by D. Lieber
He stopped in front of a shelf, a glint of light reflecting off faceted glass catching his eye. Before him was a shelf full of glass figurines. A stick with mistletoe, bright green with white berries on top stood in a mosaic cup.
He reached out and pulled the smooth stick from the cup. He’d thought it was glass, but it felt more like plastic.
“It’s resin,” Clover told him, appearing beside him as he examined it. “It’s real mistletoe. I harvested it myself and preserved it in resin to make the hair pin. Pretty, isn’t it?”
Sawyer nodded.
“How long are we going to be here?” Sol whined to his mother further down the aisle. He pulled on her hand in emphasis.
“Be patient, Sol,” Cassandra told him.
Sawyer approached them. “I’m pretty much done here, Cassandra. I can keep Sol occupied if you need more time,” he offered.
“Oh gods, would you?” she asked.
Sawyer knelt down to the boy. “What do you say, my friend? Do you want to go on a quest?”
“A quest? What’s that?”
“It’s a journey where a brave warrior goes in search of something.”
“What are we going to search for?”
Sawyer grinned. “For ice cream, of course. What other kind of quest is there?”
Sol’s eyes lit up at the prospect. “What about Eeva? Can Eeva come too?”
“Sure she can,” Sawyer agreed. “I’m just going to go buy these things. Why don’t you ask Eeva if she wants to come on our quest?”
“Okay!”
Sawyer went to the cash register and purchased the onesie and the hair pin. By the time they were carefully wrapped, Sol and Eeva had reached him.
“You ready?” he asked them.
“You two can head outside. I just have a few purchases to make real quick,” Eeva said.
Sawyer nodded, glancing at her hands to see what she was buying. She didn’t have anything.
“We’re on a quest for ice cream, a quest for ice cream!” Sol cheered as they headed for the door.
Chapter 29
Evergreen thanked Clover as she handed her the paper bag with her purchases. She smiled to herself, warmth blooming in her chest. It’s perfect, she thought. Just the right size and color.
She zipped up her winter coat and left Toil and Trouble. Sawyer and Sol were waiting for her outside on the sidewalk.
“Okay, I’m ready,” she said.
“Witches! Heathens! You’ll all burn in Hell!”
Evergreen’s stomach jumped into her throat as a man, who seemed to just have been passing them on the sidewalk, began to yell at them.
She turned her back to ignore him; she had long discovered that arguing with his type wasn’t worth it.
“Don’t turn your back on me, you whore of Satan,” he sneered.
Evergreen’s heart pounded as fear crept across her skin. She looked down at Sol; his eyes were wide and afraid. Anger churned in her stomach. She took his hand and rounded on their assaulter.
“You don’t need to do this,” she told him, hoping he couldn’t hear the quiver in her voice. “Can’t you see you’re frightening this child?”
“He should be afraid. The fires of Hell will burn his flesh and melt his soul with eternal torment. He even wears the mark of the Devil,” the man spat, pointing at the pentacle on Sol’s chest.
“Eeva,” Sol murmured, tugging on her hand.
She knelt down to see him better. Tears streaked down his cheeks.
“Why is he yelling at us?” he asked.
Evergreen wrapped her arms around Sol, not having the words to explain to him at the moment.
The man was blocked from her view as Sawyer stepped in between them. “I think you need to leave,” he said, his voice low, his threat clear.
“‘Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in Heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets, who were before y—’”
“Daniel!” a woman scolded, firmly interrupting the man.
Evergreen peeked around Sawyer to see a short, round woman stomping toward them.
“Please, tell me you aren’t harassing these nice people. We talked about this. You can’t keep doing this,” she censured.
“I have the freedom of speech. This is America!” the man shouted at her.
“Yeah, and that same amendment gives them the freedom of religion.”
“A man or a woman who is a medium or deals with the spirits of the dead must certainly be put to death. They must be stoned to death. Their blood is on them,” he countered.
“Really? Death threats now? You know, Daniel, one of these days you’re going to be charged with a hate crime.”
“We live in a Christian nation. Our leaders will see the righteousness of my words.”
“That’s enough,” the woman said finally. “We can talk about this at home. Go wait in the car.”
“Woman—”
“Don’t you ‘woman’ me. Go.”
The man squinted his hatred one more time before he stormed back the way he’d come. Then, the woman turned toward Sawyer, Evergreen, and Sol.
“I am so sorry,” she apologized, her voice thick with regret. “There isn’t any excuse I can give for my husband’s behavior. He’s on this new evangelical kick. I have no idea what has gotten into him. I hope he didn’t scare you too much. Are you okay?”
Evergreen stood, lifting Sol in her arms. Sawyer looked over at her as she moved to stand beside him. She could feel his gaze on her face, analyzing her emotional state.
“I think we’re all right. It may take us just a bit to calm down,” he told her.
“Well…I hope you know that all Christians aren’t like that. Some of us are very accepting. Just… You have allies amongst us. Though I’m sure that doesn’t mean much to you at the moment.”
“That’s not true,” Evergreen told her. “It’s a relief to have a Christian stand up to one of their own, to hold them accountable for that behavior. We’re shaken up, but I’m grateful you stepped in.”
The woman smiled, and even Evergreen could see the light shining from her face. “Thank you, and I’m sorry again. I hope you three have a very happy solstice. You look like such a nice family.”
“Thank you, and merry Christmas to you,” Sawyer said.
“Merry Christmas,” Evergreen seconded as the woman nodded and followed her husband.
Evergreen heaved a deep sigh, trying to steady her still-racing heart.
“Are you all right?” Sawyer asked.
She swallowed and gave him a small nod. “I’m okay.”
“How about you, my friend? Are you okay?” Sawyer asked, rubbing Sol’s shoulder.
“Was that man going to hurt us?” Sol asked.
Sawyer frowned. “It’s hard to say,” he told the boy honestly. “But you better believe that Eeva and I would never let anyone hurt you. Okay?”
Sol nodded.
“Do you still want to go on that quest for ice cream? Or do you want us to take you inside to your mom and grandma?” Sawyer asked him.
“I want strawberry,” Sol declared. “No, I want chocolate.”
“Why don’t we get both strawberry and chocolate?” Sawyer asked.
Sol squirmed in Evergreen’s arms, and she put him down.
“Yeah!” he agreed.
His enthusiasm, his child’s way of pushing the bad experience aside, of living in the moment made Evergreen’s anxiety slip away.
“We’re on a quest for ice cream, a quest for ice cream,” Sol sang, holding out a hand to Evergreen and Sawyer in turn.
And as they all walked hand-in-hand, Evergreen remembered the woman saying how they looked like a family. She glanced sidelong at Sawyer. She couldn’t see him well from this distance, but she just knew he was smiling. Warmth s
pread through Evergreen’s chest, and with it returned the light and contentment from the night before. And, yes, she recognized it now. It was hope. The world paused for just a second as if her heart had taken a picture of the moment.
Chapter 30
Sawyer let his sigh out slowly so as not to wake Eeva as she lay beside him. He’d presented a strong front that afternoon, but if he was being honest with himself, the encounter outside Toil and Trouble had frightened him. Not because he thought the man would hurt them. No, he knew he could protect Eeva and Sol. He was afraid at the sheer magnitude of his anger. He would not have hesitated in striking that man down had he made a move toward Eeva or Sol. The image of Eeva’s pale face as she clutched the crying child to her, her quivering voice as she’d challenged the man, his blood still boiled to think of it. He’d never been so angry in his life, and it left the taste of shame behind.
And for the rest of the day, Eeva had been quiet. He hadn’t felt much from her. She seemed still, contemplative. And when she’d looked at him—and he’d caught her doing so quite a few times—her gaze had been open as if she were asking him a question he couldn’t understand.
Sawyer lay on his side, watching Eeva’s tranquil face as she slept. Muir lay between them on her sleeping bag, unconsciously purring in contentment, Eeva’s hand was buried in his fur. Sawyer reached out hesitantly, holding his breath as his heart picked up speed. He stroked Muir, his fingers millimeters from Eeva’s. He pulled back before he woke her and closed his eyes. Listening to her slow, even breathing, he matched his rhythm with hers and drifted off to sleep.
The next day was a flurry of activity at the retreat center. Some were getting things ready for the naming ceremony that evening, while others were playing games or doing crafts. Morrigan was looking everywhere for something she’d misplaced—swearing that the faeries had hid it because she hadn’t left them a gift, which was her custom. Ria had taken over the meditation room so she could perform reiki on Cory. Piper was drawing up Tara’s star chart for the coming year, and Hazel and Devan were facing off in an intense game of weiqi.
Sawyer found Eeva in the kitchen, helping her dad frost the moon cookies he’d made the day before.
“Hey, Eeva. You mentioned yesterday that you wanted to practice the holly king versus the oak king before Yule. We can do that when you’re done if you want,” Sawyer said.
“Oh, I can handle things here,” Wes assured. “Eeva, go on ahead and practice with Sawyer.”
“But Mom is using the meditation room,” Eeva said. “Where are we going to practice?”
“Just go out to the patio,” Wes suggested. “I’m sure you’ll warm up once you start moving around.”
“All right.” Eeva nodded and stuck the tip of her finger in her mouth, removing the smear of yellow frosting. “Where are the practice staves?”
“In the garage,” Wes answered.
She nodded. “Meet you outside in a sec,” she told Sawyer.
He acknowledged and went to put his coat on over his hoodie.
Eeva joined Sawyer outside shortly, a staff in each hand. She offered him one, and he took it.
“Do you remember the steps?” he asked.
“Vaguely. As I recall they’re fairly simple. It’s the feeling, the rhythm that’s more important.”
Sawyer nodded. “Right. And since this is the winter solstice and you’re playing the holly king, you’re the one who loses this time.”
“Yeah, okay. Let’s give it a try. You got a beat?”
“Sure, I’ll use the one I used to practice before. But of course, it’ll be different the day of since the drum circle will be going.”
Sawyer pressed play on his cellphone, and the sound of drums started from the speaker as “Punagra” played. He put it on repeat and placed the phone on the step. He faced Eeva, loosening his shoulders to the primal beat.
As Eeva shifted her weight from foot to foot, swaying in time, they started the simple steps of the dance, circling each other.
“Yeah, that’s it,” Sawyer encouraged. “You remember. Ready for the staff?”
Eeva smiled. “Go for it.”
Sawyer struck out with his staff, and Eeva met it with hers. He did it again with the same result. And so they went on in rhythm, the mock battle playing out in a dance. They circled each other. They clashed in the middle. They retreated.
Sawyer’s heart raced as the exercise made him warm in his coat. He took it off, his steps still in time. Eeva did the same, her breaths punctuated by white puffs from her lips.
“Ready to try the end?” Sawyer asked her.
“Come at me,” she challenged, her voice teasing.
Sawyer attacked, bringing his face in close to hers, their staves crossed between them. This was where he was supposed to push them apart. She was to fall to the ground, defeated. But as they locked eyes, and he felt her breath on his face, they both froze.
The music played on in the background but seemed very far away. And there it was again, the look that beckoned him. Eeva’s eyes were deep and serious, and they were trained on him. This time, he didn’t speak. He didn’t want the sound of his voice to pull her from the moment. Still, as he leaned down toward her, he did so slowly, giving her time to retreat.
Just as he felt her warm breath on his mouth, he looked at her through heavy eyelids. Her eyes were lightly shut. He smiled then pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and sweet. And though lust pumped in his veins, he reined it in, focusing on the pleasant ache in his chest. He broke the kiss but didn’t pull away.
As Eeva’s clouded blue eyes met his, her face flushed. He smiled gently at her. It has finally happened, he thought. I did it. Surely she knows how I feel now. And she didn’t resist either. She kissed me back. Sawyer’s head was fuzzy with giddiness.
“Um… Can we practice another time?” Eeva asked softly. “I think I need a minute.”
Sawyer sobered, trying to quiet his inner cheers of triumph. This is coming out of nowhere for her, he thought. Of course she needs time to process. “Sure, no problem,” he told her.
Chapter 31
Evergreen nodded slowly. Then, she leaned her staff against the side of the house and grabbed her coat. Too warm still to put it on, she folded it over her arm and started down the path through the woods.
What…? What…? What the hell was that? she thought. Her heart pounded in her fingertips, and her crunching footsteps sounded very loud in her ears.
She halted on the path, her breaths long and deep. “We kissed,” she murmured. She closed her eyes. She could still feel Sawyer’s lips on hers like the far away echo of a low and sweet melody.
Evergreen grinned, her entire body tingling as if she were having a pleasant panic attack. “We kissed,” she breathed, soft and happy.
But her joy was short lived. Reality descended upon her, and her stomach dropped as the smile slid from her face. “We kissed,” she said again, dread coloring her tone.
What does this mean? she wondered. Why would he kiss me? I mean, other than he felt like it. Did he just feel like it? Is it that simple?
She thought back to his reaction after he’d pulled away. No, that can’t be right. I felt…relief from him. Like he’d been holding it in for a long time. Could I have misread him all along?
Evergreen shook her head. No, that can’t be true either. If he’d been harboring feelings for me for that long, he would have stayed in touch. Right? I wouldn’t have been…so easy to forget.
She tried to swallow the lump that rose in her throat. It doesn’t matter, she thought. That’s not the question here. Why would he kiss me? And why would he feel relieved afterward? Maybe he was just relieved I didn’t pull away like last time. Yeah, that makes sense. But what does that mean for what comes next?
She couldn’t lie to herself about how it had felt. It had been everything she’d wished for before. How many times had she prayed, begged in her mind for Sawyer to lean just a little farther down, to give her some indicat
ion that he wanted her as much as she wanted him?
But he never had. He had always been so calm and balanced. Nothing phased him. It was one of the things she’d loved about him. He never wasted words. But he always had an answer, a solution to whatever situation that had fired her up. She’d liked to think he cared in a quiet sort of way, like the base of a pillar. It doesn’t draw as much attention, but it’s equally if not more important. That’s how she’d always seen him, an ever-present, if silent, support.
Which of course is why I was so fucked up when he’d left, she thought. He’d been a steadying presence, something to navigate by, and then he left and didn’t look back.
But, thinking about it now, he was always the still, silent reflection type. I was the one who jumped into action, with everything but love that is. When I look at it that way, it doesn’t make sense that he would have made a move back then. So what’s different now? Has he changed so much?
Evergreen thought about everything she’d witnessed over the last few days. Yes, he has changed quite a bit. He never would have threatened that man before or confronted the woman at the craft store. He wouldn’t have been so forceful about me not riding with Niko. And he obviously never kissed me, even when I wanted it so desperately. Even so, it’s the little things that tell me he’s still the Sawyer I knew: he remembered how I like my hot cocoa, he’s still polite and considerate, he’s sweet with Sol, and he helped me find a better way to approach my career.
A gentle warmth settled into her heart, and she smiled at the familiar feeling. He’s different. Of course, he is. I am too. I don’t know anything about his life right now, but I can learn. I want to learn.
And though anxiety clenched her gut, Evergreen didn’t allow it to take over. Maybe this time it will work out. There’s no ignoring this feeling anyway. I might as well make the best of it.
Evergreen took a deep breath and headed back toward the house. She entered just as her dad called that lunch was ready.
