by Silla Webb
My lungs grow tight and I realize I’ve been holding my breath as I stare back at the reflection. Turning away from the mirror I start a hot bath to soothe my tender body. Sinking down into the scolding hot water I hug myself tightly, consumed with self-pity.
Where did the strong Savannah Simon escape to? What kind of monster did you marry? You’ve always tried to be the good wife, catering to his every beckon call. But you fall short of his desire for perfection.
For seven years Josh has wounded and battered me; but never have I been defiled like I was last night. Shame devours me as the memory of Josh raping me replays in my mind. Agonizing cries echo through the bathroom and I whisper a prayer to God Almighty to save me from this wreckage.
When the water turns cold, I climb out of the bath and dry off slowly. I pull on fleece pajamas then trudge my sore body downstairs. The house is quiet. Josh must have taken the kids to school when he went to work. I go into the kitchen and put a kettle of water on the stove to boil for some hot tea. I hear a buzzing noise and turn around to see my cell phone dancing across the countertop. I pick up the phone just as the ringing stops, missing a call from Carly. My finger hovers over her number, but she’ll know something’s wrong the minute she hears my voice.
The kettle whistles, startling me and I clutch my chest in fear. I drop a tea bag in the cup then fill it with the scolding water before adding honey and sugar. Sitting at the island, I browse through my emails then check the local news website. The back door slams shut and I still. I can feel his presence without seeing him. Heavy thuds pound across the floor and the closer he gets, the harder my heart slams against my ribs.
“Mornin’.” Walking around the counter he pours a cup of coffee then pulls a barstool from beneath the island.
“Hi,” I mutter, keeping my head down, not daring to make eye contact with him. He shakes the newspaper, loosening the creases and I flinch at the sound. Any sudden move he makes puts me on edge; I never know what will set him off. And after last night I can’t endure any more.
I sip my tea quietly browsing online as he reads the newspaper. “How do you feel this mornin’?” He chuckles behind the newspaper. He asks me this every morning after beating the shit right out of me, an evil sneer proudly present on his face. I hate the high he gets from my pain. It disgusts me.
“I’m well, and you?” I reply quietly.
He folds the newspaper neatly, placing it on the counter. He braces his forearms on the counter, resting his chin on his fists. “Savannah Marie, do you have so little respect for your husband that you won’t even look me in the eyes when I’m speakin’ to you?” My eyes flutter up slowly, meeting his gaze. I hate letting him see my fear.
“I’m sorry.”
“Learn some respect Savannah. Just then, I might not have to raise my hand to you.” He smirks and a flash of fire lights up his eyes as his catches my quivering lip. Those aren’t the same brown eyes I fell in love with. At one time, Josh could flash a beaming smile my way bringing me to my knees. I was putty in his hands, fawning at his feet. But as the mask slipped away and the ugliness began to show through, my heart started to harden, protecting myself from feeling anything for Josh.
“I-I’m not perfect, Josh. I try to be a good wife and momma, but no matter how hard I try, it’s never enough.”
“A good momma doesn’t keep her kids out late on school nights. A good wife doesn’t come draggin’ in, reekin’ of another man’s scent, Savannah.”
“I tried to explain that to you last night, Josh.”
“You did, but I don’t believe your bullshit.”
“I thought you loved me, but now I don’t think you are even capable of loving anyone.”
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions, Savannah. I thought I loved you once, but wicked souls can’t love pure hearts.”
I sit up a little straighter finding just a hint of strength. “And no good deed goes unpunished, right? I’ve loved you whole-heartedly for ten years. But with each passing day I grow more and more empty. I shouldn’t be terrified in my own home. I shouldn’t have to lie to my children about the bruises.” My voice shakes as I speak and my eyes well up with tears, but I refuse to let him see me cry. “I know you hate me, I’m reminded every time I look in the mirror. The scars are too deep now, Josh. You’re killing me slowly. My existence fades each time you lash at me. If you hate me so badly, please, just leave me.”
His body grows rigid and his eyes grow dark as he glares at me. “You remember this, Savannah. You belong to me. Our marriage ain’t perfect, but until you breathe your final breathe YOU. ARE. MINE.” He seethes as his palms the counter getting closer to my face. “If you try to leave me, death won’t come so easily.” He threatens, rage pouring from his veins. He kicks the barstool back as he storms passed me.
“Hey baby, you ever seen the inside of an old abandoned mines?” He says as he halts in the doorway, the corner of his lips twitching slowly. I shake my head from side to side slowly. “Come in my fuckin’ house smellin’ like a whore again and it’ll be the last fuckin’ thing you ever see.”
Chapter 22
I moved into Colton’s house permanently last weekend. The move took one truck load; just a chest, dresser and a few suitcases filled with my clothes. Heidi Jo was almost as ecstatic as Colton was when I moved in. Completing the transition, we decided that Heidi Jo only needs to stay with Emma in case of an emergency or just when she wants to. I’ve adjusted my hours at the mines to nine to two, allowing plenty of time to get Heidi Jo off to school in the mornings and to pick her up in the evenings.
Of course with us all under one roof, the Great Inquisition of Heidi Jo Weston began. Random questions would fall from her lips and just when I would think she was appeased sending her on her merry little way, she’d only return an hour later with more questions.
“Where is that little baby gonna sleep?” She asks with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot impatiently against the ceramic floors as I load the dishes in the dishwasher.
“In a crib, sweets.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know that but what room? Does it have to share a room with me? Kaitlyn has a baby brother and she said he wakes her up with his cries all night long. We can’t be havin’ that here, Carly Jo. I have to have my beauty sleep, ya know.”
I turn my head to hide the laughter that bubbles up in my chest, but she doesn’t relent. Stomping her foot she demands her answer, “well out with it, already. Where’s that little baby gonna sleep?”
“Heidi Jo Weston are ya in here givin’ Carly Jo lip again, little girl?” Colton asks, swooping her up in his arms, tossing her over his shoulder.
“Daddy, it’s a simple question and ain’t anybody wants to answer it.”
“The little monkey is gonna sleep in our room for a little while, princess because it’ll be too little to sleep in a room all on its own.” He tells her flipping her upside down, her hair sweeps the floor as he swings her from side to side. Setting her firmly on her feet, she rolls her eyes up at him, stomping off into the living room.
She turns mid stride, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration. “Well does it have to be a smelly little boy? I mean, I’ll love it just the same, but I can’t play dress up with a little boy, Daddy.”
Colton looks at me for help, but I just shrug my shoulders. It obvious all of the sudden changes are confusing to Heidi Jo and attention is what she needs. He winks at me and yells into the living room to her, “Princess, you wanna go for some ice cream?”
Without a word she runs down the hall to grab a pair of flip flops. Colton wraps his arms around my shoulders, kissing my neck then mutters, “Lord, help us when she’s a teenager if she’s got this much sass now.”
“Yeah, you just remember you created that little Diva’s personality. So you leave my little monkey alone because Heidi Jo has enough sass for the both of them.” I tell him with a deadpan glare and he doesn’t even argue because God knows as sure as I’m standing here it’s
the truth.
“I’m ready, Daddy!” She shouts running into the living room.
“You’re comin’ too, right?” He asks, locking his arms tighter around me, swaying on his feet. I turn around to face him nestling my face against his chest, dragging in his ocean scent with a deep inhale.
“I think she needs a daddy date. Just surprise me with a treat and you guys have fun.”
“Oh, I’ll have a treat ready for ya when we get the princess to bed tonight; you can bet your sweet ass on that, darlin’.” I swat at his chest, shoving him backwards as I stifle my laughter. He pulls me back stealing a kiss before heading out to the ice cream shop with Heidi Jo.
While they’re out, I straighten up the house and fold laundry. I hear my cell phone vibrating against the end table, so I check to make sure it ain’t Colton.
Luke: Just saw Colton in town. Congrats Bride to Be. Lunch soon.
Me: Thanks Luke. (((hugs)))
Luke: BTW, how’s Savannah?
Me: Not sure, haven’t talked to her since our get together.
Luke: Let me know when Colton gets home.
Me: Ergh, why?
Luke: Just do it, beauts.
Me: Whatever jackass. :P
I drop my phone on the couch and head back towards the laundry room, but turn back suddenly for my phone. I scroll through my contact list searching for Savannah’s number. She hasn’t answered any of my calls in nearly two weeks and although I’m sure it will just go to voicemail, I click CALL anyways. The call rings twice before a mousy voice answers, “Hello?”
“Sis? Are ya outta hidin’?” I joke.
“Sorry, haven’t felt much like talking.” She states coldly.
“Everything okay, Savannah? I’ve called you dozens of times and you never answer.”
“Everything is great. I just stay busy with the kids, Carly. You’ll understand soon enough.” She sputters and I imagine her rolling her eyes.
“Well, the baby’s not due til September, but I got a head start. Colton and I are engaged!” I say, my voice bubbling with excitement. I hear a loud huff of air, then silence. “Savannah?”
“Oh congratu-freakin-lations! Heavens knows if good fortune will come to anyone it will be perfect little Carly.” She snarls indignantly. Anger is a side of Savannah that is rarely seen. Taken aback by her comment, I bite my tongue. She’s been strangely quiet lately and I can tell something is festering under her skin.
“Thanks, Savannah. I know you mean that from the bottom of your heart. Colton and Heidi Jo just pulled in the driveway. Call me when things settle down and maybe we can meet up for lunch. Kiss the kids for me, love ya Sis.” I lie, ending the call.
“Yeah, yeah, love you t-,” the line fills with an airy silence.
Savannah’s reaction hurt. She is the last person I expected to be upset over my happiness. Perfect little Carly? She always called me that when we were younger anytime she was jealous of me. We both worked hard in school and did our best to make Daddy proud, but everything always came easier to me. I was the brains, naturally where Savannah had to work harder for her grades. It apparently paid off because she is a nurse by profession, but she chose to spend her life as a stay at home momma, not wanting to miss a moment of Brailee and Braden’s childhood.
Pushing her hurtful comment aside, I carry on with my chores and a short while later Colton and Heidi Jo come through the front door. Heidi Jo is smiling adorably. An ice cream date with her daddy was obviously just want she needed. Colton puts a Styrofoam container in the refrigerator then kisses me on the cheek.
“Saw Luke in town, twice actually. Guess he wants to talk with you, so he’ll be by after while.”
“Yeah, he texted me.” I shrug.
“What’s he wantin’ to talk ‘bout?” He asks following me into the living room.
I pick up the throw blanket off the edge of the couch, folding it neatly and placing it in the chest. “He’s mentioned a few times that he needs to talk to me about Savannah.”
“Savannah?” He asks, cockin’ his head to the side and I nod confirming his confusion. “Carly, does Luke realize that Savannah is married and has kids?”
“I don’t think it’s anything like that, Colton. I guess we’ll find out when he gets here though.” I fluff the couch cushions finalizing the living room chores. “I’ll get Heidi Jo ready for a shower. Let me know when Luke gets here.”
I pull Heidi Jo’s pajamas from the dresser, then pad off to the bathroom to start the shower. I tell her to holler for me if she needs help washing her hair, then go into her room to change her bed linens.
Worry for Savannah fills my veins. We spend time together when we can but to say that I’m actively involved in her life, meaning I know more than most would be a lie. I see two sides of Savannah. When we are together, she is her usual jovial self, rambling endlessly about all of the joys in her life. But to call her or to visit her home, she seems nervous and disconnected. I think she isn’t sure how to be herself around me and her husband, Josh.
I clean Heidi Jo’s room mindlessly as a distraction from my thoughts, but there is something with Savannah that I’m missing, and I just can’t put my finger on it. It all comes back to Josh.
I remember meeting Josh Moore for the first time and I can honestly say I hated him the moment I laid eyes on him. Daddy had just died and although he didn’t have the respect to show up for the funeral, just when Savannah needed his support and strength the most; you can bet your sweet ass he was at the reading of the will. He strutted into the conference room of James McCoys’ office with a nasty scowl splayed across his face. Savannah was eager to introduce me to her husband, the proud little wife that she is. I extended my hand saying nice to meet you; proper and kind as my momma taught me. The bastard seriously glanced out of the corner of his eyes, nodded his head then propped his feet up on the table as he leaned back in the chair. I had to inhale a deep breath and remember my surroundings to keep from knocking his big, cocky ass out of the frickin’ chair! Pompous ass.
The doorbell rings and I jump from my thoughts dropping the books in my hands. I shove them on the bookshelf, then walk through the hallway into the living room to find Colton and Luke taking a seat on the couch, whispering quietly. Heidi Jo follows me into the living room, her long brown curls dripping of water down the back of her pajama top.
Colton looks up at me with a frown, a deep furrow set between his brows. Damn, he’s jealous of Luke, still? He glances over to Heidi Jo then pounces to his feet.
“Princess, let’s get your hair dried and get you in bed.” He stops by my side, and glares at me intensely as he trails his finger across my chin. “Love you, darlin’. I’ll be back in ten minutes.” He stomps past me, taking Heidi Jo by the hand.
The dreadful, pained look on Luke’s face stills me in my stance. Whatever he wants to tell me ain’t good. He pats the cushion beside him and I have to will my feet to move. I give Luke a one armed hug as I sit and smile inwardly at the warmth that blankets over me. His face expresses sadness but the man is always warm and welcoming, regardless of the pain he carries. He glances down at my rounded belly and the gleaming smile that I love tips up on his lips.
“Beauts, you’re as beautiful as ever.”
“Thank you, Luke. So what did you want to talk to me about?” I twist my hands nervously in my lap. Luke reaches over and laces our fingers together, resting them on his knee. He exhales a long pent up breath and his smile fades. He swallows harshly past the lump in his throat and looks down at our hands as he speaks.
“I’ve seen many things in my life, Carly. Things I wish I could erase from my memory, things that haunt me. I have a very empathetic gift; if I see someone’s anguish, I hurt with them.” He looks up with a sad smile as he traces circles lazily on my knuckle. “I think that was what attracted me to you, I could see you were hurtin’. The pain I see in Savannah is much deeper, and I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t say something about it. It’s not my place to interv
ene, but you’re her sister, and somebody’s gotta save her.”
“Wh-what do you mean, save her? Save her from what, Luke?”
He drops his head to his hands, pinching the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb. When Luke looks up, a blaze of fury flashes in his eyes; a look I’ve never seen in his baby blues. “The bruises, Carly. Ain’t you seen the bruises?” He asks and his hands begin to tremble with rage.
I chew on my lip nervously and think back to the day I went to her house seeking her advice. Josh was pissed that I had showed up after Savannah had told me on the phone she couldn’t see me, but I went anyway. When she came into the kitchen I noticed a dark, purple bruise staining her cheek. When I asked her about it she told me she tripped into the dresser when she got out of the bed too quickly.
“Carly, are ya in there?” Luke asks waving his hand in front of my face. I hold my hand up letting him know I’m still here, just needing a minute to gather my thoughts.
I think back to our girls’ day. I don’t remember seeing any bruises on her face then. “Luke, when did you see bruises on Savannah?”
“When haven’t I, Carly? It’s not just the bruises either. It’s her composure around men in general. She winces at contact, reacts nervously just by my presence. It worries me. How well do you know her husband?”
I shake my head, trying to wade through my muddled thoughts. Savannah is nervous around Luke, but she has a little crush on him. Is that what he sees? How the hell does Luke see deeper into my sister than I do?
“Luke, I don’t know what you’re seeing. Savannah is nervous around you because she has a little crush on you and I think you’re a bit intimidating to her.”
“So you don’t think her husband would hit her?” He asks, scrubbing his hands up his face frantically. Colton comes into the living room taking a seat in his recliner before motioning for me to join him. I crawl into his lap, gripping my arm around his tightly.
“What the hell’s goin’ on?” Colton asks looking from Luke to me?
