by Silla Webb
“I’m sorry, Colton.” I whisper, hanging my head low in shame.
“What the hell you got to be sorry ‘bout, Savannah?”
“I put Carly in harms way.”
“Savannah, don’t you dare put the blame on your shoulders. I told Carly months ago that she needed to tell you about the real connection with Drew Varney. But she knew something was up with you, and she didn’t know if you could handle it. I’d put a stop to Josh myself, but Carly begged me not to. She tried to protect you, Savannah. None of this shit is your fault. Or Carly’s.” Colton’s furious and I can’t blame him.
“He’s right, Savannah. I want you to move into Daddy’s house. Colton and Luke can move you and the kids in before they release you from the hospital, so when you go home you don’t have all the memories and nightmares haunting you. It will be a fresh step towards a new life.”
“I’ll think about it. Colton, do you mind going to get the kids. I really need to see them.”
“I’ll go.” Luke says as he enters the room. “Colton needs to be with Carly. I’ll be back shortly.” He nods to me before turning on his heels and leaving.
While I wait for Luke to return with Brailee and Braden, Carly fills me in on the Lifetime Movie in the making that is my life, trying to catch me up to speed on all that I’ve been oblivious too. From the destruction at Black Ridge, to her battle with Drew and the trust company that Daddy secretly left Josh when he died. The most unbelievable and painful part of it all is that everything could have been prevented had Daddy not been so dishonest. He buried his secrets so deep he didn’t expect anyone would find them. Not only did he have a second family, a bastard son that we knew nothing about, but he had been in business with Josh and Drew for years with Black Pike.
Black Pike has been in the news for the last year or so. The company is claimed to be responsible for pumping coal slurry into the ground that eventually seeped into water wells tainting the water supply which has caused a number of illnesses and property damage. They apparently thought they were clever hiding behind an anonymous trust, but Carly’s attorney Michele was able to uncover the company’s ownership. Unfortunately for Josh, since Daddy was kind enough to leave Black Pike in his power, all damages will fall onto him.
Damn, I really must have had my head buried deep in the sand all this time. I’m so stupid to have lived in a fairytale world, more worried that my damn mask might fall off and reveal the lies I hid, rather than seeing my life for all that it was-one big fat lie. Our lives have been shaken and rattled because of deceit. Daddy always taught Carly and me to stay strong, love hard and be proud of everything we do. I have no idea how he managed to teach us those three things when he wasn’t strong enough to be honest with himself about the lies he kept. He didn’t love us enough to protect us. And he was so ashamed of his own son that he hid his identity. Who does that?
The nurse comes in to make her rounds, so Carly and Colton tell me they’ll come back later to check in on me. The nurse removes the catheter, checks my vitals then walks me through the hallway before helping me settle back in my room.
I lay my head back against the fluffy pillow and close my eyes as exhaustion sets in. My mind is a jumbled cluster of thoughts and I just want to push it all aside. The physical pain pales in comparison to the soul crushing heartache that I feel. I feel raw and empty.
The door swings open wide and Brailee and Braden bursts into the room, with tears streaming down their smiling faces. “Momma!” They scream as they rush towards my bed. I wrap my arm around my babies and hold them tight kissing all over their faces. It hurts so bad to move, for them to pull and tug on me, but having my babies in my arms, knowing their safe pushes the pain to the back of my mind. Looking up I see Luke in the corner by the door watching us with a small smile on his face. I smile back at him, wipe the tears from my face and mouth “thank you.”
Chapter 35
RECOVERY
re•cov•ery noun ri-ˈkə-və-rē, -ˈkəv-rē
: the act or process of becoming healthy after an illness or injury : the act or process of recovering
: the act or process of returning to a normal state after a period of difficulty
: the return of something that has been lost, stolen, etc.
How do you recover from a lifetime of pain?
I’ve heard people say they are broken when the going gets tough, giving up on life. But for me, the going got tough, the tough chickened out and blew this Popsicle stand like there was no tomorrow, leaving behind a weakened, defenseless woman.
So here I am recovering not just from taking the beating of my life, being left behind by my bastard husband for dead. I’m also recovering from the lifetime of heartache and pain I’ve endured; recovering from the lies I was told for far too long. I’m recovering from ten years of my life stolen by a devious bastard, whose intent was to bend me, break me, and shatter me. He fully completed his mission, but he didn’t count on the fact that although I transformed into a lifeless shell, that somewhere deep inside there was still a glint of courage, a small sliver of strength left in my frail body.
After spending six days in the hospital, I was finally released. Luke and the kids picked me up from the hospital and after an impromptu stop for ice cream, he brought us to Daddy’s house where Colton is unpacking the rest of the boxes from my old house. Carly is still on bed rest, so she sits perched on a barstool with her legs crossed beneath her butt barking out orders like she’s the damn Queen of England. It fits her bossy ass, what can I say?
Calling my childhood home home again after all these years feels strange. I feel like everything I’ve ever known to be truth has been in fact a lie and all those lies began here. Everyone notices my uneasiness and slips on the kid gloves, handling me with care. Colton insists on ordering pizza for dinner, so I wouldn’t try to cook. Carly insists on baking cookies with the kids after they bathed. Luke insists on staying. I literally laughed in his face, because I thought he was kidding. He had spent six nights in the hospital watching my every move. Was he not sick of me by now?
When Carly, Colton and Heidi Jo leave, I say goodbye to Luke, pushing him out the front door behind them. I’m not trying to be mean, but after a week without my kids I need time alone with them. Time to explain the changes that are taking place in our lives.
We all pile up in the bed with a plate full of cookies and glasses of chocolate milk. The twins are young, but not seeing Josh for a week while I was in the hospital was enough to open up their line of questioning. I debated for days on what to tell them, but I quickly realized that our lives had been ripped apart because of lies, and I can’t continue that vicious cycle regardless of how painful the truth might be. Once they finish their snacks, I set the plates and glasses on the nightstand before gathering my strength to crush their littler hearts.
“Babies, there is no easy way to tell you two what needs to be said. First, I want you both to know that Mommy and Daddy love you two with everything in our hearts.” Brailee and Braden nod their heads. “Daddy won’t be coming home for a very long while. We’re gonna live here, and we’ll pick up the pieces and put our lives back together.”
“Where’s Daddy? Where’s he gonna live?” Braden asks, and my heart cracks for my sweet little boy. He clings to Josh’s side every chance he gets and knowing that he won’t have his Daddy to teach him to grow into a man is bittersweet. I’m glad that he won’t have the types of influences that Josh would teach him, but nonetheless every little boy needs a man in their life.
“Little man, I don’t know where Daddy is gonna live, but he won’t be with us. Momma’s gonna take good care of you though.” I don’t lie, because I have no idea what prison Josh will be living at and I really don’t care.
“Will we still get to see Uncle Drew? He can take care of us while Daddy’s away?” Brailee asks.
“No baby. We can’t see Uncle Drew. I’m sorry.” The twins immediately fall apart and each tear that falls from their sweet little eyes
rips my heart a little more. I know their hearts hurt as much as mine, but I have to do what’s best to keep my babies safe. I hold them both until their cries soften and they fall asleep.
Around two AM I get out of bed to take some pain medicine. Sleep is fighting me so hard tonight. After checking the locks on the front door, I trudge back down the hall towards my bedroom. When I hear the chains on the porch swing rattle, I stop and listen closer, holding my breath. The springs squeak, followed by more chain rattling. Panic creeps up my back and I slowly make my way to the bedroom to get my phone. I don’t want to call nine-one-one since it might just be a stray dog, or my imagination. I don’t want to call Colton because he has a pregnant wife at home to care for. Picking up my phone I walk back into the hallway and listen closely. The porch swing rattles again and I quickly dial Luke’s number pressing send.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He asks answering on the first ring.
“The porch swing is rattling. I’m scared.”
“What?” He chuckles.
“It sounds like someone is on the porch swing, Luke.”
“Sweetheart, open the front door.”
“What? Are you crazy? I’m scared. I know it’s late but can’t you come over and double check the house for me, please?” I whine. Luke sighs and I’m sure he thinks I’m crazy now.
“Sweetheart, listen to me. Walk to the front door and open it. Can you do that, Savannah?” I whimper into the phone. “Savannah, scoot.”
I slowly scoot as he requested towards the front door. “I swear if I get axed by my psycho bastard brother or one of his hit men, I’m hauntin’ your ass, Luke.” I whisper and Luke laughs into the phone again. My chest heaves nervously as I unlock the front door and twist the door knob.
“Savannah, ya gonna open the door?” Luke asks and his voice echoes. I pull the door open and slowly peek out the crack. Luke smiles at me from the porch swing, his dark brown hair a disheveled mess.
“Told ya I’d stay, sweetheart.” He says reaching his arm out to me. I shuffle my feet slowly across the wooden planks and sit beside Luke on the porch swing. He tucks me under his arm and kisses my forehead. My eyes flutter closed and a tears slips down my cheek. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to scare ya. You wouldn’t have been scared had you not been so damn stubborn and just let me sleep on the couch.” Slowly pushing off with the balls of his feet, the swing sways back and forth.
“I didn’t know it was you.” I mutter against his chest.
“Savannah, listen to me.” He says tilting my face so that I’m forced to look at him. “I’ve watched you suffer enough. He can’t hurt you now. I know you’ll be safe as long as I’m close by.”
“Luke, you can’t just sleep on the porch swing. I’ll be fine, really. Go on home.” I yawn, the rocking motion of the swing nearly lulling me to sleep.
“Hell no. I’m stayin’ right here.” He brushes my hair down my back. “Havin’ a hard time sleepin’ tonight?”
“Uh huh,” I hum as my eyes grow heavy. Luke continues to rock the swing back and forth.
“Sleep, sweetheart.”
I made it through a marriage to Josh Moore, but I promise you the divorce just might be the death of me. Carly introduced me to her attorney, Michele Runyon and she is working to have the divorce finalized as quickly as possible. The paperwork is never ending. I don’t know half the assets we share, or what accounts he has where. Josh handled everything. Luckily, my name ain’t attached to Josh’s company, Black Pike. I told Michele he could have everything, I just want to wash my hands of what life we shared together and never look back.
Daddy left me a thick bank account that I’ll use to take care of the kids until I’m comfortable enough with leaving them to return to work at the hospital. Although I know it’s blood money, I’d rather use it to support my kids than to spend one damn dime of anything Josh Moore has. Or had, rather. Michele tells me that since Black Pike is under a class action law suit and there is enough evidence of criminal intent on the company’s part, most all of his assets will be seized until a ruling is made in the case. Michele promises me that the divorce should be swift and I’ll be able to move forward with my life quickly.
Brailee is adjusting well to living here, Braden on the other hand is having a hard time with Josh’s absence. He’s a Daddy’s boy and although Josh traveled a lot, the kids still talked to him nightly before bed; something they haven’t done in three weeks. I’ve tried everything I can think of to make the transition easier on him. He does fine through the day, but wakes up almost every night crying for Josh. I wake up to his screams and cuddle him closer to me to hush his cries, then sob quietly to myself. It hurts so bad that Braden wants the one person who caused our family all this pain. But my baby boy just don’t understand the painstaking reality.
Luke slept on the front porch the first week we lived here before I finally ran him home. After falling asleep next to him on the porch swing that first night, I was confused when I woke up the next morning in my bed with the front door locked. I searched all through the house for Luke before checking the last place I expected him to be; still on the front porch. Any other man would have passed out on the couch, ignoring my disapproval. But Luke ain’t like any other man I’ve ever met. He’s compassionate and thoughtful; two qualities that I’m truly not used to experiencing.
The following six nights were much like the first. After calming Braden down from his nightmares, I’d tip toe out to the porch swing and sit with Luke until sleep found me. We rarely spoke a word those seven nights. Each morning I woke up in my bed with the front door locked and a huge man sleeping on my porch swing. It was almost comical seeing his large body scrunched up in the small five foot long porch swing, his arm bent over his face to shield the blinding sun from his eyes each morning. Why a man would suffer like that, sleeping on a porch swing through the hot summer nights is beyond me. I cooked breakfast for him a few times and he played in the yard with the kids like it was an everyday adventure that he looked forward to. It was nice having someone watching over us, because I truly feel safe when he’s close. But I don’t want to depend on a man as a safety net. I’ll find my strength soon enough, like everything else it will just take time.
Explaining how I felt to Luke was hard. The last night he spent on the porch swing I found my way out here after getting Braden back to sleep. I sat down beside him and with one inhale of his woodsy scent I melted against him. He kissed the top of my head and sweetly muttered, “goodnight sweetheart,” as he rocked the swing back and forth. Realizing what was happening I quickly sat up and fought through chest wracking sobs as I laid it all on the line. How he understood anything I said as my voice cracked with each word is beyond me. I told him that I appreciated everything he had done for me, but I needed time to learn to stand on my own two feet; I don’t need to depend on a man. I told him that just because I don’t want him sleeping on my front porch, doesn’t mean that I don’t want him around at all. He understood but I won’t deny that my heart splintered seeing anguish wash over his baby blues.
To be honest, I’m so used to being terrified of a man, it feels nice to have someone who wants to protect me. I don’t even understand the draw Luke has to me, but it’s obviously there for the both of us.
Chapter 36
My nerves are frayed, completely tattered from being holed up in the house for more than a month. Colton has taken me out to dinner a few times. I’ve been to my doctor appointments and I walk over to Emma’s when I get really bored.
Once I was released from the hospital Colton refused to let me return to work. The baby was completely fine after the accident, or so we’ll call it, but anxiety seems to keep getting the best of me. Dr. Staton thought it would be best just to let me enjoy the remainder of my pregnancy at home. Colton has been the acting CEO of Simon Energy since I was forced to take early maternity leave. I told him he could bring paperwork home that I could complete from the bed and he simply laughed in my face. Even
asking him how things are at the mines is pointless. He’s so worried about causing more stress and sending me into pre-term labor that he has me stressed from trying to avoid stress…yeah, figure that one out, will ya? Just stumped the hell outta myself- THAT’S how STRESSED I am.
I’ve spent my bed rest/imprisonment reading, playing board games with the kids and cleaning. Savannah and I have fiercely scrubbed every single corner of this house, so much to the fact that Colton swears the scent of Lysol will be forever seared into his senses. Ha ha. It started around two AM one morning. I was having terrible Braxton Hicks and thought I’d feel better if I moved around a little, so I started to clean. Twelve hours later the house was sparkly clean and I finally passed out on the couch. A few days later when Savannah brought the kids over to play she found me standing on the counter top scrubbing the top of the kitchen cabinets.
“Oh my God, what the HELL are you doing?” She screams walking into the kitchen.
“Cleaning.” I say boringly. “It’s filthy up here…I can’t have any dirt in the house when my little monkey comes home.”
“Carly, dirt grows everywhere. Sweets, you can’t stand on the damn counter top and clean the tops of the cabinets. Hell, you can’t worry about all the tiny places you’ll find dirt or you’ll work Colton’s ass off all weekend long moving the fridge, washer, dryer and all the furniture.”
Yeah, he’s still pissed at her over that. The following Saturday instead of getting to go fishing with Luke, we had a huge cleaning party instead. Walls were scrubbed, furniture was rearranged, carpets were shampooed and the ceramic tiles were waxed. All while I sat comfortably in Colton’s fluffy leather recliner, munching on popcorn and bunch-a-crunch, barkin’ out orders at Savannah, Luke and Colton.
These four walls are closing in on me and I really just want to get out of the house and breathe in some fresh air. Wait? I don’t think that’s possible in coal polluted Williamstown.
