by Becca Van
“Shit.” Nathan scrubbed a hand over his face but then he reached out, clasped her hand, and turned it until it was palm-up resting in his. He put her phone into her hand and closed her fingers around it. “8:00 a.m. Don’t be late.”
Kara found herself nodding yet again and then she was watching them walk away from her. She didn’t take her eyes off of them until she could see them no longer, and when she looked down because her hand had begun to ache, she wondered how she hadn’t crushed her cell in her hand. She was holding it that hard. After glancing about her, she realized she was standing in the middle of nowhere staring into space but was glad that no one seemed to be taking any notice of her.
Thank God.
Kara looked toward the bar for Emma but she couldn’t see her and she didn’t feel right about looking for her. That was when she decided the best thing to do was head home. She didn’t belong here. It had been a mistake to come, but Emma had issued the invitation and she’d jumped at the chance. She should have known better.
What puzzled her was her excitement about coming to this club. Of course she’d put it down to seeing Emma again, but now she wasn’t so sure. Had she been lying to herself for wanting to come so badly?
No. I really wanted to see Emma again and I wanted to meet the three men who had claimed her heart.
Emma had been to hell and back after Andrew Mitchell, a previous colleague of theirs, had kidnapped her and whipped her until he’d drawn blood and made Emma sick after such torture. Of course Kara hadn’t known about any of that until she and her friend had reconnected again. Just thinking about what the asshole had done to Emma made Kara sick to her stomach, but nothing surprised her anymore.
Especially after finding out about her mother and the fucker who had donated sperm to create her. Kara’s thoughts drifted back to when she’d turned fifteen and when she’d asked the head of the orphanage to help her search for her parents.
Kara had hoped she would be able to meet at least one of her biological parents but after searching records for months on end and eventually finding out her mother’s name, she’d been so excited. Although she’d tried to be open minded and planned on forgiving her parents for leaving her at the orphanage, she’d been so young and had dreamed that one day they would come and take her away from that horrible place. That had never happened and when she found out why she was in the orphanage in the first place, the pain had been so bad, she hadn’t been able to eat for a week. When she did manage to eat a little something, she’d always end up throwing it up again.
If it hadn’t been for the director of the orphanage, Jean Shoeman, seeing how much weight she’d lost and calling a doctor in to check her over, Kara may have withered away. Dr. Judy Ridge had been her saving grace.
It had taken that doctor two weeks to gain Kara’s confidence and trust, but she had finally managed to get her to talk and once she had started she hadn’t been able to stop. She’d cried so much she’d been sick to her stomach and Dr. Ridge had had to sedate her. And then the counseling had begun. By the time she’d had too many sessions with a psychiatrist to count, Kara had learned to keep what she felt hidden.
But she would never be able to look herself in the mirror and see herself as a normal human being. As far as she was concerned, she was the product of a vicious monster. She didn’t blame her mother for what she had done, but it still hurt her deeply to know her mom hadn’t been able to find any love in her heart to keep her.
Kara had tried to put herself in her young mother’s shoes and each time she imagined doing what her mother had chosen to do, pain ripped through her heart until she was bending over in agony and once more heaving her guts up.
Sometimes she wondered how she’d endured living each day, but if she was honest with herself she knew living wasn’t really what she’d been doing. Kara had been existing. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. How the hell she’d made it to reach twenty-five years old she had no idea. If it hadn’t been for Dr. Ridge she knew she would have been dead at fifteen.
It hadn’t been a conscious decision to stop eating or to throw up whenever she managed to swallow any food, but every time she’d eaten, her stomach had churned and roiled until it had revolted and the food had finally been purged from her system. She’d felt so guilty about what had been done to her mother and because of that shame her self-worth had become nonexistent. In the beginning the eating disorder had started from shock and horror but then it had turned into a form of control over her emotions. Every time she ate the shame would consume her until she felt like she had to purge that remorse from her body. Of course it had turned into a never-ending cycle, which had seemed to take over her life.
She’d even ended up in hospital on a drip and feeding tube and even though she was better and could eat without feeling sick, Kara still didn’t feel that she was very worthy. The only person she’d allowed to get close to her was Emma and they weren’t even that close.
Emma was always so friendly and they often spent their lunch hour together, but they had never socialized outside of work. Emma had been as quiet as Kara had and even though they’d clicked neither of them had been very outgoing. Kara hadn’t realized how much she would miss her friend until she was no longer around.
But she was sick and tired of being alone, afraid, and feeling worthless. She knew she still had issues and could relapse at any time, but she fought them with everything in her. Each and every day was a struggle, but she was strong and independent and had learned that how she was conceived hadn’t anything to do with her. It wasn’t her fault and hopefully one day she would actually believe that.
Maybe one day she would actually be happy she was born and believe that she deserved to be loved, just like everyone else, but she wouldn’t hold her breath.
Kara looked up and was shocked to find herself standing next to her car. She had been so deep into her own thoughts and misery she hadn’t even realized she had been walking. She glanced back over her shoulder and then looked around the parking lot to see if anyone was watching her, but was glad to see that there was no one about. She hoped she hadn’t barged into anyone but there was nothing she could do about it now.
She was going to have to call and apologize to Emma for leaving and hoped her friend didn’t think she had gone off the deep end. She sometimes felt like she was standing on the edge of a cliff but she’d learned to keep her emotions deep inside. That was the only way she had been able to survive.
With a sigh, she unlocked her car door and got into the driver’s seat and headed home.
Kara was really trepidatious about going to work with the Charleston brothers. She had an uneasy feeling they could see through her right to her heart and soul. They had been so easy to talk to, even though she hadn’t spoken to them much. There was a yearning down deep inside her to tell them everything, but she’d learned not to trust anyone.
Kara recalled the time when one of the older girls at the orphanage had somehow found out about Kara’s parents and had taunted her about it. She’d had been so angry and full of pain she’d lashed out and hit the bitch. Since the director had been away on vacation one of the other staff members had taken over the helm. That bastard had decided to make an example out of her.
Kara had ended up incarcerated in juvenile detention for a week. When the director had come back and found out what had happened she’d been released straight away, but the damage had been done. From then on Kara never trusted anyone again. Neither the director nor Dr. Ridge.
She’d tried to call Dr. Ridge from juvie, but she’d been unavailable also. Kara had later found out that Dr. Ridge and the director Jean had been away together, since they were partners, but she hadn’t been able to forgive them. She’d felt abandoned all over again.
Kara swore, then yanked on the steering wheel just in time to avoid colliding with another car. She pushed her thoughts aside when a horn blared at her and glanced around to see where she was. She sighed with relief when she realized she wasn’t th
After parking her car and locking her door after entering her home, she slumped against the door. At least for the moment she had a job. Hopefully things would work out between her and the Charleston brothers in a professional manner.
Even though she was very attracted to Nathan and Nixon, she didn’t think it would be a good idea to get mixed up with them on an emotional and intimate level. She couldn’t bear to see disgust on their faces if they ever found out about her circumstances. They were the first men that had ever made her feel desire and desirable, but she couldn’t let them get too close.
No. The only relationship she was going to have with Drs. Nathan and Nixon Charleston was a professional one. And if she told herself that each and every day, she may just be strong enough to keep them at an arm’s length.
She had to. There was no way she wanted to see pity or horror on their faces when they looked at her.
Chapter Three
He’d watched those two doctors working in the emergency room as they tried to save the lives of each person they’d worked on. Of course he was happy that they had been successful but he was still full of rage that they hadn’t taken enough time to save his older brother. His brother had been the only family he’d had. The only person who seemed to give a damn about him, and now he was gone. He knew if they’d just tried a little harder they would have been able to save him. If they’d just worked harder, then his brother wouldn’t have died. Now that they’d finally shown up again, he was going to follow them home. Once he knew where they lived he was going to make sure they paid for letting his brother die. He’d known he would find them. In fact he had spent the last few months hanging around this hospital waiting for them to show their faces again. His patience had finally paid off.
He watched the younger of the two doctors talk to the family members of the woman he’d just saved as he pushed another cart of dirty laundry by the open door and was pleased he had when he heard the bastard say he was heading home. He ditched the cart and hurried out into the parking lot and stood in the shadows.
It didn’t take long before the two asshole doctors came out and headed toward the back of the lot. He stayed low as he followed them and when they stopped at the large top of the range truck he hurried back to his own car. Just as he started his vehicle the fuckers pulled out of the parking area and onto the street. He sped out of the lot with a squeal of tires but then slowed down when he had them in his sight again.
Twenty minutes later he drove past their driveway, mentally rubbing his hands together. They were going to pay for not saving his brother and he looked forward to making their lives a living hell.
* * * *
After a few tense hours helping out in the emergency room of the Tigard hospital, Nixon was exhausted but he was also happy that he and his brothers had helped save lives. Although he was tired beyond reason he was also still full of adrenaline and knew it would take him a couple of hours to unwind.
He and Nathan had just arrived home and even though he wanted to grab and beer and sit out on the porch in the crisp fresh air he needed a shower more. He still smelled of antiseptic and sweat, so he headed straight to his bedroom and his adjoining bathroom. When he heard Nathan’s bedroom door close he realized his brother was doing the same thing. After stripping off and stepping into the warm stream of water, he rested his hands on the tile wall and hung his head to ease the tense muscles in his neck, and found his thoughts drifting to Kara Benjamin.
She was so damn sexy with her small body and big amber-yellow eyes, but she had no idea how beautiful she was. But he wasn’t just attracted to her in the physical sense, even though that had been what drew him to her in the first place. She’d been so standoffish at first but when he and Nathan had offered to show her into a little of the BDSM lifestyle, she’d looked intrigued and excited, even though she’d tried very hard to hide what she was feeling. He had never been more glad that he and Nathan were Doms as well as doctors. They had learned to read body language and look for signs people gave off that someone less observant would never have picked up on.
He’d been mighty pissed to have their night interrupted but he’d never turn down the call for help and neither would his brother. They had taken oaths to do everything they could to keep people alive and make sure they healed and it was their duty to do so. That’s what they spent years at college for.
He couldn’t wait for tomorrow and spending more time with Kara. He wanted to ask her what had put that sad, pain-filled expression in her eyes, but he didn’t have the right to grill her, and he suspected that even if he did ask she would be shut up tighter than a closed clam.
What he hadn’t been able to bear seeing on her face was embarrassment and shame after they’d made her come, but hopefully in the near future she would become comfortable with them and talk with them more.
Kara Benjamin was a natural-born submissive and had no idea, but if he had his way she would learn everything she could about their kink from and with them.
He and Nathan had known at a young age that they were a bit different than their peers, but it had taken them a while to work out what it was they wanted. If it hadn’t been for their father, they may have never known what was missing. Thank God he’d been so observant, but if they hadn’t found out he was a Dom, too, which had been a surprise to him and Nathan, they would never have found that missing link. Case Charleston had taken him and Nathan out to the garage to help him fix that old truck. They had spent hours out there tinkering and fixing, but their dad had also told them about BDSM. The first lesson he and Nathan had learned was the BDSM motto of safe, sane, and consensual.
Nixon rinsed his hair of shampoo and then grabbed the soap. After washing and rinsing, he turned off the water and started to dry off.
He smiled when he remembered how horrified he and Nathan had been to imagine their mom and dad doing all that kinky stuff, but after they had pushed that from their teenage minds, they had begun to ask questions.
It had taken a whole year to work the old truck engine over and repaint it, but, considering every time they entered the garage the work had turned into more BDSM lessons, that hadn’t really been a surprise. Their dad had explained the difference between erotic pain and pain. He had even gone as far to buy a secondhand sewing mannequin and, after covering it with old newspapers, had taught them how to use a flogger, paddle, and even a single tail and cane.
By the time their dad was satisfied he had taught them all he could, the truck had been finished, looking great with a new paint job and nearly new motor since most of the parts had been replaced. Then he had smiled at them, hugged them, and handed the keys to the truck to him and Nathan.
Nixon shook his head, pulled his clean jeans on, and headed toward the kitchen as he remembered his mom, Fiona, catching him staring at her. She just smiled, wiggled her eyebrows, and then gone about whatever it was she’d been doing.
Nixon snagged two beers from the fridge when he heard Nathan walking down the hall and handed it to him. He popped the top on his own bottle and took a swig.
“What are you thinking so hard about?” Nathan’s arm had been halfway to his mouth but he paused, waiting for his answer.
“Mom and Dad.”
Nathan nodded before taking a swig from his own bottle. “We have a lot to thank our parents for.”
“We do.” Nixon followed Nathan out onto the verandah and took a seat. “What are we going to do about Kara?”
“Nothing.” Nathan’s answer was succinct but Nixon didn’t bother saying anything because he knew his older-by-eighteen-months brother like he knew himself. “We are going to give her time to become comfortable with us and to get to know us, so we can get to know her, too.” Nathan turned his head and met his gaze. “We really fucked up with her at the club.”
“I’m aware.” Nixon gripped his beer bottle harder.
“Now we have to undo the damage we’ve done and give her the time she needs.”
“Do you think she’ll ever be ready?”
Nathan sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I fucking hope so, but I’m not sure.”
“You really think she’s the one we’ve been waiting for?”
“What do you think?”
“Hell yes.”
“There you go.” Nathan pointed his bottle at him and smiled before taking another pull on his beer.
“Did you see those amazing eyes?”
“I’d have to have been blind to miss them. What I want to know is who the hell hurt her and made her so terrified.”
“Noticed that, too, did you?”
“Yeah.” Nathan sighed. “I’d like to get my hands on the fucker that hurt her and rip his fucking head off.”
“Me, too,” Nixon said. “Do you think we should get Wayne and Warrick to do a background check on her?”
Wayne and Warrick Stanford were good friends of theirs that were often contracted by the government to look into the background of the individuals who lived in the criminal world. Even though they never talked about their work, they had told him and Nathan they’d been hired by the feds, CIA, and the military to find out information on certain crims and terrorists. They were computer wizards and could hack into any computer system or phone line without having to wait for warrants and court orders. He and Nathan had met them after they’d been hired to fix a computer glitch at the hospital when they’d been interns and they had all just clicked. The four of them had been friends ever since and they were also all Doms. Warrick and Wayne had just started Dom training at Club of Dominance and, after recognizing fellow Doms, had suggested they, too, sign up for classes. None of them had looked back since.
Nathan sat up straighter in his chair and met his gaze. “I would really like to, but what if she found out about it? She’d think we didn’t trust her and would feel so betrayed. She’s gonna fight us every step of the way as is. I don’t want to give her an excuse to run from us.”
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