by D. Lieber
Sol pursed his lips and squinted his eyes. “Are you sure?”
Sawyer nodded seriously. “Positive. The god always returns just when he says he will.”
“Okay,” Sol agreed, apparently reassured.
Shortly after Wes had finished his story, Cassandra took Sol up to bed. It wasn’t long before everyone else called it a night as well, leaving Eeva and Sawyer alone in the common room.
“You’re up late,” Sawyer pointed out. “Aren’t you tired? You were up before everyone else this morning too.”
Eeva yawned. “Yeah, I just know I won’t be able to get to sleep.”
“Something on your mind?”
Eeva frowned and sighed, wrapping up her knitting and putting it aside. “It’s more like trying to keep something off my mind. If that makes any sense.”
“Do you want to talk about it? Maybe it will help.”
She glanced at him. He put on a reassuring expression, though he wasn’t sure how much of his face she could see from that distance.
“You ever have something you just don’t want to face? I mean, you know when you get a tarot reading where every card just tells you exactly what you already know, but you don’t want to accept it? If you hadn’t pulled the cards, could you have just gone on pretending, ignoring the truth?”
Sawyer thought about it for a moment. “I always find facing the truth is the best option. If I ignore it, it’s not like it will go away. The longer I wait to face it, the harder it’s going to be to deal with because it’s just growing there in the dark.”
Eeva sighed again. “I had a feeling you’d say something like that… But what if you aren’t ready to face it?”
“Hard to say. I mean, I’d never suggest you overextend yourself or force yourself to deal with something you aren’t ready for. But on the other hand, sometimes we don’t have much of a choice. Sometimes things just happen, and we have to deal with them whether we’re ready or not.”
Eeva nodded slowly.
“So, which do you think it is? Do you think you have the luxury of ignoring it for the time being?” Sawyer asked.
“I’m not sure,” she said. “But it will hold until tomorrow at least. I think I’m going to go up and try to sleep.”
Sawyer nodded. “Sleep well,” he said.
“Thanks. You too.”
But just as she stood up to leave, Sawyer called out to her. “Hey, Eeva, since the suet is finished, do you want to go out and feed the animals with me tomorrow? I’m hoping to get some good pictures.”
Eeva paused, and Sawyer held his breath.
“Sure,” she said finally.
Warmth spread through Sawyer as he grinned. He was grateful that she left without turning back to see the stupid look on his face.
Chapter 19
After breakfast the next morning, Evergreen and Sawyer started putting on their coats and hats to go outside.
“Where are you two off to?” Ria asked, as everyone watched them from the living room.
“We’re going to put out the suet for the birds,” Evergreen answered her mother. “And Sawyer wants to see if he can get some wildlife photos.”
“In that case, would you like some chestnuts for the squirrels, too?” Wes asked.
“That would be great,” Sawyer answered.
“Since you’re going out, would you mind gathering some things for the door wreath?” Ria asked.
“No problem,” Evergreen said.
“Great. I’ll go get the basket,” Ria responded.
“I want to come too,” Sol said, standing from his place at the coffee table.
“I thought you wanted to work on your art for the baskets, Sol,” his mother pointed out before Evergreen could agree.
Sol was silent for a moment. Evergreen could practically hear him weighing his thoughts, though she couldn’t see his expression from across the room.
“You’re right, Mama. I’m sorry, Eeva. But I can’t go with you this time. I have too much work to do,” Sol apologized sincerely.
Evergreen smiled, managing to hold back her laugh at his serious tone. “That’s all right, Sparkler. I understand. I’ll see you later. Okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed.
As her mother handed her the basket and chestnuts, Evergreen asked, “Have you seen Muir?”
“He’s over there by the fire sleeping with Larkspur,” she told her.
“Oh, good. If he wakes up and starts crying, it’s because he wants attention. I have some toys up in my room for him.”
“I think I know how to take care of my grandcat, Evergreen,” Ria said flatly.
“I know. I just don’t want him to wake up and be looking for me.”
“He’ll be fine,” she assured.
“Make sure he doesn’t eat any of Larkspur’s food. He’s on a special diet, and I don’t want him to get sick.”
“If you don’t leave this house right now, I’m going to kick you out,” her mother warned.
“Fine. We’re going.”
“Here, take this, too,” Wes said, coming out from the kitchen and holding an insulated lunch box out to Sawyer. “There are sandwiches and a Thermos of cocoa.”
“Dad, we aren’t going to be gone that long. We aren’t even leaving the property.”
“Yeah, well, time can get away from you,” he said with a shrug.
Sawyer thanked Wes and smiled.
“I don’t need to tell you to watch where you’re going,” Ria warned Evergreen. “I see you don’t have your cane with you. Pay attention to where you’re walking. Take it slow. Sawyer, you’ll watch out for her, won’t you?”
“Mom, seriously, I was just out there by myself yesterday. I think I know the woods I grew up in by now.”
“Things grow and change, Miss Smarty Pants,” Ria snarked.
“All right, we’re out of here,” Evergreen declared.
The rest called their goodbyes.
As he closed the door behind them, Sawyer turned to Evergreen with a smile. And they shared a small chuckle.
“You ready?” he asked, his camera bag on one shoulder and the lunch bag on the other.
Evergreen nodded, lifting the basket she’d put the suet and chestnuts into.
“What’s easier for you?” Sawyer asked. “Is it easier for you to go first or me?”
“You can go first,” Evergreen said, reluctantly heeding her mother’s warning. “Just warn me if there are any unexpected holes or tree roots.”
He agreed and started on toward the path she had taken the day before.
Once they were in the woods and the house was out of sight, it grew very quiet. The birds still chirped sporadically in the distance, and there was still the odd skittering sound of creatures just beyond sight. But Sawyer’s presence was heavy, like a weighted blanket on her chest. The analogous crunching of their footfalls wasn’t enough to relieve the pressure.
Evergreen looked up from scrutinizing the path and watched Sawyer as he marched on before her. She couldn’t see his golden hair under his beanie, and his neck was covered by a striped scarf, one his mother no doubt crocheted for him. His shoulders were wide under his winter coat, much wider than she remembered. He really filled out over the last few years, Evergreen thought.
Her eyes traveled down to the back of his jeans, and the thought surfaced in her mind before she could stop it. His ass is nice, too. Her face flushed, and her ears radiated heat under her hat. She focused her gaze on the path in front of her, concentrating on every step. Oh my gods, no. That’s not okay.
“Are you all right?” Sawyer asked, his head turned over his shoulder at her. “Do you need to take a break?”
“No, why?” she murmured.
“Because your breathing sounds more labored than before, and your face is all red. Do I need to slow down? Am I walking too fast?”
“I’m fine,” she assured. “I just have too many layers on.” She unwrapped the scarf from her neck and shoved it into her coat pocket.
&nb
sp; “Okay,” he said, his tone free of suspicion.
“So, are there any particular birds you’re hoping to get pictures of?” Evergreen asked, filling the silence so her mind wouldn’t go on its own.
“Not really,” he answered noncommittally. After a short pause, he added, “I’m sorry, Eeva.”
He stopped walking, and she halted so as not to run into him. He turned to face her.
“I feel like I invited you out here under false pretenses.” He raised his eyes from the ground to meet hers. “I mean…I still want to get some pictures, but I was just using the tradition of feeding the animals as a way to spend more time with you.”
Evergreen’s heart thumped hard in her ears, and her breath came out in long puffs of frosted air. Spend more time with me, she thought. Why would you want to do that? She wanted to ask him. She wanted the answer. What would he say? He wanted to catch up, like he mentioned before? He has a favor to ask of me? He missed me? The potential answers varied vastly.
Evergreen gave him her best polite smile. “That’s okay,” she said, accepting his apology. “It’s nice to get outside and enjoy the season. I’ve been cooped up far too much with schoolwork and job hunting lately. And I always enjoyed feeding the animals.”
Sawyer watched her. She couldn’t make out his expression, but she doubted it gave much away.
Her mind raged at her. You fucking coward.
Chapter 20
Sawyer stared at Eeva’s professional smile. There was no warmth in it. Did she just…? His mind analyzed her reaction. But she isn’t angry. She isn’t upset. Distant, formal, yes, but that could be caution. Eeva never had a problem with confrontation or standing up and raising her voice to fight for what is right when she thought it could help others. But when it came to something that was only for herself, she was always more reluctant, bashful almost. Did I embarrass her by saying that? But I want her to know how I feel. Fine. If she needs me to ease in, to take it slow, I can do that. But I’m not going to mince words this time. Until she indicates she isn’t interested, I’m going to be open and honest about how I’m feeling toward her.
“Thanks,” Sawyer said finally. “I wanted to be honest.”
Eeva nodded. “Should we keep going then? We’ve still got a bit before we reach the clearing.”
“Yeah,” Sawyer agreed and turned back around to lead the way.
As they walked, Sawyer was acutely aware of Eeva behind him. He focused on the sound of her footsteps, on the quiet hush of her even breathing. The weight of her presence was as if she was leaning against his back, embracing him from behind. And every so often, a tingle would run up his spine as if he felt the brush of a kiss on the back of his neck, and he knew her eyes were on him.
Eventually, they came to the clearing and approached the first suet cage hanging from a branch. Sawyer reached up and took the cage off the chain. Then, he opened it, and Eeva popped suet cubes into it. There were two other cages, and they repeated the action at each.
“Where do you think we should put the chestnuts? On the altar?” Eeva asked.
“Yeah, I think that works fine.”
They moved to the big stone that the coven had often used as an altar during outdoor rituals. Sawyer used his gloved hands to brush the snow from the surface. Eeva took the bag of raw chestnuts from the basket and piled its contents onto the cleared stone.
“Do you want to gather the wreath stuff now? If we leave the clearing, there might be some animals to take pictures of by the time we come back this way,” Eeva asked.
“That’s a good idea,” Sawyer agreed.
He led the way down the hill, warning Eeva that the trail sloped down and to watch out for tree roots. The tone of her acknowledgement led him to believe that she was aware of the obstacles he pointed out. But she had asked him to warn her, so he did.
“What about that fir over there?” Sawyer said, pointing a little off the path.
Evergreen raised an eyebrow at him. “Really?” she asked. “You think you’re just going to point, and I’m magically going to be able to see that far?”
Sawyer chuckled. “Sorry. That was silly.”
“Don’t worry about it. Sometimes I even forget I’m blind.” She laughed. “But yeah, fir sounds good. Lead the way.”
Sawyer went on ahead, warning Eeva about every fallen stick and holding branches out of the way so she wouldn’t hit her face.
Once they’d reached the tree, they stopped, appreciating it for a moment.
“I’ll look for pinecones,” Eeva said, dropping down to search the ground.
“All right. I’ll take a cutting then.” Sawyer pulled out his pocketknife and reached toward the tree. “Oh great and sturdy evergreen,” he murmured. “You who represent hope and renewable life. You promise the return of spring. Please lend us some of your life to get us through the darkness of winter.” He paused for a moment, just existing in the tree’s presence. It was calm, and a low frequency tingle hummed in Sawyer’s veins. “Thank you for your sacrifice,” Sawyer told the tree. “It will not go unappreciated.”
Then he cut a few ends to accent the Yule wreath they were making.
Eeva held out the basket for him, and he could see she had a couple pinecones in it already.
“So, what else do you think? Cedar would be nice. It would be easy to work with, too,” she said.
Sawyer nodded. “I’ll look for one. Let’s go back to the path.”
They carefully made their way back and continued walking down the trail.
“There’s one,” Sawyer declared. “And right near the path, too.”
“Awesome. Let’s get some.”
The pair approached the tree, and Sawyer repeated the process of communing with the plant. But as he reached up and cut one of the thin branches, some of the snow from the nearby branches shook off and fell onto Eeva’s head.
“Oh! That’s cold,” Eeva complained, wiggling to get the snow off her.
Sawyer laughed at the sight. “Well, why did you stand under where I was cutting then? You deserve it,” he teased.
“I deserve it, eh?” Eeva asked, grinning. She placed the basket on the ground and gathered a handful of snow. “Then, I guess you deserve this!” She threw the snow into his face.
“Oh, it’s on now,” he said, shaking his head, trying to get the snow out from the inside of his scarf.
Eeva laughed and threw another snowball.
The battle raged on. They each got some good shots in. Eeva had surprisingly good aim for someone who couldn’t see well. But Sawyer made sure to make some noise to indicate his position. It wouldn’t be fair otherwise.
They ran up and down the path, laughter and squeals dampened by the surrounding trees. Finally, they lay on their backs beside each other on the ground, breathless and covered in snow.
“Truce?” Sawyer asked, turning his head toward her.
She turned her head and met his eyes. She sat up, gathered a giant pile of snow between her hands, and dumped it right onto his face.
“Yeah,” she giggled. “Truce.” She collapsed back down beside him.
He sat up and tried to shake the snow from him but gave up and lay back down. “That was uncalled for,” he complained.
Eeva rolled over on her side to face him more completely, propping her elbow on the ground and resting her head in her hand. “Well, you started the whole thing, so I had to finish it.”
“I didn’t start it. The tree started…” his words trailed off as Eeva reached out and brushed snow from his hat.
His breath caught. She didn’t smile at him. Her face was smooth, and her lips slightly parted. Her deep blue eyes were trained on him, serious and intense as she looked down at him.
He’d seen that look before but never from her. He had only dreamed, only fantasized, about ever seeing that heated look from Eeva.
His heart thumped hard in his chest, pumping heat through his veins. His cock throbbed to life, raised by the desire in her eyes.
&n
bsp; “Eeva,” he whispered, tensing to sit up, ready to meet her, ready to give her what her expression said she wanted.
She blinked, and her eyebrows crinkled. The sound of her name seemed to shake her out of the moment. She pulled her hand back, frowning.
Sawyer’s own desire waned at the sight of her change in demeanor. She’s not ready, he told himself. But I saw it. I know it’s there. I can wait.
Chapter 21
After they had gone back to the basket and finished collecting cedar boughs, Evergreen suggested they warm up and have lunch in the isolation cabin, which wasn’t too far away from where they were.
Sawyer agreed, and Evergreen led the way since he didn’t remember where it was.
Upon reaching the cabin, Eeva took the spare key from its hiding place and unlocked the door.
The cabin was small and chilled. It consisted of a single room plus a bathroom. In the main room, there was a fireplace, a coffee table, and a chest with blankets in it. At the far end, there was a kitchenette with a single burner on the counter and a sink. The cupboard above the sink had some snacks and a few dishes. It was a place meant for quiet reflection and meditation, a place where someone could be alone and learn to be comfortable with that.
Sawyer stood in the doorway, taking the space in. Evergreen looked over her shoulder at him.
“Something wrong?” she asked.
“No,” he answered, stepping in and closing the door behind him. “I just haven’t been here in a long time. I think I was only ever here once at that.”
Evergreen glanced around the space. “Doesn’t seem to have changed much,” she said with a shrug. “Anyway, we won’t be here long, so I won’t make a fire. But the cocoa should warm us up soon enough.”
She unzipped her coat and removed her wet hat and gloves. Sawyer did the same. As Sawyer unpacked the lunch box onto the short table, Evergreen went to the cupboard for an extra mug for the cocoa.
“Look at that,” Sawyer laughed. “Your dad even put a can of whipped cream and a baggie of chocolate chips in here.”
