by D. Lieber
“Of course not. Please, join us.” Evergreen was quite impressed with her pleasant and convincing tone.
“Thank you,” Allaya said again, taking the chair beside Sawyer.
“I’ll be right back. I have to go to the bathroom,” Evergreen told them. “If the waitress comes back, please tell her I want a chicken gyro pita.”
“No problem,” Sawyer confirmed.
Get your shit together, Evergreen thought. Allaya has always been nice to you. And you don’t even like Sawyer anymore, so there’s no need for you to still be jealous.
As Evergreen walked away, she heard Allaya say, “Boy, you are lucky I ran into you. If I had found out later you came to town and didn’t tell me, you wouldn’t have survived to New Year’s.”
Chapter 16
Lay-Lay turned her sparkling, dark eyes on Sawyer. “That girl still doesn’t like me.”
“Aw, come on, Lay-Lay. You’re still going on about that after all this time?”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m not taking it personally. It’s your fault anyway.”
“My fault? How?”
“How many times do I have to tell you? She only didn’t like me because she liked you.”
“You’re crazy.”
Lay-Lay smirked. “I’m crazy?”
She didn’t have to elaborate. Sawyer understood her implication and sighed. “You were wrong, Lay-Lay. I have a lot of proof, as you know. And even if she had liked me back then, why would she still not like you?”
Lay-Lay raised her eyebrows significantly.
Sawyer felt his heart swell with hope, and he quickly tethered it before it flew away.
Lay-Lay smiled. “Look at that blush! You still like her. Don’t you?” she teased.
Sawyer hushed her. “Yeah, I do. Okay?” he whispered. “Could you not broadcast it?”
She shook her head. “See? That has always been your problem. You were too quiet about your feelings. Maybe if you had been more honest, this whole thing could have been cleared up ages ago.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Lay-Lay leaned forward, dropping her voice. “Do you want me to tell her for you? This whole thing could be over in ten seconds. Girl, Sawyer loves you. He’s always loved you. I don’t know where you got this idea he was into me. We have always just been friends. He’s just shy. Take his coward ass home and give him some.”
Sawyer’s eyes scanned the room. “Lay-Lay,” he admonished.
Lay-Lay sighed. “I know. Don’t worry. I won’t say anything. But I think you should. You two would be so cute together, raising your little Pagan babies.”
“Oh my gods…”
“Who’s that?” Lay-Lay asked, pointing behind Sawyer.
He looked over his shoulder at a man talking to Eeva. He looked vaguely familiar with his dark hair and olive skin, but Sawyer couldn’t quite place him. His stomach clenched as Eeva smiled widely at the man, a pink blush dusting her cheeks. Eeva pointed toward their table.
“Well, we’re about to find out. He’s coming this way,” Lay-Lay said.
“Hey, Collins. It’s been a while. Good to see you,” the man said, holding out his hand to Sawyer.
“Yeah, it has. Nice to see you again,” Sawyer said, trying and failing to place the man as he shook his hand. Sawyer glanced at Eeva. “I didn’t know you two knew each other.” I definitely would have remembered a guy like him around Eeva, he thought.
“Oh, Niko drove me home from the train station the other day. Apparently, his uncle owns this restaurant.”
Niko…Niko…Sawyer searched his mind to place the name. Oh, that guy from my summer photography class. The one all the girls were silly over.
“Cool. I always loved this place,” Sawyer said.
“Are you here for lunch, Niko?” Eeva asked. “You could join us if you want.”
Sawyer’s eyes snapped to Eeva’s face then to Niko’s.
“No, I’m just here to drop something off to my aunt.”
“Oh,” Eeva mumbled.
“But I could get a smoothie and sit with you guys for a bit,” Niko added with a smooth smile.
Eeva perked up. “Great. This is Allaya. She was Sawyer’s best friend in high school.”
Lay-Lay and Niko greeted each other politely as Niko took the chair beside Eeva.
They were just starting to exchange basic information about what everyone did for a living when the waitress returned with their food.
“Oh, looks like they forgot my tzatziki sauce,” Eeva said, putting her gyro down.
“You want me to call the waitress back?” Sawyer asked.
“No, it’s fine. I can just go to the counter and ask for some.”
She made her way toward the counter. Sawyer and Niko watched her go. Halfway there, she bumped into an empty table. She paused, hissing as she rubbed her hip, then continued on.
Niko chuckled to himself. “She’s a bit clumsy. Isn’t she?”
“She’s not clumsy. She’s blind,” Sawyer corrected coolly.
Niko blinked at him. “What?”
“Eeva is legally blind, and she has a habit of walking around without her cane.”
Niko scrunched up his face, his attractive features twisted in disgust.
Sawyer’s stomach dropped at the sight, and anger boiled in his chest. Lay-Lay stiffened beside him.
“Do you have a problem with that?” Sawyer challenged the man, his voice low and even.
Niko didn’t seem to notice the rage bubbling just below the surface of Sawyer’s tone. “No, I don’t have a problem with someone being blind. I would just prefer to know that before I waste my interest on a girl.”
“Everyone has something to deal with,” Sawyer said, trying to keep his voice steady. “It’s clear you struggle with an overinflated ego. You think you’re so perfect that you can call her flawed? She was born that way. She had no choice in the matter. You weren’t born a narcissistic prick, so what’s your excuse? Eeva is beautiful inside and out. I’m glad you showed your true colors early on. You don’t deserve her.”
Niko slowly rose from his seat, hovering over Sawyer and tensing for a fight.
Sawyer stood up to meet him, barely aware that Lay-Lay had risen too as he looked down at the infuriated man. “Leave now. Before she gets back.”
“This is my family’s restaurant,” Niko growled.
“And do you think your family would be pleased to know that this is how you treat disabled customers?”
Niko glared up at Sawyer, fury flashing in his dark eyes. Then, he turned on his heel and stormed away.
Sawyer took a deep breath and sat back down as Lay-Lay glared after Niko.
Drinking some Violet Rave, he glanced over at Lay-Lay, who had retaken her seat. She was staring at him seriously.
“What?” he asked, putting his cup down.
She grinned slowly. “My baby boy grew up. Look at you, all hot and manly. Why don’t you show Eeva this side of you?”
Sawyer turned back to his meal without comment.
When Eeva returned to the table, she stopped short. “Where’s Niko?”
“He had somewhere else to be,” Sawyer answered.
“Oh. Damn. I wanted to hire him to take me home.”
“Why would you need him to do that?”
“Well, I mean, you and Allaya haven’t seen each other in a long time. I figured you would want more time to catch up.”
Sawyer frowned. “Don’t call him for a ride anymore. If you need someone to drive you somewhere, I’ll take you.”
Eeva’s eyes widened, and she blinked a few times. “Um… Okay. Did something happen?”
“No,” Sawyer said. Maybe she knows there are men like him out there. But it would still be shocking and painful to be confronted head-on with something like this aimed directly at you. I don’t think I could handle the hurt in her eyes.
“Just let it go, girl. Let it go,” Lay-Lay suggested.
Chapter 17
Evergreen looked ove
r at Sawyer from the corner of her eye as he drove them home.
“I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend more time with Allaya,” she murmured.
“It’s fine. She was only on her lunch break anyway,” he said, his voice unconcerned.
“Do you…talk to her a lot?”
Sawyer turned his face toward her, just for a moment taking his eyes from the road. She jumped internally as his gaze unerringly found hers, if only for that second.
“I told you I didn’t talk much with the people from school. We sometimes chat online every now and then. You know, just catch up or whatever.”
Evergreen nodded slowly, her brain telling her to let it go. She didn’t listen. “I’m just surprised. You two were so close.”
“Yeah, we were. But then we went to separate colleges. It’s not like we aren’t still friends. But things change when you don’t see each other every day.”
Yeah. Things change. Do you still feel the same way about her? Evergreen wondered. But she didn’t give voice to her question.
“Still,” he continued, “I think I can always count Allaya as one of my friends, no matter how long we don’t talk or see each other. I guess at this point she’s more like family. I mean, we’ve always called each other’s moms ‘mom.’ And she only has sisters. Her family always wanted a boy. So I guess they just sort of adopted me in a way.”
Evergreen stared hard at him, hoping she didn’t look surly as she squinted to try and make out his features against the bright light outside the car. His face was restful, neither wrinkled with concern or joy. He appeared to just have stated the facts as he saw them.
Evergreen took a slow, quiet breath and turned her gaze to the snow-covered trees that lined the road. He thinks of her as a sister? Could I have been wrong about them? But he was always smiling when he was around her, always laughing. He never smiled like that around me, she thought. Well, that just means that whatever joy she gave him as a friend and sibling, I didn’t give him. Him not liking her in that way has no bearing on how he felt about me.
“What are you thinking so hard about?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she mumbled, wondering how he knew. “I’m just recalling some memories.”
There was a thick silence before he said, “You know…Lay-Lay thinks you don’t like her, that you never liked her.”
Evergreen’s heart squeezed. “Oh? Why is that?” she asked, trying to make her tone sound only curious.
Sawyer hesitated. “She said she thinks you don’t like her because you think I like her…in a romantic way.”
The sounds of the heater and the engine seemed more muffled as if Evergreen’s ears were plugged. She held her breath as she became too aware of the blood pumping from her heart to her brain, the artery pulsing in her neck.
“But you just said you thought of her as family,” she pointed out, her voice sounding weak and unconvincing to her own ears.
“Right,” he agreed, equally quiet.
“And I have no reason to dislike Allaya. She has always been nice to me.”
“I told her it wasn’t true.” He paused. “She’s just paranoid,” he added softly.
“But…” Evergreen hesitated. “I wouldn’t have been surprised if you, or anyone for that matter, did like her that way. She’s smart, pretty, and talented.”
“She is all those things,” he agreed. “But you can’t control what your heart wants.”
Evergreen dropped her gaze to her hands in her lap. “Yeah,” she mumbled.
They rode the rest of the way back in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. The atmosphere in the car was thick and uncomfortable, and Evergreen was relieved when she stepped outside into the fresh, cold air.
“Aren’t you coming in?” Sawyer asked when Evergreen made no move to head inside.
“I’m just going to go for a short walk,” she said. “Will you take these in to my mom for me, please?”
Sawyer took the bag with the shampoo bottles from her with a nod and went inside.
Once he had closed the door, Evergreen took a deep breath. Then, she walked around the house to the back patio, the movement of walking calming her rattled mind. Without hesitating, she took the path into the woods, her boots crunching the pebbles on the frozen dirt.
“No. No, no, no,” she murmured to herself. “Don’t you dare, Evergreen.”
She stopped, squinting up at the grey sky between the snow-laden branches of the trees all around her. She sighed; her chest warmed as Sawyer’s words repeated in her mind. You can’t control what your heart wants. She started walking again, faster, as if to outrun the phrase.
“He was just making a statement of fact,” she told herself. “But…it had sounded so…heavy, so…suggestive. No, that’s just what I wanted to hear. Wait…no it isn’t. Why would I want to hear that?”
She followed the path up a steep hill to the small clearing where most of the coven’s outdoor rituals took place, where they would have a bonfire, pitch tents, where her dedication had been. She plowed right through the clearing and descended the other side of the plateau.
“It doesn’t matter,” she insisted, her throat ragged as she took labored breaths of cold air. “It doesn’t matter what he meant. Even if he came out tomorrow and told me he used to have a crush on me, that wouldn’t change anything now. Right. It wouldn’t change anything because a crush in the past means nothing in present day. And…I’m over him.”
Her declaration sounded loud and final. Even insulated by the surrounding woods, it seemed to echo as if she’d shouted it into an empty canyon. She stopped again, startled by the sudden feeling of intense loneliness. Looking around, she saw the edge of her family’s property line. The small isolation cabin used for meditation and reflection marked the end of the retreat center.
She sighed again, and her stomach churned. She didn’t follow her mind’s train of thought. “I better get back,” she mumbled. Then, she turned around and walked slowly home.
Chapter 18
Like the evening before, Sawyer sat at the coffee table beside Sol, sewing in the ends of the knitting projects his mom, Ria, and Eeva finished. Wes sat on the floor, decorating the baskets that would go to the shelter when they were all finished.
Sawyer peeked up at Eeva as she cast off the last row of the washcloth she was knitting. His heart panged as he recalled their earlier conversation.
What was I hoping for? he thought. Why would I bring up her not liking Lay-Lay? The way her face flushed, she knew what I was suggesting. I knew she didn’t like me. But when she asked about Lay-Lay, I just got the feeling that maybe…
Evergreen looked up as she cut the tail off her project. She glanced at him and stilled as she realized he’d been watching her.
“This one is finished,” she said, leaning forward to hand it to him.
He reached out, his fingers brushing hers as he took it from her. Her cheeks pinked ever so slightly, and warmth spread through him, heat pooling in his gut.
His manhood stiffened. Her hand had been soft and warm and real, not the hand of a long-ago crush. But the hand of present Eeva. The woman she had become, not the girl she had been.
She had changed. He had seen it, even in the two days they had spent together. She was much more contemplative, less likely to forge forward without thought. But her heart, it was the same. The way she interacted with her parents, her cousin, his mom, especially how she was with Sol. How she worried about failing to find a job, her laugh. Yes, she was different, but not so much that his heart wouldn’t recognize her.
Let’s not think about the past anymore, Sawyer told himself. I’ve long known how I felt about her in the past. I want to know the new Eeva. And it’s the future I should be concerned about. The past is already done. No, it doesn’t matter how she felt about me back then. It’s how she feels now that matters.
“Uncle Wes,” Sol said, pulling Sawyer from his contemplations.
“Yes, Sparkler,” Wes answered, pausing in his decorating
.
“Will you tell us a story? My mom always says you were the best at storytelling.”
Wes smiled. “Your mom was always the best listener.”
“Hey, I listened,” Eeva countered.
“You did when you could sit still long enough,” Cassandra said.
“Point taken,” Eeva conceded.
“Hmm. Let’s see. What sort of story should I tell?” He sat on the floor, facing those assembled.
“There once was a wise and powerful sun god, and he was married to an equally wise and powerful earth goddess,” Wes started.
“Did the god and goddess have names?” Sol asked.
Wes nodded. “They have had many names, too many to list. The goddess and god were very happy together, and their joy brought new life to the earth. In the spring, the god impregnated the goddess with his seed. As the seed grew, so did all the plants on earth, warmed by the love they shared. The seeds grew so big that they began to sprout and bear fruit. And the people and animals were happy because they had a lot to eat.”
“But what about now?” Sol asked. “All the plants are sleeping.”
“That’s right,” Wes said. “Because death is the inevitable part of life. The god died on Samhain, and the goddess was very sad. The plants slowly died with him, and the sun didn’t warm the earth the way it used to.”
Sol frowned, tears filling his eyes.
“But, even though he died, he left something behind: the seed he left with the goddess. Because when something dies, that death only fuels new life for those it leaves behind.”
“What happened to the seed?” Sol asked.
“On Yule, the winter solstice, the seed was reborn as a new sun god. The days got longer, and the sun got warmer. And eventually, the goddess was renewed as well. That’s why, every year, the people celebrate the changing of the seasons. And at Yule, we celebrate the birth of the new sun god and the return of the light.”
“I hope he isn’t late,” Sol said. “Mom said sometimes babies come late. She said I was three whole days late.”
Sawyer stifled a laugh. “Don’t worry, my friend,” he told the boy. “He won’t be late.”
