by Bray, Ayr
It worked; a smile returned to Anne’s face. Reaching for his hand, Anne practically dragged Richard to the back of the Orangery. Sitting on a large rock near the fountain, she let her fingers play in the cold water. Richard stood near her, watching her.
“You know,” she said, “I have frequently heard about this building from Georgiana and your mother, but I could never express any interest in it. If I had, my mother would assume I looked forward to seeing the room as Fitzwilliam’s bride.” Anne looked at Richard, who stood stoic, listening to her. She then returned her attention to her fingers playing in the water as she continued. “I have lived in misery for twenty-eight years, everyone assuming I would marry him. You know, neither he nor I have ever wanted to marry one another. We talked about it when we were both young, and then again when we were eighteen. Although we respect each other, we have never had any inclination to love one another as a husband and wife ought.” Anne looked at him again, trying to summon the courage to tell him what she had come to Pemberley to say.
Richard’s mind was racing with dates. She had been eighteen ten years ago. She had known for ten years that she would not marry Fitzwilliam. Fitzwilliam had known the entire time. It was only four years ago that Fitzwilliam had informed him he would not marry Anne. Until then, even he had thought Fitzwilliam was considering it. Richard thought about the past eight years since he had realized he loved Anne. He enjoyed being in society, attending balls and parties, and receiving the attention of the ladies, but it had always seemed a little hollow, a little fake to him. He was ashamed of himself for trifling with ladies’ affections when his heart was already engaged. He was frustrated he could not go to the lady he loved and just tell her so. Could he do it now? He wanted to, and it seemed she wanted it too. Would their family object? Did either of them care?
“Anne,” Richard’s voice was barely a whisper, “why have you never told me this before? For ten years you have known you would not marry Fitzwilliam. For ten years we have shared Easter together, rides in your phaeton, and walks around Rosings Park, but still you did not mention that you never intended to marry him.”
His quiet voice sounded accusatory, and Anne feared she had hurt him. Her tone rose as she answered him. “Do not put the blame on me. You do not know what it is like to live with my mother, constantly in fear of what she will say or do. Even now that Fitzwilliam has been married almost a month, I fear of telling her what it is I want. Do you know why I am here? Do you want to know the truth?” Anne was upset, her voice raised almost to the point of yelling. All Richard could do was nod in response. He had known she was hiding something, and it seemed he was about to find out what. “I ran away.”
His surprise was complete. He did not know what he had expected her to say, but this was not it.
“Yes, that is right, I ran away. After mother had gone to bed, I ordered carriage and left under the cloak of darkness. I was past London before I called for the coach to break, fearing Mother would discover me gone and head straight there. The following day I made it to Leicester, and then here.”
“Anne, what have you done?” Richard questioned, fear in his voice.
“Done? Richard, of all people I hoped you would understand me. Support me.”
“I do. It is just that I fear your mother will arrive here at any time.”
“No, she has no idea where I have gone, and she will never come this far north in the winter.”
“Come, we must speak to my father.” Richard stood to leave, beckoning Anne to follow him, but she would not. She stayed sitting on her rock.
“No, I have not finished. I have come to Pemberley for a purpose, and I intend to fulfill it. If I do not do it now, I fear I will lose my courage.”
Richard stopped and turned back to her.
“Purpose?”
Anne let out the breath she held. “Richard, my true goal was to see you, and to judge whether I might ever hope to make you love me. For the past ten years I have loved no one but you. You are the only man I could love as a woman should love her husband. I have come here to tell you, and to find out if you could love me in return.” Anne stood and rushed past Richard towards the door. He reached for her as she passed him, but he missed. She was almost at the door before he caught up with her.
“Anne,” he called as he caught her arm and halted her progress. “You love me?”
She nodded and lowered her eyes to her fidgeting hands in front of her. Richard drew her into his arms and, without warning, pressing his lips against hers.
Anne’s arms wrapped around him as she drank in his hot kisses and matched his ardor.
As his lips released hers, he asked, “Why did you never tell me?”
“Fear.”
“What do you have to fear from me? I would never hurt you.”
“You would hurt my heart if you did not love me in return.”
They shared another kiss and then sought out a bench to sit on. The next two hours were spent enjoying their newfound mutual love and considering possibilities for the future.
Georgiana, Mary, and Kitty had been almost inseparable since Friday when they had once again found themselves together after a few short weeks of separation. Georgiana had longed for sisters most of her life, and now that Fitzwilliam had married Elizabeth, she was in the happy position of gaining not only one, but several.
She enjoyed her cousin Anne’s company immensely; however, the gap of twelve years in their ages was a barrier that was not often breached. Anne may have broken down and shared that she was in love with their cousin Richard, but since then the two had barely spoken except in the company of the whole family.
Georgiana had shared Anne’s secret with Mary and Kitty, and the three had spent the past day and a half observing every move the couple made in company. This morning it was apparent to all three that the couple had declared themselves and had found their feelings mutual. They had not yet shared their happy news with the family, but anyone willing to open their eyes and see beyond their own situation would see a couple in love.
The three often found themselves in deep conversation about when they would find true love and what they expected from it. They knew for a fact they would not marry without love, for who would ever settle for anything except true love after seeing the happiness Jane and Elizabeth had found with Charles and Fitzwilliam, and now Anne and Richard.
At first Kitty was determined to marry a military man like Lydia had, and Mary thought no one but a clergyman would suit her, but soon Georgiana had changed their minds with tales of the friends her brother had brought to Pemberley over the years. In due time, all of the girls had decided that gentleman, tradesmen, military, or clergy mattered not, so long as the man was handsome and loved them with his entire heart, might, mind, and soul.
Anne and Richard once again escaped the company of the family in favour of a walk together through the halls of Pemberley.
It did not take long for Anne’s spirits to rise to playfulness, and she wanted Richard to account for his having ever fallen in love with her. “How could you begin?” said she. “I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?”
“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun.”
“Oh, how horrid that you should have such a response. I would rather learn of a single moment when my beauty became irresistible. That you no longer thought of me as your cousin, but rather from that day forward nothing but your wife would do. I would like to hear how you have pined away for years, wondering if I loved you as you love me. Come, Richard, you must give me something. A woman wants to know how long she has been loved.”
“Oh, Anne, how pretentious you are today. What if I told you I was in love with you for most of the years I visited Rosings Park with Fitzwilliam at Easter?” Anne’s mind raced to count how many years Richard had come to Rosings
, but her calculations were interrupted as he continued. “Why, I have loved you since before I realized your sickness was no more than an act to keep your mother at bay.”
“Now, do not you go telling anyone that. I plan on using that ace to manipulate my mother for years to come.”
“What I do not understand is how you can take all of the medicine she insists you take and not get sick from it.”
Leaning towards him, as if to convey a deep secret, Anne loudly whispered, “Ah, now there is a trick for you. My doctor has known of my ruse for years. There is nothing but a variety of coloured juices or water in my medicine bottles, and the tablets are no more than sweets from London.”
“You are a sly thing, are you not? How did you ever get him to go along with such a scheme?”
“That was easy. He hates it when mother advises him how to do his job. The more she advises, the more willing he is to deceive her. I believe it brings him utter joy to know we have tricked her for so many years.”
“What about your companion? Does she know?”
“Mrs. Jenkinson? Heavens no, and you had better not tell her. She is loyal to no one but my mother. Certainly I do not need such a companion at eight and twenty, but mother swears she has been with us so long that she will not be dismissed until I am married.”
“What about you? Can you fix a time or place to when you fell in love with me?”
“I wondered if you were going to ask me, so last night I thought back, and yes, I believe I know exactly when I realized I loved you as a man and not as a cousin.”
Richard’s eyebrows rose as he asked her, “When?”
“It was about ten years ago. I had just turned eighteen. You had come with Fitzwilliam for Easter and we were playing croquet on the south lawn near the pond. You were attempting to demonstrate the mightiness of your swing when your ball went errant into the pond, and then you went in after it.”
“Heaven forbid, did you peek?”
Anne laughed out loud at his crimson face. “Of course I did. Every self-respecting woman would have.”
“I specifically remember I told you to turn around and cover your face while I retrieved the ball.”
“Oh, I did exactly as you requested until you turned your back to me. It was then that I peeked, multiple times.” Richard groaned in embarrassment as she continued. “I had never seen a man’s bare back before, and though I enjoyed the view, it was the sight of your wet torso coming out of the water that excited me most. You know, I have experienced a repeat of the event in my dreams at least fifty times. Each dream is more realistic and better than the one before it. Last night I had the dream again, but it was different. Do you want to know why it was different?”
Richard knew the question was baited, but he could not resist answering in the affirmative.
“Generally my dream ends when you step from the pond onto land and put your shirt and cravat back on. Not last night, though. You walked up to me,” Anne walked towards Richard, “just like this. Then I placed my hands right here,” Anne placed her hands flat against his chest, “and you wrapped your arms around me,” here she smiled as he wrapped his arms around her, “and we kissed.”
“Like this?” Richard questioned, leaning over to share a passionate kiss with her.
“Mmm, yes, just like that.”
“Did you enjoy your dream?”
“Of course. I always enjoy my dreams when you are in them.”
“I am in them often, then?” said he.
“Not as often as I wish. You always occupy them when you are most on my mind. The weeks preceding, during, and after your Easter visits always featured you in them, but the longer you are absent or the less I hear about you, the further you are from them. The last two nights you have been their focus, and, lucky for me, the dreams have been heated and intense.”
“If you were eighteen when you realized you loved me, was it the same Easter you and Fitzwilliam decided you would never marry?”
Anne nodded.
“The answer does not matter, but did you love me before or after the two of you agreed never to marry?”
“If it does not matter, perhaps I should not answer your question,” Anne teased. She could see by the look on his face he dearly wanted to know. Whether he realized it or not, the answer to the question was paramount. Had she begun to love him because Fitzwilliam had broken her heart, or had she loved him already and was relieved that Fitzwilliam did not want to marry her?
“It is entirely up to you, my dear, but I am curious about your answer.”
“Well, then, I shall humour you and let you in on my little secret.” She drew close to him, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I was already in love with you. In fact, it was I who prompted the conversation with Fitzwilliam.” Relief spread through Richard. He knew it was foolish, but part of him wanted her love all to himself. She may love only him now, but to know she had loved Fitzwilliam in the past, even for a short time, was unthinkable. Anne did not know it, but she had settled all of his fears when she offered one final affirmation. “I could never have loved Fitzwilliam. Mother had set her sights on him from the moment of my birth. By the time I knew what love was, I already detested the possibility of a match with him.”
Their common love had unlocked the gates of communication and allowed each insight into certain events from their past that they had previously been uncertain about. Richard could not be satisfied until Anne had repeatedly told him that she could love only him. Lucky for Richard, Anne was happy to manifest her love in more ways than one.
By Tuesday morning, the entire party had been in residence almost four days. The disorder was beginning to settle, and Elizabeth imagined Christmas would turn out well after all. Gracie was just putting the finishing touches on her hair when Fitzwilliam entered the room dressed and ready for the day.
“Fitzwilliam,” Elizabeth called to draw his attention away from the paper he held in his hands, “have you noticed that Richard and Anne seem to be spending a lot of time alone, away from the family?”
“No, I have not,” he said as he set his paper aside and turned his full attention to his wife.
“I noticed they were missing on Sunday, but did not think much of it. Then yesterday when I entered the drawing room where everyone was gathered, they were missing again. The two did not return until it was time to prepare for supper.”
“Interesting. I am surprised I did not notice, but then again, perhaps I should not be. I have been extremely busy trying to ensure six grown men have enough amusements to occupy themselves indoors when they would much prefer to be outside. I suppose one missing chap was not noticed by any of us.”
“I would like you to pay close attention to him today, and though I am sure all is well, if you feel inclined to investigate I would like to ensure nothing untowards is happening. I trust both Anne and Richard explicitly; however, they are under our roof, and if there is any impropriety we would be to blame.”
“Yes, dearest, I agree. I will speak with Richard today.”
“Thank you,” Elizabeth said as Gracie finished her hair. “I would be distressed if Lady Catherine appeared and had cause to criticize me more than she already does.”
“Are you still worried she will come?”
“Of course I am. I will worry until Anne’s carriage has arrived safe and sound back at Rosings Park.”
“My uncle and I have spoken at length about her being here. If Anne did not come with her mother’s permission, Lady Catherine would have arrived long before now.”
“I am sure you are right, but I cannot shake the feeling that she will show up at any moment.”
“Rest easy. You let me worry about Lady Catherine. Christmas is nearing, and you have more useful things to think about.”
“Yes, I suppose I do. Mrs. Lacroix informed me she believes the ham is too small for our party. She has not been able to procure another, and it is too late to have one butchered from Pemberley. I must decide by today if we want t
o serve both ham and turkey, or if we remove ham altogether and just serve turkey, which we have plenty of.”
“Oh, the decisions the mistress must attend to,” teased Fitzwilliam. “If I may be of service, I would be happy to provide my opinion on the matter.”
“You would?” Elizabeth questioned. “What would your opinion be?”
“I think we should have both.”
“Oh, and why do you say that?”
“I think it will provide a more impressive meal and attest to your skills as mistress of the estate. Additionally, the variety will appeal to the palates of all of our visitors, not to mention the added colour will make the table setting look delightful.”
“Since when have you cared about the table setting?”
“Since never, but I have often heard your mother express such things, almost since the first of our acquaintance. Even if your father does not allow her to mention it, I am sure it will not be lost upon her. We must give her some credit, for she does notice every minor detail. I believe she must run a smooth house despite her being prone to nerves.”
“I have not given it much thought, but I think you are right. Longbourn is a highly efficient house. I always figured it was because Mrs. Hill was able to keep things under control.”
“Lizzy, you cannot have thought that. You know as well as I no matter how adept a servant, the household is run in the manner of the mistress. If Longbourn operates smoothly it is because your mother makes it so.”
“No, Fitzwilliam, I guess I did not consider it. I never imagined Longbourn operated as it did because of my mother. I always thought it operated in spite of her.”
Fitzwilliam just shook his head as he offered her his arm and escorted her downstairs. The realization of Mrs. Bennet’s ability to maintain a household had never dawned on Elizabeth, and now that it had she was searching her memory for insight into how her mother maintained household order. Elizabeth considered that perhaps her mother was correct and she had not paid her half the attention that she should have over the years.
