by T. L. Haddix
“How’d she take it?”
“She’s still working on whether or not to believe me,” he admitted. “I might need some help convincing her, if she doesn’t cut and run.”
“Just let me know.”
Ainsley got out of the car as he approached. “That looked awkward.”
“A little. Do you have the bag and the tape?” He’d pilfered duct tape from Emma’s breakdown kit, to use to seal the bag around his cast.
“I do. Your dad’s okay with us doing this?”
“He is. Ready?”
“I suppose. I’ve never done this before, sneaked off into the woods. I don’t know what to expect,” she confessed as they headed across the grass to the trees.
“Well, I have. It was a regular occurrence when I was growing up.”
“Then I’ll bow to your superior knowledge.”
He handed her the towels and switched on the lantern. Its soft glow illuminated the path that Owen kept clear. “Remember the little pool in the books? The one Toby likes to go to? How about I take you there?”
“That really exists?”
“It does. I told you, that’s where Mom and Dad met.”
“Yes, but I didn’t realize it was on their property.” She wrapped her hands around his arm. “Let’s go.”
Ben laughed at the enthusiasm in her voice. “Yes, ma’am.”
When they crossed the little stream that fed the pool, Ainsley asked him about it. “Is this the one you all used as a waterslide?”
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “Poor Dad. After Amelia was old enough to go to school, Mom went back to work, which, in effect, made him a stay-at-home parent. Every summer, we’d go to Georgia to visit my grandmother and my aunt Kathy. It was this big tradition. Three or four weeks, if we could manage it. And while we were there one year, we went to a water park. When we got home, Emma and Zanny decided the pool was the perfect place to try and replicate the big splash water ride.”
“Oh, no.”
“Oh, yes. So we got this old plastic toboggan sled out of the barn and put it to good use. John and I cleared out the biggest rocks from the section of the branch right before the pool, and we were ready. I think we made it down about four or five times before Dad showed up.” He slowed down, remembering the fear on his father’s face. “Looking back at it now, it’s really a miracle we weren’t hurt. Dad was scared to death when he got to us.”
Ainsley squeezed his arm. “How did he find out?”
“Amelia. She was too young to tag along with us. We made her stay behind, and she was sad. She mentioned to Dad that she wanted to go sliding, and he put it together.”
They reached the granite boulder that overlooked the pool, and he could see Ainsley doing the calculations. “Ben, good Lord. You all really must have exhausted your guardian angels that day. How did your dad react?”
“He took us back to the house—even Zanny, because her gran wasn’t home—and lined us up behind the barn. He then proceeded to demolish that sled, and let me tell you, that put the fear of God into all of us. After that was done, he marched us into the house, sat us on the couch in a line, and dared us to move except to go to the bathroom or get something to drink. No talking, no anything. And he let Mom have at us when she got home. We were all grounded for a month.”
Ainsley laughed softly. “You were lucky that was all she did to you.”
“I know.” He sat the lantern down on the ledge that ran along the back of the boulder. “This is it.”
She walked near the edge and looked down. The moon had risen enough that they didn’t really need the lantern, but Ben left it on for safety.
“And it’s safe to swim in?”
“Yes. Especially after we do this.” He took the glow sticks out of his pocket and handed a couple to her. “You know how to activate these? Break ’em and shake ’em?”
“I do.” She activated her sticks as he did his, and once they were illuminated, she looked to him for direction.
“In they go.” He tossed the sticks into the water, trying to place them carefully so they would be most effective. “Dad figured this little trick out a few years back after a close encounter with a snapping turtle. It works pretty well.”
The pool was small enough that the handful of sticks illuminated it to show there were no snakes or other creatures lurking on the smooth, round bottom.
“I’m impressed,” Ainsley admitted softly. “And it just makes the whole setting a little more magical. It was pretty special to begin with.”
Ben agreed. The slow chirp of crickets, partnered with the babbling trickle created by the water cascading over the rocks in the branch, filled the air. A night bird called in the distance, and the clearing surrounding the pool felt protected.
“Want to get your toes wet?”
Ainsley turned to him, biting her lip. “I’ve never skinny-dipped before.”
“You can keep your underwear on if you’re not comfortable going completely bare.”
She looked down at the pool. “Will you be naked?”
“I’d planned to be. I’ve spent enough time in wet clothes lately.” He couldn’t hold back a snicker as she rolled her eyes.
“Okay. Let’s do it.”
He led her to the lower bench that abutted the pool, then in the light from the moon and the lantern, they stripped down. Ben ignored the little tingle of shyness that walked across his shoulders as he stood in front of her, nude, while she wrapped his cast in the plastic bag. Ainsley was down to her underwear, and was casting glances filled with longing over her shoulder at the water. The night was humid, and he knew the water would feel deliciously cool.
“There, that should do it.” She finished taping off the ends and tossed the leftover roll onto their clothes.
“Not quite,” Ben murmured. He slipped his free hand into her hair and tugged her closer, brushing his lips across hers in a slow drag that made her eyes slumberous. He pulled back, moving his hand down her neck to her chest. “I love you, Ainsley.” And with that, he pushed her into the pool.
When she surfaced, she was sputtering with outrage. “You pushed me!”
He stepped off the ledge into the pool beside her, making a little splash as he hit the water. “I couldn’t resist. Sorry.” He also couldn’t stop grinning as Ainsley smacked water in his face. Moving quickly when she stopped for breath, he slipped his arms around her and pulled her into him.
“You’re adorable when you’re wet,” he murmured. His hand went to her behind and snuggled her right where he wanted her, and he kissed his way down her neck.
Ainsley’s anger faded, and she wrapped her arms and legs around him. “I suppose I deserved that just a little.”
“Maybe just a teeny little bit.”
She kissed him back. “Thank you for bringing me here, for sharing this place with me.”
After a searing, intimate kiss that had them clinging to each other, Ben nuzzled her neck. “Thank you for coming here with me.”
They chased each other around the pool lazily after that. Ben relished the slower pace, the slow buildup, and the teasing warmth. When it got to be too much, though, he groaned and pulled away from her.
“I don’t think I have any more condoms in my wallet.”
Ainsley stilled. “I—it’s okay. I trust you.”
Ben’s heart leapt into his throat, and not just from the lust. “After what happened with Doug? I realize that’s why you’re being cautious, which is smart. And we slipped up earlier. I’m sorry.”
She nodded. “If you tell me you’re clean, I’ll believe it.”
He had to look away for a minute. “I’ve been very careful, and you’re the only woman I’ve ever been with that I’ve not used a condom with.” The admission was hard to make, as he kn
ew it would hurt her. She took it with just a little flinch.
“And you’re the only man I’ve ever been with. I did get tested after Doug’s condition came to light, and we started getting educated. There was a risk with the blood transfusions I’d received. But I’m okay. I tested negative, and we checked three times.”
“Ainsley, I wish…” His voice trailed off as she reached behind herself and undid her bra. “I wish things could have been different.” He left it there. There was no point in going back and rehashing what couldn’t be changed. The only place it made sense to go was forward.
She tossed the bra aside, then slid her arms around his neck. “I know. So do I. But they weren’t. And I don’t want details about the past. Not now, probably not ever. I’m too raw. But that’s where it is—the past.”
“I do love you,” he whispered. “And I don’t want this to end. I want a life with you.”
“I love you, too. And for now, we’re going to have to take this one day at a time. That’s all I can promise you right now.”
“Then that will have to be enough.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ainsley was exhausted by the time they returned to Ben’s apartment, but she was also happier than she’d been in a while. For the first time in what felt like years, she was the one making decisions. It was liberating, but the day had taken an emotional toll.
The box with the shredded letters still sat on the coffee table, with the note she’d written beside it. When she’d seen it again—with its worn folds and stains, understanding that Ben had read and reread the letter over the years—she’d finally understood just how deeply she’d wounded him. She knew then, without a doubt, that he loved her.
“What are we going to do with these?” she asked, setting her purse next to the box.
Ben picked them up. “Bring your lighter.”
She followed him to the kitchen, where he got down a metal bowl and took it and the box to the table next to the window. He opened the sash, then emptied the box’s contents into the bowl.
“I thought a lot about destroying this letter over the years. But I kept it. I didn’t want to forget.” He started tearing it into small pieces, adding them to the pile of shreds. “I don’t need it anymore. I don’t need the memory or the bitterness. Or the anger. I don’t want that inside me.”
Ainsley held the lighter out to him, but he shook his head. “You light it.”
He held out the last piece of letter, over the bowl, and she flicked the lighter’s flint. After a couple of tries, she got a steady flame. She touched it to the corner of the paper and leaned into Ben as he dropped the flaming piece into the bowl. He slid his arm around her shoulders, and they watched as the fire quickly ate up the small pieces of paper. In a matter of seconds, all evidence of what had ripped them apart was gone.
“It seems like there should have been a bigger conflagration,” she whispered. “For all the pain that bowl represented, there should have been more.” The fire had hardly even generated any smoke.
“Let’s go to bed,” Ben suggested as he closed the window. “It’s been a long day.”
His bed was smaller than hers, but Ainsley didn’t mind. That just meant they would have to snuggle closer. They undressed each other with soft touches, but Ben didn’t try to make love to her. When he started to toss his shirt aside, she caught it and pulled the soft T-shirt over her head.
“I’m not used to sleeping naked.”
He smiled. “You don’t have to. I like the way my shirt looks on you. I’m happy to contribute to the cause.”
Once they were settled in and the light was off, he cuddled her close, his arm around her waist. Like in her dream, he was pressed all along the back side of her, and Ainsley reveled in the feel of him.
“I love you,” she whispered in the dark.
Ben pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “I love you, too.”
Whatever tomorrow brought, tonight, she was happy. Tonight, she was safe. And tonight, she was loved.
Ben awoke before Ainsley the next morning. They were still spooned together, her back against his front, and he tightened his grasp on her. Burying his face in her neck, he absorbed the moment. Even when he nuzzled behind her ear, though, she didn’t wake up. She just murmured, a faint smile appearing on her face, and burrowed into the bed more.
He decided to let her sleep, so he slipped out of bed. Moving as quietly as he could, he gathered clean clothes and headed for the bathroom to take a hot shower.
When he came out, she was still sound asleep. He stood in the doorway and watched her, taking in the vision of her curled up in his bed. It occurred to him then that he wanted to wake up with her in his bed every day for the rest of his life. He wanted children, but he wanted Ainsley more. And he was willing to take the chance that he could convince her someday to start a family, however that had to happen.
He went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. He’d just gotten the first cup when a knock came at the door. He frowned and hurried into the living room. It was just approaching nine o’clock, and he hoped nothing was wrong. There’d been too much of that lately.
“Benny!” Amelia greeted him with a wide grin and a hug, then pushed past him into the apartment.
Rachel followed suit. “Hey, Ben.”
Dumbfounded, he stood with the door open, looking at his sisters. “What are you two doing here?”
“We’ve come to cheer you up. Get you out of your mopes. Is that fresh coffee?” Amelia didn’t wait for a response, but went on into the kitchen. Ben heard her getting her own cup as he closed the door.
Rachel, who was not quite as exuberant as Amelia was, lifted her hands and shrugged. “The girl loves coffee. I think she’s an addict.”
Amelia reappeared with a steaming mug of the dark brew. “I am. Grab your shoes. We’re kidnapping you,” she told him. “We’re not going to let you rusticate in this little apartment any longer.”
“Pip, I’m fine. I appreciate the gesture, but I’m not moping.”
Rachel lifted an eyebrow. “Seriously? When did you leave this place last?”
Ben scowled at her. “Last night, as a matter of fact. Which you would know if you hadn’t been out running the roads. I swear, the two of you don’t stay home for more than ten minutes.”
“You were at the farm?” Amelia’s voice was distracted as she stared at the purse on the table. “Um, Rachel?”
“Daddy would have mentioned you being at the farm,” Rachel argued as she browsed the bookshelf beside the window. “Get your shoes. Come on. We’re going to drive down to London, visit Uncle Eli.”
“I’m not going.”
“Oh, yes you are.”
“Um, maybe we should leave him alone, Rachel.” Amelia tried again, casting an embarrassed look over her shoulder toward the bedroom. This is going to be good, Ben thought and perched on the arm of the couch to watch the show unfold.
“He needs to get out. You’re too soft-hearted, Pip.”
“I don’t think he needs cheering up like we thought he did,” Amelia said as Ainsley shyly peeked around the corner. “Hello.”
“Hi.” She stopped in the doorway, dressed in her shorts from the day before and Ben’s T-shirt. Though she looked a little embarrassed, amusement was most prominent on her face.
Rachel jerked around at the new voice. “Who—oh. Oh, hi. Um.” She looked from Ainsley to Ben, her eyes wide. “Why didn’t you tell us you had company?” she whispered furiously, as though Ainsley couldn’t hear her.
Ben laughed. “I tried. So did Pip. You wouldn’t hush long enough for me to get a word in edgewise.” Getting to his feet, he held out a hand. “Ainsley, these are my sisters. Amelia and Rachel. Ladies, this is Ainsley.”
“Hi. It’s nice to meet you both.” Ainsley moved slowly to h
is side, and Ben touched her arm. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“I think we’re the ones who interrupted,” Rachel said coolly. “I didn’t think the two of you were speaking.”
“Rachel!” Amelia scolded. “Be nice.”
“You’re too sweet, Pip, and too quick to forgive. She hurt him, or have you forgotten that?”
Amelia scowled fiercely. “I have not. But if she’s in Ben’s apartment, wearing his shirt, this early in the morning? I’m trusting that they’ve settled their differences.” She turned to Ben and Ainsley. “We were going to swing by the bakery next to Emma’s studio, get some fresh goodies before going to London. Want to tag along?”
“Pip!”
Amelia shot Rachel a cross-eyed glare and stuck out her tongue. “What?”
When Ainsley laughed, Ben relaxed a little.
“Are they always like this?” she asked.
“More than they aren’t. Good morning.” Uncaring that his sisters were watching, he gave her a soft, quick kiss. Ainsley blushed, but she didn’t pull back.
“Morning.”
He winked down at her. “So how about it? A few cinnamon rolls, some bear claws, sound pretty good right now.”
She looked at his sisters. “If you’re sure you don’t mind the company.”
Amelia sent Rachel a telling glare. “We’d love to have you, wouldn’t we?”
Rachel’s eyes were narrowed, but she unfroze a little as she turned to Ainsley. “We would.”
“Why don’t the two of you go on, get us a table? We’ll be along shortly,” Ben suggested.
“Promise?” Amelia asked as they headed for the door.
“I promise.”
She gave Ainsley a little wave as they left, and as they headed down the hall, the sound of their bickering echoed back to the apartment.
