,” I said. “Even if I weren’t allergic, my condo doesn’t allow them.”
Erica waved one hand. “That’s not a problem. Emotional support animals are exempt from no pets’ restrictions under the Fair Housing Act.”
This was beyond ridiculous. I put my hands on my hips and glared at her. “You want me to tell people that I need an emotional support animal to help them relate to me better? You’re standing here telling me to commit a fraud on the people I want to represent as an elected official?”
“Of course not,” she snapped. “Obviously, having a dog would benefit you emotionally. Studies find that pets are extremely beneficial to a person’s mental health.”
“Except for the tiny issue where I can’t breathe when I’m within ten feet of one.”
“Okay, fine, we’ll do something else. Maybe you could donate her.”
Daniel and I exchanged a glance. Maybe Erica had been working too hard. “What kind of place takes animal donations?”
She threw up her arms. “I don’t know, the SPCA? Do I have to think of everything?”
“No,” I said quickly. I couldn’t have a dog, but sending her back to the shelter didn’t seem like the answer. “No, you definitely don’t need to handle this more. Thanks for the dog, Erica. I’ll work something out.”
“You know what? I’ll take her for now,” Daniel said. “I love dogs, and I have a big fenced-in yard where she can run around. We’ll find a permanent solution later.”
Instantly, I relaxed. It felt good to remember that he was on my side. “Thank you so much. I really wish I could, but there’s no way.”
“It’s no problem.”
Daniel went outside to relieve Jade from doggie duty. Through the window, I watched him crouch down as Princess Sofia Sassypants sniffed his face. She licked his mouth, and he laughed. The princess jumped onto her back legs, hopping up and down. She really was an adorable little thing, with her curly white fur and pointy little ears. Too bad I could barely see her with my eyes still swollen to slits.
I couldn’t believe this was my life now. All because my stupid ex burst into my condo uninvited at the worst possible moment. If I hadn’t fallen off that pole, about eleven people would have watched that promo video. With my whole heart, I wished I’d never met Gary.
Unfortunately, wishing wasn’t going to help me breathe. Antihistamines would. After a quick trip
down the street to buy some allergy medication, I felt largely human again. By the end of the day, my sinuses had almost returned to normal, and Daniel had made a new best friend.
Things at campaign headquarters became more strained. Erica did her job, but her growing disdain made me wonder just how much she made that she was willing to stick around. She’d clearly be happier working anywhere else.
CHAPTER 21
Flatline: To start, do a basic climb. Sit with the pole clamped between your thighs and your legs extended in front of you. Lean backwards, pushing outward against the pole below your body. Remove your top arm from the pole, extending it over your head.
- Push and Pole Fitness Tutorials, Vol. 2
Days turned to weeks until finally, we made it to the Thursday before the election. Daniel and I hadn’t kissed again. The playground incident cooled things between us. Yes, I’d given in to temptation. But it had been a rough and stressful few weeks; I deserved a chance to blow off some steam. Hopefully we could have a long talk once this was all over. Maybe go out for coffee.
We’d reached the home stretch. The final leg of the campaign—which meant, the time had come to face off against Curtis in a debate. This event could change everything. If Curtis attacked me personally, attacked my morals, it would be hard to keep my cool. I’d been practicing, but it wasn’t easy.
Lana’s voice rang in my head: Don’t let them change the conversation. Keep it about the issues, not you.
I didn’t just get dressed, I armed for battle.
Even without my seven-inch platforms, I’d tower over my nemesis. My perfectly-applied, extremely natural-looking make-up gave me the strength of armor. Thank you, YouTube. I wore the most expensive suit Erica picked out for me with a red silk top just peeking out through the buttons. Robyn returned to the scene of the crime to fix my hair. Since she’d given me extensions, I didn’t have to worry about more helmet head. Instead, she gave me a severe up-do that rivaled Erica’s. A few well-placed tendrils softened the look, made it more me. Precisely what I asked for.
Poll Dancer Page 13
