by Silla Webb
“Son, I’m tellin’ you right this instance if you use language when speakin’ to me again, a bruised cheek will be the least of your concerns. Grow up. You’re a daddy to a very impressionable little girl, with another along the way.” She scolds me and I drop my chin to my chest feelin’ just a little bit of shame. Not for lettin’ my temper get the best of me and thrashin’ Drew’s face against the pavement. Hell no! I find no shame in that shit at all. But I find shame for withholdin’ the truth from Momma, even if it is to protect her.
“Yes ma’am,” I nod. “It’s late. I’m gonna get home. I’ll bring Heidi Jo by tomorrow mornin’ once you’re done with your testin’, Pops.” I kiss Momma on the forehead and shake Pops hand before leavin’ the room.
When I get home, the house is black as night. I fumble with my keys tryin’ to unlock the front door. What the hell! We gotta porch light for a reason, woman.
I open the front door and flick the light switch up then down before realizin’ the power’s out. House is hot as hell and I know there ain’t no rest in sight. I flip on the flashlight on my cell phone, tryin’ to illuminate a path so I don’t trip over one of Heidi Jo’s damn toys. The light shines across the couch and my heart stands still at the sight of my sweet baby girl with her arms curled tight around Carly Jo’s large belly. I pick her up in my arms and carry her down the hall to her bed. Openin’ the window, I press a kiss to her forehead and her eyes flicker open for just a second. “Night, Daddy. Tell Momma I love her.” She whispers in a dreamy voice.
“Night, baby girl.” She smiles sweetly as she drifts off to sleep.
I walk into the livin’ room and before I can scoop her into my arms, Carly Jo stirs in her sleep.
“Hey,” she whispers.
“Hey, darlin’. Let’s get you to bed.” I lace my hand in hers and lead her into the bedroom. She undresses quickly, climbin’ under the covers and stretchin’ her arms into the air just as she does every night. When I lay down, she rolls over pressin’ her face against my chest and tanglin’ her feet in mine.
“How’s your dad?” She asks.
“He’s alright. Gotta have some tests in the mornin’, but he’s a tough son of a bitch. He’ll survive.”
“Yeah,” she mutters quietly, and I can’t help the forebodin’ feelin’ that there’s somethin’ more to her reply. “Colton? Things seem really strained between you and Bill lately. Are you sure you don’t need to talk about anything?”
Yep…there it is. Carly Jo knows me. I don’t talk about feelins’. I ain’t got a damn vagina. I let that shit stew, then it stews some more until I can’t contain it any longer. “I’m fine, darlin’. Heidi Jo give ya any trouble this evenin’?”
“That shouldn’t ever be a question, baby. In fact, you’d be so proud of your little girl.” She says softly and I cock an eyebrow up at her, intrigued by her statement. Before I can ask her what Heidi Jo did, she chokes on her words, “Sh-she called me Momma,” a broken sob hitches in her throat.
Momma?
Momma!
“Night, Daddy. Tell Momma I love her.” I remember her sayin’ as I tucked her in, but I thought she might have been dreamin’ of Kari. My chest swells so tight that it hurts, and an overwhelmingly prideful feelin’ clenches me.
"Momma." I smile to myself.
One of the hardest things I've ever done was to explain to my baby girl why Kari - her momma wasn't with her. Death is a hard concept to understand at four years old but I refused to ever lie to Heidi Jo. The foundation of her very existence was built on lies...I refused to let my lies and secrets control her life. That’s not what makes her who she is; but her genuine heart and adoring personality. Momma was always there, fillin’ Kari’s shoes bein’ the momma that Heidi Jo needed, but it’s hard for her to play the role of momma and mamaw.
Heidi Jo fell for Carly Jo as quickly as I did. One night as I was tuckin' her in she asked me if I'd make Carly Jo her momma. I told her I was workin' on it. She was satisfied with my promise, but each night as she kneeled beside her bed to pray she would always finish on a whisper, prayin’ that God would make Carly Jo her momma.
Things hung in the balance by a weak, frayin’ thread for a while. Heidi Jo had a hard time with Carly Jo’s absence as much as I fought with it. My heart broke, shatterin’ into a million tiny pieces each time her smile didn't reach her eyes. I knew she missed Carly Jo and was slowly beginnin’ to give up hope of havin’ a momma. She didn't understand how or why someone she loved left her life so quickly. She instantly blamed herself just as she did after she began questioning Kari’s absence. Knowin’ that Heidi Jo’s doubts have settled and she’s found the motherly love she’s always deserved tugs at my heart.
Family.
Carly Jo lays tucked underneath my arm quietly swipin’ tears from the corners of her eyes, startlin’ me from deep thought.
“Thank you, baby.” I mutter, kissin’ the top of her head. She yawns lazily, tightenin’ her arms around my waist as she nestles her face against my chest, her eyes flutterin’ closed.
“What for?” She asks quietly, sleep tuggin’ her from within my reach.
“For havin’ a heart big enough to love my-our daughter unconditionally. She needs you as much as I do, Carly Jo.”
“Mmm,” she mumbles low, driftin’ further off to dream.
I press a light kiss to the side of her temple then bury my face in her soft caramel waves. The sweet scent of rose buds and Japanese cherry blossoms swirl around me as I inhale deeply, rakin’ my fingers through her hair. The tips of my fingers move on their own accord, grazin’ the soft, tender flesh at the nape of her neck, then trailin’ down the contours of her throat and shoulder. She mindlessly melts into me with a breathless sigh, nudgin’ her knee between my thigh as she tangles her feet in mine.
A low grumble rattles in my chest as her warm breath cascades across my throat and I tighten my grip around her hip, palmin’ her ass in my hand with a tight squeeze.“Damn, darlin’,” I whisper against her ear with a nip, “I need you so damn much, baby.” I know she’s tired, but I need her like I need my next breath to come down from this roller coaster of mixed emotions chargin’ through me. This day went from fun to shit to deeper shit to one of the happiest moments in my life. The highs outweigh the lows, but I’m wound so tight I feel like I could explode any minute now. But feelin’ Carly Jo pressed tight to my chest has my cock twitchin’ beggin’ to feel her wrapped tightly around it. I knead her ass cheek as my mouth finds the soft curve of her throat and my lips still at her throbbin’ pulse point. I inhale a slow, torturous breath focusin’ on our racin’ hearts, beatin’ together in a melodious harmony.
Sync.
My heart beats because of her.
My mouth continues its decent down the swells of her breast as a smolderin’ heat blankets over me, sweat beadin’ across my brow and all I’ve frickin’ done is touched her. Shit! My lips latch onto her taut nipple as my fingers trail inside her thigh to her sweet, warm pussy. She whimpers softly stirrin’ in her sleep, diggin’ her nails tightly into my back. I circle her clit gently, before glidin’ over her soft slit and sinkin’ into her warm entrance. I roll her to her back and she instinctively spreads her legs wider, grantin’ me access where I desire it most. Hoverin’ over her I trail wet, hot kisses down her body at a slow torturous pace findin’ pleasure in each of her soft cries.
She fists her hands in my hair and lets out a low raspy moan as my lips latch onto her sweetest spot. I lap my tongue up her slit languidly, teasing her clit slowly. Warm, sweet honey coats my lips as my fingers tease her tenderly. She fists my hair tighter and my cock goes rigid-hard as steel. Easin’ up her body I lean to the side, mindful of her huge baby bump. I grasp her neck tightly in my thick palm and swallow her cries as my lips crash to hers. She kisses me wildly with a fierceness so out of control that my mind fogs. I blink my eyes rapidly and a thick white haze encases around me.
I’ve been drunk.
I’ve been high.
/>
But nothin’, not a damn thing compares to the euphoric high of makin’ love to Carly Jo.
I roll to my back, pullin’ her to straddle on top of me. Grinnin’ with lust hooded eyes, she grinds her wet pussy against my dick. I grip her hips and line her over my cock, grazin’ her clit with the tip, then thrust her roughly down onto me. Her head thrashes back wildly and she pierces her nails into my chest so hard that I can feel the prickle of blood formin’ on my skin. I hold her still, swirlin’ small circles lazily against her hip bone as I gently thrust against her. Her eyes lull and her back arches as she grips my thighs. I still. My cock throbs inside of her, but I don’t move. Her eyes flash open, smoky, lust filled hazel irises gaze back at me. I caress her chin, then raise up to taste her lips. I lick my tongue across the bottom of her plump lip softly, but she nips at my mouth harshly, rollin’ my lip between hers. Cuppin’ her chin in my hand, I pull my mouth from hers and gaze into her sunflower eyes, “ride me, baby,” I say huskily.
The way she devours my mouth tells me she wants the control, so I give it to her freely. She rocks her hips against me roughly, grippin’ her nails into my shoulders. As she closes her eyes, I cup the back of her neck in my hand bringin’ her forehead to mine. “Look at me, darlin’.” I command with a low feral growl. Her eyes pop open, excitement flashin’ wildly and a glistenin’ sheen of sweat beads across the swell of her heavy breast. Her chest heaves roughly as she works herself up and down my cock. Her eyes pierce me frantically and her grip on my shoulder tightens, as her pace quickens. Grippin’ her hips, I can feel my release brewin’ as my balls stiffen. Her eyes grow wide as a high pitched hum falls loudly from her lips. I thrust her one last time then still her hips as we come together. Pantin’ loudly, chests risin’ and fallin’, our sweaty bodies tangle tighter together as our release washes over us with a soothing calm.
She rolls from my lap and falls back against the bed, sighin’ breathlessly. I lay back beside her, bury my face in the crook of her neck, and revel in the feel of her in my arms. No better feelin’ in the whole damn world. “I love you, Carly Jo.” I whisper against her neck, after my breathin’ has calmed. But the white noise that fills the room is her soft, silent snores.
I wake up the next morning squirming to get out of bed. Colton’s dead, thick weight pressing against me all night was misery for my weak, now full bladder. I untangle myself from the death grip his arms have locked around me and stumble to the bathroom, swaying lightly on my feet. My thighs and back yell at me in protest, and I don’t have a damn clue why.
When I stand from the toilet, I’m suddenly hot and flush, so I splash cold water on my face before trudging back to bed. Drained of every ounce of energy, I just want to pull the blanket up high over my face and melt into the mattress for the next month or so. I lay on my right side, then flop to my left. I punch the pillows, fluffing them aggressively. The bed shakes lightly and I peek one eye open to see Colton’s arms stretching up above his head and his thick lips tipped up into a wide smile that meets his pinched eyes. I groan to myself and tug the blanket tighter around my face.
“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed, darlin’?” He asks, trying to pull the blanket away from my face, but I have it gripped so tightly in my fist he’d have to pry my fingers open to remove the soft cotton. I moan loudly, then flop back to my right side.
Blanket over my face-check.
Cold shoulder-check.
Hateful moan-check.
So someone please explain to me why the hell my sexy fiancé ain’t gettin’ the hint that I just want to be left alone? He glides his hand under the blanket pinching my ass and that earns him a quick slap to his hand.
“Damn, darlin’. I like it when you’re feisty this early in the mornin’. What the hell you hidin’ under this heavy ass blanket for? Come here, woman.” He grumbles huskily as he tries to tug me closer to him. Generally, I’m very affectionate and love being cuddled, especially when I first wake up or when I’m going to sleep. This morning-complete and totally opposite. My body aches and I feel like I’ve been rode hard and hung wet.
“Sto-ooop!” I whine, putting my hands up defensively. A rumble of laughter shakes the bed again and Colton’s body frames the top of my chest, his elbows on each side of my head. I flutter my sleepy eyes open on a sigh. I tilt my head to the side rubbing my heavy eyes trying to gain a clear focus. I reach my hand up to cup his face, softly gliding my thumb over his cheek. He winces.
“Wh-what the hell? What happened to your face, baby?” I squeal.
He scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Don’t worry about that, baby. You should see the other guy. I’m sure he’s feelin’ it this mornin’ a hell of a lot worse than I am.”
Irrational thoughts consume me and a blind fury flashes through my eyes. I sit up, resting my back against the headboard. My eyes narrow, shooting daggers at him, “You have ten seconds to tell me why the hell your face is cut and bruised and why the hell you’re laughin’ like a stupid ass teenager fightin’ after a football game.” I don’t have the slightest idea why the hell he’s always so damn cocky, but the mood I’m in this morning I’m ready to knock him the hell off his high horse.
He releases a frustrated grunt, then rolls to the edge of the bed and pulls his boxer briefs up over his hips.
“Don’t walk away from me. I’m askin’ you a damn question, Colton Jacob.” I seethe! Climbing out of the bed, I grab my sweats from the floor and squirm my way into them. Trudging behind him closely on his heels I lean my hip against the counter while he makes coffee, my patience wearing thin as he bides his time.
He turns the coffee pot on, then grips my hips and pulls me towards him. Linking our fingers together at his side, he presses a soft kiss on my lips and quietly says, “I protect my family at all cost.”
We sway to the side lightly and I look down to see Heidi Jo with her chubby arms wrapped around Colton’s waist, then she shifts, extending her arms to my rounded belly. “Mornin’.” She says through a yawn. “Momma, can I have some cereal?”
And my tension fades as my heart skips a frantic beat.
Momma.
I never knew what hearing such a simple word would mean to me. I fell in love with Heidi Jo the moment I laid eyes on her, but as our family binds together and special moments and memories are made, I know that I’d protect this sweet girl, just as if she was my own blood. Heidi Jo and my sweet little monkey-they are my reason for breathing.
Now I understand what Colton meant when he said, “I protect my family at all cost.” I know that whatever he did and whoever he did it too, obviously got what they had coming to them. Yeah, Colton’s violent tempered and redneck crazy, but he don’t just go about beatin’ the shit outta people for fun. Not anymore, anyways.
After breakfast, we get ready to go to the hospital to see Bill. He had a stress test and an ECG early this morning. When Colton spoke to Emma on the phone she swore that if he didn’t get released from the hospital today she was leavin’ him for good. I guess he’s crankier when he’s confined to a bed and the only coffee to his avail is cold and weak. I brew a fresh pot of coffee, and fill Colton’s thermos to the brim before we make our way to the hospital.
When we get to Bill’s room, Heidi Jo climbs up on the bed and mashes a wet kiss to her Papaw’s cheek before rambling on endlessly about her fishing trip to the pond yesterday. Sweet girl doesn’t know silence in her waking moments. Hell, she mutters in her sleep. Ain’t ever seen a kid chatter so much. Bill’s eyes light up lovingly as he hangs on to Heidi Jo’s every word, her excitement building as she holds her arms out wide giving him a very inaccurate description of the bass’ size. Yep, she’s a Weston alright.
“Feelin’ better this mornin’, Old Man?” Colton asks, standing at the foot of the bed with his hands on his hips. He seems uneasy.
“Felt fine last night. Ready to get my ass out of here, and back to the garage. Got work to do.” Bill mutters hatefully, looking up over Heidi Jo’s head.
“Language. And I’ll be darned if you’re goin’ to that garage or even mentioning a truck until the doctor releases you.” Emma says, her voice straining as a red heat blankets her face. Standing up, she sneers, “I’m goin’ to get some air. Another minute cooped up in this room with you and a heart attack will be the last thing you have to worry about, Bill Weston. Come on Heidi Jo, my sweet girl needs some candy. Carly, walk with me.” She stalks around the bed, taking Heidi Jo by the hand and exits the room. I waddle behind her down the hall to the elevator and we make our way down to the hospital bakery.
After grabbing a few sweet treats, we take a seat at a high top table to eat. Emma’s cheeks are red and she huffs a frustrated sigh as she picks at the pastry. “Were you as surprised as I was seein’ Colton’s face bruised up when he came home last night?” She asks after Heidi Jo pushes her ear buds in her ears.
“I was asleep when he came in, so I didn’t see it until today. He wouldn’t tell me what happened, so to avoid an argument I let it go. He did say he’d protect his family at all costs, whatever that’s supposed to mean.” I say with a one shouldered shrug, pulling the straw to my lips to draw in the sweet, heavenly taste of my mocha frappucino.
“Just like his dad. I swear the two are so much alike, that’s why they don’t get along. One in the same.” She snickers. “You be sure to keep him in line. You see how I have to talk to Bill like he’s a five year old boy at times; scoldin’ him for his language and temper. I may be small, but I can be mean when I need to be.”
“He seems like he’s been under so much stress lately. I worry about him.” I say, making direct eye contact with her. Her brow tightens and waves of frustration roll from her as her face heats.
“Me too, dear. He worries too much over the company.” Her eyes drift closed and she shakes her head to clear her mind. “I tell him every day that time is slippin’ away. But he don’t care. He’ll die in the truck garage, Carly; almost did yesterday. Thankfully Drew was there and saved him.” Her eyes glaze with unshed tears and she inhales deeply, squaring her shoulders to stow her emotions.
